Chapter 13 #2
He shook his head immediately. "No. She was a mistake I shouldn't have made to begin with.
But I would've made the marriage work, because that's what I do.
That's the right thing to do. When you make vows and pledge your life to someone, you don't quit just because you realize that the person you chose was not a good choice.
" He lifted his shoulder. "It's just when you start to build a life with someone and they basically destroy it before they walk out—or maybe their walking out destroys it, I'm not sure—it just..
. there's pain there where there didn't used to be. "
"I see.” She nodded. “It’s kind of the same with me.
I made a mistake. It wasn't anything life or death, but it could've been.
And I was terminated immediately. I wasn't given a second chance, and I wasn't given an opportunity to make it right.
Everything that I had been working for was gone in that instant.
" She pressed her lips together. "I can understand it.
Doctors can't afford to make mistakes. People can die when doctors make mistakes. But it was just hard, that's all."
"I bet."
"But I've come to understand that sometimes when things happen that you wish hadn't, that you weren't expecting, or things that turn your entire life around, like a divorce or something of the sort, God's in it.
He really is." She touched the notebook on the table, and her finger slowly traced the spiral rings along the side.
"Coming back to Mistletoe Meadows has been so good for me.
I hadn't realized how much of myself I had lost in my pursuit of a medical degree and then in my pursuit of medical prestige.
I had everything I wanted all laid out, and I'm just not sure that—in fact, I know that it wouldn't have been the best thing for me to do.
Not even a little bit. I'm so glad it happened.
It still hurts a bit. I'm not saying that it doesn't, but the change was good for me. And God knew it all along."
He nodded. He could see what she was saying. His divorce had been a shock, and like he had said, his entire world had crumbled to the ground, but it absolutely had been good for him.
"I can see what you're saying about me. It's true.
I would've stayed with her until I died, but it probably wouldn't have been a good thing.
Coming back to Mistletoe Meadows was definitely a nice benefit of that, but I'm not sure that it's been the best thing for Mason.
He's struggling." He shoved his hands in his pockets and resisted the urge to pace.
"I know eventually it could be the best thing that ever happened to us, but he has to choose to make it that. "
"I think he's found something that he's interested in. I definitely think he's found something that he's good at. Whether or not he sticks with it for the rest of his life... I don't want him to feel like he has to. But I think he needed an outlet, and this could be it."
"I've noticed a change in him in the last few days, and you've been instrumental in that, I know. We've been at the river a few times too."
"I've heard you down there running a chainsaw or something."
"Yeah. There's a bunch of firewood to cut up.
I figured I'd bring it up and stack it by your door, if you want it.
I just hadn't gotten around to offering it.
" He'd totally forgotten all about it. Every time he saw her, he thought about the connection they had, something he really felt was attraction between them.
When he was with her, firewood was the furthest thing from his mind.
"The idea of a fire in the fireplace is really sweet, but I'm probably not going to do that myself. So if you can find someone who could use it, go ahead and give it to them."
He nodded. It was on the tip of his tongue to offer to make her a fire, but that seemed a little intimate and like he was inviting himself into her house.
Plus, he understood what she was saying. A fire was better if it was shared.
"All right. Thanks." It sounded like she had a fireplace, but she just didn't use it. He'd have to keep that in mind.
"Where's Mason tonight?" she asked, looking around and then taking a chair across the table from where he stood.
He followed her lead and sat down.
"He's with my mom. They're decorating the house. He seemed to be kind of excited about it, which surprised me, because typically everything we suggest is shot down."
"I think he's turning around," Hannah said with a smile.
Somehow, her confidence in his son bolstered his spirit in a way nothing had in a long time. He loved that she believed in him. And he supposed Mason loved that too. He'd lost that somehow.
"All right, so let's get started," Hannah began, folding her hands with her notebook in front of her.
For the next two hours, they hammered out something that worked for both security and medical support for the Mistletoe Festival.
Hannah had a bunch of ideas that Ben thought were amazing, and he was impressed with how she had come to the table, not fighting to get as much money as she could for the medical side but trying to figure out how they could combine the two in a way that made sense for both of them.
She was a real team player, and several times during the meeting, he found himself wondering if that was the kind of attitude she would bring to a marriage.
It had been missing in his first marriage.
And he couldn't lay all the fault at his ex's feet. He had certainly had more of a competitive spirit than a "let's get along and see if we can help each other out" kind of thing. Because they were playing for the same team.
He was tempted to ask her if he could see her home, but he knew she had driven herself, and that seemed silly.
Still, he was a little concerned about making sure she got there okay and almost asked if she would text him when she arrived safely, since he knew her place was outside of town.
Still, he had no right to ask her to do that much, so they parted ways, and he walked home to his mother's house down the street.
"My goodness, that was a long meeting," his mother greeted him as he walked in the door. The place smelled like baking bread with just a little bit of cinnamon and sugar mixed in.
His mom was not perfect. She had a tendency to be a little bit pushy about getting her way, but she had a good heart.
And while he knew she had been embroiled in a bit of a scandal having to do with donations the church had been accepting a few years ago, that wasn't who she truly was.
And he ought to know, since he'd grown up with her.
But after his dad had died, she'd been in a difficult situation, and him moving in and paying rent had eased her financial burden, and it had given him a place to land, keeping his son away from the bad influences that he'd begun hanging around with back in the city where they used to live.
"It took longer than I thought, but I think we have everything pretty well hammered out. We'll both need some help, but not for committee purposes, which surprised me."
"You mean you'll need help on actual festival day?" his mom said as she poured some water in a glass and handed it to him.
He hung his hat and coat up and accepted the glass with thanks.
"Festival day and the day leading up to it, since we need help setting up our booth and table and putting together a first aid kit and different security cameras. But I think we have everything mapped out. I wasn't expecting to get so much accomplished today."
"That Hannah, she always was a real go-getter."
"So you remember her from years ago when she used to stay here in the summer?"
"I sure do. Her gram was beloved by everyone, and while she was kind of quiet and never really seemed to spend a whole lot of time with friends in town, she was with her grandmother a good bit and was intelligent and well-liked by the adults in our group, if I remember correctly."
"Yeah. I remember her as very studious, and I suppose she was alone a good bit, but to be honest, I don't recall anyone ever going out of their way to invite her to do anything with us. We all went to school together during the year, and she was kind of an outsider."
"That's true. I do think she had more friends at the church she attended, which at the time, we were going to a different church. That helps if you see people in some kind of social situation where you get to know them."
Ben knew his mom was right.
"Where's Mason?" he asked, glancing around and not seeing him in the living room or sitting at the dining room table.
"He finished up his homework and then said he wanted to get to bed early because he didn't want to miss the bus again, since the school counselor, Kate, told him that in order for him to be able to do his work-study program at the medical center, he couldn't afford to be late to school anymore or he would jeopardize it. "
Wow. Ben had to admit being rather surprised. It was only ten o'clock, and his son went to bed voluntarily?
Again, he had Hannah to thank for that. Sometimes he wondered if parenting wasn't more stumbling into the right people at the right time who took an interest in their child rather than any particular skill on the parent's part.
At least that's how parenting seemed to end up for him.
If he hadn't bumbled into Hannah, he would still be fighting with his son over pretty much everything.
"He did say that tomorrow you two were planning on going back down to the river and continuing to clear brush. He seemed to really like that."
"I did too. It was fun to spend time with him." He thought about his schedule. "I'm doing the early shift tomorrow, so we can definitely plan on it."
"If you'd like, I can make sure we have either a quick supper, or I can pack something up for the two of you to take and eat while you're doing it. It's up to you. I am home tomorrow with no committee obligations."
Ben smiled at his mom. Having people in the house seemed to have brought her back to life.
He hadn't realized that she was getting a little bit depressed after his dad died, and maybe the house was just too big and lonely for her.
She'd mentioned more than once how much she appreciated having them there.
"If we catch Mason in the morning, we can ask him his preference, but I think we can grab a quick supper and head out after that. Maybe early, right after he gets home from the medical center?"
"Yes. I can make sure it's on the table so that you guys can get out of here in good time." She paused for a moment and then she said, "I know you're an adult, and you might think I'm prying, but I am your mom."
Ben froze in the process of rinsing the glass out and putting it in the sink.
"You're not prying. You can ask whatever you want," he said. He really wasn't trying to hide anything that he knew of anyway.
"Well, Judy Hefner called me just a bit ago and said that she saw you and Hannah chatting on the porch. I know that Hannah is a really nice girl and everything, but she's a doctor. I think she might be a little bit out of our reach."
Wow. His mom was saying that Hannah was too good for him. Her own son.
He supposed her comment should have shocked him, but it really didn't. She had made comments like that all through his childhood and lifetime actually.
Maybe he didn't think that she meant that there was anything wrong with him.
She was just very aware of feeling less than around people who seemed to have accomplished a lot.
Looking back, he wondered if maybe he'd allowed those comments to color his attitude at times.
Maybe that's why he'd never gone to Hannah when she had been there during the summer and talked to her.
Maybe his mom had made comments and made him feel like he wasn't good enough, or she was better than them.
Maybe that's where he had gotten that idea to begin with.
Maybe, unconsciously, he had been doing that with Mason.
"I think Hannah is a really great person, and maybe you're right that she's a little bit out of my league, because she is generous and has a beautiful heart, and is better at seeing the good in people than I am, but I don't think just because she's a doctor or just because she's accomplished things makes her better than me.
I agree with our founding fathers—all men are created equal. "
"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," his mom said.
He nodded and set the glass down with a clank. If she didn't mean it like that, he wasn't sure exactly how she did mean it, but he didn't ask.
"I'd really love to see you two get together. I guess... I guess I said it the way I did because I didn't want you to be disappointed if you don't. Which... in hindsight is probably not a very good way to go about it, is it?" His mother moved closer, and he put his arm around her shoulders.
"I suppose we all have things we can work on. I know it's a lot easier for me to be less judgmental about your parenting skills when I look at myself and see the mistakes that I've made. It's really easy to pick apart someone else when we haven't done it ourselves."
"I think that's your roundabout way of saying that I was an okay mom after all," his mom said, a little twinkle in her eyes as she looked up at him.
"Yeah. You were better than okay. You loved me, no matter how dumb I acted sometimes, and that definitely counts for something in my book."
"You were always a good son. And you're a good son now. And you have a really awesome son of your own. And... I'm so thankful you're here. I guess I didn't realize how lonely I was until the two of you moved in."
"Well, good. Because I'm happy to be here too.
" It was getting a little mushy, and it was making him a little bit uncomfortable, but his mother was smiling, and he didn't pull away.
She really had done her best. And she definitely had made some sacrifices for him, which at the time, he hadn't appreciated or even noticed.
That seemed to be the thing with parenting.
It was a type of job that didn't get appreciated until years after it was done.
In fact, a child had a tendency to really not appreciate their parents as they were going through the parenting process.
Well, he could correct it now, because his mom really was a wonderful person. And she might've been jumping the gun a little bit about things between Hannah and him, but it made him think about how much he admired and appreciated Hannah.
“Ben?”
“Yeah?”
“I just want you to remember one thing for me, okay?”
“What’s that?”
“Life is shorter than you think it is.”