Chapter 20 #3
“How is your pain?” I press. “I can find a nurse. Or a doctor.”
“Ruby.” His tone firms. “Calm down. I’m fine. It’s just a graze.”
“A graze?” My voice rises. “That”—I shoot a pointed look at the bandage on his chest—“is not a graze. You were shot.” As it all hits me again, my face crumbles. “It’s all my fault. If I’d known…”
Micah sits up higher and carefully wraps his arm around me. Then he leans over to kiss me. “What would you have done differently?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I sob. “If I hadn’t taken the cooking class, then Henry wouldn’t have targeted you. He wouldn’t have tried to kill you and Sampson. You wouldn’t be sitting in a hospital bed with a bullet hole in your chest.”
Pain twists his features. “Do you really wish you hadn’t taken the class?” he asks. “Do you wish we’d never met?”
“No. Of course not. But I just feel so guilty.”
Micah looks down at his lap. After a few seconds of silence, he releases a heavy sigh. When his gaze lifts again to meet mine, his expression is tortured. “It was my fault, Ruby. Not yours. I should have anticipated something like this. Done more research. I should have protected you better. ”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I insist. “You did everything to protect me. You left me Sampson, and Beau was right outside, and the condo was safe… I’m the one who opened the door. I should have… I don’t know. Done something different.”
“When the floor was being evacuated and there was smoke everywhere?” he points out. “What were you supposed to do?”
“Henry was there for me. Because he had some crazy obsession with me. And I had no idea. I should have noticed—”
“Ruby. It wasn’t your fault.”
But I’m spiraling into a black hole of guilt. “I forgot to put on the necklace after my shower,” I say. “That was so stupid. If I’d been wearing it, I could have warned you sooner.”
“I knew something was wrong,” Micah replies. “Even before you texted about the fire alarm. Something about Greg didn’t ring true. So, really, I should have come home sooner. Maybe I would have gotten back in time to stop Henry from hurting you.”
“But—” I stop as Wraith’s advice comes back to me. I close my eyes and let my breath out slowly. When I open my eyes again, Micah is watching me with deep concern.
“Are you in pain, Ruby?” he asks. “Did you get checked out in the ER? Was there something Henry did to you—” His jaw clenches. “Did he do something, and you didn’t want to tell me before?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No. It’s not that. I’m okay. It’s just…”
Micah squeezes my hand. “What?”
“We can both blame ourselves for what happened. We can spend all this time thinking about what-ifs and torturing ourselves over what we could have done differently. But it’s not going to help either of us. It won’t fix things.”
He sucks in a breath. “What are you saying? That we’re broken?”
“No. God, no. That’s not it at all.” Taking a moment to compose my thoughts, I add, “You think it’s your fault. But I don’t agree. And I bet you don’t blame me, either.”
“Of course not, Ruby.” It’s quick. Adamant. “Shit. Of course, I don’t blame you. Not for one single thing.”
“And I don’t blame you. Not for anything. So… if you don’t blame me, and I don’t blame you…”
The worry in Micah’s eyes fades. “Then we have to let it go.”
I nod. “I think we do. Because it’ll hurt both of us if we hang onto it. It was Henry’s fault. Not mine. Not yours.”
“Rue.” Emotion darkens his gaze. “You are just… incredible. How brave you are…” He shakes his head. “The way you stood up to him, and you protected Sampson…”
“He’s okay,” I say quickly. “I know you saw him before we left the condo. But Evie and Dan went over to keep Sampson company. So he wouldn’t be anxious without you there.”
Micah stares at me. Then he swallows hard. “Ruby.”
I push a lock of hair back from his forehead. “Micah.”
“I love you.” His fingers tighten around mine. “None of this falling in love business. I love you. I’ve known it for a while, but I didn’t say it because… I told myself it was too soon. That I should wait until everything settled down before telling you. But really, I think I was scared.”
Tears fill my eyes. “You were scared?”
He nods. “Yeah. It’s kind of crazy. All the shit I faced in the Army, and I was scared to tell you I love you.” Pausing, his gaze searches mine. “But saying it feels right. Because I do love you. So much.”
“Micah.” I squeeze closer to his side. “I love you, too.”
“You do? You’re not just saying that because you feel like you need to? Because it’s okay if you don’t feel that way yet. And I know this is probably the worst time—”
I press my lips to his, cutting him off. “It’s not. Hearing you say that you love me? It’s the perfect time.” I kiss him again. “I love you. And I’m so, so glad you’re okay.”
Assuming Wraith was right about the whole poisoned bullet thing. But I’m going to take him at his word.
“Rue.” Micah puts his free arm around me and hugs me to his side. Then he kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Ruby. And I’m so, so glad you’re okay, too.”