23. Julian
TWENTY-THREE
JULIAN
Iwake up to fingers tracing each tattoo within Ian’s reach. Slow and deliberate, as if he’s memorizing them. As if he didn’t put them there. I love the way he looks at me. Like he can’t believe he’s allowed to touch me.
“Morning.”
He rests his chin on my sternum, looking up at me, his soft red hair a little erratic from sleep. It makes my chest ache. “Morning.” He presses his lips to the center of my chest right over my heartbeat.
“Come here.”
Ian crawls up my body, kissing me hard. I wrap my arms around him and roll him onto his back. A low groan escapes me when his calf slides over my ass. “Can I fuck you?”
Ian opens his mouth, but it’s cut off by a knock that startles us both. “Are you expecting anyone?”
I shake my head. “Maybe Anna’s checking to see if you finally nutted up.”
He scowls. “Go get the door.”
I laugh, sliding off the bed and pulling on a pair of sweats. I glance back at him, sprawled across my bed, red sheets draped over his hips, and my chest warms. “My man is gorgeous.”
He grins brightly. Another knock pulls me from him.
I walk to the door, just ready to get rid of whoever the hell is there. I have plans for Ian today and they don’t involve a third. I’m surprised when I open my door and swing it open to find Elijah. “Oh, hey.”
“Hey. I just saw Anna. She said you guys just got back.”
“Oh yeah, hey, I’m sorry about your appointment. We will reschedule. I’ll get you in before we open back up.”
“No worries. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Yeah. I’m uh, I’m great—” Arms slide around me, and I look down at Ian’s tattooed hands locked around my stomach. Protective and possessive.
“He’s taken,” Ian says over my shoulder.
Elijah’s smirk widens. “Well, it’s about time.”
“And we’re busy,” Ian adds.
I roll my eyes. “Ignore my boyfriend. He’s very jealous of you.” Ian pinches my nipple.
“Take you and your gorgeous beard and fuck off,” Ian mutters.
Elijah’s thick brows climb to his hairline. “My . . . beard?”
“He’s got beard envy. I don’t know why.” I glance back at Ian. “You’re smothering me.”
“Get used to it.” He squeezes me tighter, and warmth spreads through my chest.
“I’ll call you to reschedule, alright? Soon. We just needed a break. Nothing serious, but I should have told you.”
“Just glad everything’s okay. I’m happy for you. Congratulations.” He smiles at me. “Bye, Ian.”
The door clicks shut and Ian presses against it, scowling at me.
“You’re so jealous.”
“Ugh,” he growls, pulling my hips against his. “So jealous!”
I laugh softly, kissing him quickly. “Good thing you’re cute.”
He softens, voice serious. “I’m still working on myself, but I know I want this. I’ve wanted it for a while. I’ve just been so afraid to go for it.”
“This is real, right? You won’t run out on me? I can be patient, but you need to work with me. Talk to me. No running. No getting lost in that mind of yours.”
“I promise. I can’t run from you, Jules.” He leans in, lips brushing mine. “I love you.”
I cup his face, searching his eyes and smoothing my thumbs along his cheekbones. “Are you hungry?” He nods. I take his hand and lead him to the kitchen. “I can make you an omelet.”
“Okay.” He hops onto the counter, casual, just like he’s done a hundred times before.
“Can I ask what made you run down here yesterday?”
“Anna came to my house and threatened me. She said if you leave, she’s leaving. That you’re the best thing that’s happened to us since Maddy died.” His eyes widen. “Which I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”
I sigh. “I told her she was my best friend yesterday. I thought she was going to crawl out of her skin.”
“She was crying, Jules.”
My gaze whips to him. “Tears or blood?”
Ian’s eyes widen then he whispers, “Tears.”
“Oh shit. We have to fix this.”
He laughs, nodding. We have a lot to unpack. The shop. Us. Everything. For now, I’ll focus on him. I want to ask a million questions, but I need to be gentle.
“Can I tell you something, and please don’t tell her I told you this.
I’m not really sure,” he says, and I nod.
“I don’t know for sure because Maddox never told me.
I mean, there’s best friends and then there’s whatever the fuck they were.
I feel like shit for not checking in on her more.
She’s doing worse than I thought, but I just didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. ”
“Okay?”
“The thing is. Maddox used to tell me um, a little about her home life, and he never said it but . . . I have a feeling she didn’t handle shit well back then. I’m not sure, but I think she used to hurt herself.”
I stop cooking. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. Maddox never outright said anything.
He was very protective of her. I’m just saying, I think we both need to check in with her more.
I feel sick that I’ve been this fucking selfish.
If I’m right and that’s how she’s dealt with his death .
. . I don’t think it is, but just . . . I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m rambling. I just think that—”
“We need to look out for her the way he did.”
Ian’s face softens, eyes shining as he looks at me, and he nods. “Exactly. The shop is important, but Anna . . . she was his world. We need to watch out for her. Even if she tells us to fuck off.”
“Especially when she tells us to fuck off.” I squeeze his knee.
I go back to cooking, and now that I think about it, I remember when I tattooed the duck on her leg. The jean shorts, and then the bike shorts underneath them. I had thought at the time it was just a fashion thing. Now?
I don’t know, but I do know I will be watching out for her. “What happened yesterday? When you got home.”
“I wanted to run here then,” he admits. “But I wanted to respect your space. Instead I just lay in bed and didn’t move.
Then in the morning I thought about the shop, and us.
Mainly about what I want our lives to look like when we reopen.
Then I thought about how much I regretted freezing back in North Carolina.
It wasn’t you, Jules. I want you to know that.
It was never about whether I loved you. That was never a question. ”
I pour the vegetable and egg mixture into the pan, and Ian twists, reaching into my cabinet and grabbing two plates. “And what does that look like now?”
“Joint ownership.” My head practically snaps to Ian. “Fifty fifty if you want that responsibility.”
The spatula slips from my fingers. “Are you serious?”
“Only if you want it. I know it’s a lot, but I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to do this without you, and it’s your shop too.”
I swallow hard and can’t believe it. “Yeah. . . wow. I want that.”
“And . . .” He adds. “I want to rename the shop.”
That one shocks me. “What?”
“It’s actually something I’ve thought of doing forever, I was just afraid to do it. The thing is, it’s not Madd Ink anymore. It never got the chance to be. I want something that reflects everything, not just Maddox and me,” he admits. “I want to rename it. I’m certain of that.”
“To what?
He shrugs. “I don’t know yet, but I’m all for ideas from my new co-owner.” He gives me a flirty wink.
I smile softly, flipping his food onto his plate. “I’ll think about it.”
I slide mine onto my plate. “And . . .” He takes a bite, chewing while he thinks.
“I’m going to move forward, and hire more artists.
” I freeze with my fork halfway to my lips.
“At least two, and a piercer in time for sure. It will be great. We turn away too many people who assume we also do piercings. It’ll bring in more clients. ”
Yeah, he’s probably right. “When do you want to start looking?”
“This week,” he says easily.
“How are we going to afford more stations?”
“Just one station,” Ian says softly. He takes another bite and groans. “Fuck, this is good.” He finishes chewing. “I’ve decided for sure. I’m going to take Maddox’s. It’s time.”
His name lands between us. He goes quiet, staring at his plate. I don’t want to rush him. We eat in silence for a moment, my attention half on him as he eats quietly.
“I’m going to see someone, I think,” he says finally. “Or sorry, I mean, I am going to see someone.” He swallows. “I know I have to. There’s no right way to grieve, but there is a wrong way to live. And the way I’ve been living . . . this isn’t who I want to be.”
My chest tightens as his words settle.
“I want to get better, Jules.” He continues, his voice a bit unsteady. “I need help. I won’t say it’s not normal because what the fuck even is normal? It’s not healthy, though, so I’m going to look into a grief counselor or maybe a group. Something.”
“Wow.” I smile softly at him, laying my hand on his knee, begging him to look at me. “That’s big, Ian.”
“I’m so sorry.” He looks at me, his eyes open and clearer than I’ve ever seen them.
“I never used to be this guy. I don’t want to lash out when I’m angry or disappear into myself when the shop closes up.
I hate this version of me.” His voice softens.
“With you, I’m always the happiest version of myself, but I need to feel like that on my own too.
” He swallows hard, blinking at the ceiling.
“For a long time, I thought that if I was happy or I moved on with someone new I was betraying him. The thing is, I’m betraying him by not living my life.
He never wasted a second of his time, and if he could see me, he’d tell me not to waste it. ” Ian’s glassy eyes meet mine.
I set my plate down and gently grab his, placing them in the sink.
Then I step between his legs and lean in. The kiss is instant and firm, like he needs this reassurance as much as I do. “I support whatever you decide. Whatever you need, Ian,” I murmur against his mouth. “I’ve got your back. Always.”
“I have yours too.” His arms loop around my neck, holding me close. “Never forget that. I’m here for you too. No matter what.”
I lift him off the counter, and his legs wrap around my thighs.
I can feel his heartbeat pressed to my chest. I make it as far as the couch before I lay him down on top of it.
Ian lifts his hips, pulling down his sweats, and I drink him in.
Beautiful tattoos on his soft skin. I kick mine free and lie on top of him.
His warmth sinks into me. He reaches between our bodies, taking both our dicks in his hand and gives us a stroke.
He leans in, and our lips meet gently at first. Soft and unhurried like he’s learning the shape of my mouth all over again. The kiss deepens as his hand picks up speed. I press my head to his forehead, rolling my hips up into his fist. “That’s it, Jules. Fuck, we feel good together.”
My heart thuds harder when his hand picks up speed. “Ian, fuck. I’m going to come.”
“Me too. Fuck, babe. Look at you. All mine. All mine, Jules.”
My hips punch up into his hand as I come across his belly. He’s right behind, kissing me so hard as his breaths stutter against my lips. He pulls back, eyes bright, and then he smiles so wide, blinking up at me. “Hi.” His dimples sink into his cheeks.
Damn he’s beautiful. “Hi.”
“We should probably get cleaned up.” I look down at his stomach and sink back between his thighs.
He looks confused before I run my tongue through the mess and groan.
He moans, watching me, and I rise then kiss him hard as he groans against my mouth.
I know we should get up, but I don’t care about the mess.
He exhales a breath against my lips then pulls back to look at me as I lie down next to him inside his arms. My body curls around him, letting his arms wrap fully around me, and I can feel his heartbeat, steady and warm beneath my ear. He presses slow, lingering kisses against my temple.
We stay like that for a while, tangled together, trading soft kisses. I’ve never felt this good in my life, and unlike back in North Carolina, I know he won’t run from me this time. This is mine, and I can finally lean my full weight on it. And fuck, it’s the best feeling in the world.
“Oh shit, I forgot to tell you,” he says. I look up at him. “I’ve called all our clients and we’re staying closed for the rest of the month.”
“What!?”
Ian nods. “We’re also not allowed to go into the shop while Jamie is painting. Strict orders. It’s going to be a surprise.”
“You sure about that? That’s a long time.”
“I know, but we’ll get our clients caught up with the new artists. We need a break, a reset.”
“Well . . .” I think about this. “What the hell are we going to do until then?”
Ian’s grin turns feral. “Oh, Jules, I have plenty of things in mind to keep you busy this month.”