Chapter 17
Lina
Chapter Seventeen
I dozed off fast, but I’m awake and listening to Sean’s deep breathing. It’s soothing. A nurse came in about an hour ago, and it’s what woke me. I didn’t get off the bed before he saw me. He shot me a terse smile but didn’t object. Sean didn’t wake while the guy took his vitals.
The only other sound in here is the monitor, and the volume is turned down. I didn’t know it was adjustable. I thought it came with one setting: drive you batshit loud. The steady rhythm of the lines gives me something to focus on rather than looking at the tubes and cords attached to Sean.
I’m trying to think of a historical couple or movie where a relationship started this chaotically. One moment, we meet at a funeral. I pretend to be his girlfriend to get him out of an awkward conversation. Then the next, we’re making out in a storeroom. A few weeks later, we’re meeting for lunch that turns into afternoon delight. That’s cut short when he has to run off—apparently, to fuck over my asshole brother. I go to my new home only to walk out because said brother pissed me off even before I knew Sean was on his way to meet me. Then it’s a too brief reunion, and my whatever-Sean-is-to-me gets shot and is in the hospital. It’s where I am now, sharing a bed with him because he had surgery to remove a damaged organ from a bullet my brother’s best friend—who happens to be my ex-fiancé—likely shot. Possibly at me.
What is the world coming to?
Whether Ewan ordered this or was even a minute part of it, he hasn’t called. I have my phone in my pocket, and it hasn’t vibrated since I missed Justin’s call. I had to give in and turn my phone back on since I needed to call Jesse yesterday because I needed fresh clothes. I couldn’t stay in the blood-soaked dress. He tried to bombard me with questions, but I stonewalled.
Eventually, he gave up. He was stoic when he handed me my overnight bag. But I know it freaked him out to see me the way I was. I’d scrubbed most of the blood off my hands by then. Seamus’s suit coat hid most of my dress but not all of it. I kept it pulled around me most of the time, so I didn’t have to look at it.
Jesse knows just enough about my family to know not to ask. He knows I’ll volunteer what I want him to know and nothing more. He suggested I go back to his place, and Cormac and Seamus offered to escort me. It got heated. That’s when I got so frustrated I lapsed into Franglais—French and English. That’s when all three of them had to google translate half of what I said. They learned some colorful phrases to add to their own repertoires.
I’m careful as I put my hand over Sean’s heart. How does sleeping next to him feel so natural? Especially here of all places.
“Do you need another fairytale? You’ve been up for an hour.” His hand covers mine.
“You’ve been awake?”
“No one is walking into this room without me knowing. I just didn’t want to answer any asinine questions the machines already have. I hoped you’d fall back to sleep on your own if I didn’t strike up a conversation. You’ve relaxed and tensed at least a dozen times. Tell me what’s wrong, cailín.”
“Besides all of this?” I’m not being sarcastic.
“Yes. You’re mulling over something else.”
“Do you think this is guilt and fear?” I’m positive he knows what I mean.
“If it were just guilt, I would have insisted my family get you back to Montreal. If it were just fear, my family guarding you would be enough for me. If were just guilt and fear, I wouldn’t need you in my arms to sleep. This connection we have is real.”
“Everything is supercharged right now. What about when things calm down? Assuming they do.”
“They will, and we will figure out how to be a normal couple together. Lina, I learn more about you by the minute, and I can’t stop my growing attraction. I don’t want to. I already knew you were intelligent and funny. I was part of those text conversations, and I still haven’t defeated your encryption. Though, I’ve been a little sidetracked. I knew you were independent and brave. You’ve moved countries three times. You’re steadfast. You’re loyal. You’re resolved. You’re?—”
“A cocker spaniel.” I kiss his cheek and nuzzle his neck.
“You can get on my lap anytime.”
He reaches for my ass, but he can only reach my lower back. He presses it to push me closer.
“You’re calm during a crisis. You’re skeptical of people you don’t know, and you learn from your past. You’re not easily intimidated, and if you are, you’ve mastered your poker face. You’re thoughtful. You’re accepting of things you can’t change but willing to push for the things you believe should. You’re?—”
“I get it, nounours. You see things about me I don’t see in myself.”
“And you’re hot as sin.”
He shifts to kiss me, so I make it easier. I push up to bring my head level with his. Our mouths meet, and there is no world around us. We recognize his limitations, so this isn’t lust. This began as physical attraction the day we met. Now… It reminds me of the article with the adaptive oscillators. I still don’t know what those are, but ours synced. They’ve intertwined.
“Did you know that everything you said about me is what I already think about you?” I whisper as my forefinger and thumb turn his head farther toward me, and I begin the next kiss.
The arm beneath me moves, and his hand fists my hair. His hold is tight, but he doesn’t tug. That would pull me away from this kiss. He shifts his leg between mine, so his thigh presses against my pussy.
“Anyone could walk in on us.”
“Good thing you climbed under the covers when you got into bed. Move on my leg, cailín. You know I would do more if I could.”
“I know.”
“I take care of you, Lina. Not just your safety. More than that.”
“I know.”
“I want to be the only man in your bed. The only man in your arms. The only man responsible for making sure you have everything you need and everything I can give you that you want.”
“You are. You’re all of those. I only feel safe when I’m with you. Your family keeps me from losing it. But you’re the only one I trust because you’ve already put me first. You risked your life for me.”
“And I will any time there’s a threat.”
“We’re both into BDSM. We understand the power dynamics of those relationships. It’s sexual, but it’s deeper than that because it satisfies emotional and mental needs. At the same time, though, there’s a distance. It’s not the same as a romantic relationship. I’m in over my head, and I want to let you take control, Sean. Not just physically when you’re well. I need to lean against you because everything in me tells me you’re my haven. That if I let you take control—rather than me panicking when I feel out of control—we’ll both feel better. I think you need that too. You can’t control all of this right now, and that must be driving you nuts. You’re not letting me see it, but I know it. You can control where I go and who I go with. You can control whether I’m with you or how long we’re apart. You can control my physical needs. You can because I want you to. I want to let go of all of that. I want you to take it, so you don’t feel adrift. It’s the only way I won’t feel lost.”
I’ve stopped moving against his leg, and his hand in my hair merely cups my head. I close my eyes and sigh. I didn’t know how heavy all of that was until now. The more I said, the more I felt him relax. He reaches across his chest with a wince. Then his fingers are down the front of my dress and under my bra. He tweaks my nipple. Hard. It’s like a key in my ignition. My hips rock, and my pussy rubs against him.
“I am protective and possessive with you. The first isn’t something new to me. The second is completely foreign. I grew up in a family with seven kids. I shared everything and never minded. I won’t share you with anyone. I won’t let anyone come near you that you don’t want. No one tells you what to do.”
“But you, nounours.” I murmur that, not wanting to interrupt him but remind him.
“If this is what you want, then you are mine, Lina. You take back control the moment you want to, and I will never argue with you about it. I will respect every limit and every boundary you have. I will never guilt you or coerce you to keep that control. But while I have it, it’s absolute. Can you live with that?”
“Yes. At least until we’re through all this.”
“That’s what I meant. When I’m convinced you’re no longer in imminent danger, we reassess.”
He kisses me, and it’s savage. It’s one to dominate me and remind me of my submission. Except he doesn’t have to. I want him to lead, so I can follow. In the past, I’ve only agreed to this during sex and only in specific situations. I’ve never done this emotionally—at least, not beyond the emotional satisfaction I got from that kind of sex.
The more I transfer the crushing weight to his broader shoulders, the more aroused I become. I grind my clit against his muscular thigh. I’m so fucking close.
“Come for me, little one.”
“I’m almost there.”
“I know. You’re going to come because I’m letting you.”
I shift to rest on my right forearm as my left arm reaches across him, my hand on the mattress to brace myself. His hands finally grasp my ass as I ride his leg.
“Who do you belong to, cailín?”
“You.” It’s exhilarating to say.
“Who protects you?”
“You.” Something deep in my mind is trying to break through.
“Who cares about you?”
“You.”
“Who’s going to look after you?”
“You.”
Our gazes meet. I suck in a breath as I clench my ass. My head tilts back as I rub harder and faster.
“May I come?”
“Who am I?”
“Nounours.”
“Who else?”
I look back at him as my eyes open. There’s an answer we both want, and I believe we’re thinking the same thing. Fuck. It’s so hot to think it.
“Who, cailín? Say it.” His hand lands across my ass.
I open my mouth to, but I come. My entire body tenses as I strain to keep the bliss going. His hands grip my ass tighter. His fingers dip between my ass cheeks, pressing near a place that’s even more intimate than my cunt.
“Say. It. Little. Girl.”
“Daddy.”
My arms give out, and I barely catch myself before I land on him. I roll to give him space, but his hand lands across my ass. It’s not hard. It’s playful. We watch each other as though we’re not sure if what I just said was real.
“Lina, I’m still not your Dom. I’m not and never have been nor ever want to be a real Daddy Dom. That isn’t the type of taking care of you I mean. I don’t think that’s the type of care you want to receive.”
“It’s not. But all the things I said earlier are the things someone would expect a guardian or caretaker to provide. I don’t think that word makes me a Little. I’m not. I think it’s something between us, and I don’t see it as being all that different from the way Latin American women can use the word papí. Maybe I’m wrong about that, but that’s my impression.”
“If I get too controlling, tell me. I’m not inflexible about anything but your safety. I will not budge on that. Lina, my word is law for that.”
“I know. We both know I’m not new to this life or safety protocols. I’m used to rules and restrictions for my wellbeing and others. You know how the mob works here in the U.S. You know what Ewan and his men are capable of. You’ve been dealing with them for a lot longer than I have and in ways I never have. I’ll obey, Daddy.”
I grin, and he purses his lips. I give him the kiss he wants as I slide my hand up his leg to his cock. I’ve felt how hard he’s been since he became conscious. It’s waned to half mast, but now he’s solid titanium. I wrap my hand around him.
“Will you let me pleasure you now?”
“That’s one thing you don’t need permission for.”
He holds the sheet up, so we can see what I’m doing. I run my fingertips over him, tempting him. Teasing him. He twitches over and over. His hand goes back to my hair, and it’s another hungry and demanding kiss. Neither of us gives quarter. I wrap my hand around his dick and stroke. I feel him grow even harder as I squeeze and twist my wrist with each slide of my palm.
“You’re going to make me embarrass myself. I’m so close, little one.”
“I want to know you can’t last with me, Daddy. That’s the ultimate compliment.”
“Fuck, Lina. Keep doing that… Yes… Faster. You’re torturing me.”
“I know.”
I yelp when he pinches my nipple through my bra. He doesn’t let go until I follow his command. Then I feel him pulse before the outside of my fingers are wet. I was content to watch what I was doing since I held the sheet up when he let go to touch me. When I shift my focus to his face, there’s perspiration on his brow.
“Fuck, Sean. We did too much.”
“I barely moved. You did all the work, and it was just right.”
“You’re breathing hard and sweating.”
“Because I just came harder than I expected. I promise I’m all right. I wouldn’t lie about this. Setting myself back means I can’t fulfill my promises to you. I won’t fail you.”
“Sean, I never thought you would. You haven’t, and you won’t.”
There was something in those last four words. Like he needs to prove himself to me.
I sit up as I pull my hand out from beneath the blanket. I slip off the bed to wash my hands. The water’s still running when there’s a single knock, and the door opens.
“It’s Ewan. He’s been shot.”
I slam the tap off as Shane’s words register with me. I grab paper towels as I walk out of the bathroom. I’m watching Sean, who’s watching me. I sense Shane’s gaze flickering between us. I don’t know what Shane will offer while I’m here, so I remain quiet.
“When?”
“Fifteen minutes ago.”
Dillan?
“Dillan?” Great minds think alike.
“No. He’s the one who got to Ewan first.”
“What?” I didn’t mean to blurt that.
“Dillan was in the parking lot at Houlihan’s. He followed your brother there. He could see Ewan was on a call in his car. When he hung up, he got out. According to Dillan, Ewan closed the door, turned around, and fell backward against the car. Dillan didn’t see where the shooter hid, but he returned fire as he ran to Ewan.”
“Is my brother dead?”
“No. But he’s in worse condition than Sean.”
“Did they take him to the hospital or David?” So much for remaining quiet.
“David’s clinic.”
Our third cousin’s a surgeon who runs a private clinic in a wealthy part of Boston. He doesn’t practice there, except for when he’s patching up members of the O’Malley branch. It’s a cosmetic surgery center when he isn’t keeping people like Ewan from looking like Swiss cheese.
Sean’s listening to Shane, but his eyes are on me. He’s not sure what to make of my calmness. I’m not either. Shouldn’t I feel more? It’s the same way I did when I found out Dad died. Am I emotionally broken? Like I don’t feel grief when I should. And I feel too much—what the hell do I feel toward Sean? Too much falling in love?
He holds out his hand like he did earlier when the doctor came in. I cross the room with purposeful strides. I accept, wrapping both of mine around his. I have nothing more to say, so Sean speaks up.
“What’s the prognosis?”
I guess I should have asked that.
“Uncertain.”
Mirror faces observe me. It’s disconcerting. Purely by appearance, you truly cannot tell them apart except for the freckle on Sean’s throat. But the expression in his eyes screams who he is. It’s tender and apprehensive for me. All the while, unwavering in his reliability. This is exactly what I told him I need. He’d be like this even if I hadn’t.
“Is his mom with him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Dillan didn’t call their doctor, so who did?”
“Colt. He was already at the bar. He nearly put a bullet through Dillan’s head until he realized Dillan’s hands on Ewan’s chest were keeping him alive. A private ambulance showed up.”
I speak up. “David’s. He’s a medical mogul. He’s a cardiothoracic surgeon—lucky for Ewan—who invests millions in biotech and pharmaceutical companies. He rents out the clinic space during the day and owns the ambulance service.”
“He specialize in that because of your family’s line of work?” Shane looks mildly amused.
“Pretty much. That, and he’s a greedy fucker. The type to steal lunch money.”
I couldn’t stand him as a kid. He used to pick on me until Ewan would make him back off. He’d ice David out of whatever the other kids were doing and made sure I was included. Where did that brother go? Oh, yeah. He turned sixteen and became a mobster and a douche.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out, not surprised to see Colt. I hold it up, so Sean and Shane can see. Sean nods. I put my finger over my lips.
“Hello.”
“Nik, it’s me.”
“I know. You’re lucky I answered.”
“Your brother’s been?—”
“Shot. I know.”
“Did those motherfuckers?—”
“Sean was shot yesterday. No, this wasn’t retaliation. Otherwise, Dillan wouldn’t have helped.”
“Were you there? Did you get hurt? Where are you now?”
“Your concern is entertaining.”
“Nikki, don’t be like that.”
“Like what? I’ve already seen this episode of this pathetic soap opera. I’m dealing with something else right now. If he dies, text me.”
“Are you really that coldhearted? You didn’t use to be like this.”
“You mean before you dated me, lied about your feelings, proposed to me, let me accept your offer, then didn’t have the decency to look ashamed when I walked in on that conversation. Too bad whoever this was didn’t shoot you too.”
“Nikki, I cared about you. I would have been a good husband, and you never should have heard what you did. It was out of context.”
“Bullshit. You’d be no better than Ewan is with Ellie. Except there’d probably be fifty Ellies during our lifetime. You made your thoughts about me very clear in front of Ewan, Uncle Riley, and all your friends. Don’t worry. Your conscience is clear, isn’t it? You don’t have to feel like a pedophile fucking a body that looks like a ten-year-old’s. You can go to strip clubs purely because you love paying to see tits and asses, not because you’d miss coming home to them. Maybe I was the reason you never stayed hard enough long enough. Maybe I wasn’t. But the one thing I never told you before we got together was that I belonged to two BDSM clubs. Why do you think things changed when we became exclusive? You sucked in bed, and I was stuck only fucking you. I was going to live with that because I thought I loved you. I loved the idea of being loved and accepted into the O’Malleys finally. The day we broke up, I went to the club I hadn’t canceled my membership with and had a fivesome. I needed that many cocks to make up for the one you have. You couldn’t fuck your way out of a whorehouse. Like I said, text me if my brother dies.”
I hang up. There’s nothing but stunned silence as the twins stare at me.
“The last bit was exaggerated. There weren’t four.” There were three.