24. Ian
TWENTY-FOUR
IAN
“Do you want me to sit with you?”
I turn to Julian and almost don’t trust myself.
Every time I look at him the want is immediate and overwhelming.
I don’t know how I went this long without kissing him.
Without knowing what his mouth feels like on mine.
Every time I see him, I just want to touch him.
The dopamine hit is dizzying. All I want is his arms around me.
We’ve made great use of this month off together, but next week it’s back to reality, and you know, I’m excited to work again.
“I’ll just be a couple of minutes,” I say softly.
“What do you normally do?” he asks. “If you don’t mind sharing.”
I shrug. “I just sit out here for a bit. I usually stop by Honeybean and get something.”
I won’t be doing that anymore. Instead, on Monday’s I’ll bring in treats from the cafe for our new staff. It’ll be nice for everyone at the shop, and I’ll still be supporting Maddox’s favorite place. Even if it’s a little awkward now that Ariana’s there full-time.
Ari was Aliee’s twin sister who died in the accident with Maddox and Luci. Her family owns the cafe. She also basically told Jamie to off himself last year when they ran into each other, so it’s hard not to lose my shit when I see her.
“On the eighths I’m usually here for a bit, but I’ll be quick.”
“Take your time.” He leans in and kisses me softly.
Damn, that rush. “I love you.”
He smiles, shoving his hands in his pockets and letting me go. I didn’t bring a chair with me this time. When I come on the eighth I will. I will always come on the eighths. Those will always be his.
This is for me, though.
I walk to his site and sink down onto the grass, and I stare at his headstone while my chest tightens.
“Hey, baby.” The grief hits like a sudden plummet.
I don’t want to fight it anymore. It’s proof that what Maddox and I had was once in a lifetime.
I loved him and always will. “It’s been so hard since you left me.
Some days I don’t even know how to breathe.
” My voice wavers. I glance back up the hill where Julian waits.
“I tried to keep everything the same, just like we planned. I thought that was how I would honor you. Like if I didn’t move or change anything, you’d still be here with me.
” My eyes burn. “It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that you’re not.
“It’s been hard. I don’t even recognize myself. I remember how much you loved me, and I know you’d be so fucking pissed if you saw how I’ve been living.” I pick at the grass. “You loved me too much for this. You’d want me to get help. To change the shop. To fall in love again.”
The wind brushes my skin.
“I met Julian three months after you died.” I swallow. “I’ve been afraid to tell you. I don’t know why.” My voice drops to a whisper. “I love him. I love him so much. He’s kind, patient, and safe. I miss being loved.”
I press my palm to the cool stone, tracing his name with my fingers. “No one will ever replace you.” That was never the goal, though. It’s not a replacement. It’s a new path I was pushed onto, and it’s taken me a while to find my way down it.
It’s new, but it feels right.
Tears slide down my cheeks. “I’m going to live for me, and I’ll carry you with me like I always do.”
I stand on shaky legs. “I’ll see you on the eighth, Madd.” A smile grows on my lips. “Those are for us. I love you.”
When I reach Jules, he doesn’t hesitate pulling me into his arms. Solid and warm. I cling to him and breathe him in, my fingers twisting into his shirt.
“I’m proud of you,” he murmurs, his mouth brushing my ear. “I love you so much.”
He pulls back enough to look at me. His crooked smile is devastating.
Then he presses a kiss between my eyes. My palm lies in the center of his chest. “We better get to the shop.” I’m so excited to see the mural.
Julian still has no idea about it. I’ve seen it in stages, but this last week Jamie has kicked me out of the shop completely.
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“I know it’s going to look incredible.” I smile and try not to give anything away.
We decided to take an entire month off. It was hard to let go of appointments, but thankfully most of our customers understood. We have a few artists we’re considering, and once our back room is finished, a piercer.
Once hired, our clients on the waiting list will get first choice of their artist and ten percent discount. We’re still working on hours, but Julian and I will be here Tuesday through Saturday. Sundays and Mondays are our days off. He was right, I can’t keep up the pace I have been.
There’s more to life than this, and I want to find the joy in the shop like Maddox did.
Once hired, we’ll ask our artists their preferred days, but I want a designated day for walk-ins, so we don’t have to turn so many people away. We have a few applications in mind.
Another change is Maddox’s station.
Or my new station.
His ashes will stay on a shelf next to me here. I could spread them, but I think he would want to be here and watch the shop evolve. He put his blood, sweat, and tears into this shop, and I know there’s nowhere else on earth he’d rather be than here with Anna and me.
Julian is taking my old station across from me. We have a new station coming in, and we’re currently in the process of making a room from the old storage room for our piercer, for privacy. Everything is coming together.
Now I just can’t wait to show him this.
I spot lavender hair ahead and see Anna staring across the street at Honeybean. Our feet scuff on the pavement and her head turns to us. “Took you both long enough. Jamie’s inside with Noah.”
“Where’s Amira?”
“She had to go back home, but she’s hoping you love it.” Thankfully Jamie’s friend had a few people who could come and help get this done.
We owe a lot of free tattoos.
Anna dips inside the shop. Julian tries to go inside but I stop him and shut the door, blocking it. “What’s up?”
I look at him, so happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be again. “Before we go inside, I just want to say how much I love you.”
“You’re a little obsessed with me.”
“It’s pathetic, right?”
“So pathetic.” He smiles.
“I’m sorry about the things I’ve done and the way I acted. More than that, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you think this isn’t your shop too. This place is what it is because of you.” I slip my fingers into his. “Just thank you. For everything.”
He leans in, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “Come on. Let’s go see it.”
I open the door and smile at the giant sheet covering the mural on the back wall. I’ve seen it in stages, but I can’t wait to see it done.
I take Jamie’s hand and give him a hug. “Thank you so much,” I whisper. “Anything you need or want. Tattoos for life.”
“He’s going to love it,” Jamie says softly and lets me go.
“Ready?” Julian looks at me with a nod.
Jamie tugs the sheet down, revealing the mural.
Silence cuts through the shop. My fingers tighten around Julian’s. I don’t look away from the mural. Not yet. Maddox is smiling in that way I remember meant trouble.
Then I feel Julian’s fingers tighten in mine. I turn to him, his glassy eyes fixed on his mother. His jaw works like he’s trying to keep himself together. I squeeze his hand, grounding him in the way he holds me down every single day.
“She belongs here,” I whisper. “With him. With us.”
His fingers curl tighter in mine. He inhales sharply.
“You don’t have to be brave right now,” I whisper to him. “I’ve got you.”
Julian turns into me. I crowd him in my arms, holding him while he hugs me tighter. “Thank you,” he murmurs. I slide my hand up and down his spine holding him here with me.
“It’s really beautiful,” Anna says beside me.
Jamie lets out a shaky laugh, looking up at his best friend.
“Yeah, it came out amazing.” Noah’s arms loop around Jamie’s waist as he smooths his hand over his stomach.
It feels heavy in this shop, but in the best way possible.
We’ve all lost so much. But we’re here, and that feels like an amazing thing.
Julian doesn’t let go right away. Instead, he keeps his hand on my back. When he finally pulls away, he gives me a quick kiss then goes to thank Jamie. I stand here, looking up at Maddox. It’s a soft ache that never goes away.
Anna startles me, coming up beside me and hugging me. “Please don’t stab me.”
“You’re an asshole,” she whispers, looking up at me. “He’d be proud of you.”
I rub her head, which annoys her, but I catch the slight smile. “He’d be proud of us both, Grems.”
Her mouth curves into a small smile and fuck, I can’t resist pressing a quick kiss on her temple, laughing when she scrubs it away.
Julian comes back to me, snaking his arms around my waist. His eyes are clear. Happy.
For the first time in a long time, we’re all exactly where we should be.
The bell over the door rings through the shop, and we turn.
Ice water splashes down my spine as I look at the woman with a pixie cut and brown hair.
So different to the long blonde I was used to.
“Oh.” She swallows hard. “I didn’t think—” Ari’s eyes pass between us all.
“Sorry, I um. Anna, your uh, your order is um—” Her eyes flick to Jamie, and I think I see shame on her face.
Noah’s eyes harden on her then look up at Jamie who’s just staring.
“Your mom’s order is ready. I’m sorry. I um, it’s there whenever.
” She turns back out of the shop, and I look at Jamie who’s looking at where her body just was.
“Sorry, my mom ordered stuff for my dad’s birthday,” Anna says softly, not meeting any of our eyes. “I’m um, I’m going to go get that. I’ll see you both Monday.” What the hell was that about? I’ve never seen Anna that nervous. What the hell is going on?
“You okay?” I ask Jamie.
My words snap him out of some trance and he nods. ‘Yeah, I’m okay, I just. I want to talk to her.”
“No,” Noah says firmly.