Chapter 27 Jess
JESS
I throw on the first clothes I can find the next morning, hair a total mess, and search for Nadir.
He’s in the kitchen making coffee bright and early.
I come to a standstill for a moment, watching him. Every step he takes is methodical, even if he’s walking over to the trash can.
I press a hand to my temple, still nursing that damn hangover. My wrists and ankles are still aching, but the pain is nothing compared to the heavy ache I feel in my heart this morning, dragging me closer to the floor.
“Where are my—?”
“In their rooms,” he says, turning around to face me. He gestures into the corridor where their rooms are, and I don’t waste a second walking down there.
I gently open each one of the bedroom doors, peeking in. My chest eases a little when I see them all sleeping peacefully. But my body still feels like it’s carrying around a ton of weight as I work my way back into the kitchen.
“Where were they?”
“With one of my men. He took them back to yours for a while, since Taro didn’t know your address.”
I narrow my eyes. “How? I never gave you a key.”
“We don’t need keys,” he says, taking a sip of coffee.
“Right…”
“Coffee? I made an extra espresso just in case.”
“What?” I screw up my face. “No!”
“Okay.” Nadir returns to the countertop, mopping up some of the sides. “Just a question.”
“Don’t put up the defense. We both know my anger is justified. And as much as we both hate Taro, or…hated…” I keep forgetting he’s dead. “The guy was right about you.”
“Was he? Or are you just searching for a reason to pull away?”
“What? No!”
“Look who’s coming to the defense now.” Nadir gives me a glare between wiping down the coffee machine. “Do you actually believe everything he told you?”
I clench my jaw.
“Jess, he told you those things to get into your head.”
“Why would he need to do that?”
“To win.”
“He’s fucking dead, Nadir. D-E-A-D. Nobody wins in death.”
“Think again.” Nadir’s eyes shine like two blue diamonds.
“He’s still winning, even from the grave, because you’re letting him manipulate your thoughts.
He wants you to think a certain way. He wants you to hate me.
” He steps closer. “And it’s not just because he wants to punish me for rejecting the merger and taking his life.
He knows how powerful we’d be together, Jess, and he’s never experienced power like that before.
Not even my business could give him what we have. ” He takes another step.
“You’re not making any sense.”
“Why do you think Bratva leaders like me and him chase power in the first place?” Nadir hitches a brow. “We feel empty. We’re missing what everyone else around us has.”
My eyes wobble over his face. He’s not about to admit weakness and invite me in. Not after everything that happened last night. I could have lost my life out there. My kids might have woken up this morning without their mother.
“Human connection, Jess. That’s what every Bratva leader is searching for at his core.” Nadir’s eyes turn icy. “I almost let myself become a monster from trying to fill the void. And then I met you.”
No. He can’t say this. It complicates fucking everything.
“You told me it was complicated in the car, remember? When I asked you about your intentions with the triplets.”
“I was a coward before you were taken. I wanted to keep running the business, stay focused for Taro. But I really fucking wanted you. To the point where it was starting to become distracting.”
“What happens to your Bratva now?”
“I have to rethink a few things.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Like what?”
“Like, why I’m really doing all of this.” Nadir keeps watching me. The lines across his brow suggest he’s working something out in his head. He licks his lip. And then he’s closing the space between us, capturing my chin with his finger.
One. Single. Finger.
That’s all it takes for me to melt.
Is it true? Am I searching for excuses to run away, because that’s what has always made me feel safe?
“Jess,” he murmurs, emphasizing every letter. “I have to keep the Bratva.”
My heart sinks. “You don’t have to do anything.”
“I have guards. Money. Resources. I can use all of it to protect you and the children.”
“I was kidnapped last night. Your guards didn’t even see a thing.”
“Hm.” Nadir steps back to think, running a finger over his lip.
“My guards may all need to book themselves in for eye tests. But I’m partly to blame for not having them stationed down the side streets.
Like I said…” He combs his hair through his hands.
“I was distracted by my feelings for you. Last time I felt this way, I was broken in the most unimaginable way.”
I narrow my eyes, piecing together what he’s already told me. “Is that why you killed your own family?”
“Because they killed my first love, yes.”
Holy shit.
Some family he grew up with.
It kinda makes me relieved, in a way. I’d rather grow up alone than be forced to live with cruel parents.
I keep watching Nadir. It’s like I’m back on the plane, obsessed with him all over again. This time around, I’m even more hooked. I know him better. He’s real. And he knows what it’s like to grow up alone. Unloved. Questioning every day why you’re not good enough.
While I was searching for my worth in other people, Nadir was moving countries, building an empire to fill the missing void.
“I…don’t know where to go from here.”
“Jess.”
God, if he says my name like that again, I won’t make it through this conversation without jumping his bones.
“Don’t leave,” he says. “You don’t want to quit. I know you like it at Sterling.”
Here he goes again, getting into my head, even more fucking manipulative than Taro.
But maybe he’s just reinforcing everything I’m already thinking. I do enjoy work. It gives me a sense of purpose outside of taking care of the kids.
I only threatened to leave because I was holding a grudge. And, admittedly, because I was drunk. And mad. And scared of how much of myself I want to give him.
I finger-comb my hair since I haven’t brushed it this morning. I had two jobs this morning—bring my kids home and clear the air with Savannah. I still haven’t done that yet.
I grab a light jacket from the hook and head toward the door for my shoes.
“Where are you going?”
“To beg my best friend for forgiveness.”
“Jess—”
“I need to clear my head. Get some space. I’ll be back. Can I trust you to keep an eye on the kids and help get them up when they’re out of bed?”
“Of course,” he says absentmindedly, like he’s confused I’m even asking that question.
Can he blame me?
“Monitor them while they’re brushing their teeth,” I say while tying my sneakers. “Willow likes to do it for ten seconds and call it a day.”
“I’ll keep an eye on them,” he says from the kitchen. “But please text me. Keep me updated.”
I narrow my eyes. He’s saying that because of last night. I didn’t respond to his calls and messages, and that worried him. The worry is written all over his face now as he walks over to say goodbye.
“Taro’s dead. You killed him last night, remember?” I say that for my own benefit as well as his. It’s easy to forget. “I’ll be safe.”
“I know.” He kisses me on the temple, and his lips leave tingles. “I’m just afraid to lose you.”
My heart explodes with warmth as I leave his apartment. Perhaps me being kidnapped by my psycho ex wasn’t so bad. It finally got Nadir to open up and be vulnerable.