Chapter 9 Mia #2
Neha reached for him, and I handed him over.
“Give her a minute, baby,” she said to Nayelli.
My niece pulled back, grabbed my hands, and kissed them before walking away with her mother. I could already tell she was a special little girl. My brother pulled me into his chest and held me, rocking me back and forth.
“I know this is hard, Mia,” he said softly. “I’ve never lost a child, but I’ve lost someone dear to my heart. Feels like someone ripped that shit out and they’re stepping on it over and over again. You’re reliving that pain in real time because you can’t just move on from it.”
I sniffled. “That’s exactly how I feel.”
“I know. There is no time limit on grief, especially one like this. But I know you. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You’ll get through this, just don’t push us away. Let us be there for you. Today is the first time I've laid eyes on you since you’ve been home, baby.”
I hung my head. “I couldn’t face y’all, Steel. I pride myself on being the best at what I do. I overestimated things, and that fucked me up.”
“Everybody fucks up—”
“Not to this degree. None of us has ever gotten hurt on a mission. I could have died, and then there would’ve been two funerals today. Maybe it should have been me too.”
He cupped my chin and forced me to look at him.
“No. That’s the grief talking. No matter what you did, you didn’t deserve to die.”
“Neither did my daughter, but here we are.” I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. “I need to go lay down.”
I walked past him and headed into the house. Slowly, I took the stairs to the second floor to my Gram's room. She had the most comfortable bed, and I just wanted to lay in it and shut the world out. When I opened the door, I spotted Jaeda on the bed sleeping peacefully.
I hadn’t spoken to my sister since I’d been back.
She’d come over every single day and spoken to me outside the door.
It was mostly “I love you's” or “I’m here for you's”. Sometimes she told me about everything that was going on with the family. One thing she never brought up, however, was her pregnancy. My guess, she didn’t want to upset me.
Shar, who was usually loud and boisterous with excitement, had been quiet about her pregnancy as well.
Standing here looking at Jaeda’s belly, I felt a slight hint of jealousy, and I hated that.
She deserved to celebrate creating a new life, and so did Shar.
They hadn’t made stupid decisions that cost them a life.
I didn’t have the right to be mad or bitter.
Closing the door, I kicked off my shoes and walked over to the bed. Gently, I climbed in and cuddled up next to my sister. She stirred slightly, groaning a little as she turned her head.
“Quaid?”
“It’s me.”
Upon hearing my voice, her eyes popped open as she looked back.
“Mia?”
She carefully maneuvered herself onto her side, facing me. Grabbing my hands, she kissed my knuckles.
“Hey, my love.”
“Hey, sissy.”
She opened her arms to me, and I didn’t hesitate to sink deep into them. Lovingly, she rubbed my back and kissed my curls. For a while we laid there in silence, her belly rubbing up against mine. When I felt a kick, I looked down between us.
“Are they active?” I asked quietly.
“He’s treating me like his personal trampoline.”
“It’s a boy?”
She smiled softly. “Little Stanley Quaid Dillinger-Michaels.”
“You would name him after your bald-headed daddy.”
She giggled. “You know I love that man real bad.”
“I know. Is he excited about that?”
“He doesn’t know yet. I’m gonna let it be a surprise. More things to make him cry.”
I looked down at her stomach again. I wanted to touch it, but I knew I would break down again if I did. I was so tired of crying.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Jaeda said, seemingly reading my thoughts.
That’s when I noticed my hand was hovering over her stomach. I snatched it back and turned away from her, resting on my other side.
“I’m sorry, Jae. I don’t want you to think—”
“I don’t think anything, Mia. Take your time, however long it takes.”
She nuzzled into my back and wrapped her arms around me.
She started singing “Count On Me” by Whitney Houston, and her voice was so soothing.
Most people didn’t know that Jaeda could sing.
There were many nights after fighting with Titan that I would come crawl in her bed and she would sing me to sleep.
My eyes were getting heavy when the door opened wider.
I looked back to see my Romi, Salima, and Shar standing there, teary-eyed.
They looked like they were just waiting for the okay to join us on the bed.
I missed them. It had been the five of us for so long.
While I spoke with my brothers at least once a week, they were the ones who checked in on me every single day that I was away.
I got weekly pictures and FaceTime calls with the kids.
When I wasn’t busy for girls’ night, I’d be right on a video call watching a movie or eating with them. The time difference didn’t matter. We made it work, even if it meant me being up at ungodly hours to be a part of the sister circle. These women were my people.
I motioned for them to come into the room, and they didn’t hesitate to fill the king-sized bed. If anybody walked by, I was sure they would laugh at how we were sandwiched in here, but I didn’t care. There was so much love in this room at the moment.
Nobody forced me to talk.
They didn’t say a word.
They were just here with me and, more than anything, that’s what I needed.