10. Alexander
10
ALEXANDER
I placed my hand in the small of her back and walked her down the stairs in her apartment building, a certainty growing in my mind. The book was trouble. Last night, when I had used my magic to toy with its pages, she had moaned and tried to reach out. She had been disturbed, not because of my presence, but because I had been touching the book.
The book she was now connected to.
I hadn’t been close enough to it to feel its pull, but I was familiar with her symptoms.
The nausea, the fever, even the way she’d trembled in my arms, burning against my body—the book was cursed. And removing it from her might kill her.
I listened to her talk through a quick meal at Cervo’s, her eyes alive with excitement as she told me a story about her childhood dog, Granger, her palms closed around a mug of coffee.
“That’s what I don’t understand about Reginald,” she said.
“Reginald?”
“The dog next door. Michael’s dog.”
I stiffened at his name. “What about him? ”
“He doesn’t usually act so erratic. It’s weird.”
Most dogs despised vampires. They could sense what we were—a threat, a predator. “Perhaps, the dog is having a bad day.”
Emily laughed, the sound blending with the sounds in the diner-style restaurant, the hiss of the coffee machine, the low hum of talk, and the clinking of knives and forks on plates. I had barely glanced around since we’d entered, my gaze fixed solely on her. “Tell me more about … Granger,” I said.
The alternative was discussing me, and that was off the table.
Our conversation was pleasant, mostly because I enjoyed listening to her voice. A few of the things she told me had angered me—stories of people who she had helped, who had taken advantage of her.
Afterward, we drove into Manhattan to Central Park and walked through it until we found a place to sit.
“Alex?” She twined her fingers together, dark circles under her eyes that hadn’t been there when I’d last seen her. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Just thinking,” I said.
“You’re more quiet than usual.”
Because taking the book will kill you. Leaving it will doom me. “I’ve had a difficult week.”
“Difficult how?”
“I’ve been finding it difficult not to think about you,” I said, turning toward her. “I find myself possessed with thoughts of you, no matter the time or day.”
“Possessed? You make it sound like I’m a demon or something.”
“Not you,” I replied. “Me.”
“Alex,” she said, more of that delicious laughter tinkling from her throat. That fine throat that I had pictured biting. “You’ve been great so far. I mean, getting to know you has been lovely. Not that I’ve really gotten to know you. I feel like you’ve barely talked.” Tiny wrinkles sprouted between her brows, and I pictured smoothing them away .
“I prefer to hear what you have to say,” I said. “I’m far less interesting than you think.”
“I’ve heard that about mysterious, sexy investors.”
“Sexy?”
Her lips parted, and she let out a tiny huff of breath.
“You find me attractive, Emily?”
“I mean, I’d have to be blind not to. Come on, who wouldn’t find you attractive?”
“Maybe that’s because you don’t know me very well,” I said, a challenge rising in my tone. “I’m not an innocent, good man. I’m the type of person you should stay away from at all costs.”
“Oh really?” She cocked her head to one side, her auburn hair falling against her cheek. Gorgeous. “You know, they say that when a guy tells you that, you should run.”
I stared at her, my eyes narrowing. “They were right.”
She tossed her head, a hint of a smile toying with the corners of her lips. “It’s funny,” she said. “I’m usually the type of girl who runs away from danger, but I don’t feel like doing it now. Maybe I have a sixth sense.”
“Or maybe you’re completely lacking it altogether,” I said. “Which is worrying.”
“Why?”
“I don’t like the thought of you in danger, Emily.”
“You barely know me,” she said.
“I know you’re dreaming of a dark stranger who will sweep you off your feet.” If I could direct the conversation toward the book, we’d be in safer territory. Away from this tension and pressure that had built between us.
Focus on the mission.
She bit down on her bottom lip. “And you want to be that dark stranger?” She blushed at the audacity of those words.
I rose from the bench and walked away from her, a few steps toward the trees, for a breath of air that didn’t taste of her intoxicating scent. I’d never thought of myself as weak until now. I had to betray her trust, but I didn’t want to.
Taking the book might kill her. My only option was to take it. Unless … could there be another way? The thought was treacherous.
Emily appeared beside me. “Alex,” she said, “look, I didn’t mean to be so forward. I just?—”
“Forward?” I frowned at her. “Emily, I do want to be that dark, mysterious stranger, but I’m not someone you should choose.”
“Why not?” she asked.
I turned toward her and took her hands. “Because I’m not a good man.” I’m not even a man.
Emily dragged her teeth over her bottom lip in that torturous fashion, and I focused on her lips, the flush of blood in her cheek, the gentle beat of her heart. It was faint.
“Tell me about your novel,” I said, and released her hands, hoping to distract her from what I’d said and the connection between us.
“It’s … It’s been a struggle to write lately,” she said. “It’s the strangest thing, but ever since I brought that book back from the library, I’ve been having a difficult time concentrating on anything else.”
“The book?” I feigned ignorance.
“Didn’t I mention it to you before? It’s this journal of a Frenchman. I’m not strictly supposed to have it since it belongs to the library, but I can’t bring myself to take it back,” she said, and frowned at her words. “It’s fascinating. The man truly believed in vampires, and he’s written so much about them.”
“Like?” I was intrigued. What would she think of what she had found? Surely, she would be terrified.
“That they’re dangerous creatures, predators. That they prey on human beings and especially on women like me,” she said, laughing. “Lonely women. And also, that vampires put you under their spell.” Emily stared out at the fountain, the people gathering around it. “When I read that, I thought you might be one. ”
I kept a straight face.
“I thought you must be because I can barely stop thinking about you, Alex.”
“The feeling is entirely mutual, Emily.”
“But you still don’t want me to … be interested in you?”
“I didn’t say that,” I replied. “I’m just doing my due diligence in informing you that you would be better off with someone who was safe. A good person. Like that friend of yours.”
“Michael?” Emily pulled back a step. “That’s … No way.”
“No way?” And I was relieved by that. Weak.
“Yeah, absolutely not,” she said. “Michael is a buddy of mine. There’s nothing there. I mean, he’s good-looking, but I just don’t have a connection with him like that.”
“Emily, tell me more about the book. The one that you’re reading. I find your thoughts fascinating.” I brushed hair back from her shoulder, trailing a finger over her fine jawline.
She trembled. “Alex, you can’t tell me to stay away and then toy with me like that.”
“Toy with you?”
“Yes,” she said, distancing herself from me. “You tell me nothing about yourself. Nothing about your trip or what you like or?—”
“What does it matter what I like or how my trip went?”
“It matters because I want to know,” she said.
I had never encountered anyone who was genuinely interested in me. It was a confusing feeling. At Sanguine Nox, I had been a weapon for evil, and with the U.C., I was a tool for good. For the good of humanity. And Cassia? She had always wanted something from me, for personal gain. Almost every vampire I had encountered had behaved selfishly.
The last time I had spoken with someone who was interested in me, for me, had been with my mother, centuries ago.
My chest hurt, and I stroked my palm over it.
“Alex. Please. Look at me,” Emily said. “I don’t know what you’re holding back, but you can trust me. ”
“I’m not holding anything back, Emily.”
“Fine. If you’re going to lie to my face, I’m going to leave.” She spun on her heel and walked off, her hips swaying. My gaze strayed over her body, the oversized sweater that hinted at what might be underneath, the jeans she’d chosen for today that cupped her curves just right.
Let her go. Just let her go.
But I needed the book.
I growled under my breath, hating every part of this, from my confusion to the pain this would cause her.
I caught up to her and grasped her arm, spinning her around so she collided with my chest.
Emily let out an adorable squeak. “Alex, what are you?—”
“My mother was killed when I was eleven years of age,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I didn’t know my father, even though he was a wealthy man.” A French nobleman. “And when she died, I had no one left until I was adopted by a man who treated me to years of abuse. I don’t like to talk about who I am. I don’t like to share feelings. I don’t enjoy wanting to tell you these things and having to hold them back.”
Her jaw dropped.
“In fact,” I said, pressing a thumb to her bottom lip and pulling on it gently, “I don’t like the fact that I want you, Emily. You have worn down guards I’ve had in place for years. But now, every time I wake, I think only of you. I wonder what you are doing, thinking, who you are talking to, and why they are not me. I curse your friends for having the time with you that I want. I curse the day I met you.”
“Alex.”
I cupped her cheek with one hand, drawing her closer, pressing her soft, warm body against me, heat rising in my body, an overwhelming desire that threatened to destroy what little control I had left.
“Most of all, I hate the fact that I can no longer resist you.” And then I brought my lips to hers and claimed her mouth .
She whimpered against me, and I fisted a hand in her hair, deepening the kiss, parting her lips to taste her fully.
The kiss was breathless, her fingers caught on my coat, pulling, demanding more of me, and I gave it to her willingly, losing myself in the moment, even though it had to end.
I stepped back, releasing her suddenly, aware of how embarrassingly aroused I was. I shifted my cloak to cover myself, my gaze fixated on her lips, bruised red with the intensity of the kiss. Fangs lengthened in my mouth, and I kept it closed to hide them from her.
“Alex, I’ve never felt anything like this,” she whispered. “I’m afraid.”
My fangs still hadn’t retracted yet, and I forced myself to look away from her, from the rapid breaths that lifted her chest, her breasts pressing against the thick wool of that sweater.
“Alex?”
Finally, I cleared my throat. “I’m afraid too,” I said, and then extended a hand to her. “But we will work through it together.”
She took my hand, and we started the walk back to my car, the fluttering of her mortal heart a painful reminder of my failure. Now that I had kissed her, there was no going back.