Chapter 45
Back at the Compound,Ana lies asleep in my bed wearing her favorite pajama pants and one of my black long-sleeve T-shirts. It swallows her, but Ariana suggested it might be helpful to provide her with a warm and cozy environment. It’s something she’s learned in her line of work, which can include encountering women who’ve survived this type of assault. I bite my lip then and fight back the tears that have been threatening to pour since I got her safely inside that SUV. I almost lost her. I almost lost her, and the mere thought tightens my chest. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths.
After we got back, Dr. R and I got her cleaned up while Gio fetched some clothes from her place, a few personal items that may make her more comfortable, and Brinkley. He’s snuggled at her feet now as I sit in a chair at the edge of the bed, holding her hand. Dr. R conducted an extensive exam, which thankfully didn’t reveal any broken bones or internal bleeding. She did suffer trauma to her face and her pelvic area, but we already knew that. He put a special salve on her cheek and lip to help soothe the pain and repair the broken skin, as well as on her hands and legs where the glass dug in. He left some for her to reapply over the next week and medication for her to take after she wakes to prevent pregnancy and any diseases. She’s also on an IV to replenish her fluids and help with the overall pain she’s likely experiencing.
I open my eyes and take her in. Lying before me, she is still the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth—an otherworldly beauty and the keeper of my heart. She is my family. Knowing what happened to her is almost as painful as the thought of losing her. I never could have imagined that men I used to call brothers would go this far, would do this to any woman let alone the one I claim as mine. I guess I’m starting to understand why her brother has always been so oppressive and overbearing. After what happened to her, I’m tempted to do exactly as he did—keep her locked in a gilded cage, surrounded by guards twenty-four seven. But that would be breaking my promise, and I won’t break another one. The one I did break is what finally brings me to tears.
“I broke my promise to you,” I say then, my voice cracking. “I promised I’d keep you safe. I promised I’d always protect you, and I failed you, Anastasia. I failed you like I failed my mother.” At that, I squeeze her hand tighter. Tears drip down my cheeks and I bow my head. “I deserve to die. If you weren’t still here, fighting, I would. I would let Aidan kill me for breach of contract or I would do it myself.” I nod, knowing it’s true. “But you are still here. You’re still fighting.”
I look to her then, slowly stand, and brush a single curl from her face. Softly, I kiss her forehead. As tears fall from me onto her skin, I pull away and remove a ring from the pocket of my jeans. It’s not your typical engagement ring. It’s an Amato family heirloom dating back God only knows how many hundreds of years. A gold band with a large oval-shaped diamond in the middle surrounded by small rubies—it belonged to my mother. All of the Amato women have pieces from the same collection—brooches, necklaces, rings with the family crest—that are outfitted with trackers and this one is no different save for the crest. It’s my way of pledging my life to Anastasia but also taking an extra precaution to protect her by allowing me to keep tabs on her even when she’s without her phone, like tonight.
I return to my seated position and take her hand in mine. Gently, I slip the ring onto her delicate finger and make her one final promise. “So, if you’ll have me, I vow to spend every day of the rest of my life making sure nothing like what happened tonight ever happens to you again. I vow to protect you with my life. I vow to honor and respect the way you choose to live yours. I vow to make you happy and shower you with never-ending love and affection. I vow to make you laugh and always work through our disagreements. I vow to be honest with you and put you first—above everyone, above the Mafia. Because I mean it when I say you’re my family. I vow to never give up on you. No matter how long it takes you to heal from this trauma or any others that may befall you, I will love you through it. I will help you through it. And I will never give up on us, Anastasia.” At that, I bring my lips to her knuckles, kiss her, and pray to God to give me the strength to do all that I’ve promised.
The speed of her steady beating heart increases. I push myself up in my chair and quickly look to the monitor to make sure everything’s okay. “Damon?” Anastasia’s hand twitches in mine and I turn to find her slowly opening her eyes. A sigh of relief escapes me.
“Yes, baby. It’s me. I’m here. You’re safe,” I reassure her and wrap both my hands around hers. She nods. Her movements are slow, given the painkiller flowing through her system.
“Where am I?” she asks groggily.
“You’re somewhere we call the Compound. It’s the safest building in the French Quarter. No one gets in or out who doesn’t belong here,” I quickly explain. It didn’t even occur to me until now that she’s never been here before. “Do you need anything? Are you in any pain? Because I can up the?—”
“No, I’m fine,” she says, her voice hoarse.
“Water. You need water.” I stand and grab the large jug Dr. R suggested I keep near the bed. It has a long straw, which I gently place between her lips, sure to avoid the place with the salve. Thankfully, she doesn’t fight me and takes a few good sips. Returning the water to the bedside table, I sit and, once more, take her hand in mine. There’s a moment of silence between us as a million words go unspoken.
I want to apologize all over again. I want to comfort her, but that would mean bringing up what happened and I don’t know if I should. Perhaps she wonders how much she wants to say about it. I saw pictures, but I wasn’t there. I don’t know everything. I don’t know what she felt or feels. I don’t know the extent of her trauma and I don’t know how best to help her. As she sits quietly, perhaps she’s even angry at me and not sure how to express it. Finally, I break the silence and say, “Ana, I’m sor?—”
“You forgot Brinkley,” she says, cutting me off.
My brows crinkle. “What? He’s right here, baby.” He waddles up alongside her and positions himself on her lap. She closes her eyes and places her hand on his white fur, though she’s too weak to truly pet him.
“No, I meant, if we’re family, then so is he.” She looks at me then and returns my squeeze of her hand with one of her own.
“You heard me?” I ask. She nods. A small smile spreads across my lips. It lasts for only a moment, because it feels out of place given the circumstances. “Well, then, I vow to love Brinkley almost as much as you do, because I know it would be impossible to match your love for him.” At that, Brinkley’s ears pop up and he wiggles a little in my direction and licks my hand as it lies over Ana’s. “Thanks, little buddy. Does that mean I have your blessing to marry your mom?” He licks me again and I give him a little pat. This moment heals some of the ache inside me, and yet I know there is no escaping what happened tonight. Not for me, but certainly not for Ana.
“You didn’t fail me, Damon,” she says then.
I shake my head, dropping her gaze. “This isn’t about me, Ana. I…I don’t need you to try to make me feel better after everything that happened to you.”
“I know. It’s just…you saved me, Damon. I was going to die and you saved me. I was hopeless and you gave me hope.”
“But this never should’ve happened. I never should’ve let you out of my sight. And I should’ve been quicker. I should’ve gotten to you sooner. Knowing that I didn’t, knowing what happened to you, a part of me died tonight, Ana. And I will never be able to apologize enough. I will never be able to make this right.”
“It’s not your job to make it right, Damon, because you’re right, nothing and no one can.” I look at her then and see the pain in her eyes. Her lip quivers as she remembers back. I know the medication she’s on is keeping the worst at bay, but what she experienced is now so permanently a part of her, nothing will ever truly be able to numb that pain. “A part of me died too,” she admits, her voice breaking. “And I don’t know how to deal with this, Damon. I… It doesn’t feel real. It’s like it was all a bad dream, but my body knows it wasn’t even more than my mind.”
She takes a moment to look at herself outstretched in bed, but she can’t see anything with her long pants, long sleeves, and the pound of blankets I have stacked on top of her. Perhaps it’s for the best. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “But knowing that I have you, knowing that you’ll be patient with me as I heal gives me hope. Hope that one day I will, but also hope in us. Because if we can survive this, we can survive anything.”
“And we will, my love. We will survive. You will survive,” I assure her and she nods. “Now, tell me what you need. Do you need to talk? Do you need water, food?—?”
“You. I need you,” she says, cutting me off. “Right now, I just need things to be still and quiet and dark. And I need you to hold me. I need you to make me feel safe, not by promising me that I am and that what happened tonight will never happen again, because you can’t control that. But make me feel safe by not letting go of me.”
“As you wish, my love.” At that, I plant a soft kiss on her hand and then maneuver around the room to turn off all the lights. I also make sure the door to my bedroom is locked, though I know Gio nor any of the guys downstairs would dare bother us. Once the room is to Ana’s liking, she asks me to remove her heart rate monitor and her IV and I do. Finally, I kick off my shoes, take off my jeans, and slip beneath the warm, thick comforter.
Ana turns to face me while Brinkley once again returns to lie close to her feet. With her face buried in my chest, I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tightly as I can without hurting her. I know she still has a lot of bruising and small cuts that are tender to the touch. Softly, I run my palm up and down her spine in an effort to soothe her as fresh tears pour from her. Then I switch to stroking her hair. Finally, she stills in my arms and all becomes quiet.
“I thought I was going to die,” she whispers. “I thought they were going to torture me. They were going to torture me. And I was so afraid, Damon.”
“I know, baby. I know.” Out of instinct I pull her tighter against me as my cheeks ache with emotion. Though this time I feel more fury than sorrow or gratitude as thoughts of how much worse this all could’ve been flood me. I know this night has left me with my own set of scars or perhaps reopened old wounds I’d never really dealt with regarding my parents. But, like Ana, I’d rather not explore all of those feelings right now, so I do my best to quieten the rage inside me and just hold her like I know she needs, like we both need. This healing will take time for the both of us. But, for right now, I just want to focus on her, holding her, and the fact that I still can.
“Ana, I know this is going to be hard, but I hope you can rest easy knowing that those men have drawn their last breaths. They can’t hurt you anymore. They’re gone. And even though there is still pain, the worst of this is over. It’s over, baby.”
She nods and repositions herself in bed with her back pressed against my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her tightly against me. I fight my own exhaustion until I feel the tension in her body release. Once I’m sure she’s asleep, I give in to the darkness and pray that tomorrow is kind to both of us.