16. SIXTEEN
SIXTEEN
Natalia
By morning, the ache in my breasts has more or less gone.
Colton still insists on bringing me breakfast in bed while I give Jayden his morning feed, and I have this moment of pure surreal bliss, almost as if I’m looking down at myself from above, watching me live this little slice of the life I dreamed of.
Jayden is so cuddly as he feeds. Even though I’ve fed him with a bottle so many times since taking over as his nanny, the feeling of him suckling directly from my breast is so much sweeter to me.
I’m already better at it, taking less time changing him over from one to the other, holding him with more confidence.
He reaches up, and when I catch hold of his hand, he wraps his tiny chubby fingers around my thumb and looks up into my eyes until I feel like I’m glowing from the inside out.
I hand him off to Colton when he becomes distracted and pulls away, then I fumble with my top one handed, trying to get the front of my nightie up over my breast again.
When I look up Colton is staring.
I flush. It should probably feel more strange to be partly naked in front of him, but the truth is, I like the way he looks at me. “They’re huge now,” I say, embarrassed.
“They’re fucking perfect.” His voice is so low and gravelly I hardly recognize it. He seems to shake himself. “Is your coffee hot enough? Want more toast?”
“I can do it.” I start to slide my feet off the bed to cover my confusion.
I should be drawing a line to mark the boundary of what this is and what it’s not.
I can’t do another relationship right now.
But would I like to keep fooling around with this gorgeous shifter?
Yes. Yes, I would, thank you very much. What we shared last night felt amazing.
What we’ve shared all week has. It’s all been so intimate and so fucking sexy.
I love the way he looks at me and touches me as if I’m the most precious thing he’s ever seen.
His fated mate will be a lucky shifter.
Oof. That is not a happy thought. After last night I’m more than a little jealous of whoever she turns out to be.
Colton shakes his head, slinging Jayden onto his other arm and shooing me back to bed. “Absolutely not. You should be relaxing today. You had a hard night.”
He waits on me hand and foot all morning until it’s eleven o’clock and I can’t stand lazing around in bed any longer.
I get up and shower, staring at myself in the mirror through the steam.
My breasts are bigger. Maybe a whole cup size or more—which is saying something because I was an E before.
I’m a little bit uncertain of finding a bra in this small town where there’s only one department store.
I pull on a sundress with a double layer of fabric at the front.
I would ordinarily wear a bra with it as well, but today the girls are going to have to go free.
It’s a little chilly in the living room and my nipples are extra sensitive, still adjusting to feeding Jayden.
They tighten rubbing against the fabric of the dress, and that tingly feeling is back, the one I’m beginning to associate with the release of milk—crap!
At that exact moment, Colton comes in through the front door, in a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt, all sweaty after a run and whistling a happy tune.
The whistling cuts off as soon as he catches sight of me, my hands clamped around the growing wet patches on the front of the clean dress I just put on.
He stares at me for a beat, his mouth dropping open.
Then his low curse breaks the silence. “Fuck!” He kicks the front door closed behind him and strides toward me.
My pussy is already clenching in anticipation at the look of hunger in his eyes and the heat from his breath as he drops to his knees on the carpet in front of me. “Please say you need some more help with that. Feeding from you yesterday was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever done.”
How am I supposed to form coherent thoughts when he’s looking up at me from beneath that adorable fringe of hair which drops into his green-flecked brown eyes?
I don’t say anything, I just whimper. My whole body goes tight with need, and the wet patches grow larger still.
Colton yanks down the front of the dress, burying his face against me, mouthing one breast and then the other as little groans escape him.
“Mmm, you taste so good. I’m going to want this every day for the rest of forever.”
The sensation feels so good it takes a long time for his words to properly sink in. It’s even better than yesterday when I felt so sore it took away from some of the pleasure. Today it’s all pleasure, building with every squeeze of his large hands, every lap of his long tongue.
I moan as he brings one knee up, pulling me forward until I’m straddling his leg. His hand on my lower back guides me to grind against his thigh.
It’s as if he’s drawing on something from my very center; each long pull of his lips around my nipples has my hips bucking.
“Every fucking day. Gods I need to watch you come apart every day. Please say you feel it too.”
I blink, trying to stop the restless motion of my body long enough to think. “Wait, what?”
“You feel it, don’t you? This is meant to be. I know you’re not a shifter, but it must be possible for humans to have fated mates—”
I push roughly at his shoulders, breaking away and gasping for air. I stagger backward, staring at him in disbelief. “Fated mates?”
“I know, but hear me out. There’s something here. Something huge.” He crawls toward me, and I stumble back.
“No, Colton, this is crazy. You said it yourself, I'm human.”
“But you feel it, right?”
I open my mouth to tell him no, but I do, don’t I? The rightness, the sweetness when we’re together. Is that what this is?
I shake my head. “I-I don’t know what I feel. That’s just it. Two weeks ago I was engaged to someone else. In love with someone else. I might still be in love with him.”
It’s like I slapped him. I can feel the sting as if I had as his expression changes and shuts down.
He drops my gaze. “Right. Of course.”
I step toward him again, the sudden urge to touch him impossible to ignore completely. “Colton, I’m sorry. I’m confused.”
“No, it’s my fault.” He stands, running a hand through his hair and looking like a deep wound just opened up in his side. “I do this. This is a me problem.” He hangs his head, and I want to gather this enormous bull up into my arms and stroke his hair and tell him there’s nothing wrong with him.
“I-I’ll take a shower. I have training later today, but I’ll get out of your hair and give you some space. I should never have presumed. I can’t believe it happened again.”
I hate this. I hate this distance that’s suddenly here between us. But I don’t say anything because anything I say will eventually make the problem worse.
I saw this coming and didn’t do enough to stop it. This is my fault, just like with Miguel. I’m the one who can’t be what people need.
I bounce Jayden in his bouncer absently with one foot, wishing I could get my thoughts into some semblance of order so I could explain what I’m feeling to Colton.
Then my gaze lights on the faded brown cover of my abuela’s diary that I brought out into the living room thinking to read through.
I got distracted before I even opened it last time.
Reaching for the distraction now, I pick it up, turning it in my hands.
I wish Abuela was still alive. For a long moment I’m back in one of those long summer days in her tiny kitchen, sitting with Lis at a little wooden table my abuelo built, coloring or playing pick up sticks as the summer holidays dragged on as if they’d never end.
I miss those days.
Abuela would have some good advice for me.I know she would. Though her advice would probably be to follow my heart. Trouble is I don’t know what my heart is telling me to do.
I open the journal to a random page, choking up at the familiar handwriting.
June 29, 1968
It’s getting harder to pretend that I’ll ever make the change.
Mom and Dad have done everything. They’ve taken me out on the meadow every evening this summer, fed me moonberries until my hands and tongue turned purple and I was sick of the taste of them. They’ve even begged the local wolf pack to chase me to see if that can rouse my natural instincts.
I couldn’t go through with it. Their chilling howls filled the darkness and made my heart feel like it wanted to escape my chest and tears sprang to my eyes. I clung to my mother and refused to move until they called it off.
I know they were disappointed. I see it in their eyes.
When will they accept that I do not have the magic?
Sadness pressing at my chest, I turn the page.
October 5, 1968
Mom says I’m not trying hard enough. Tonight I’m to meet with an alpha in the hopes of inducing heat. I told her I don’t want that, but she will not listen.
I’ll only disappoint her again.
I start as a cry from the bouncer reminds me it’s time for Jayden’s feed.
With regret I set down the journal, still thinking of my grandmother.
Does this mean she wasn’t a shifter after all?
It sounds as if that’s true, but perhaps I’m misreading the journal.
Or perhaps if I read on, I’ll find out more.
When I gather Jayden in my arms, he smiles up at me happily and latches on quickly, sucking lustily and draining my breast faster than he did the last time. We’re getting better at this. He already seems happier and more settled.
I wish I could say the same, but after things with Colton earlier, I just feel sad and like I’m missing something I should be seeing.