Chapter 8 Titan
TWO WEEKS LATER
Itook a deep breath as I knocked softly against Mia’s bedroom door.
We’d been back home for a couple of days now and things had really been quiet.
After the shooting, we had gone mostly underground.
The house was wiped clean. Cars were hidden.
Everybody was laying low. Senior had to call in to his contacts to get the cops off our ass.
The only leads they had were the niggas that survived running into that pole.
Of course, they weren’t talking or giving up JacQues.
Niggas would rather do time than end up in a grave.
It killed me to leave that city knowing that muthafucka was walking around like he wasn’t gonna be touched.
He had me and life all the way fucked up if he thought that was ever going to be the case.
He tried to kill my wife and ended up taking my baby… my fucking daughter.
I was getting that shit back in blood.
When I didn’t hear Mia on the other side of the door, I twisted the knob and pushed it open.
She was laying in the middle of the bed with the covers up to her neck staring at the wall.
For days now, this is where she’d been, just like this.
She barely slept. She wouldn’t eat. She hadn’t spoken a word.
It was like once she left the hospital, she shut down, knowing she didn’t have to appease them anymore to be released.
Grief was kicking both our asses. I had to be the strong one, and it was killing me.
My chest was tight. I couldn’t sleep and when I did sleep, I had the same recurring dream.
All I heard were the gunshots, and all I saw was the amount of blood she lost before we got her to the hospital.
Once they got the baby out, she coded three times, and I thanked the Lord they were able to bring her back each time.
Today was the memorial for our daughter.
Mia was so deep in her depressive state she didn’t even want to go. Ms. Maddie convinced her to come, however. She told her she would regret not saying goodbye. I’d been up since four a.m. I made myself a cup of coffee, smoked a blunt, and had a good cry on the back porch.
“Mia,” I said softly. “We have to get you up and ready.”
She peered over at me in silence before looking back at the same spot on the wall. I walked over and pulled back the curtains, allowing the sunlight to filter through the blinds. She immediately covered her head with the covers. I took a seat beside her and pulled them off.
“Baby.”
She shook her head no. “I can’t,” she whispered.
“You have to. We have to lay her to rest.”
Her lip trembled. “I just wanna die…”
She began to cry, and that shit ate me up.
The Mia I knew never shed tears. She wasn’t emotional, and she rarely gave a fuck.
To see her so down and broken and know there was nothing I could do to ease her pain or bring our baby back was a tough pill to swallow.
I eased to the floor and kneeled in front of her while holding her and kissing her temple.
“This is all my fault!” she wailed, sobbing uncontrollably. “I killed my baby!”
A nigga didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t convince her that this wasn’t her fault because, in a way, it was. If she’d kept her ass home like I told her, none of this would have happened. But I couldn’t say that. This was my fault too. I could have opened my mouth to her father or grandfather.
I still had to deal with that man, and I knew what was coming on that end. He already told me he was gonna see me. In his eyes, I went against the grain. He might not kill me, but I wasn’t walking away untouched or without repercussions.
“We’re gonna get through this,” I promised. “I’m here. I ain’t going anywhere. You hear me? I’m right in this with you. I promise you, every muthafucka connected to that son of a bitch is gonna feel the wrath of the DeLucas for this shit. We owe that to Eden.”
At the mention of our daughter’s name, she looked up at me. A darkness filled her orbs that almost made me back up. She didn’t say anything, just eased herself into an upright position and fully tossed back the covers. I stood to my feet as she eased to the edge of the bed, wincing in pain.
Her incisions were still healing, so it didn’t help she’d been lying here for days.
Hooking my arms under hers, I gently lifted her from the bed and helped her into the bathroom.
After turning on the shower, I undressed her, and myself then climbed in.
As the water cascaded over us, she closed her eyes.
Grabbing her loofah and body wash, I squirted a good amount onto it and proceeded to wash her clean.
The entire time we were in the shower, there was nothing but silence.
Once we got out and dried off, I slipped into a pair of shorts and helped her into her robe.
Carefully, I sat her at the vanity. After grabbing the products I needed, I did the routine I’d seen her do a million times before with her natural hair.
Detangler. Moisturizer. Curling mouse. She sat quietly with her eyes closed the entire time.
I kept glancing at her in the mirror. In this moment, I couldn’t tell if she was sad, angry, or relaxed, but I didn’t say a word.
Once I was done, I gathered what I needed to clean her incisions.
Ms. Maddie and Grams walked in just as I was applying the bandages. They offered me a warm smile.
“Hey, baby,” Maddie said softly.
Mia looked up at them, but didn’t say anything.
“Did you get any sleep?”
Again, silence. Maddie sighed as she walked into the closet. I could hear her rummaging through the hangers. Grams walked over and cupped Mia’s face, kissing her cheek.
“I love you,” she whispered. “If you need to come share my bed for a while, a spot is always waiting for you, you hear me?”
Mia nodded.
I finished applying the bandages, then grabbed her panties and slipped them on.
My eyes lingered on her stomach as I gathered the trash to dispose it.
It was hard to believe my baby wasn’t in there anymore.
I went three months without feeling her presence.
Two days was all I got with her before she was snatched from me.
That shit was a killer. Tears filled the corners of my eyes as I stood to my feet.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Ms. Maddie, can you help her get dressed? I need a minute.”
She stepped out of the closet with a dress in her hands. “Of course, baby.”
I didn’t say anything else before I headed out of the room. Even though there was a trash can in the bedroom, I went all the way downstairs to the kitchen to throw this shit away. I stood at the island, gripping the sides as I took deep breaths to calm myself down.
She’s gone.
She’d really fucking gone, and I had to bury her today.
“Fuck!”
I picked up the vase on the counter and hurled it at the wall. The glass shattered to the floor as Grams walked into the kitchen. She gave me a sympathetic look as she walked over to me.
“I’m sorry, Grams,” I said, turning away and wiping my eyes.
“You don’t have to apologize for feeling pain, baby,” she said, turning me to face her. “You lost a child. That’s a pain that doesn’t leave you.”
I stared at her for a minute, trying to hold it together.
The moment she wrapped her arms around me, a nigga broke down.
This shit wasn’t supposed to be happening.
How did a prenatal checkup turn into a fucking shoot out that resulted in my child’s death?
All the beefing and fighting Mia and I had done leading up to her leaving seemed so stupid at this point.
We could’ve been adults and talked about our problems. We could have done anything but her leaving, and me keeping my mouth shut, knowing her condition. Now we were paying the ultimate price. My daughter was gone, and I had to watch a muthafucka seal her in a crypt forever.
An hour later, the tears had dried, and we were dressed and coming downstairs.
I wasn’t surprised to see Senior, Mia’s siblings, their wives, and the kids congregating in her living room.
The ladies all wore somber looks on their faces.
Her brothers looked worried, and Senior wore sunglasses, suggesting he’d already been crying.
Mia had refused to see any of them since we’d been home.
She turned off her phone so they couldn’t call or text her. Whenever they came by, the moment she heard them, she locked her bedroom door. The only people she let in to see her was me, her mama, Grams, and Senior.
As she reached the bottom step, she looked around the room at their faces. Several emotions played on hers before she turned to go back upstairs.
“No,” I said, stepping in front of her.
“Titan, move,” she whispered.
“No. They love you and they’re here for you.”
“We’re here for both of you,” Jaeda said, dabbing her eyes.
Mia hung her head. “I can’t do this,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I can’t. Please, just let me go back to bed.”
“Baby girl,” Senior said, stepping forward. “I know this is hard, but you will never forgive yourself if you don’t go.”
She scoffed, tears pooling in her eyes. “I can’t forgive myself anyway. This is too much. It’s too many people. Too much pain… just too fucking much! My baby…” She covered her mouth to hold in a scream. “My baby is dead, and it’s all my fault. How am I supposed to bury her?”
She collapsed against him, crying profusely.
Everybody was tearing up. Just like me, I bet they had never seen her like this.
Senior guided her out back, away from everyone.
I stood there staring down at the floor, fighting back my own tears for the hundredth time.
I felt arms around my waist and looked up to see Jaeda hugging me.
“I know you’re hurting too,” she said softly.
I hugged her back. “You have no idea, sis.”
Grams clasped her hands together. “Why don’t we head down to the mausoleum? I’m sure Stanley will calm her down and bring her over. Come on.”
She ushered the group out of the house. Jaeda squeezed my hand and tried to pull me along.
“I’m gonna wait for them,” I said.
“You sure?”
“I am.”
I walked the last of them out and stood on the porch as they climbed into their cars and golf carts.
My eyes landed on Mr. James, who was standing against a black SUV, puffing on a cigar.
He glared at me, giving me a nod. I wasn’t looking forward to having to meet with him.
Knowing what I knew, I either wasn’t coming out alive, or I was coming out bruised the fuck up.
Either way, I never ducked any smoke, and I was a man about my shit.
Whatever the punishment was, I couldn’t possibly hurt any more than this.