Chapter 30 – Gavin
30
The Good, the Bad, and the Speedy
Gavin
I’M STILL STRUGGLING when Alexis and I walk into my condo two hours later. I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to get over the sight of that bastard threatening her, but it’s going to be more than one evening.
If ever.
“It smells really good in here.” Alexis pauses just inside the door to slip off her heels, the change immediately bringing her down to my mid chest, and reminding me how much worse tonight could have been.
She’s so small. Yeah, she’s fierce as hell, but it’s hard to overcome size and strength with attitude and sass. What if I hadn’t walked right out the door when she called? What if I hadn’t rushed to the building? What if I’d had to wait on the elevator? There’s no telling how far that piece of shit could have taken things in a few extra seconds.
There’s also no telling what I would have done to him.
“I texted Val and had her come switch the oven to warm so our dinner didn’t burn.” I rake one hand through my hair, trying desperately to find a way to calm myself down. It doesn’t work. I need a minute to breathe. A second to collect my shit before it falls everywhere.
I blindly motion to the couch as I turn. “You get comfortable. I’ll be right back.”
There’s a pit in my stomach and I need to fill it. I need to comfort myself so I can comfort her.
I pause, the thought of caring for Alexis soothing the unrest crawling through my veins. Maybe I’m on the right track, but I have things in the wrong order.
We came straight from the police station, and I know that as much as Alexis likes all her pretty clothes, she loves being comfortable when she’s at home. Going straight into my bedroom, I collect one of my T-shirts and a pair of the soft pants she keeps here. Over the past couple of weeks, more and more of her things have crept into my space, and it’s still not enough.
I want to see her everywhere.
But, after tonight, I could be facing the opposite. It took everything I had not to do more damage than I did—to keep myself in check. And I still failed epically. Women don’t like to be owned. They don’t like to be possessed. They don’t want to be controlled and they sure as hell don’t want to be claimed. I get it. I don’t blame them.
I’m just not sure I can keep myself from it. I need Alexis to be mine and mine alone. I’m more than willing to offer the same in return—whether she wants it or not. Hell, I might be willing to sign my soul over to her if she asked for it.
No. Not might. I would do it in a heartbeat.
Ready to do as much damage control as possible, I hurry back out of my room and down the hall. Then I stop short, my stomach bottoming out at the sight in front of me.
Alexis sits on my sofa with Cilantro curled up next to her. That part of this is pretty normal. I think my cat might like Alexis more than she likes me, and I don’t blame her one bit.
The problem staring me in the face is, I was in such a hurry to get to Al when she needed me, I left my little craft project out in the open. Now she has it in her hands, her delicate fingers tracing the less-than-perfect bands of crimson and gray I’ve been linking together for the past couple of weeks.
I swallow hard, certain this is the moment Alexis decides I’m too much. That the kind of love I have to offer is beyond overwhelming.
Her pretty blue eyes slowly lift away from the scarf to rest on my face. “Is this for me?” The question is quiet. Soft.
“Everything is for you, Al.” I don’t bother trying to hide the truth. It’s too late now. There’s no denying how far gone I am. How deep this goes.
She stares at me a second longer before her gaze returns to my subpar attempt at a craft Granny D mastered. She lifts the half-finished accessory and gently rubs it against her cheek. “This is cashmere.”
I take a deep breath, knowing I have to plead my case and I have to do it well. “I thought it was what you liked best about the scarf I gave you, so I found a place that sold it and decided to see if I could make one myself.” I fight the urge to step closer. “I’m not trying to replace the one your grandma made you.” I know I could never do that and I wouldn’t even try. Granny D would come back and haunt me. “I just figured you could work it into your rotation so the one Granny D made you would last longer.”
Alexis continues stroking the sizable portion I’ve completed. “These are The Swamp Cats’ colors.”
I can’t tell if the observation is a good thing or a bad thing, so I keep explaining. “I know most of our matches are when it’s warm out, but I thought there might be a few you could wear it to.” I shift on my feet. “If you want to. You don’t have to wear it at all if you don’t like it.”
I’m rambling. It happens a lot when I’m around her, and I know it gives me away. Offers a peek at the insecurities I try to hold close. Try to hide. Because men like me aren’t supposed to have them.
People think I’m always confident and sure. Always in control. Only Alexis knows the truth. And that’s because I meant what I said to her earlier. Every inch of me belongs to her. The good. The bad. The ugly.
“I love it.” Alexis gently sets my project onto the coffee table and slowly rises from the couch. “You know, as a kid, I thought my parents had the best marriage. That it was exactly what I wanted when I grew up.” She comes to stand in front of me, head tipped way back so her eyes stay on mine. “But then I dated Hugo and realized that while my parents seemed happy with the dynamics of their relationship, I would never be okay with a man sitting around waiting for me to bring him his dinner.”
She reaches up to smooth a small hand down the center of my chest. “Then we started spending time together, and you’re always the one taking care of me.” Her pale brows pinch together. “You do all the cooking. You save me from assholes. You rescue me when my car doesn’t start.” Her head swivels toward the scarf. “Now you’re spending hours making me a gift.” Al’s eyes come back to my face. “And it makes me afraid that I might still end up in a relationship like my parents, just with the roles reversed.”
Alexis inches closer, bringing the full swell of her tits against my stomach. “I don’t want you to think you have to wait on me, Gavin. I don’t want you thinking you have to make up for something that doesn’t exist.” Her hands slide higher, curving over my shoulders. “I know you don’t see it, but you are nothing like your dad. Some jealousy and possessiveness is normal. Everyone feels that way about the person they’re with.”
Alexis pinches her lower lip between her teeth for a second as her eyes move over my face. “While we were waiting at the station to make the report, I thought about what I would have done if I walked in and saw another woman pressed against you.”
I swallow hard, uncertain whether or not I want to know the answer to my next question. “What would you do?”
Alexis gives me a slow, sly smile. “Let’s just say I’m pretty sure I would make my mother look docile.” She scrunches her face adorably. “And I probably wouldn’t have been nice enough to make her apologize to you, because I would have been busy ripping all her hair out.”
I find myself smiling at her confession. “Yeah?”
Alexis nods. “I think it’s fair to say jealousy and possessiveness exists on both sides.”
Could it really be that simple? That the thing I’ve worked so hard to escape in my adult life is not only inescapable, it’s normal? “I’m not sure everyone feels this way though, Al.”
She gives me a little shrug. “Maybe not. But I bet way more people do than you think.” She lifts her brows. “You think Leo doesn’t feel that way over Maddie?”
That eases even more of my long-harbored fears. It also reminds me there’s something I should tell her. “Leo says he loves her.” My allegiance has always been to my best friend, but that loyalty has somewhat shifted. Especially in this situation.
I love Leo. I will protect him and back him up in almost every situation. But there are going to be times where what I have with his sister trumps that. There will also be times where I tell his secrets for everyone’s benefit. Now is one of those times.
I want Alexis to understand what her brother’s going through. I don’t want her to judge his reactions or question his motives, the same way she doesn’t question mine.
But Alexis doesn’t look shocked by the revelation that her brother loves Maddie Miller. “That doesn’t surprise me.” She rolls her eyes toward the ceiling. “He’s never been this way over a woman before, so I kinda figured as much.” She sighs. “I guess I’ll have to get used to the idea of my brother being in love.”
She’s given me an opening, but the thought of taking it is terrifying. All I can hope is that I’m really not too much for her. “Leo’s not the only one who’s never been this way.” I let my fingers trace along the soft curve of her cheek. “You should probably get used to the idea of me being in love with you too.”
Alexis purses her lips and tips her head. “I could probably find it in me to get used to that.” She lifts her brows. “Especially since I’m babysitting your crazy cat and Scary Terry this weekend.” Her expression grows serious. “You kind of have to love me after that.”
Never in my life did I expect to be in a relationship that was easy. Hell, I never expected to be in a relationship at all. But being with Alexis is so fucking simple.
Will there be tough moments? Absolutely. We’ve got to tell her brother and her parents at some point. But even that doesn’t feel as terrifying as it once did. Because I know, no matter what, she has my back. We’re in this together.
“I think that sounds like a deal I’m happy to make.” I pull her closer. “How hungry are you?”
The smile Alexis gives me is wicked. “I could wait thirty seconds if you want to mess around.”
“Ha ha.” I bend at the waist, banding an arm around her back before hefting her small body up mine. “You’re so fucking funny.”
Al’s head tips back on a laugh as her legs link around my waist. “You’re still the only person who thinks that.”
I give her bottom a swat as we turn toward my bedroom. “Good. You know I’m a jealous bastard, so let’s keep it that way.”
She continues laughing, and I chuckle along with her, filled with an odd sense of peace.
Tonight was a complete shit show. It could’ve gone wrong in so many ways. Instead, we’re where we should be. Together. Teasing each other. Laughing at ourselves and each other.
Alexis stays latched onto my front as I crawl onto the bed, hauling both of us up to the top of the mattress. As soon as I reach the pillows, she drops, grinning up at me. Her cheeks are already flushed and pink, and I love seeing the effect I have on her. Knowing it’s the same one she has on me.
She tries to drag me closer, but I hold my ground, angling a brow. “Sure you don’t want to set a timer? You seemed pretty confident this was only going to take thirty seconds.”
Alexis continues trying to get me closer, this time hooking one of her legs around me in an attempt to drag me to her. When it fails, she lets out an aggravated grunt. “If you don’t get down here, I will set a timer.” She fists the front of my shirt, eyes narrowing. “And I will say the filthiest shit you can imagine just to prove my estimate right.”
She thinks she’s getting one over on me, and I’m going to let her. “Deal.” I fumble around. “Where’s your phone?”
Alexis scoffs. “You’re really going to make me set a timer?”
“Yup.” I give up looking for her phone and grab mine from my back pocket, swiping across the screen. “ And I’m going to make you follow through with that dirty talk offer.”