11. Emily
11
EMILY
I ’d spent the day at work, thankfully not sick and throwing up, thinking about him. The kiss had been unbelievable. Like nothing I’d ever experienced before. How was it possible that kisses could feel like that?
It was silly, but I was kind of worried that it had meant more to me than it had to him, but when he’d stepped back, his eyes practically burning gold in the morning light …
He’d wanted more.
“Em? Are you listening to me?”
I sucked in a breath and looked up to find Jen at my desk. “Oh, Jen.” I laughed. “Sorry. I was somewhere else completely.”
“Are you still feeling sick? I was so bummed that you weren’t here yesterday.” My friend leaned on my desk with one palm, the other hand resting against her cheek as she considered me.
“I’m actually feeling a lot better today,” I said. “Maybe it was a one day bug.” I’d returned to my apartment after being with Alex and felt a thousand times better. Even the book hadn’t seemed as appealing to me as it had before I’d left. And my dreams had been filled with him instead of strange “clips” of other people’s lives.
It was silly to think of them like that, but that was what they seemed to be.
Jen reached over and touched the back of her hand to my forehead. “I hope so,” she said, “because the last thing I need is to take home the flu. Deshawn has just recovered.”
“Hey,” I said, “maybe that’s where I got it from.” I pointed a finger at her, narrowing one eye. “You infected me.”
Jen laughed. “I mean, maybe. I hope not. But I’d have it too, right?”
“Fair point.” I sighed.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Just I’m totally obsessed with a guy who—” The hairs on the back of my neck rose, and I turned my head. Yet another weird thing that had been happening lately—I kept feeling like someone was watching me, even when I was literally with other people.
“What?” Jen turned as well, her dark forehead furrowing. “What is it?”
“Nothing. Just me being paranoid after the whole … getting mugged thing.”
“I can imagine that would set you on edge,” Jen said. “And that’s exactly why you can’t stay late at work. Not in this city. But come on, tell me about this dude.” She perched on my desk. “I have to live vicariously.”
I laughed. “He is … Well, he’s unreal.” And then I told her about Alex, how mysterious he was, how he had saved me, and most importantly, the kiss. I left out the parts about his past and how he’d finally opened up to me.
“Wow,” Jen murmured. “That sounds like something out of a movie. But he warned you off? That’s kind of a red flag, don’t you think?”
“I know,” I said.
But I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“The whole thing is a red flag. I can’t stop thinking about him, he can’t stop thinking about me, and when we’re together, I feel breathless. Like I’m always waiting for something to happen. It’s not like I’m waiting for something good either.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s nervous anticipation. Like, ugh, like I don’t know if it’s good or bad.”
“Dangerous,” Jen said, tapping her finger on the desk. “But you only live once, Em. If you like the guy, go for it. Just don’t fall for a serial killer.”
I laughed again. “I’m not that crazy.”
“You’re not crazy at all,” she said. “You’re an angel. And you deserve someone who treats you like gold.”
“Aww.” I got up and gave her a hug. “You’re the sweetest.”
“I know.” Jen tipped one shoulder forward and gave me a million-watt smile. “But listen, work ends in like ten minutes, and I came over here to instruct you not to stay behind after hours. It’s not safe.”
Again, that prickle of awareness brushed down my spine, and I swore something moved behind me. “Right,” I said, trying not to react. “That’s probably a good idea. Going home, I mean.”
“Hell yeah,” Jen said. “It’s a Friday. By the way, call me if you want to hang out sometime this weekend. Deshawn has a slumber party, and I am all for some girl time if you’re into it.”
“Sounds like fun. I’ll text you!”
I spent the next fifteen minutes catching up on the last of my work, occasionally peering at the caged books, the shelves closest to my desk. Finally, I grabbed my tote and headed out the door, waving goodbye to a couple of the other librarians. The library was closing, and there was a healthy flow of people leaving down the vast stone steps.
I paused to appreciate the building, the stone columns, the scope and scale of it. I was lucky to work here, doing what I loved, and I didn’t want that to change.
Or do you ?
Being around Alex made me feel unstable. Like things could change at any given moment, and I should’ve wanted out. Away.
But I didn’t. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it stole my breath. So badly that last night, I’d touched myself and whispered his name during my climax.
I shook my head and shouldered my tote, starting down the steps.
“Em! Hey, Em!” Michael waved at me from the base of the steps, Reginald Tailwag sitting beside him on the concrete.
“Oh, hey, Mike.” Things had been weird between us lately, but seeing him still brought me joy. Today was just a normal day, and it was good to be around friends.
“I thought we could take a walk before we head home,” he said. “I just finished with work for the day.”
“You took Reginald with you.” I put out a hand.
Reginald sniffed me and then licked my fingers, wagging his fluffy golden tail. He jumped up and rested his paws against my middle, and I cuddled him.
“Yeah, it was a wedding shoot, and they wanted a dog there,” he said. “Thankfully, Reggie fit the bill. How are you feeling? Still sick?”
“No, I’m way better today,” I said.
“You look it. You’re all pink-cheeked and happy.”
“Thanks.”
We strolled down the sidewalk together, Reginald’s paws pattering along beside us.
“You didn’t have to stop by,” I said. “I’m fine, you know.”
“I know,” Mike said. “But you’re my friend, and you’ve been going through it lately, what with the mugger and stuff. It’s better if you have someone with you, you know?”
“That’s really sweet, Mike, thanks.”
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and my stomach jolted. I removed my hand from his grasp right away and forced a quick smile.
“So, work was good?” he asked .
“Sure. Just the usual. Jen invited me out for a girls’ night, so that’s great. Morgan can probably come. And I guess you can too.”
Mike gave me an odd look. “A girls’ night?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I probably shouldn’t go, right?”
I glanced over my shoulder and found nothing but people walking, talking, on their phones. None of them paid any attention to me. So why did I still feel like I was being watched?
“Em?”
“Huh?”
“If it’s a girls’ night, I probably shouldn’t go,” he said.
“I’m sure it’s fine.” I shrugged. “You’re practically one of the girls at this point.” It took me a couple of steps to realize he wasn’t walking alongside me anymore.
Mike stood, frowning at me, Reginald peering up at him, wagging his tail.
“Mike?”
“I’m not one of the girls, Emily.”
“Sheesh,” I said, waving a hand, “you know what I mean. You’re a friend. You’re not?—”
He strode toward me, Reggie coming along with him. With his free hand, Mike took mine and squeezed my fingers. “I want to be more than a friend, and I’m tired of acting like there’s nothing going on between us. I want you, Emily. I want to be with you.”
Morgan had been right.
I pulled away from him. “Is that why you’re friends with me?” I asked. “Because you want to— You want more? Is that the only reason we hang out?”
“Emily, what? No. We’re friends, but I want more.”
“You could have said that from the start,” I said. “Mike, I appreciate that you’re being honest now, but is this the way you’ve always felt?”
“What do you mean?”
“When I moved in next door,” I said. “And we met for the first time, started hanging out, did you want more than just friendship from the start?”
Michael hesitated. “Look, I don’t know. When you moved in next door, I thought you were something special. Beautiful. And I kept having this intense urge to protect you and watch over you. I just wanted to keep you safe.”
“I don’t need to be kept safe by you,” I said.
“Emily, you can’t walk two steps without landing in trouble. You were nearly attacked the other night,” Michael said.
“Twice,” I said. “I was nearly attacked twice. Once at the library. The night you convinced me not to call 911 because I’m delusional. Remember?”
“I didn’t say you were delusional, Emily. That’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is telling someone you—” I broke off as a wave of nausea hit me. Not this again. “What’s not fair, is you acting like you want my friendship when really, you’re just pretending to be friends with me because you want more. At least have the balls to come out and say it.”
“I’m telling you how I feel right now.”
“Well, it’s too late,” I said. “I don’t want anything more than friendship, Michael.”
“Why?” He spat out the word like it was poison. “Why not, Emily? It’s him, isn’t it? You’re so obsessed with that asshole that you can’t?—”
“Don’t talk about him like that,’ I said. “You have no idea who he is.”
“And you do? Do you even know him, Emily? He’s dangerous. Can’t you tell? He just appears out of nowhere and inserts himself into your life, and you’re just more than willing to let him?”
“At least he’s clear about what he wants from the start, unlike you,” I said. “You acted like we were besties, when you were just trying to get into my pants.”
Reginald barked and jumped up against Mike, but he ignored his dog, glaring at me. “I wasn’t just friends with you because of that. Do you blame me for having a crush on you? That’s kind of toxic, Em.”
“Toxic?” I swallowed, sweat building on my brow. “It’s toxic to want people to be honest?”
“No, it’s toxic because you’re mad at me for liking you when it’s no longer convenient,” he said. “Just because of some guy who’s acting like he cares.”
“He is not acting. He kissed me. We kissed.”
Michael jerked back a step like I’d slapped him.
“Michael, I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown that in your face. I just got so angry.”
He raised a palm. “You don’t want to be friends with me, Em? That’s fine.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I’m saying it,” he said. “I can’t stand to be around you anymore because all I can think of is him. And you. And … I can’t be friends with you if you’re not interested in something more with me.”
I gasped.
“So, what’s it going to be, Emily? Him or me?”
Him.
“Mike, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, but I am not interested in a relationship with you.”
“Then I’ll see you around, Emily. Good luck with your … whatever the hell he is. Your stalker.” And then he strode off, taking Reginald with him.
I pressed a hand to my stomach, a slow ache building alongside the nausea. I needed to get home and talk to Morgan about this. And study the book. You need the book.