18. 열여덟 ‘yeolyeodolb’
Elijah’s POV
We enter my bedroom and as he closes the door, my eyes meet the floor, trying to collect my thoughts. My hand pushes my hair back a few times as I turn circles in the room.
I’m trying to keep myself collected, not let the rage blind me.
He’s your mate, Elijah. He’s your fucking friend, and somehow that makes it worse.
‘Is there something going on between you and Lilah?’ I ask my flatmate.
My feet can’t stay still, but if I keep this up, I’ll wear out the floor, so I stand in front of him, waiting for an answer.
‘What do you mean?’ he frowns.
‘Every time I walk into a room with just the two of you, I get the vibe that I’m interrupting something, not to mention that you are always awfully close to each other.’
My mind flashes back to after I asked Lilah out the first time, how when I entered her room to speak she and Moon Hee were holding hands, or how close they were at the tattoo parlour, or in the kitchen, or today. I need to know if I’m imagining things.
‘Nothing is going on between us. We’re just friends, that’s all,’ he says. But the way his lips purse at the end and the way he avoids my stare tell me there’s something more.
One thing I’ve always praised myself for is understanding body language. I’ve been studying it for years.
So I shoot my shot. ‘Do you like her?’
His eyes widen at me, telling me everything I need to know.
‘What? No!’ he bursts out, looking down to his left afterwards.
He’s lying. He’s fucking lying.
‘Tell me the truth,’ I say. I don’t want to argue, or play as if she’s someone’s property. I just want to know.
‘ Hyung ,’ he says, his shoulders dropping in defeat.
‘Before her, you were my friend. You know I consider you my dongsaeng (little brother) , and that’s not going to change.’
‘Do you like her?’ Moon Hee asks. This time his eyes fix on mine.
‘I’m not sure.’ I’ve never been one to be in love, but to me, she is different.
There’s no one thing that makes her special. It’s the way the world feels warmer when I’m around her. The way her smile makes me want to protect her from the world.
I’ve never been one to be in love, but my heart grows bigger when I’m with her.
‘I do,’ he says in a lower tone, glancing back at the door.
I knew he was lying before, but hearing those words…my heart sinks. Two simple words fazed more than a punch in the stomach.
‘I have for a while, way before you two were together. I just kept my distance,’ he continues, looking back at me.
I sit down on my bed, his words weighing on me. I never saw it coming.
‘You might not be sure, but I think you do like her. I’ve seen you with a lot of girls, some lasted more than others, but I’ve never seen you how you are with Lilah,’ my flatmate tells me.
I fucking know that.
And I fucking don’t know what to do with it.
I stay silent, gathering my thoughts. I lay back on the bed. ‘Tell her I’ll be out in a minute, please.’
‘ Ne (Yes) ,’ he says, before leaving my space.
My eyes stay glued to the white ceiling, projecting as a film all my memories of us, trying to get me to decide, until a knock pounds on my door.
‘Elijah?’ a feminine voice sounds through the wood.
‘Come in.’ I move my eyes in the door’s direction.
‘Is everything okay? It’s been fifteen minutes since Moon Hee left your room.’ Her low tone and the way she’s playing with her fingers give me the impression she’s being cautious.
Why would she be cautious?
‘I didn’t even notice the time go by.’ I sit up on the bed and pat the place next to mine. ‘Come here.’
She walks slowly, still playing with her fingers. Is she nervous or being cautious? I can’t tell. Either way, why?
‘Why do I feel like you’re walking around eggshells with me? Is something wrong?’ I ask, grabbing her hand while staring at her chocolate-brown eyes.
‘No, but you acted so…roughly when you entered the house and didn’t even say a word to me. I’m afraid you are mad at me, and I don’t know why.’ She looks down at our interlocked fingers.
With my other hand, I hold two fingers under her chin and raise her head so her eyes meet mine. ‘I could never be mad at you.’
The corners of her mouth lift and her lower lip gets pulled between her teeth. My thumb goes over it to push it down, so it can slowly enter her mouth. The wet warmth of her tongue makes me inhale, and it’s enough to get me pulsating between my legs.
She sucks on it and my other hand moves to her belly, slowly sliding down inside her pants. I find her panties and pull the hem up, making her gasp. My finger leaves her mouth and I join my lips to hers.
My hand resumes its trace, now inside her panties.
‘You’re already wet?’ I breathe inside her mouth.
She shyly mumbles, ‘We haven’t done it in a while.’
Smirking, my tongue’s tip slides against her lip. Her eyes close as soon as my finger finds her clit and I gently rub on it.
Lilah stays sitting on the edge of the bed and I move to the floor, placing myself between her legs. I pull her bottoms down, leaving her exposed to me, my mouth salivating for her taste.
My tongue traces her up and down, making her moan.
‘Shit, Moon Hee is home,’ she says, slapping her hand to her mouth.
‘So, you know what that means…you can’t make any noise, otherwise I’ll have to stop…and you won’t want me to stop.’
I spot her throat moving as if she’s swallowed. With her nod, I place my tongue on her, licking first to wet her enough so my mouth can suck on it while my fingers slide inside of her. One, two, three fingers, and she rolls her head back, hands on her side gripping the sheets.
My other hand lifts her shirt, cupping her breasts; I love the way they fill my hand perfectly, not too large, not too small. I feel her nipple grow so I play with it, making it harder, the way I am for her.
I pump my fingers faster as my tongue flickers her at the exact pace I’ve learned she likes. I’ve been studying her face to know the exact pace and pressure; a bit too much, and she grimaces, too little, and she’s too serious.
Her chest rises and lowers faster, and the sound of her breathing becomes more prominent. Her hands grip harder, rumpling the sheets.
There’s something about watching how a woman reacts to a simple flicker of the tongue that drives me crazy, and watching Delilah on the brink of an orgasm requires all my self-control to not take her right here, right now, instead of letting her finish.
Her chest pauses, her grip tightening still, and she goes silent, mouth slightly open, her eyes closed. I slow down the moment she exhales, diminishing my pace not to stop too suddenly, letting her feel pleasure until her breath catches up.
‘Fuck,’ she curses under her breath.
‘I told you, you wouldn’t want me to stop.’ The corner of my mouth lifts as I move up to meet her lips. ‘You taste delicious.’ I give her a taste of herself.
She grabs my pants and unbuttons them. I smile at the gesture.
That’s my girl.
If there is one thing I haven’t doubted for one second it’s how compatible we are in bed. We never leave unsatisfied, we only stop until we are both exhausted, and we don’t wear out easily.
Pants and boxers on the floor, her hand gripping me as her tongue now teases me. My hand fists her hair into a ponytail, so she can work better.
It’s my turn to close my eyes as I feel the wet and soft trace on my cock, making it fluster with the sauna inside her mouth. The creases on her palate rub against me as she swallows me up to the back of her throat. I hear her gasping—fuck, I love that sound—allowing me to feel the brief pre-cum leave my body.
She uses her tongue while her lips close on me, faster as she knows I like. The hand that’s gripping her hair pushes her closer to me, making her gasp once more; my butt cheeks contract as I pump her mouth full.
I take myself from her mouth and lead her to stand up and kiss me.
‘You strangely taste good as well,’ she says.
‘Not strangely. I know what to eat to make it taste better.’ I wink.
She chuckles and sits back down on the bed. ‘I want to continue, truly, but I’m getting uncomfortable with the thought of Moon Hee knowing what we are doing here. We’ve been gone for a while.’
‘He’s probably in his room or distracted.’ I clench my jaw at the thought of her thinking about him.
Please don’t tell me I’m the jealous type. I fucking hate the jealous type. It’s too stressful.
‘Still…’ she mutters, looking down.
Fuck. ‘Do you want me to go check?’ I ask.
Her head lifts, nodding, eyes wide open.
I put on my boxers—deep down wanting him to know that she just had me in her mouth—and peek into the living room on my way to the kitchen, pretending to go grab a glass of water.
‘Hey,’ I say, spotting Moon Hee reading a book on the sofa. He’s in this wave of reading self-improvement books that I don’t understand.
He looks up in my direction and says back, ‘Hey,’ looking down at my almost non-existent outfit. The grip on his book tightens, and I smile inwards.
Fuck, I’m terrible. It actually gave me joy to see my best friend in pain. What’s wrong with me?
No, this can’t be. I need to fix this. I walk towards him and sit on the sofa.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I shouldn’t try to rub it in your face.’
He turns his face to me and sighs. ‘ Ottokeyo ?’
‘How? How will we work it out? No idea,’ I confess.
He laughs. This motherfucker actually laughs. ‘Who would’ve guessed it?’
‘That we like the same person?’ I ask, and he nods.
‘I don’t think she like likes me though,’ I say, looking down at my hands.
‘She’s had a crush on you since you met. Why do you say that?’ Moon Hee questions.
‘We might do intimate things, but we’re not intimate. Anytime she’s down, it’s not in me she confides, it’s you, and that’s what’s stinging me.’
He stays silent on the topic. I know he agrees. We might not know who she likes, but my relationship with her is purely physical.
‘I never really imagined you in love with someone,’ he says.
‘Nobody ever said in love, mate, don’t get ahead of yourself.’ I lift my hands in defence, and he chuckles once more.
This is better, this is the ease between us. That’s how I want us, laughing at our downfalls.
‘Fine, I never imagined you with genuine feelings towards someone. Is that better?’ He stares with his lifted eyebrows.
I smile. ‘I know you guys think I’m always cool, that I don’t get hurt and I don’t take anything seriously. But I do have feelings. I just know better than to show them.’
He nods his head, unsure of what to say. This is why I hide my feelings, I hate the uncomfortableness that not knowing how to comfort someone brings.
That’s why I also don’t know how to comfort someone because I don’t remember ever being comforted.
My parents, even not being part of The London Elite, did everything by their rules to fit in as much as possible. They did everything with The Elite, went everywhere with them, and so did I when I was younger.
I remember overhearing my parents talking one day about how the only reason they couldn’t make the name list was because they weren’t born in London; so for Park Jae Seop and Park So Min, me being born here was their golden ticket to have a member of the family have their name engraved in the gold plate they keep at the entrance of their mansion hall. A plate that contains all the names of everyone that ever took part in The London Elite, all except my parents. My name is there, so is Delilah’s, and like her, the moment I renounced the title was the moment my parents cut me off.
Now all I hear about them is through Moon Hee’s mum. She and my mum are friends, within the possibilities between house mistress and house maid.
All my good memories with them are in Korea. Whenever we visited, I begged for us to stay because there they were my parents. Here they are two people too involved in the need to belong in a society that they forgot who already belonged to them.
That’s another thing I like about Delilah. She might not know when I’m down, but she always knows the moments I need a lift of mood.
I get up and walk back to my room, knocking on the door before entering.
‘Wait!’ she screams as I enter the space, laughing.
The woman who has her hands and arms covering her parts blows out air at my sight and throws me a pillow.
‘Bloody hell, Elijah. I thought you were Moon Hee. You scared the shit out of me!’ she says. ‘Why would you knock? ’
‘To have this exact reaction.’ I needed a laugh. My last thought had been too depressing.
‘You devil,’ she says, lips tight.
‘Oh, I might not be the devil, but I’ll have you committing sins,’ I tease, hovering on top of her on the mattress.
‘I see someone’s ready to continue.’ Lilah licks her lower lip as her hand slides through my boxers.
‘And I’m not the only one.’ I bring my lips to hers, kissing her passionately, teasing with my tongue from time to time, making sure she’s ready to move on. I lower my kisses and trail them around her neck, nibbling on her ear, receiving a giggle from her.
It’s too sensitive of a spot for her, noted.
Bringing my mouth down to her breasts, I suck on one as my hand caresses the other.
It’s for this exact reason I train single-arm push-ups, so I can hold myself up in these positions.
She lowers my boxers and grabs a handful; my cock always grows in her hand.
Her hand guides me to the middle of her legs, where she stops to tease herself with me. I like a woman who knows what she wants.
I take her lead and enter her pussy. The moan that leaves her is enough to know I need to cover her mouth with my hand.
As I move faster, I feel her warm breath against my palm, her moans trying to escape. I really hope Moon Hee either put on headphones or went on a walk because I’ve been containing myself too much and I’m about to lose all self-control.
The hand over her mouth moves to her neck as the other keeps me stable. I pound faster; her moans no longer contained, her back arching and legs wrapped around me. She wants me as close as possible and I’m already reaching deep inside her.
This bed, unfortunately, has had better days and I’ve treated it too roughly already, so there’s only so much it can handle before it creaks.
My sweat drips down on her as I’m exerting all my strength. She signals me to switch positions, so I can rest for a while.
Going for one of my favourite positions, she rocks on top of me as I eye trace her curves. A woman’s body, to me, is the purest and most enticing form of art.
I take her all in, every inch of her, and decal it into my memory, so if one day we’re not together anymore, at least I’ll have her embedded in my mind.