Chapter 22 Relief #2
"Me too. We'll continue to search and hopefully find the intel to take him down. How are you doing?"
Cade couldn't help but search for the now familiar shock of red hair, and was pleased to see Tristan sitting beside Natalie, holding her hand as she lay her head on his shoulder.
"Good, I guess." Now that he's safe.
"I'm glad we found him, not just for them," Hamm inclined his head toward the pair, "but also for you."
"Thanks. I... " Cade faltered. His words came out stilted and slow, but he managed to say them. "I wanted to thank you... I mean, everyone really, for helping find him."
Jesus, he was bad at this shit.
Hamm smiled and crow's feet popped up at the corners of his eyes. "No need to thank us. We're all just doing the job." After a brief pause, he added, "I'm proud of you, you know that?"
"Over the job?" Cade asked, confused by what Hamm meant. This case hadn't required him to do anything he hadn't already done dozens of times.
"No, not for the job." Hamm glanced at Tristan, then back at Cade, and continued, "For putting yourself out there, for letting yourself care for someone. I hoped it would happen sooner or later. I'm glad it finally did."
Something squirmed in Cade's belly, maybe discomfort, maybe pleasure, maybe pride. It was hard to tell.
Frowning, Cade asked. "Why does that make you proud?"
"It takes courage to break away from what you know, to take risks with your heart when you've been hurt badly before. You've been brave, and I'm proud of you."
The fondness Cade saw in Hamm's expression proved too much for him. Stifling tears, he swiveled his eyes toward Tristan, unable to keep his gaze away for long. He'd felt a lot of foreign emotions in the last week, but bravery wasn't one of them.
"I don't feel brave," Cade confessed, his voice low and raspy.
"I know. But that won't stop you, will it? From going after what you want?"
Cade had no clue about relationships, how to be someone's significant other, how to make someone happy, but he'd try.
For Tristan, he'd do anything.
"No."
Hamm smiled and patted him on the back, so much like a father figure that Cade nearly lost it again.
"Like I said, I'm proud of you."
Cade sat with that sentiment for a moment, flooded with a strange mix of embarrassment and happiness. It occurred to him that he only remembered hearing those words once before, from Marshall.
They'd sat at the kitchen table, practicing long division for what seemed like hours.
He remembered wanting to give up, to scream with frustration, but Marshall had been patient and helpful.
When he'd come back from school the next day with a B minus and a shy smile, Marshall had high-fived him, hung the paper on the fridge, and told him he was proud of him.
That had been a good day.
Smiling at the memory, Cade considered the similarities between Hamm and his foster father and felt a fresh wave of gratitude.
He remembered how Hamm had pulled him from the streets and given him a home, had reined in his wayward behavior and shitty teenage attitude.
It couldn't have been easy; Cade had made sure of that.
Now, with the perspective of an adult, he realized he owed the older man so much, deeply appreciated all he'd done, but had never told him.
It was an oversight he promised to correct, but not now. Right now, it all felt too raw.
Eager to escape Hamm's presence in light of this revelation, he mumbled an excuse about taking care of Tristan and crossed the room to where the siblings were cuddled up on the sofa.
Though Cade hated to interrupt their reunion, the possibility of Tristan having a more serious injury still nagged him.
"Tristan, we should get you to the hospital now."
Natalie's face contorted with worry. "Tris, what's wrong? You said you were okay."
"I'm fine, but Cade," Tristan responded, emphasizing the name with mock exasperation, "wants me to get checked out because of my head injury."
"What injury? What happened?"
Sidestepping the details of the assault, Tristan answered, "I may have a concussion, but Cade is worried I have a brain bleed."
Natalie blanched. "Can that happen?"
Feeling bad for worrying her, Cade answered, "Yes, but it's probably not that. Taylor examined him back at the site and said he was most likely fine. I trust Taylor, but I still want to have Tris checked out be sure."
Natalie seemed satisfied with his explanation, and Cade's guilt eased. "Okay, but I want to come with you."
"Why? I don't even want to go."
Much to his relief, Natalie said, "I agree with Cade. We should get you checked to be safe."
"Ugh, fine," Tristan relented sullenly. Rising to his feet, he added, "But let me use the bathroom first."
When Tristan was out of earshot, Natalie glanced at Cade with a smirk and held out her clenched hand. Cade couldn't help but smile as he bumped his fist against hers, his respect for her climbing.
They were going to get along just fine, the two of them.
Cade sat fidgeting in a hard plastic chair in the tiny hospital room, still angry over the confrontation with the nurse who had insisted that only family members could accompany the patient to the exam room.
He had hated to resort to intimidation, but there was no fucking way he'd have agreed to stay in the waiting room while Tristan was being checked out.
Luckily, his menacing glower seemed to convince the nurse to relent, which was good because assaulting a health-care worker was against the code.
As the nurse took Tristan's vitals, Cade sat beside Natalie, continuing to ward off thoughts of brain surgery, permanent damage, or maybe even death.
He forced himself to remember that he trusted Taylor's judgment but also accepted that he wouldn't truly believe Tristan was safe until he heard it from a medical professional holding definitive proof.
Cade listened to the nurse's questions and Tristan's answers about his symptoms, trying to determine how likely it was that the injury was more serious than they initially thought.
When asked how he'd been injured, Tristan said, "I hit my head when I fell."
"What did you hit it on?"
"A concrete floor."
"And when did this fall happen?"
"About twenty-four hours ago," Tristan admitted sheepishly.
The nurse glared. "Why did you wait so long to come in?"
"Oh, I was tied up and couldn't get away," Tristan answered, throwing a smirk and a wink at his two companions. Cade looked over at Natalie with an eyeroll, and she returned the gesture, making Cade feel like they bonded again, this time over Tristan's lame joke.
The nurse soon left, and as they waited for a doctor, Cade fought the uneasy, restless feeling. When he realized he was bouncing his leg, copying Tristan's nervous habit, he forced it to be still, but that only increased the tension in his body.
When the doctor finally entered the exam room, Cade sat up straight, ready to listen.
She repeated the same questions the nurse had asked, which Cade thought was annoying.
Wasn't all of that in the fucking chart?
She examined Tristan's eyes with a light and probed at the bump on his head as he winced.
She said she wanted a CT scan to rule out anything serious, then exited the room less than five minutes after she arrived.
The whole encounter was a bit underwhelming.
Tristan yawned and reclined on the hospital bed, while Natalie rested her head against the wall behind her chair and closed her eyes.
Cade waited anxiously, trying to convince himself that everything would be alright, that the universe could not possibly be so cruel as to snatch Tristan away from him now, when they'd just found each other.
A radiology technician entered the room, wheeling Tristan away for the CT, and then Cade and Natalie were left alone.
"Are you worried?" Natalie asked, finally breaking her silence.
"No," he lied.
She scowled at him with what he now recognized as her 'that's BS' expression, and because she looked kind of scary, he backtracked.
"Okay, fine. A little, but I'm sure he'll be okay."
He turned away, not wanting to see her looking smug. After a few quiet seconds, Natalie said, "Tris told me you saved his life. Twice."
Cade had figured Tristan would tell his sister the story, so he didn't know why her comment caught him off guard.
"Yeah, guess I did."
She didn't answer right away, so he gazed back at her and found her expression serious. "He told me he loves you, that he's happy he found you. Thank you for saving his life."
Natalie reached over and took Cade's hand. He squeezed it in response, feeling a fondness for her that he was getting used to, not just as Tristan's sister, but a friend in her own right.
"Thanks for saying that," he murmured, his voice rough from the sensation that his heart was overfull, like finding Tristan and Natalie was too good to be true, too priceless a gift for someone like him.
It was terrifying to know someone cared about him, relied on him, and that he could ultimately let them down.
Hamm had said that he was brave to take risks with his heart, and the idea of being hurt still made his skin crawl and his head spin.
But he was no coward. He'd keep going, keep doing whatever it took for these two people who had somehow, in a few short days, completely won his heart.
When the door opened again, and the technician wheeled the patient back in, Cade realized that Tristan's color was off, that he looked too pale against the white hospital sheets.
He tried to convince himself that Tristan was just tired, had just been through an ordeal, and that was why he looked sickly, but the fatalistic thoughts persisted, nagging at him for another hour or so while they waited for results.
Both siblings dozed a bit, and though Cade's body also begged for rest, he was too tense to even close his eyes. He'd relax when they got the test results back.
Provided they were good.
When the doctor finally returned, she told them that the CT scan was clear and that her diagnosis was a mild concussion. She explained concussion protocols and gave follow-up instructions, then told Tristan he was free to go home.
When she left the room, Cade sat frozen for a moment, letting the news sink in.
Tris was going to be okay, Natalie was safe, and this whole horrible situation was over.
As he repeated those truths in his head, the pressure in his chest eased, and he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
It was over.
Cade let out his breath in a whoosh and rubbed at his temples a few times. When he looked up, Tristan was standing and smiling at him.
"Let's go home, yeah?"
The words finally drove home the reality, and as the stress of worry dissipated, Cade felt drained, like he'd just run a marathon or battled an army.
But the thought of taking Tristan and Natalie home, together and safe, puffed his chest back up, almost convincing him he could do battle again if needed.
It was past midnight when they entered the siblings' modest apartment, and Cade's gaze took in the small kitchen to the right, with old white appliances and a wooden table with two chairs.
The living area to the left was simple as well, containing a worn, blue plaid sofa, a matching side chair, a coffee table and a TV.
As soon as they were inside, Natalie kicked off her shoes, said she was taking a shower, and made her way down a short hallway and into one of the back rooms, closing the door behind her.
Tristan got them both a glass of water, then ate the last of the fast food they'd picked up on their way home. Cade declined when Tristan offered him French fries, content to drink his water and watch the other man, pleased he had finally gotten some food in him.
After Tristan tossed the empty bag into the trash, he leaned against the counter with a thoughtful expression that made Cade's brain short-circuit. He couldn't read the meaning but hoped it meant Tristan wanted to talk, and if he was very lucky, tell him he still wanted him.
He prayed that was the case until Natalie returned, freshly showered, and hugged her brother briefly but tightly. "I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted, so please let me sleep in the morning."
"Sleep all you want," Tristan answered, kissing the top of her head.
"Goodnight, Cade," she said before disappearing behind another door at the end of the hallway.
Cade watched her go, then turned back to Tristan, whose eyes sparkled now with an intensity that made Cade's heart skip a beat.
Tristan stepped closer, then pleaded in a hushed voice, "Cade, please stay. I never want to spend another night without you."
The quiet confession, the raw vulnerability, was a punch to Cade's gut, and he moved without thinking, closing the distance between them, drawing Tristan into his arms and nuzzling into his auburn curls.
As the now familiar scent of coconut shampoo filled his nostrils, Cade realized he was home.
Spending his childhood shuffling among foster families and living on the streets, the concept of "home" had always felt far off and unattainable to Cade.
With Hamm, he'd understood that it meant a safe place, but in the home he'd since made for himself, it had always felt like something was missing, and he'd never known what that was until this very minute, until he held Tristan in his arms, feeling the warmth and steady heartbeat against his chest.
At that moment, he understood that home wasn't necessarily a place, but a feeling, a comfort. Even a person.
Tristan was his home, and now that he knew it, he was never going to let it go.