16. Ian
SIXTEEN
IAN
Istep out of the shower and see Julian on his phone, laughing.
It hits me so hard.
Damn he’s handsome. And funny and just fun in general. Not in the crazy, chaotic way Maddox was. It’s a controlled fun that allows me to breathe. That’s my problem, isn’t it? I keep comparing notes when there is no comparison.
They’re two different people, and maybe I keep trying to replicate what I used to have when something new and exciting is right here in front of me.
Julian isn’t him. There will never be another him.
And I need to make peace with that before I miss out on something incredible.
I can’t stop looking at him. His laughter dies when he sees whatever he does on my face. “What?” he asks, but I don’t know what to say.
Instead of saying anything, I touch him. My fingers trace along the ridge of his abs beneath the soft red sleeveless shirt he’s wearing. I know how much he hates to wear shirts in the summer. He’s normally shirtless in the shop unless we have clients. He’s like me with the heat, he can’t stand it.
He’s fucking beautiful. “Ian?”
“Today was a really great day.” I swallow and drag my eyes up to his. Warm eyes. Soft and brown. “What if . . .” I swallow. “What if I want to have an even better night?”
I crawl onto the bed. He sets his phone aside while I crawl up his body between his thighs.
My fingers slip under his shirt, and I feel the way his breath stutters with my fingers.
Julian isn’t much taller than I am, we’re about the same size, but he has this way about him that makes him feel larger than life.
Maybe it’s the weight and power in his eyes as they grow heavier with my touch. Without another word he leans in and slants his lips over mine. My body nearly collapses against his.
He cups my face, deepening the kiss, his tongue dipping into my mouth to play. Mine meets his eagerly. I let him in, and I feel his hands slide down my back and into the band of my boxers. “Take them off.”
Instead, I move to straddle his waist and lift his shirt over his head.
“Fuck, Jules.” His umber skin feels so soft against my fingers, a beautiful canvas for all the artwork we’ve created together.
Julian has an incredible eye. His understanding of movement is fucking brilliant.
He’s the reason the one on his back looks like a living, breathing work of art.
“You sure? We don’t have to.”
I understand his hesitation. I’ve freaked out a lot this week, but right now I’m the calmest I’ve ever been. My mind is clear. I left something behind at that rage room today and I haven’t quite figured out what. All I know is I’ve never felt lighter or been surer about something. About someone.
I feel seen when Julian is with me. There are so many things I love about him. He doesn’t dismiss my fears or make them seem silly. Instead, he reasons with me, talks me down and reassures me. I like that.
And I want this.
I want a piece of myself back.
“I want it.” I nod then look at him. He’s got stubble along his jaw and I kind of hope he keeps it.
He looks so handsome. Well rested. Bright and brilliant.
“I want you, Jules.” Not a rebound. Not a step toward moving on.
None of that. I want Jules because I’ve wanted him for years now and I’ve been too afraid to try.
Too stuck in the sludge my grief has filled me with.
His fingers lace around the back of my knees, pulling me up his body a bit. My fingers wind around the nape of his neck. I can’t help kissing him. I want to kiss and lick every inch of his body.
His arm wraps around my waist and he moves, lifting me up and then laying me down.
Slowly, he slides his jeans down, revealing the impressive hardness behind his briefs. They cling to his skin. I want my lips on him. “I didn’t bring condoms,” he says. “I have lube, though.” He bites his lip, his cheeks deepening in color as he looks away.
I can’t help but laugh. “Oh, now we’re embarrassed?”
“Shut up.” He bites with the force of a puppy. I catch the warm flush on his ears.
“You’re adorable.”
“Stop making fun of me. I brought it because I uh, brought a friend. I thought we were going to be in a resort where I could use that friend whenever I wanted. With the beach as my backdrop.”
I bark out a laugh. “We were always going to be sharing a room.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know that when I packed!” He shakes his head. “Just so you know, he’s been a little neglected since we got here.”
“I wonder what TSA thought of your friend.” Julian rolls his eyes, reaching into his bag and grabbing out a purple dildo. “Holy shit, Jules.” Okay, now I just want to watch him use it.
He points it at me. “He’s the best friend I’ve had in years, okay. He wanted a vacation too. He works hard!”
I laugh even harder. “Oh my god, grab your lube so you can fuck me.” I stop then think. “Unless you want me to fuck you. I mean, I’d settle for watching you fuck yourself.”
All his humor dies when his eyes travel up my body. “I want to fuck you.”
“Then fuck me.”
He takes off his briefs and tosses the lube onto the bed, then he climbs over my body.
His fingers dip into my boxers and he slowly drags them down my legs.
“Looks like someone prepared.” I laugh, tugging my cock.
I trimmed a little and scrubbed every inch of my body in the shower. I want this so bad.
His fingers slide down my calf before he gets onto his belly, my leg fitting over his shoulder. My other falls back giving him space.
He hits me with a look before he licks up my dick.
My back arches as he takes me down as far as he can go, sucking me so hard my eyes roll.
His warm mouth is killing me with every rough pull.
He sucks two fingers, letting them go with a pop.
“You need me here, Ian?” He drags those wet fingers along my hole.
I nod, grabbing under my knees and pulling them back. “Give it to me, Jules.” I bite my cheek when he slides two fingers inside me and presses a kiss on the inside of my knee. “Fuck. Fuck, Jules.”
“So sweet.” His kisses travel up the inside of my thigh. “So fucking tight. You’re going to strangle my dick, Ian.” He slides them in slowly, giving me time to adjust, every pump of his long fingers sending tiny shocks through my core.
“Fuck, I need you.”
“Got to make room for me first.” He smiles then sucks one of my balls into his mouth. “Fuck.” He hums along my sac then licks a stripe up my cock. “You can take three?”
I nod fast. “Give it to me. Stretch me out, Jules. I want you.” He slips another finger in, forcing a moan out of my lips.
He watches me, then reaches deep, ringing that bell inside me.
A hot rush of pleasure heats my core. “Yes. Yes, like that. Fuck, like that.” He fucks me with his fingers, his gaze flicking between my face and his fingers stuffed deep in my ass. “Jules, fuck me. Please.”
“Oh, please?” His brows rise. “Look at you being all polite.”
“Fuck off,” I whine when his fingers curl again.
“Would you kindly fuck me, good sir?” he mocks.
I glare but snap my head back when those fingers strum that chord again deep inside me. “Fuck . . . off, oh fuck.” He sucks me down to the root and drags those fingers along my prostate. “You’re being so mean.”
“And you’re being very slutty.” He laughs. “Look at how messy you are.”
“Jules, I need you so fucking bad.” Fuck, I forgot how good this feels.
I can fuck myself all I want, but this right here .
. . it’s not comparable. And damn he’s good.
He doesn’t let up, still stroking my prostate and alternating between sucking my cock and licking my rim as his fingers play and stretch me open. “Jules!”
“Okay, okay.” Slowly he pulls his fingers out then spreads my ass, putting his mouth on me, licking and sucking my hole. “You make me fucking greedy.” He kisses me again. I can’t take any more. I cup his jaw and drag his attention to my face. “Come on. I’m playing.”
“Fuck me.”
The playfulness in his face dissolves into heat. He crawls up my body then kisses me hard. “You’re kind of bossy. I’m in the middle of recess and you want to go back to work.”
A laugh spills out of me. “Is that what fucking me will be like? Work?”
“Ian,” he says seriously then kisses my lips. “I take my job very, very seriously.”
He reaches back between my thighs. “Ungh.” His fingers slide back into my ass. My arms grip around his neck. “Fuck, Jules.”
“Let me work this pussy out, Ian.” He reaches deep. “Is that what you want? Huh?”
I bite my lip, nodding fast as he plays. “Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh yes. Right there.” My back arches as he reaches deeper.
“Look at you. Messy as fuck. Desperate for me.”
My legs squeeze tight around his waist. He doesn’t make a move to fuck me, he just hovers, taking his time, and watches the mess he’s making. “Jules—” I pant.
“You want my dick?” I nod faster. “How bad?”
“So fucking bad.” I moan when he strokes that spot again. I look down between our bodies, at his thick cock dragging through the mess my own is making on my belly. Something heavy settles over me. I don’t know where it comes from or what to do with it.
I swallow then look at him. Really look at him.
Soft eyes, soft lips. Caged between his warm arms, Jules feels like home.
Every nerve I have disappears. “Go easy on me, Jules.” I don’t know what I mean by that and I don’t think I mean just in this.
I’m a fuckup, I’ve always been a fuckup. I’m just afraid to fuck this up.
A heavy weight settles in his eyes. His fingers slip out of me then he grabs the lube and sits back on his thighs, watching me as he strokes his cock. “You sure? We can do whatever you want, Ian. We don’t have to do this.”
“Come here.” He hovers back over me. I touch his face, running my thumb along his jaw. “I like the stubble.” He smiles a little.
“I told myself I wasn’t going to shave during vacation. Makes me look real manly, huh?”
“Oh, so fucking manly.” I smile then pull him down for a kiss. He adjusts himself but doesn’t slip out of my arms. My fingers lace at the back of his neck, my thumb rubbing across his hairline. “This okay?”
He nods then looks down between our bodies. He brings his cock to my hole and watches me as he rubs the tip along my sensitive entrance. Then he pushes inside slowly. “Shit.” He blows out a breath then looks at me as he takes shape inside me. “You okay?”
I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. He’s a bit bigger than my toy, and it’s been a while.
It takes me a moment to adjust to being this full.
My hand slides down his neck. My nails bite into his shoulder.
The pressure is heavy but so fucking good.
I’ve missed this. Not just sex, but feeling this close to someone.
My thighs drop back wider. I need more of him. I want him so deep I can’t stand it.
He drops a kiss onto my lips, putting more of his body weight against me, and I hug him close as he fills me until his balls hit my ass. “You okay?” he whispers near my ear. All I can do is nod and hold him here with me. “Damn, Ian.”
When he moves, it’s a full-body rush. I feel it everywhere. It’s unlike anything. All the while he watches me, at first with tentative concern, then it breaks apart into hot need. “Come here, Jules.”
He leans down and I cling to him as he fucks me slowly. “This is insane.” He groans, pumping a few times, and my skin prickles with heat. It feels like I’m going to snap. It’s hot and sharp and feels so fucking good I can’t take it.
I let him fuck me like he needs to as I hold him to me, his warm skin, strong arms, and soft fucking lips sending me into orbit. All the while he pumps inside me with a rhythmic roll of his hips that hits every spot he needs to. He picks up speed, shaking in my arms. “Jules?”
He moans. “Yeah?”
“Here.” Confused at first, I push on his chest and guide him onto his back then straddle his waist. His eyes drag from my dripping head up my body. I don’t have many tattoos on my front, just my chest piece and the black dahlia flowers along my hip and ribs.
Jules gave them to me. They’re his favorite flowers. He has sunflowers on the same hip. It’s our best-friend tattoo. His thumb brushes over the ink he put there.
I reach behind him and groan as he slips back inside, and I settle my weight fully on his cock. “Fuck.” His fingers lace around my hips. I lean back, putting my hands on the top of his thighs, then I move.
“Oh yeah, holy shit.” This angle is the perfect path to my prostate. I roll my hips and drink in the hungry look in his eyes. “Jules, fuck you’re so, fuck, so fucking—”
“You’re so fucking too, Ian.” He grins a little, but the humor dies with pleasure as I pick up speed, riding him hard and chasing this feeling climbing up my spine. His strong fingers lace around my cock, pumping me as I ride him.
“Jules—”
“Come on me, Ian. Ride my dick and come.” He drags his free hand down my stomach. “Fucking beautiful.” His fingers go back to my hips, his other hand pumping my cock. A shock of heat strikes me when he hits my prostate.
“So thick. Fuck. Holy fuck. I’m gonna come. Jules, I’m coming.” He adjusts, gripping my waist and fucking up into me hard and fast. I shout with the first drops as he fucks it out of me, and I squeeze his pecs as I make a mess on his chest.
“Fuck, Ian.” Warmth shoots inside me. His hips punch up. “Fuck. Fuck.”
“That’s it, Jules.”
He fucks me in hard snaps then slowly pumps inside, his fingers on my hips so hard I think they may bruise. I kind of hope they do. I want to see him on my skin tomorrow. He lifts up, crushing my body to his and burying his face in my neck, still slowly pumping inside me as he comes down.
Finally he pulls back. I loop my arms around his neck and kiss the corner of his mouth. A rush unlike anything hits me in the chest. “So good, Jules.” I kiss his cheek and wait for him to come down from wherever his head’s at.
He squeezes me tight and I feel him swallow.
“Thank you,” he whispers against my skin. I pull back a little to look at him. “How are you feeling?” he asks.
That . . . I don’t know, that hits me harder than anything else he’s said to me. “I feel great.” I smile, rubbing my thumb along his jaw. “Thank you.”
He’s still holding me here in his lap. I don’t want to move. I don’t want this warmth and fullness to stop. Logically, I know I’ll have to get up.
Julian lies back down on the bed and his soft cock slips out of me. I sigh, lying down next to him, my thigh across his hips and my arm across his chest while he holds me here tucked in his arms, his chest softly rising. I trace the tattoo on his left pec.
It’s a while until we move to shower, and when we’re settled back in bed, I fit myself back into his warm arms, thinking for the first time in so long that I’m exactly where I need to be.