Chapter 31 – Alexis
31
Iguana Smuggling 101
Alexis
“ARE YOU SURE Gavin won’t mind me coming with you?” Maddie hesitates at the open door, chewing her lower lip as she peers into Gavin’s condo.
“Positive.” I crouch down to pick Cilantro up as she weaves around my legs. “He knows we’re hanging out this weekend while they’re out of town, so I’m sure he figures you’re coming with me.” I glance around the sparsely furnished condo. “Plus, his place is pretty boring, so it’s not like he’s got anything to hide.”
Maddie follows the path of my gaze. “Fair enough.” She steps in, letting the door close behind her. “I’m surprised you haven’t helped him out with that yet.”
“It’s been a little crazy.” I give Cilantro a few pets before setting her back on the floor. “But I definitely have plans.”
I love Gavin’s place. The view is amazing. It’s a great size and a great floorplan. I definitely wouldn’t balk if he asked me to move in.
I would, however, make it less utilitarian.
“I can’t wait to see what you do with it.” Maddie gives me a little grin. “As soon as you figure out how to tell Leo about you two.”
I let out a sigh that turns into a groan. “If you have any ideas on how to accomplish that without causing him a full menty B, let me know.”
Maddie’s expression falls immediately, sadness taking over her pretty features. “It’s my fault.” She says it quietly. “I feel like all my shit has turned him into a different person, and he doesn’t deserve that.” She gives me a sad smile. “He’s amazing and should be with someone whose life is uncomplicated.”
I don’t like what I think she’s getting at here, and I sure as hell don’t want her feeling guilty. “We might have to agree to disagree on this, because Leo was an asshole to me plenty of times growing up, so I think he has some shit coming to him.”
Maddie’s smile lifts a tiny bit more, but she still looks despondent. “If it was just normal shit, I might be fine with it. But what I’m dealing with is so much more than that.” She sucks in a breath, eyes lifting to the ceiling. “He’s afraid to even leave me alone for the weekend because of my ex.” Her eyes come to mine. “How is he going to focus on actual games when he can barely make it through a charity game without texting to make sure I’m okay?”
I lift one finger, hating that I have to correct her, but I don’t want Maddie to make the same mistake I have. “They are actually called matches.”
Maddie’s smile turns a little more genuine. “See? I don’t even know the proper terminology for his career.” She deflates, blowing out a loud sigh. “He does so much for me, and I’m just a mess. It all feels so one-sided and unfair.”
I feel a little of that myself. “It is kind of weird when you’re used to men who do the bare minimum and then end up with a guy who just wants to take care of you, isn’t it?”
Maddie’s dark brows lift as she gives me a sly look. “It sounds like you’re familiar with that problem.”
I scrunch my face up. “Is it really a problem?” It’s something I’ve been working through the past few days, and I’ve come to a realization or two. “Yes, Gavin cooks our dinners and brushes my hair and rubs my feet and would pretty much jump through any hoop I came up with, but I bring a lot to the table too.” I stand taller, trying to let a little of my confidence rub off on my new friend. “I’m a great conversationalist, I babysit his pets, and I have amazing tits.”
Maddie’s eyes drop to her significantly flatter chest. “I’m probably screwed then, because my brain won’t shut up long enough for me to be a great conversationalist, your brother doesn’t have any pets, and I don’t have much more than nipples on skin.”
I can’t do anything to help her with the conversation thing. She’s going through a lot, so her poor little brain doesn’t need to be any more overwhelmed. I can do something about the other parts though. “Listen.” I lean in, lowering my voice conspiratorially even though we’re the only two here. “Boobs are all fucking amazing. And we could totally find Leo a pet for you to take care of when he’s out of town.”
Maddie twists her lips to one side, pursing them tight before saying, “Leo probably could use a pet.”
I grin. “That’s the spirit.” I turn toward the hall. “So let’s take care of my boyfriend’s weird pets, and then we can go find your boyfriend a weird pet.” Gavin told me where he adopted Cilantro, and I’m sure that place has a whole variety of crazy kitties to choose from.
Maddie follows behind me as I stride into the bedroom Cilantro and Terry share. She eyes the iguana’s cage warily, lingering in the doorway as I move to refill the lizard’s food and water. “Just so we’re clear, I’m not getting Leo a lizard.”
“Probably a good choice, because these things are high maintenance.” I shoot her a grin. “They’re even worse than I am.”
I turn back to Scary Terry’s enclosure and look him over, tipping my head at the odd color of his skin. I lean closer and it almost seems like he’s breathing faster than normal. “Are you okay, buddy?” I reach in to give him a little pet, but he doesn’t lean into my touch like normal. “ Oh no.” I shake my head and raise my voice. “You are not going to get sick and die on my watch.”
“ Is he sick?” Maddie’s voice is right beside me, and I turn to find her peering in at Terry. “He doesn’t look very good, does he?”
“Not at all.” I inspect the food and water and it doesn’t look like he’s eaten anything since I was here last night. “Shit.” I fish my cell phone from my pocket and dial the number of the only person who can possibly help me in this situation.
My boss picks up after a few rings. “Alexis? Is everything okay?” He’s been a little jumpy since I had to call and tell him his newest employee assaulted me in the office.
“I’m taking care of Gavin’s lizard while he’s gone, and it doesn’t look very good.”
“Okay.” He drags the word out. “How does it look?”
I tip my head, trying to come up with a word to describe what I’m seeing. “Peaked?” I check the food dish again, confirming it’s as full as I remembered. “And I don’t think he’s eating. Is there like, a vet or something I can take him to? I don’t want this thing to die while Gavin’s out of town playing in a charity match.”
“Understandable. Let me get you the number of the vet I use for Amidala.” He goes quiet for a minute and then my phone buzzes in my hand, alerting me to the shared contact. “Try them. I’m pretty sure they take emergencies since they’re the only exotic vet around.”
“Awesome. Thank you so much.” I offer a goodbye then dial the number he sent, filling the woman who answers in on the situation with Terry.
“I think you should bring him in. We can give him a look and make sure it’s nothing serious.” Unfortunately, the only opening she offers is in thirty minutes which will be cutting it close. I take the appointment and immediately go to work trying to maneuver the iguana out of its enclosure.
Maddie watches me closely but doesn’t offer to help. “You are way braver than I am.”
“I bet you would do this for Leo.” I finally free Terry and adjust my grip so I’m sure I won’t drop him.
Maddie gets an odd look on her face. “You’re right.” She looks at where I hold the iguana. “I would do anything for him.”
“See?” I walk past her into the hall. “Come on. You have to drive because this thing is as big as I am.”
“ARE YOU SURE you can’t tell?” I adjust the blanket wrapped around my shoulders, tucking it tighter against my neck. “If the property manager sees this thing she’ll probably evict me on the spot.”
“You just look bundled up.” Maddie reaches out to adjust the fleece hiding Terri then situates her own barely-noticeable bundle. “What about me?”
“I can hardly tell you have a fat-ass hairless weirdo hidden under there.”
Maddie looks down. “You’re talking about the cat, right?”
“Did you just make a joke?” I stare at her, a little shocked. Maddie is almost as serious as I am. “Super prouda you.”
She perks up, giving me a smile. “Thanks.”
The lump on her chest lets out a raspy meow and I glance around, making sure no one is close enough to hear. Who would have thought some ass would dump their cat on the vet’s doorstep the same morning we decided my brother needed a pet? It was some sort of freaking kismet. “Come on, let’s get these girls inside.”
Maddie snorts as she follows me through the lot. “Gavin’s going to shit when he finds out Terri’s a chick.”
I peer down though the tiny gap at the top of the blanket. “And a loose one at that.”
“You don’t know she’s loose.” Maddie shifts around the bags in her hands. “They said iguanas lay eggs even if they haven’t gotten busy.”
“That’s too depressing to consider, so I’m going to choose to believe she got something out of this besides a full hysterectomy.”
“Who knew iguanas could get egg-bound?” Maddie opens the door to my building, holding it while I go in.
“I guess we do now.” I go straight to the elevator. “Not that it matters since she doesn’t have any of her lady parts anymore.”
As if Terri hadn’t already been through enough in her life, she had to undergo emergency surgery to take out not just the eggs, but everything else that went along with them. It was a long freaking day of sitting at the vet’s office, hoping they could save her.
The doors open and Maddie follows me in, pressing the button for my floor. “Are you sure we shouldn’t take her back to Gavin’s place?”
“She isn’t supposed to be alone. And Gavin’s televisions are great, but if I have to babysit a dinosaur, I’m going to do it in the comfort of my own home.”
“Good point.” Maddie leans back against the wall. “But what if Terri shits all over your apartment?”
“Terri is going to be sleeping her sedation off in the bathtub.” The vet said she probably wouldn’t move around much for the first twenty-four hours, and I’m really hoping he’s right. I like Gavin’s place, but it’s not nearly as appealing when he’s not there. “I’m more worried about Gillette there.”
Maddie pauses, dark brows lifting in consideration. “That’s actually not a bad name.”
“Right?” I widen my eyes. “Because she’s bald and Gillette makes razors.”
“Yeah. I got it.” Maddie shifts around when the cat meows again. “We might want to hurry. I think she’s about to go rogue.”
We pick up the pace, reaching the door to my apartment in record time. Maddie uses my keys to let us in, and the second the door’s closed, Gill drops free, shaking off as if being covered in a blanket was the most offensive thing that ever happened to her.
I point at her. “Don’t shit in my apartment.” I narrow my eyes. “I mean it. You better hold that crap in until the Instacart guy shows up with your litter box.”
Gill stares me down for a second, but finally meows, which I’m going to take as acquiescence.
Together, Maddie and I arrange some old towels into the tub and get the sleepy iguana settled in. I won’t be taking a shower anytime soon, but it’s worth being in my apartment so we can pile up on my couch with blankets and watch all the shit I have on DVR while we eat dinner.
As if she’s thinking the same thing, Maddie’s stomach growls.
“Agreed.” I flip off the light, leaving just the glow of the wax warmer illuminating the space. “Let’s order some food. I’m freaking starving.”
We place an order then collapse onto my couch to wait for the delivery guy to arrive.
Maddie curls up, resting her cheek against the back cushion. “Thank you.”
I snort. “Pretty sure I should be thanking you.” I grab the remote. “I won’t be offended if you decide to hang out with someone else the next time Leo goes out of town.”
“I actually had fun today.” Her nose wrinkles. “Outside of having to watch the vet try to manually unbind a lizard.”
“I don’t think anyone enjoyed that.” I flip through the show selections. “Least of all Terri.”
It gets quiet for a second, then Maddie softly says, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a friend.”
I stop what I’m doing and turn to the woman beside me. “You want me to kill him for you? I’m pretty sure I could.” I’ve been kind of wishing Gavin hadn’t had such perfect timing the other night. It would have been so gratifying to punch Dillon right in his fucking face. I also would have been less disappointed at the freak-out I had afterward if I’d been able to get a shot in.
I bet killing Maddie’s ass of an ex would make me feel way better. Her too.
Her expression turns thoughtful. “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll pass.” She pulls one of my blankets across her legs. “I’m sure he’ll lose interest eventually.”
“I hope so.” I reach out to hold her hand in mine. “You deserve to be able to live your life without being afraid all the time.”
She gives me a little smile. “Thanks.”
My phone buzzes on the table, letting me know the delivery guy is outside. I give her hand a squeeze and jump up. “I’m gonna go grab our food. I’ll be right back.” I head for the door, pointing at the television as I pass. “Pick something to watch while I’m gone.”
“You want me to come with you?” Maddie starts to stand.
“No way.” I’m starting to understand why my brother feels the way he does about her. Maddie is sweet and kind and easy to be around. She’s also got this delicateness about her that makes me want to wrap her up and keep her safe. “It’ll only take a second. You relax.” It’s the least I can do after making her sit in a boring office on uncomfortable chairs all day.
I hustle to the elevator, quick stepping toward the exit once I reach the main floor. As I expected, there’s a man outside with a big bag of garlicky gloriousness.
I’m so excited I even smile at him as I step out, letting the door close behind me. “Thank you so much.” I reach for the bag, but before my hands can close around the plastic, he pulls it away.
That’s when I notice I’m the only one who’s smiling. His expression is hard. Angry.
A little scary.
Instead of me grabbing my dinner, he grabs me, one hand clamping down hard on my arm.
What the fuck is it with men lately? First Tan-the-Man, then Dill-hole, and now this ass?
“Let me go.” I try to wrestle my arm free but he only holds on tighter.
“Not happening.” He tugs me closer, leaning in. “Open the door.”
My brain stumbles over the demand, trying to figure out what in the hell he wants. I can narrow it down to a few possibilities. All of them end badly. “No thanks.”
“I wasn’t asking.” His fingers dig into my skin. “Open the door.”
He’s trying to intimidate me, but it’s not going to work. This time I’m going to prove how bad I would have fucked Dillon up if I’d gotten the chance. “Or what?”
A slow, sickening smile creeps onto his lips. “Or I take something from your brother, the same way he took something from me.”