Chapter 23
Her
I stand outside Dr. Nathaniel's office the next morning, my hands trembling slightly as I try to gather the courage to go inside and pour out everything that has been tearing me apart inside, leaving me feeling raw and exposed.
The confrontation with the masked man last night has left me utterly shattered, with waves of fear crashing over me relentlessly, twisting my thoughts into knots of doubt and terror that make it hard to breathe or think clearly.
Confusion storms through my mind, replaying every moment and questioning why he backed off.
The fear should haunt me, but it’s the arousal mixed with it that fills me with shame.
I barely slept, insomnia leaving my body tight with exhaustion.
Now anxiety coils inside me, threatening to break me apart as my heart races and my palms sweat.
I push the door open and step into the waiting area, where Olivia sits behind her desk typing away on her computer, her presence a small but fleeting anchor in the sea of turmoil that threatens to drown me.
She looks up with her usual professional smile, but it does little to pierce through the fog of fear and confusion that clouds my mind, leaving me feeling isolated even in this familiar space.
"Good morning, Iris. How are you today? What can I help you with?" She asks, her voice steady and calm, contrasting sharply with the storm raging inside me that makes my knees feel weak.
I approach her desk, my voice shaky as I try to sound as composed as possible despite the anxiety that makes my heart pound erratically and my thoughts scatter like leaves in the wind.
"Hi, Olivia." My voice comes out thinner than I expect. "Is Dr. Nathaniel available right now?" I grip the strap of my bag tightly. "I really need to see him as soon as possible."
Olivia looks at me, surprised by the urgency in my voice. She turns to her computer and begins checking the schedule, her fingers moving quickly across the keyboard.
For a brief moment I cling to the fragile hope that she’ll say yes. But after a few seconds her expression shifts, apologetic and sympathetic in a way that immediately makes my stomach sink.
"I’m afraid you don’t have an appointment scheduled for today." She says gently.
She turns the monitor slightly toward herself and scans the list again. "His calendar is completely full. Back-to-back sessions all afternoon."
She glances up at me again. "I’m not seeing any openings."
The words hit harder than they should. A wave of panic rolls through me, sharp and sudden. The memories from last night surge back with it, tightening around my chest until it’s hard to breathe.
"I…" My voice falters. "It’s an emergency." I try again, forcing the words out. "I just need to talk to him for a little while."
My fingers tighten against the desk. "I’m on the verge of breaking down and I don’t know what to do."
Olivia hesitates. Her eyes flick briefly toward the closed door of Dr. Nathaniel’s office before returning to me. The sympathy in her expression is genuine, but it does nothing to quiet the panic clawing up my throat.
"I understand that it feels urgent." She says softly. "But his schedule today is completely booked."
She glances back at the screen. "I could try to fit you in tomorrow morning? Would that work?"
I shake my head immediately. "No."
The word comes out too quickly. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as the anxiety spirals higher, tightening my chest until it feels like I’m barely holding myself together.
"It can’t wait until tomorrow." I whisper. My voice cracks. "I’m barely keeping it together right now."
I look at her desperately. "Please, Olivia. I need his help."
Our voices must have carried farther than we realized, because suddenly the door to Dr. Nathaniel’s office opens behind her. He steps into the reception area, his expression calm but curious.
"What’s going on out here?" He asks. His voice is steady, professional. "Is everything alright?"
Then his gaze lands on me. Recognition flashes immediately across his face. "Iris? Are you okay? You look really upset."
I nod quickly, but the moment I try to speak my voice breaks. All the emotions I’ve been barely holding back surge up at once.
"Dr. Nathaniel." I manage. "I just… I need to talk to you. It’s really important." I swallow hard. "I can’t wait."
The words rush out before I can stop them. "I feel like I’m losing my mind with everything piling up."
He watches me for a moment, his expression sharpening with concern. Then he glances briefly at Olivia. She gives a small helpless shrug. Dr. Nathaniel nods once before turning back to me.
"Give me ten minutes." He says calmly. "I just need to finish up with my current patient."
He gestures toward the waiting area. "Then I’ll call you in. Wait here, alright?"
Relief floods through me so quickly it almost makes my knees weak. The tight knot in my chest loosens just enough for me to breathe again.
"Thank you." I whisper. My voice shakes with gratitude. "I really appreciate it."
He nods and goes back inside, closing the door gently behind him. I sit down in the waiting area, but nervousness consumes me completely, leaving me fidgeting with my hands and bouncing my knee uncontrollably as the minutes tick by slowly.
Olivia glances at me every now and then, her peeks making me feel even more self-conscious and exposed, like my distress is on full display for everyone to see and judge.
"Is there anything I can get you while you wait? Maybe a glass of water?" She asks softly, her tone kind but professional, which only highlights how visibly upset and on edge I must look to her.
I shake my head, forcing a small smile that does not reach my eyes. "No, thank you. I’m fine. I just need to talk to him."
It has been maybe ten minutes, not that I was counting, the door opens again. A patient walks out, looking composed and calm in a way that contrasts sharply with my turmoil, and Dr. Nathaniel calls from inside his office.
"Iris, you can come in now."
I stand up and enter his office, taking a deep breath to steady myself as much as possible, though I can’t quite stop my hands from trembling.
Dr. Nathaniel’s eyes flick to my face the moment I step fully into the room. His brows draw together slightly. “Iris. What happened to your face?”
My hand instinctively lifts toward the fading bruise before I stop myself. “It’s… a long story.”
He studies me for a moment but doesn’t press further. Instead, he gestures toward the familiar chair across from his desk. "Take a seat. Tell me what’s going on that brought you here so urgently this morning."
I sit down, my hands clasped tightly in my lap to stop them from shaking so visibly. "Everything has been falling apart lately, and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. It’s all too much, and I feel like I’m drowning in fear and confusion."
Dr. Nathaniel nods encouragingly, his expression attentive and calm, which helps ground me a little amidst the emotional storm. "Start wherever feels right for you. I’m here to listen."
I take another shaky breath, the words spilling out as the emotions overwhelm me and bring fresh tears to my eyes.
"It started with a drunk man who tried to molest me few days ago.
He grabbed me in the alley on my way home from work, touched me inappropriately, and I barely got away by hitting him with a brick I found on the ground. "
Dr. Nathaniel's brow furrows with concern, his voice gentle. "That sounds incredibly frightening. What was going through your mind when it happened?"
I feel tears welling up again as the memory resurfaces vividly. "I felt terrified and helpless, like I had no control over what was happening to my own body and no way to stop it from escalating further."
Dr. Nathaniel nods slowly. "Those feelings are completely valid and common after such an incident."
I wipe my eyes, continuing with a trembling voice that breaks occasionally.
"The next day at work, I saw in a file that he was murdered.
Tortured brutally with his fingers torn apart, bones broken in his hands, chest carved out like someone took their time to make him suffer.
It was him. And the details made me sick to my stomach. "
Dr. Nathaniel leans forward slightly. "Murdered? What went through your mind when you realized it?"
Confusion and fear mix inside me as I recall the moment, the emotions still raw. "I didn’t know what to think at first. It felt too coincidental to be random, like maybe someone did it because of what he did to me, which terrified me even more because it meant I was connected to something violent."
Dr. Nathaniel probes gently. "Did it make you feel safer in some way or more afraid overall?"
I hesitate, the truth feeling heavy and complicated.
"More afraid, definitely. Because then, after a week, I saw him in a white mask in my flat.
The same guy from the night I went to Ryan's place to get my documents. My stalker. That night I thought was a dream because when I checked later with Maddie, everything was normal and untouched. But now I realize it wasn’t a dream at all.
He was real, and he broke in, attacked Ryan with a hammer while I watched in horror. "
Dr. Nathaniel's expression shows empathy and concern. "Your stalker appeared in your flat? What exactly happened during that encounter?"