23. 스물셋 ‘sumulset’
Daldust’s POV
Five years ago…
‘I really don’t want to go,’ I say to my friend Mark, standing outside my building’s front door.
‘No, you need to come with us. You’ve been in London for a month and haven’t met anyone. You are coming to the party,’ he says.
I have met people, just not people interesting enough for me to talk to outside of parties.
‘That girl you saw the other day will be there.’ The other one tries to convince me.
‘It doesn’t matter, she has a boyfriend.’ I look up at the dark night sky.
‘So what? They’re not married, and you need friends,’ Mark says, giving me the bracelet to enter the party. So this is the type of friend he’s expecting me to make.
I accept it, not for them, but for her, to see her at least one more time.
‘Park will be there,’ Justin tells Mark, playing with his car keys.
‘Yeah, I know, he’s the host.’ Mark pushes his tongue inside his cheek. A habit I picked up that he has when that guy gets mentioned.
‘Who is Park?’ I ask.
I only know Justin and Mark here in London, and it happened by chance. My mum works for Mark’s mum so I met him at a dinner. Justin came along; I believe they’re best mates.
They aren’t my preferred type of friends, but it will do for now.
‘He’s a dude who thinks he’s the best, just because every girl wants to get in his pants,’ Justin says as I see Mark’s jaw tense.
I have a sense that there’s history there, and it’s most likely not a nice one.
‘The party is at ten. We will meet you there,’ Mark says, and they leave.
Like I mentioned, not my type of friends. My type would at least take me there, since I have no clue where the party will reside.
A few minutes after I walk inside my small flat, the door opens.
‘ Omma (mum)?’ I lean towards the entry to check on whoever is coming inside.
‘ Ne (yes),’ she says, stepping into the living room.
‘I’m going out tonight. Don’t wait up,’ I say, knowing that my socialising will at least bring joy to one of us.
‘I’m happy you are making friends,’ she says in her cute little accent. I love how she practises English even at home; she’s the hardest working person I know.
I help her prepare dinner and we sit down to enjoy each other’s company.
She misses my dad. I see that every day, especially when we eat. Her eyes keep glancing at where he would sit. I miss him too.
It’s been two years since he died and even though the pain has lessened as we get used to it, it’s still hard.
The reason we came to England was because my mum was struggling to be in Korea. We plan on visiting as often as we can because we have our house there, but for the time being, we are here. She needed a change of scenery from the places they frequented daily.
My heart ached to hear her cry every night as she lay alone, but ever since coming here, it aches less.
The infusion of fresh faces, experiences, and places has brought a sense of healing to her soul.
‘How was work today?’ I ask.
She is working as a cleaning lady for Mark’s family. Some people might think less about housekeepers, but she loves to clean and get everything organised. To me, it’s the perfect job for her; she always returns home smiling after taking care of a house where a family is complete.
‘It was good. I cooked today and Ms Harmony liked it a lot.’ Her dimples are showing. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve found them adorable.
My mum had me when she was young, so she never got to live her own life. She says she didn’t mind it, that she enjoyed raising a child like me, but it’s been wonderful seeing her live now. She’s forty, but still very young at heart.
***
‘What’s the door?’ I ask Mark, arriving at the street address he sent me by text.
‘28, just listen from which floor music is coming out,’ he says before hanging up the call and I sigh.
I shouldn’t have come. They’ll just send me off and go make out with someone.
After verifying my entrance by displaying my bracelet to security, I continue walking past the door and am instantly engulfed in a dense cloud of smoke.
‘Sorry, mate,’ the guy who just puffed smoke into my face says. He chuckles at the person next to him—both with bloodshot eyes—and it’s only quarter past ten.
I shrug it off and walk further in as he gets out.
Deafening music is playing in the background, and the mix between alcohol and weed floats in the air. The inability to move well because of the crowd causes tightening in my throat.
But for just tonight, I’ll try to fit in. My thoughts travel to the girl I met a few times since I got to London; I wonder if she’s here.
We have never spoken, but we’ve been in the same circle of people. Her boyfriend is friends with Mark and that means he can’t be that good of a person either.
She’s not very talkative, but when she talks no one can out-speak her. The undeniable passion for life, and for him, is always present in her eyes.
I walk towards the island in the kitchen and pour myself whatever drink they have on display. I don’t know the name, but it burns like hell when you drink it; my throat is on fire.
I walk to the sink and pour myself a glass of water to soothe the pain.
As I wait to run into the people who invited me, I ponder sitting on the sofa, wondering how many white spots would show up under a blue light.
Time goes by, but I can’t figure out how much. I haven’t seen either Mark or Justin around. Are they even here yet?
I heard music in the background of our call, but I won’t rule out them being at a pre-party. Apparently, those are a thing.
I’m tired of those guys. Our time together is coming to an end .
‘Hey. I’ve never seen you around,’ a guy says, sitting on the filthy sofa next to me. Tattoos cover his right arm and I can’t stop staring at them. They are beautiful.
‘Yeah, I’ve never been around here.’ I trace my eyes back up to his. He’s Korean, or at least has traces.
‘Who did you come with?’ he asks, scanning the room.
‘Mark and Justin, but I haven’t even seen them yet.’
He chuckles. ‘Those kids are outside, trying to get laid. I’m Elijah, by the way. Elijah Park.’
So he’s Park. Wait, he threw the party. Of course, he’s asking who the strange kid that invaded his place is.
‘Oh, you’re the owner of the place,’ I say, glancing back at his arm. ‘Nice tattoos.’
‘Thanks, you want some?’ Elijah asks. His smile contrasts how the other ones described him, but then again, they don’t seem the type to know who’s decent or not.
‘One day.’ My eyes take in my bare arms.
‘When you want them, just go to my parlour. It’s called InkPark. It’s two streets down.’ The guy stands up, looking at someone who just called for him.
I take his lead to move around the place as well.
On a corner some people play darts and beer pong, while on the opposite side others make out. Each side has doors with a sock on the handle.
This seems like the fraternity houses I see in films. I’ve never been in one, and even though the films are fictional, they have to be based on something.
I leave through the open window in the back that leads to the fire escape stairs, up to the roof.
‘Mate, you’re here!’ Mark says as soon as he sees me.
This must be the outside that guy Park was talking about.
As always, Justin comes along. ‘Welcome, dude. Let’s get you acquainted with some people.’
‘Hey,’ I say, energy levels down to minus one percent.
As we walk towards a circle of people, someone stands out to me. It’s her. She is here.
They introduce me to everyone, as if I had never met them before. It’s the same circle they always hangout with, but people never notice the introvert.
After a while, some of them disperse and I go sit on a sofa they have up here. The reason for a roof sofa in this house is still very much shady, but the view compensates for it.
The full moon bewitches me every time. Its luminous serenity is enough to remind me to breathe. As I inhale, the sofa bounces a bit and my attention moves to the side.
‘Hey,’ she says, sitting down.
My vocal cords forget how to work, and I can only look at her big chocolaty eyes.
‘I’m Lilah, Lilah Scott.’ Her hand reaches out and waits to meet mine.
This is a turn of events I never imagined. The girl I have been chasing ended up coming to me.
‘Hi, I—’ I shake her hand. Her soft skin brushes against mine as our hands depart, making me long for more.
‘You are the guy who Mark and Justin keep introducing, even though we have met multiple times,’ she says. Her teeth so white they could compete with the moon.
She remembers me.
‘I’m flattered you remember me.’ I say a full sentence at last.
‘Yeah, you don’t seem to fit in with those guys. Why do you hang around them?’ Her wavy brown hair sways with the wind and she rubs her hands over her bare arms.
I take off my jacket and place it on her back. ‘Take it.’
‘Aren’t you cold?’ she asks.
I shake my head with a soft smile. Bringing a sweatshirt under it was a smart move on my part.
She accepts the jacket and pulls it closer around her. It’s a few sizes too big—probably because I like the oversized look on me—and it makes her look cute.
‘Thanks.’ Lilah’s eyes squint with joy.
‘I’m not,’ I say, and she frowns at me. ‘The type to hang out with them. They’re just the first people I met when I got here.’
‘Oh. Where did you come from?’
‘South Korea.’
‘That’s cool. I wish I could travel somewhere now,’ she says, looking up at the sky.
The light cast on her face deepens the shadows. I wish I could take her picture right now, but I’ll surely draw her later.
‘Well, the sky is the same anywhere in the world,’ I speak, and she chuckles.
‘I guess so, yeah.’ I can see that she has already had a bit to drink.
‘Where is your boyfriend?’ I ask, looking around the roof for him. He’s nowhere to be found.
The sound is so loud downstairs that it arrives here with only a slight muffle. Lauv’s Lonely Eyes plays as I watch her stare at the full moon.
‘I wish I was a bird.’ She ignores my question. ‘They can fly anywhere at any time. Imagine how it is to be that free.’
‘They’re lucky. Our legs aren’t as strong as their wings to travel the world.’
‘He’s somewhere around the house. He never leaves the place, but he always leaves me. I don’t even know why I come to these things anymore.’ She looks down at her hands, playing with her fingers. Maybe she was considering if she would answer or not before.
I knew it. He’s a prick.
I glance at her face and see her watering eyes shining with the moonlight, so I grab her hand and she leans her head on my shoulder.
It’s strange how quickly we’ve become comfortable with each other, considering we just met.
Lilah cleans her tears with her free hand and lets go of mine with the other, sitting up straight. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just been a rough month.’
‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘You know, we can’t be birds. We are human after all, but we can be free.’
‘We can, but I couldn’t just spread my wings and go now, like a bird. And I really want to go now.’ Her voice gets lost in the wind as she looks at the buildings in front.
My chest tightens hearing the hurt in her tone. I really want to hug her right now.
But that would probably be weird.
Thankfully, the muffle in the music grows—they must have lowered the sound—so I catch her words.
‘If you want to go, then go. You should feel free at least once in your life.’
‘Here you are,’ someone says. We turn around and the guy who should have been comforting her stares at me.
‘Vance,’ she says.
‘Let’s go, the guys are getting food and I’ll drop you off at home,’ he says, tightening his lips. I don’t like his tone.
‘Are you going home afterwards too?’ she asks him.
‘No, I’m coming back here. The party will go on until the morning, but I know you get tired early.’ He tries to sound like a considerate boyfriend, but I can see through his act.
He doesn’t care that she gets tired early. If he did, he would stay with her. He simply doesn’t want to have her around for long, especially after he gets drunk and wants to do whatever.
‘Oh, okay.’ Lilah’s sigh tells me I’m not the only one who sees through his words.
With her head down, she gets up, and they make their way to the stairs. While I keep my gaze fixed on them leaving, she unexpectedly turns around and rushes towards me.
‘Here, I almost forgot,’ she says, taking off my jacket and giving it to me. ‘Thank you, not just for the jacket. I’ll try to be free.’
I give her a small smile and she leaves to catch up with him, where he’s already waiting by the stairs. I’m glad she’s going home because I know he wouldn’t give her his jacket and she would feel cold the whole night.
Before walking down the stairs, she looks at me once more and waves with a smile.
It was at that moment, as the wind swept her long, brown, and wavy hair back, revealing her beautiful face, with big doe eyes, that I was certain I would never come across anyone quite like her again.
Present time…
I walk towards the bakery near my workplace when I’m stopped by the writing in cursive pink letters above the door. I’d never noticed the name until now: Sweet Delilah .
I stand by the door, feeling the cool breeze brush against my face, while she waves from the inside, her smile visible through the window.
Just like that night, she smiles and waves at me, this time not saying goodbye, but welcoming me into her life.
It’s you. It has always been you.
Dear Lilah Scott, you never asked my name that night, but I never forgot yours.