4. Ezra
Ezra
4
The flight from Australia to the U.S. has never been my favorite, even in our private jet. But add the torture of being scolded by management for two straight hours while nursing the worst fucking hangover, and it’s practically hell. Not to mention Rock’s inability to quit drumming against the table, but after so many years, it’s a noise one must become accustomed to.
It’s almost a fourteen-hour flight, and we’re barely past the halfway mark. If it weren’t for the knowledge that Axel is currently on the phone with Raleigh while sitting directly opposite me, I probably would have crashed by now.
Something is wrong.
The moment she accepted his call and he started twisting his ring around his finger, I knew it.
His whole tone changed, and he was on high alert, but the questions spewing out of his mouth were the worst. “What the fuck did you just say, Raleigh? What are you talking about? Did someone touch you?”
I swear to whatever greater power exists, if some motherfucker put his hands on that girl, I’ll tear him to shreds. Just the image has me fucked up. My fingers curl into tight fists, and my nails cut into my palms, but it only lasts a moment before Axel relaxes enough for me to realize that whatever she said to him, he’d taken it the wrong way.
Raleigh is fine. At least, physically. Just because she hasn’t been hurt doesn’t mean she’s doing well, and by the way Axel slouches in his seat, it’s pretty damn clear we’re thinking the same thing. She’s hurting, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
He gets up to pace the length of the jet as he chats to Raleigh, and as I do my best to ignore him and the too-soft mumble of her voice coming through the silence, I scrawl meaningless words in my notebook, hoping that one of these days, the pain might subside for just a moment to feel normal.
“Devil Spawn?” he questions, pausing his pacing. A subtle smirk flitters across his lips as his gaze lands on me. “Right.”
Great. Suppose I have a new nickname now. It’s fitting though. I can see why she’d refer to me as the devil spawn. It’s not as though I’ve left her with anything good, only heartbreak, longing, and anger.
The moment Axel wraps up his call with Raleigh, I’m finally able to concentrate on the words before me, and after writing “Devil Spawn” at the top of the page, I start stringing the words into lyrics.
Axel sits in broody silence opposite me. He doesn’t say a word, simply stares at his hands as waves of tension roll off him. I consider asking him about the conversation, but where Raleigh is concerned, I purposefully keep out of it. It’s a touchy subject between us. He was always down with us being together . . . kind of. We were never officially together, but no matter how I look at it, she was mine, and I was hers. He saw that she was happy, and that’s all he ever wanted for her, but our decision to leave . . . fuck. I know we made the decision as a group, but he hates that my leaving tore her to shreds. Fuck, I hate it too.
“I think I need to go see her,” he finally says.
I lift my gaze, my brows furrowed. Don’t get me wrong, he loves his little sister. She’s the sun in his sky, but he goes out of his way not to visit her, especially during tour because all it does is fuck with everyone involved. “After the tour, you mean?”
He shakes his head, a heaviness clear in his eyes, and I fear the words teetering on the edge of his lips. “Nah. The second we land, I’m taking off. She’s not coping right now. College is kicking her ass, and her professor just accused her of trying to get a free ride because she’s my sister. She was bawling her fucking eyes out. You know her, man. That’s not her. Something bigger is going on, and whatever it is, she’s keeping it from me. As long as I’m away, I’ll never get to the bottom of it. I just need . . . a week, maybe.”
My eyes widen in horror as my stare collides with Axel’s. “The fuck?”
Raleigh Stone doesn’t cry. The girl I knew would sooner die than let anyone see her fall apart, and for her to break like that over a simple phone call . . . Axel is right. Something’s going on.
“Yeah,” he says in agreement. “I think she’s just having a rough time. At least, I hope that’s all it is. All I know is that whatever she’s holding back, it’s fucking with her head, and I can’t stand it. I need to get to the bottom of it. I won’t be able to focus on the rest of the tour if I don’t sort this shit out. She’s my world, man. She’s all I’ve got, and if she’s not doing okay . . . I can’t worry about her like that when we’re on tour. I need to know she’s alright. I mean, fuck, man. What if something happens and I’m across the fucking globe?”
“Yeah, alright,” I mutter, hating every moment of this. The last thing I ever wanted was for Rae to be unhappy, and if Axel is right, and there really is something going on, then he needs to be there to make it okay. “Apart from college and her bullshit professor, how’s she doing?”
Axel lifts his gaze as his brow arches. “You know, she’ll never admit it, but she misses you. I think that’s part of whatever this is. Maybe she’s all up in her feelings,” he suggests, his gaze falling out the window and falling into a deep silence for the quickest moment. “You should come with me.”
I scoff, the idea of me showing up uninvited in her dorm room almost comical. “Yeah, right. That’ll go down well. Besides, if she’s having a hard time, the last thing she needs is me coming and making things worse.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he says, letting out a heavy breath. He reclines his seat, his head tilted back against the headrest, staring up at the ceiling of the cabin, and it’s clear that whatever is going through his head is deep enough to bring him down.
A minute of silence turns into ten before he sits back up again, his elbows braced against his knees, a somber expression on his face. “I think we fucked up leaving her behind. She needs you.”
Fuck. Why did that gut me so violently?
I shake my head, trying to shake off the uneasiness coursing through my veins. He couldn’t be more wrong. I’m everything she doesn’t need. “No, she might think she needs me, but she doesn’t. I’m not the guy she’s missing anymore. I haven’t been in years. This life isn’t for her,” I tell him. We may be living the dream, but the double-edged sword of fame cuts deeply, and the last thing I’d ever want is for her to see me this way. “She’s going to finish college with her fancy degree and make something of herself, not get caught up in this bullshit. Besides, I’m a fucking mess. Nobody needs this.”
A cocky grin creeps across his face, and without a doubt, I know there’s a sharp retort sitting right on the end of his tongue. It’s a miracle he’s able to swallow it before managing to put a proper response together. “Well, maybe she doesn’t need you, but you sure as fuck need her.”
Shit. Just when I thought I was off the hook, I’m right back in the deep end.
I clench my jaw, refusing to respond because fuck knows he’s right. The second I got on a flight and left Michigan behind, my world spiraled, and it hasn’t stopped since.
Raleigh is my compass, and without her, I’m fucking lost, but like I said, she deserves better than this life, better than anything I could ever give her.
“So, I’ve been upgraded to Devil Spawn, huh?” I ask, swiftly changing the topic but doing anything in my power to keep talking about her. It’s rare he unloads about her like this. He keeps it to himself to keep me from falling to pieces, but I need to hear it more than I need my next breath.
Axel shrugs his shoulders, his lips quirking into a small smile. “It’s better than when she referred to you as The Epic Mistake.”
I cringe. That one still stings, but it did create a bestseller. “You’re not wrong!”
“I’m never wrong.”
I roll my eyes and settle in for the next seven hours of the flight, assuming the conversation is over, only when he volunteers more, I listen up like a starved animal begging for scraps. “When I called her, she’d just walked out on a date.”
“A date?” I ask, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. We’ve spoken on every topic under the sun when it comes to Raleigh Stone over these past six years, but never about her dating.
For the most part, I had assumed she wasn’t interested, that a part of her was still mine, and that the thought of being with another man made her as sick as I feel now.
How fucking conceited could I be?
Of course she’s not waiting around for me. She’s fucking beautiful and has so much to offer someone. I’m sure she probably goes out of her way to avoid it, but I know she’s aware of the lifestyle I lead, and if I’m sinking into a different woman every night, why shouldn’t she be with any man she wants?
Fuck. Maybe I’m stuck in the past, but a part of me had always thought I’d be her first.
“Mm-hmm,” Axel responds as his hand curls into a tight fist. “The fucker treated her like shit. Kept her waiting half the night and then assumed he could fuck her for a chance at getting closer to me.”
Shit. There’s that nausea rolling up on me again.
The vivid images of Raleigh in bed with some asshole hits me like a fucking freight train, and as my stomach rolls with unease, I realize this is so much more than the aftershock of my wild night in Sydney. I’m actually going to be sick.
Lunging from my seat, I barrel down the length of the jet to the small bathroom, and the second my knees hit the ground, the contents of my stomach erupt in violent waves.
Hanging my head over the toilet bowl, I desperately try to get it all up, and I’m suddenly all too aware of Axel hovering in the doorway.
“One mention of Rae dating, and you’re puking your guts up,” he comments as though I hadn’t quite noticed my current predicament. He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe. “Interesting.”
Getting back to my feet, I clean myself up before bracing my hands against the sink and staring at him through the small mirror.
“You’re still in love with her.”
And without a moment of hesitation, I nod, feeling the weight of my heart burning to ashes inside my chest. “I never fucking stopped.”