Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Hannah could barely breathe.
Her heart felt like it was pounding and about to run out of the diner, but her lungs just wouldn't work.
It was crazy. When had her whole life dream changed? She had wanted to become a famous and competent doctor, renowned for her skill and ability, but now, living here in this little town of Mistletoe Meadows, the one thing she wanted more than anything else was to be with Ben forever.
"I think I scared you," he said, and while his voice had tones of laughter, there was concern in his gaze.
"No. I was just thinking about how far everything has shifted for me. I couldn't think of anything that I want more. Suddenly my dream is not about becoming a wonderful doctor. It's about becoming something with you, here, in this crazy small town."
"Kind of grows on you, doesn't it?" he said, and she looked down to see his hand covering hers on the table. She stared at the picture for a while, his fingers longer and thicker than hers, which were more delicate and fit perfectly inside of his.
"What about Mason?" she asked, reality pushing its way into the dream state that she somehow had fallen into.
"I definitely want to talk to him, but my mom said something the other night that made me think."
"What was that?" she asked, curious.
"She said life isn't as long as what you think it is."
He let the words hang there, and she thought about them for a moment.
"I guess I can see that. We always think there'll be time later. We can put things off, but... that's probably not the best idea. And I'm definitely guilty of that. I put all the personal things that a person could possibly want to do aside as I pursued my medical degree and then my career."
"So I guess what I was saying about that—Mason needs to be on board, but I wasn't going to wait forever for him, you know? That's not fair to you, and it's not right. It's not a good idea in life. You don't know how much time you have. And it's probably not as long as you think."
"I agree. But I also agree that Mason's already been through a good bit, and I don't want anything with you and I to set him back at all, since he seems like he's coming around."
"Because of you. You're the one who suggested he work at the medical center, and that's made all the difference."
"You're spending more time with him," she offered.
"That's you too. You're the one who suggested we clear a place to go fishing down by the river on your farm."
He raised his brows, questioning her, and she nodded in agreement. He was right. It had been her idea.
"But you took initiative. You didn't have to."
"That's true." He laughed a little, as though thinking that her stubbornness in refusing to take all the credit was cute.
They chatted about a few other things as they finished up their meal and he paid the bill, and then they slid out of the booth and put their coats back on.
"I feel like I need to take you home."
"You don't need to feel like that," she said, not sure if he was saying that he wanted to or just that he felt weird ending a date by parting at the restaurant.
"I just don't like the idea that you're heading there by yourself. I know you've done it a million times before, but... I feel like it's my responsibility to make sure that you get there safely."
"I'll be fine. I can text you when I get there."
"Would you think I was being too much of a stalker if I asked if it would be okay if I followed you home?" He sounded humble, like he sincerely cared about her, and it made her feel warm and happy. Usually, she was the one who was caring for others, and it felt good to be on the receiving end.
"Of course not. But I'll have to insist that you come in for a cup of hot chocolate."
"All right. I accept."
They smiled at each other, and then he opened her car door, and she got in.
On the drive out to her house, she felt like she was basking in a warm, happy glow, unsure exactly what was going on with them, but knowing that she liked the direction they were heading, and the fact that he was going to talk to Mason meant that he was serious.
She definitely was.
Her phone ringing startled her. It took a moment for the name on the screen to register.
Stephanie Brunswick.
They'd done their residency together. She'd lost track of her a little bit since her move, but they used to be very good friends, especially since Stephanie was originally from North Carolina.
"Hello?" She picked up on the hands-free.
"Hannah! It's Stephanie. It's been a long time."
"Yeah. My goodness, how are you?"
"I'm great. I actually got a job in Raleigh as the head of pediatrics at the hospital there.
It's a huge step up and definitely the direction I want to go with my career.
But I was stopping in to see my grandmother, and I thought you were near her now.
I heard through the grapevine that you are in Virginia now? "
"Yes. Mistletoe Meadows."
"I thought so. That's just a couple of hours from my gram's. But I don't want to put you out. I'm sure you're probably really busy."
"No. I'd love to have you." She was sincere.
She really would love to see her friend.
But she kind of cringed when she thought about the small town and her position as doctor at the medical clinic.
It was a far cry from the prestigious position she'd had in the city the last time she and Stephanie had talked.
Her career definitely wasn't on an upward trajectory.
She swallowed. Just a few minutes ago she had been exceptionally happy about that. But now... talking to Stephanie made her doubt everything she had been thinking. Stephanie was going to wonder what was wrong with her because she'd basically been demoted. And not just a little.
But she had loved what was happening in her life. She had been thinking it was the best thing that could possibly have happened. How did that all change in an instant?
She gave Stephanie some directions, and Stephanie told her approximately what time she'd be driving through. She hung up the phone, still not feeling the greatest.
She'd almost forgotten about Ben following her when the headlights flashed behind her as she pulled into the farmhouse driveway.
He followed her down, and she parked, keeping her hands on the steering wheel before turning her car off and opening the door.
Was this really what she wanted? Did she want to try her hand at getting back into the fast lane, resurrecting her career and realizing those dreams?
Or was this new Mistletoe Meadows dream really what she wanted?
Or maybe she was asking the wrong question.
Lord, I've always been about me and what I want.
And there's a part of me—I can't deny it—that feels embarrassed that Stephanie is going to come and see that I'm not living up to everything that everyone thought I was going to be when I was in medical school and residency.
But I want to do what You want. No matter what everyone around me thinks.
As soon as she said that, she felt a peace steal over her.
She hadn't decided to come to Mistletoe Meadows as much as God had orchestrated the events that had led to this.
And the knowledge that she was right where she was supposed to be, with who she was supposed to be with, settled over her like a warm, soft blanket as Ben got out of his truck and walked around to her.
She smiled, and before she thought about it, she shut her door, hurried to him and wrapped her arms around him.
He seemed a little shocked, since he froze for a moment. Then his arms went around hers as he said, "Well, I feel like we've been parted for weeks or months instead of ten minutes."
"A lot has happened in ten minutes," she said, her face pressed against his chest, and she breathed deeply of his warm, masculine scent.
"A lot?" he asked, sounding confused.
"I guess in my mind I've been around the world and back, and I was just praying that I would do what God wanted instead of what I wanted.
And as I prayed that, I just felt such a peace settle over me that everything that has been going on is exactly the right thing.
Even though it represents such a mindset shift for me. "
"You were wondering whether you wanted to stay in a small town? Be a small-town doctor?"
"I wasn't really questioning it as much as I had some doubts.
" She pulled back but kept her arms around him.
He felt so solid and warm and perfect, she didn't ever want to let go.
"I got a phone call from someone I was with in residency.
She's got a big new prestigious position at a hospital in North Carolina.
Her career is on a fast upward trajectory, and I was a little embarrassed to think that she's coming to see me, and I'm definitely not anywhere near that. "
Obviously her words had an effect on him. His face fell, and he loosened his grip around her, although his arms didn't drop.
"I don't want to hold you back if that's what you want."
"That's just it. I don't want to do what I want.
I want what God wants. And as soon as I started praying about it, I just felt a peace that Mistletoe Meadows was right, you are definitely right, and this small town and my position here is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
There's no doubt in my mind. I just wavered for a bit, you know? "
He nodded slowly, but his eyes searched hers as though he were trying to figure out if she really meant what she was saying.
It was probably instinct on her part, but she took her hands and cupped his cheeks.
"Now, I feel like since I allowed you to follow me the entire way out here, I ought to get some kind of reward out of this.
" She lifted a brow at him and watched while her words sank in.
She smiled as understanding slowly dawned over his face.
"A reward?" he asked, and she thought he pretty much knew what she meant.
"Yes. You owe me a kiss good night. After all, I did allow you to take me out, pay for my meal, and follow me home. It's the least you can do."
He grinned, and then he obliged the pressure from her hands and lowered his head slowly.
"There's something wrong with your logic, but I'm not going to argue," he murmured as he closed the space between them and kissed her gently at first, but then his arms tightened, and she wrapped hers around him, and it was quite a while before he lifted his head.
"I don't think that was enough payment," he murmured, his eyes still closed but his lips smiling.
"Me either," she said, matching his smile and wondering why she'd thought, even for a second, that a prestigious career and a big hospital could possibly hold a candle to what she had right now.