Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
AUbrEY
My best friend answered my call, and my voice cracked. “Roxi?”
“Yeah? What’s wrong?”
“Everything’s all messed up. I dunno what to do!”
“Wait. Slow down. Are you cryin’? I’m comin’ over. Are you at home?”
“The shop.”
“Be right there.”
When she showed up, Roxi didn’t say a word. She had a to-go cup from Coffee Shot in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. She held the whiskey out to me, but I shook my head, and she thrust the coffee into my hand.
“Tell me,” she said.
I’d hidden behind the checkout counter, butt aching on the cold, hard floor, and Roxi lowered herself beside me. Cradling the coffee in my hands between my legs, I leaned my head on her shoulder, and the waterworks started up again.
She tsked. “See, this is what happens when we don’t talk every day.”
“He’s gone.”
“Rye? Where’d he go?”
Sniffling, I swiped my arm under my nose. “Oregon. He’s comin’ back, but he says he loves me, and he wants me to forget about everything else in my life to be with him.”
“Really? He said that?”
“Well, no, but that’s what it all boils down to.”
“I admit,” Roxi said, “I don’t know Rye well, but are you sure you aren’t blowin’ things a little out of proportion? I can’t imagine he’d want you to forget about your boys and your store. He did pay five grand so you could keep it.”
I felt hysteria creeping up on me. “Of course I’m blowin’ things out of proportion! I’m in love with him and I’m scared to death.”
Oh God. Here it comes. The heart attack I should’ve had weeks ago was surely only seconds away. Damn that cowboy. He broke my life. He changed my body, my heart, and my mind.
He made me love him.
The bell on the front door jingled, and Roxi called out, “We’re back here.”
Daisy’s face appeared around the counter, and then she sat in front of me and crisscrossed her legs. “Hi.”
To Daisy, I replied, “Hi.” But to Roxi, I said, “We really need to have a conversation about privacy. I’m not sure you’re gettin’ the basic principle.”
Daisy laughed. “Roxi called me because I know a thing or two about your situation. José is ten years younger than me, and in case you aren’t aware, I have five boys who are all pretty macho and who think their mama shouldn’t have sex with anyone. They may be a few years older than yours, but they’re still little boys in their hearts.”
“Oh.”
She was right. I’d heard all the gossip around town after she and José had started dating, and when they got married a few years ago, her boys, the five Cade brothers, were all awkward and bristly at Daisy’s wedding. Horse ranchers were just as bad as cowboys. Too bad my boys didn’t even have the excuse of machismo to fall back on.
But Rye had never acted like that with me. He was as open and positive as the sun shining after a storm.
“Let me catch you up, Daisy,” Roxi said. “If I know my best friend, and I know my best friend, she’s freakin’ out ’cause she just realized she loves Rye Graves, and now she doesn’t know what to do because she let him walk away.”
Daisy smiled softly and sighed, and she held my hand. “Listen, this is the hard part. Deciding to let yourself fall in love isn’t easy, not at our age. We’re not teenagers anymore, and whether our boys are fifteen or fifty, the choices we make affect them and will be judged by them. They love us, and they want us to be happy; they just don’t want to know about what—or who—makes us happy.” She squeezed my hand between both of hers. “The question is: can you let yourself be happy?”
“I spent so long being a doormat. I don’t wanna be that to Rye.”
“Are you afraid that if you love him, he’ll change?” Roxi asked.
I nodded. “Or I will.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been feelin’ this way?” Roxi asked, sounding a little hurt. “Don’t you trust me?”
“I’m sorry, Roxi. I do trust you, but it’s just that I’m so used to bein’ alone. I thought I could figure this out on my own, and I thought if I said what I was feelin’ out loud—to you—then it would become real. I wasn’t ready for real.”
“Aubs, you can tell me anything, okay? You can tell me when you’re afraid. That’s the whole point of bein’ best friends. We can be scared together.”
“Okay,” I said, finally ready to lay it all on the line. “Here it is. The second the boys got home, I became Tommy’s wife again. My needs didn’t matter anymore, and I let them walk all over me. What if… What if that’s who I really am inside? What if I’m not the woman Rye wants me to be and I let him walk all over me too? I don’t wanna be that person anymore.”
There was a little steel and ice in Roxi’s voice. “My best friend can be whoever she wants to be. Ain’t no man gonna control her. She’s a goddamn motherfuckin’ queen.”
I laughed through my sniffles, and I felt awful for keeping this from her.
“Thank you. I love you.”
She nodded curtly. “Love you too.”
“Are you sure that’s not just the fear talking, though?” Daisy asked. “’Cause the man I saw you with worships you. I didn’t get the impression he could be controlling or mean.”
“No, he’s not any of those things. You’re right.” I sighed. “If that’s all it was, maybe I could jump in with both feet, but Rye’s mom came to see me last week. I knew she was laying the guilt on thick. I knew it, but goddammit, I fell for it.”
“What the hell did she say?” Roxi demanded.
“I don’t remember word for word, but basically that I was failing as a mom if I stayed with Rye ’cause my boys don’t support it. I have no clue how she even knew they were home. What, did she put spy cameras in my house when she found out Rye and I were fake datin’?”
“ Fake dating?” Daisy asked.
“Oh right. I didn’t tell you about that. It’s a long story, but it doesn’t even matter because pretend turned to real in the blink of an eye. I fell in love with him.” I set my coffee on the floor and dropped my head into my hands. “I’m so in love with him. When he’s not with me, it’s like I can’t breathe. I can see it, you know? He said I can’t see our future, but I can and it’s so good! Why can’t I let myself have that? Why can’t I have him?”
“Aubrey,” Daisy said, “You can have that future. You just have to decide to take it.”
“Yeah, but then Calla went even further. She said she knew Rye was plannin’ to start up his own ranch, which he is. I haven’t had a chance to tell y’all about that yet either, but she said it’d be selfish of me to insert myself into Rye’s life, and that if I did, he’d fail and end up broke and have to go back to his parents with his tail between his legs.”
Daisy scoffed loudly. “That bitch!”
“Don’t tell Billie,” I said. “I’m afraid she’ll sic some crazy malware on Calla Graves’s computers or somethin’.”
Roxi snorted a laugh. “If she does, don’t tell me about it.”
“You leave Rye’s mama to me,” Daisy said in a voice that kind of scared me a little. She was pissed. “It’s her own problem if she doesn’t have faith in her own kid.” Her voice softened, and she leaned forward to swipe tears from my cheek. “But the question remains the same… Can you let yourself be happy? Can you forget about all the gossip and the people who think you and Rye shouldn’t be together—or is it only you who thinks that?”
Daisy lifted an eyebrow. “Can you focus on what you want and what you need, and really let yourself love a man who wants to give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of?”