22. Ian #2
She blinks at me. “Now. Like now now?”
“Men!” she screams into her hand. “Go get him!”
I run through the rain, my lungs burning. Legs screaming. I’d laugh at how cliche this is if I wasn’t the dumbass who hurt the person I’m in love with. No more.
Grief poisoned me for seven years and I let it.
Maddox wouldn’t want me to be alone. He wouldn’t want this.
Julian is brilliant and beautiful, but somehow it’s taken me this long to realize how deep my feelings go. I fucking love him.
By the time I reach his building I’m soaked and shivering. I nod to the security guard at the front desk and take the stairs two at a time until I’m on the fourth floor. I brace my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. Then I find his door.
I knock.
Footsteps sound beyond the door and my heart slams into my chest when it opens. “Ian?” I really look at him this time and everything just falls into place.
Damn, I love this man so much.
“I’m bad at this,” I pant. “But I’m done running. Physically and emotionally.” I take a deep breath. “I love you, Jules. Not because I’m scared or lonely or trying to replace anything. I love you because you’re you.”
He watches me carefully.
“I choose you.” I lean against the doorframe trying to catch my breath. “Completely.” My chest burns. Running is the worst! “I can’t breathe.”
“Did you run here?”
I nod then lean harder against the doorframe. I think I’m having a heart attack. “I’m not athletic. I told you.”
I notice his plump lips smile before he lets it fall. “You could have walked here.”
“I also could have told you back in that bed that I loved you because I do. I did then. I do now. And I have for a while. I fucking love you so much.” I sink down the doorframe. “I think I’m blacking out.”
He hauls me up, holding me steady. “You really aren’t good at this.”
A laugh slips from my lips. “No, I’m not.” Holy shit, my lungs are collapsing. “I just needed to tell you. Now. I should have then. I shouldn’t have froze like that. I just. I don’t know. I kept thinking that I was betraying him. My head is fucked up.” I smile. “If you can’t tell.”
“Come inside.” I follow him through, closing the door behind me. “I don’t know. This doesn’t magically fix everything.”
“I know it doesn’t. I have a lot to make up for.
” I reach for him, sliding my hands over his hips and holding him.
“I just need you to know that I love you. I’ve loved you longer than I could even admit to myself.
If you need space, take as much as you need.
I just can’t keep it to myself anymore. I don’t want you to think I don’t feel this way.
I feel it. I’ve always felt it. I’m sorry I hurt you.
I’m just sorry it took me this long to realize it. ”
He studies me a moment and then his hands go to my cheeks. “I should tell you that you need to prove it. Make you work for it.”
“Absolutely. You should.”
“Unfortunately, I am so in love with you, Ian, and I’ve waited a very long time to hear those words come from you.”
“You’re everything good and I just want a chance to show you how much you mean to me. Whenever you’re ready. For as long as you’ll have me”
“Well.” His warm eyes search mine for a moment. “That might be a very, very long time.”
He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom. It’s not the first time I’ve been in here, but it feels different now. I watch him sit on the bed, and now that I’ve realized how I feel, I’m shocked I didn’t recognize it. I cage him between my arms kissing him down to the bed.
“What’s on your shirt?” Jules’s eyes land on the smeared makeup.
“Uh, makeup.”
“Do I want to ask?”
“Probably best not to.”
I take my tank top off slowly then run my fingers down his chest, brushing my thumbs over his tight nipples and drinking in his exhale against my lips. “You’re so sexy.”
He moves up the bed. I take off my soaked jeans, dipping my fingers into the edges of his briefs, my fingers brushing through his pubes. I slip them gently down his legs, drinking every inch of him in, then I slide onto my stomach between his thighs as he draws them up.
I take one of his balls between my lips as he fists his cock in his hand. I lave across his sac then lick up the seam, my tongue traveling the length of him until I suck his crown into my mouth.
My fingers curl around his thighs and I bury my face between them. Kissing, sucking, stretching him open. I take my time. I make up for every moment I’ve missed. Julian’s a mess and I’m aching for him.
He rolls onto his stomach and I position myself over him, my skin humming when I hear his deep moans as I slide inside him.
My forehead presses to the middle of his back.
“Goddamn.” I shake my head. This feeling is unreal, unmatched.
It’s Julian. It’s the way he makes me feel. Maybe the way he’s always made me feel.
He makes me feel like I’m home.
“Ian.” Breathy and soft, his moans send a shiver down my spine. “Fuck.”
Once I’m fully inside him, I press my lips to the back of his neck, slowly rolling my hips. “Damn, babe.” He’s so tight, squeezing me so hard. My knees are outside his thighs. “So warm. So good. Fuck.”
He grips my wrist across his chest. I kiss the shell of his ear. “Move. Fuck me.”
“You want me to fuck you?” He nods, eyes fluttering closed.
I give him what he needs, thrusting in and out slowly, letting each groan he gives me be my reward.
There’s no rushing, no doubting. This is where I’m supposed to be.
He feels so good. Warm and safe. “You’re so fucking good, baby. So fucking good.”
“You feel so good.”
“Yeah?” I kiss under his ear, losing myself inside him. “I love you so much, Jules.” I kiss him again. “You hear me, baby? I love you. I love you so fucking much.”
“Ian—” He moans, pushing his hips back onto me and reaching back to grip my thigh, pressing me closer. “Fuck, you feel good.”
“This is how it’s going to be from now on.” Pleasure crawls up my spine. He starts to jerk himself. “You and me, baby. Every day. How it’s always been, but better.”
“Better?”
I moan, thrusting deep. “Better because I’m not afraid to admit how I feel.”
“How’s that?” He moans.
“That I love you, and I’ve loved you for a while now.
It’s always been you, Jules. Always.” He tilts his face back to look at me while I drive inside his body.
Over and over again until we’re both panting and breathless.
“You and me, Jules. My best friend. You’re my everything. You’ve always been everything to me.”
I spread his ass and watch where we’re connected.
The grip he has on me is insane. “Ugh.” Julian squeezes my thigh then pushes me back.
I slip out and watch him drop onto his back.
I enter him again, kissing his lips, breathing his air, and I don’t know how I could just have ignored this.
I’ve fought this truth for so long, and giving in has never felt so sweet.
“You feel so good, Ian.”
“Same, baby.” I kiss his forehead, feeling his arms around me. “I mean it, Jules. I’m not running from this.”
His dark eyes shine on me.
He comes between us, his body tightening around mine. I pull out and jerk myself, coming onto his stomach. I lean back over him, dropping a kiss to his mouth then his forehead. “Wait here.”
I walk down to his bathroom and get a warm washcloth, smiling like a fucking idiot. It’s a weird feeling that follows me. For the first time I don’t feel weighed down. I feel light and free.
When I walk back in, Julian is still lying where I left him. Spent and beautiful. Fully sated and happy. I wash his stomach then throw the washcloth into the hamper and take the spot next to him.
We lie there quietly, just wrapped in each others arms and happy not to move. “Are you freaking out yet?”
I lift my head to look at him. “No more freaking out, Jules. I mean it.”
He exhales, long and slow, like he’s been holding this breath for years. He doesn’t have to anymore. My fingers trace lazy patterns along his tattoos. “Good,” he says finally. “I don’t think I could survive another round of overthinking.”
I huff a soft laugh. “Fair.”
His chest vibrates beneath my cheek. I feel a kiss press into my hair. It’s this right here, the steadiness and safety of being with him. Warm and soft.
We lie like that for a while. I don’t think we leave the bed much at all. Our world narrows to these four walls. Shared breaths. Tangled limbs. I feel different. Not fixed or magically healed by any means. Just at peace. Like I’ve been off balance for years and I’ve finally righted myself.
“So, what happens now?”
I lift my head to meet his eyes. There’s no fear in them. No edge, just curiosity. “Now?” I think about us and what I want. “Now we don’t pretend anymore. We move forward. Together. As a team.”
His smile is slow. “As a team.”