Unintended Comfort
It was a quiet Thursday afternoon, and the sheer exhaustion of the past two weeks had finally caught up to Luciel. Adrian was stuck at the tech firm dealing with an emergency crisis for the CEO, leaving Luciel alone with a deeply fussy, hungry Kai.
Tired of pacing, Luciel had collapsed onto the living room sofa, laying flat on his back.
He placed the miserable, whimpering baby gently on his stomach, softly patting Kai’s back until the infant’s cries dissolved into quiet, exhausted sniffles.
Slowly, the rhythmic rise and fall of the baby’s breathing lulled Luciel into a heavy, deep sleep.
As Luciel slept, his body relaxed completely. The proximity of the baby, combined with the heavy emotional stress, triggered a powerful, unrestrained let-down reflex.
The heavy flow completely overwhelmed the disposable nursing pads he was wearing. The warm, white fluid began to seep past the edges of the cotton padding, blooming in a wide, circular puddle directly across the right side of his thin white t-shirt.
Kai, smelling the familiar, sweet scent of real milk so close to his face, shifted.
His bright green eyes blinked open. Driven by pure instinct and a starving stomach, the two-month-old crawled a few inches up Luciel’s chest, buried his face into the damp patch, and latched tightly onto Luciel’s right nipple right through the thin, soaked fabric of the shirt.
A sharp, sudden tingle woke Luciel with a start.
“Mmh...” Luciel blinked, groggy and disoriented. He looked down, and the sight instantly froze the blood in his veins.
His white shirt had turned completely translucent and see-through where it was soaked. Through the wet, sheer fabric, he could see Kai’s tiny cheeks puffing in and out. The baby was happily, aggressively sucking, a tiny droplet of pure white milk escaping the corner of his little mouth.
“Ah...” Luciel let out a sharp, breathless gasp.
The pulling sensation was incredibly sensitive, sending a jolt of ache straight to his core.
But right behind the mild pain came a wave of profound, overwhelming warmth.
It felt deeply natural, a soothing, biological puzzle piece clicking into place.
For the first time in days, Kai wasn’t crying. He was content.
Suddenly, reality hit Luciel like a lightning bolt.
“Oh my god! No, no, no!”
Panic exploding in his chest, Luciel quickly but gently hands-nested Kai, pulling the baby away from his breast. “What am I doing? What am I doing?!”
The sudden loss of the nipple made Kai instantly scrunch up his face. Realizing his meal had been cut short, the baby let out a loud, heartbroken wail, his little fists flailing in the air.
Luciel scrambled off the couch, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his ribs. He looked down at his see-through shirt, completely horrified with himself. I’m a man. I’m on hormone suppressants. What if my milk is toxic? What if I just poisoned my own nephew?!
----
Terrified and trembling, Luciel didn’t wait for Adrian to get off work. He grabbed the diaper bag, bundled a crying Kai into his stroller, and rushed straight to the hospital alone.
An hour later, Luciel was pacing the private clinic room, his arms wrapped tightly over a fresh jacket he’d thrown on. Dr. Evans walked in, looking over a set of rapid lab results.
“Well, Luciel, calm down. First of all, you haven’t poisoned your nephew,” Dr. Evans said, gesturing for him to sit.
“Are you sure, Doctor?” Luciel pleaded, his big blue eyes wide with terror. “He literally sucked it through my shirt! I’m taking dopamine agonists! Is he going to be okay?”
“Kai is perfectly fine,” Dr. Evans reassured him.
“We ran a quick panel on the sample you brought on your shirt. The composition of your milk is actually remarkably high in nutrients. However, there are two major issues. First, because you are biologically male, your anatomy only produces a very limited, small amount of milk.
It’s not a sustainable volume to fully feed a growing two-month-old on its own.”
The doctor’s expression turned serious. “Second, and most importantly, you are actively taking prolactin-suppressing medication. Those chemicals transfer directly through milk. You absolutely cannot let him feed while you are on this treatment. It could interfere with his development.”
Luciel sank into his chair, looking at Kai, who had finally fallen asleep in his car seat. “I understand. I won’t let it happen again.”
----
That night, back at the apartment, Adrian was slumped over the kitchen island, his face buried in a mountain of paperwork. “The agency said they don’t have any more wet nurses to send us this week, Luciel,” Adrian muttered, his voice hollow with defeat. “I don’t know what to do. He’s losing weight.”
Luciel stood by the window, staring out at the city lights. His chest throbbed, a heavy, aching weight reminding him of what had happened that afternoon. He didn’t say a word to Adrian. He just stayed up all night, thinking, weighing the risks, and looking at his tiny, starving nephew.
The next morning, Luciel made his decision.
He arrived at his café early, handing Kai’s bassinet over to his trusted manager and co-workers. “Please, just watch him for one hour. I have an urgent medical appointment. If he cries, try to give him a little water from the dropper.”
“We’ve got him, Luciel. Go,” his manager said kindly.
Luciel bolted back to the hospital, bursting into Dr. Evans’ office out of breath.
“Doctor,” Luciel gasped, slamming his hands on the desk. “If I stop taking the medication... if I completely stop the hormone suppressants right now, will my milk be safe for Kai?”
Dr. Evans blinked in surprise, lowering his medical chart. “Luciel, if you stop the medication, the chemicals will clear your system in twenty-four hours, and yes, the milk would be perfectly safe and highly nutritious for him. But you aren’t understanding the consequences.”
“What consequences?”
“Your prolactin levels are already abnormally high,” Dr. Evans explained grimly.
“If you stop the suppressants entirely, your body is going to undergo significant physical changes. Your milk supply will skyrocket. Your breasts will become heavily engorged, swollen, and highly sensitive. You will experience extreme fluid retention, mood swings, and physical discomfort.
You’d be forcing your male body to adapt to full-time lactation.”
Luciel swallowed hard. The thought of his body changing like that, of the pain and the sheer embarrassment of hiding an even heavier milk supply from Adrian, terrified him.
But then he pictured Kai’s dull green eyes, and the way the baby had happily smiled for those few seconds on the couch, finally feeling full and safe.
“I don’t care about the changes,” Luciel said, his voice ringing with a fierce, unwavering determination.
“I’ll do it. I’ll stop the medication and feed him until his stomach matures enough to handle regular formula. Once he can safely transition to formula, I’ll come right back here and restart the treatment.”
Dr. Evans stared at him for a long moment, deeply moved by the young man’s fierce devotion. “It’s going to be incredibly painful to manage, Luciel. Especially if you’re keeping this a secret from the father.”
“I can handle it,” Luciel whispered, clutching his chest as a sudden, sharp warmth bloomed beneath his fabric.
He walked out of the hospital, leaving his prescription behind. He was officially stopping the meds. He was going to become his nephew’s secret source of life, all while living under the roof of a man who still had absolutely no idea.