29. 스물아홉 ‘sumulahob’
Moon Hee’s POV
‘Can you close up? I want to see if Lilah will serve me a coffee,’ I ask my boss. I know she’s closed, but I saw her going inside the bakery a few minutes ago.
‘Sure, I’ll be at Lisa’s after,’ he says, opening the cash register.
‘Oh, and Elijah? I’m going to tell her soon.’
My friend stares at me for a while before nodding and lowering his head to the money with a forced smile. ‘It’s about time.’ I hate that this has grown into a tension between us, but I know we’ll get through this.
‘You know I couldn’t have it done before.’ I look outside, thinking of the time I had to wait to be as I am with her now.
‘You could. I did.’ His gaze lifts to me, but his jaw stays clenched.
‘Exactly because of it. She needed to sort out her feelings for you first. You were her crush.’ I stare back at him.
‘And I had my chance to be more, right? Is that what you’re thinking?’
‘ Hyung …if she’d chosen you, I would be happy for you both. Sad for me? For sure. But I would cheer for you. That’s why I stayed away from her since our first hang out, no matter how much that cost me.’
His eyes lower as the skin wrinkles between his eyebrows. ‘That night…You talked more with her than all the nights after…’
‘If I hadn’t seen how she looked at you back then, I would have shot my shot earlier. But she needed to know how she felt about you, not to mention that she needed a friend more than she needed a boyfriend at the time.’
He stays silent, his head lowering to the cash once more.
As I’m walking to Sweet Delilah across the street, I watch Lilah talking to a man. I’ve never seen him around, but she doesn’t look thrilled to see him.
The closer I get to the door, the more her eyes gleam. I’ve never seen her like this. They must know each other. I can hear her voice all the way out here.
‘I’m not done yet,’ she says as I enter the bakery. She doesn’t see me or hear the bell.
I don’t like this.
‘I needed you. I needed you to comfort me, to help me, especially with my parents when he posted that video. They scrutinised me, and I had no one. No one on my side! I needed you to tell my parents you were the reason we broke up. I needed you.’
Oh fuck. I drop my backpack on the floor and run to her. The guy watches me as I round the counter and pull her to me.
Every time I see her cry, she holds my heart hostage. It’s fucking painful.
I stood by as I saw my dad hurt, because I didn’t know what to do…and I stayed quiet as my mum grieved for him, mad at myself for not helping him out of the dark hole he dug. If my mum wasn’t as strong as she is, she would have gone the same path.
I won’t let Lilah have the same fate. Not her . I promised myself I would never stay put again, and as if the universe heard me, it’s been getting me at the right place, at the right time. My arms are ready to strip the pain away from her.
‘Moonie.’ She looks up at me, her lips trembling.
‘I’m here,’ I say, squeezing her harder against me.
‘What the fuck did you do to her?’ I turn to the man standing in front of us. If my stare could kill, he’d be lying on the ground by now.
‘Lilah, I’m truly sorry. I was so messed up back then. If I could take your pain away, I would.’ He ignores me.
‘You can’t, but you can take yourself out.’ The woman in my arms stands upright but doesn’t let me go.
The way her hands wrap around my waist is enough to tempt my mind to go places inappropriate for the moment. But it feels so fucking good.
No wonder Elijah caught feelings. I’ve only had brief encounters with her touch—with clothes on—and they’re enough to send me over the edge. I can’t even grasp what it’s like to have her wrapped in my arms, nothing keeping our skin apart. And since this weekend, the thought of it has been coming more often than not.
His footsteps become less prominent as my eyes fixate on her. Delilah’s face seems sad as she watches him leave, exhaling when the bell above the door rings and it closes .
Her eyes move to mine and for a few seconds, as the leaves flying outside stop moving and the street becomes empty, it’s just me and her. Our eyes lock, reaching for the deepest parts of each other, searching for the secrets we buried under the moonlight to tell us we’re not alone.
I’m the first one to break the silence. ‘I have another song for you.’
I watch the black dot on her stunning brown eyes widen and as the corner of her lips lift, ‘You and your songs. Which is it?’
‘ I Hope You Know by Sofia Carson.’ How I wish you could read my mind, Delilah Scott.
Her eyes squint harder as her smile grows bigger. This face of pure joy, that’s the one I strive for every time we’re together. ‘You’re a box full of surprises, Kim Moon Hee. Who knew Sofia Carson was in your playlist as well?’
‘I don’t listen to songs for the artist but for their artistry.’
‘Well, I would love to know what else is on your playlist.’ The bell on top of the door rings, bringing us back from our utopia.
‘I’m sorry, are you still open?’ a woman with long and curly ginger hair asks.
Delilah’s hands drop from my waist and she composes herself, turning her body towards the customer. ‘Yes, of course, come in.’
‘I just wanted a coffee to go,’ the client says.
Delilah smiles and nods, turning around to the coffee machine. As her hand grabs the cup, I notice it shaking.
I reach for it, my hand on top of hers, both to calm her down and to take over. ‘Go relax, I’ll take care of this.’
‘Do you know how?’ Her hand heats mine as I try my best to keep it still.
‘I’ve worked at a café before.’ I smile, and she releases the cup, leaving me longing for her touch.
Lilah sits on the stool near the counter, and I prepare the other woman’s order, taking a coffee for myself after she leaves.
‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘Once more.’
‘Stop thanking me as if I’m doing you a favour. We’re friends, Lilah, and I really care about you. Besides, I just wanted a coffee for myself, anyway.’ I wink to lighten the mood.
She chuckles with my comment and stands up to close the shop. I help the one my heart screams for and walk her to her house.
When we enter the girls’ living room, Lisa and Elijah are sitting on the sofa talking. His eyes turn to me and Lilah, but stay fixed on mine. I shake my head, letting him know I haven’t told her, and he nods.
‘Hey,’ I say, and they greet me back. ‘Sofía isn’t joining us today?’
‘No,’ Lisa says, standing up and walking into the kitchen. Her face turned too serious to be okay.
I turn to Lilah and whisper, ‘Is everything okay with Lisa?’ She gives me a shoulder shrug as a response.
I don’t know Lisa as well as Lilah or Elijah, but I do care for her well-being. I walk to meet her and even though I have no clue on how to approach her, I pretend to go for a glass of water and I say, ‘If you need to talk I’m here.’
She’s sitting on the back counter, looking at her feet bouncing in the air.
‘I’ve just been feeling weird. Sofía and I are great, and things are going amazing. But that’s the problem. She’s ready for more and I’m just not sure.’
‘Why do you feel like you’re not sure when you know how good things are?’ I ask, walking to the counter by her left and leaning on it.
‘I don’t know. That’s why I say I feel weird.’
‘Look, Lisa, I don’t know you that well, and I don’t want to make any assumptions, but from all I’ve seen and heard in the past year we’ve known each other, Sofía is the first person I’ve seen you spend more than two weeks with and I see how you look at her. She makes you happy.’
Her eyes now lay on me, her feet still. ‘How do you know you’ve found love?’
‘Love doesn’t find you—passion and desire yes—but love…love you create by choosing that person and fighting for them every day. So don’t be afraid of falling in love with her, because that’s not something you can control, but you can control if you want to love her. And if you don’t want to lose her, choose her.’
The woman with chocolate and blueberry locs nods with a small smile and gets down from the counter. ‘Thank you.’
‘Anytime.’ I smile and stand straight, extending my arm for her to lead the way back to the living room.
On the sofa, Elijah and Lilah sit next to each other, his arm around her. This dynamic is so unfamiliar to me. I know they are good friends and I know nothing else will come out from there, but it’s still so strange to know that they slept together from time to time. Especially knowing that if it was up to Elijah, they’d be more than friends.
‘Lilah, when is our turn?’ I play, getting everyone’s undivided attention. ‘I mean, I’m the only one who hasn’t slept with anyone from this group. I could’ve asked Lisa, but she’s dating, so…when is our turn, Delilah ?’
Elijah’s gaze is somewhat in shock and sad at the same time, and Lisa is just amusingly watching us. But it’s Lilah’s choke on the air that gets me to clear things up.
‘I’m joking, relax. It’s funny how Elijah has been with both of you.’ I chuckle.
‘Woah, in my defence, that was a stupid drunk night when we met. We soon realised we were better off as friends,’ Lisa says, gesturing with her hands, as she does when trying to make a point.
‘True that.’ Elijah points at her while nodding.
While everyone else is laughing, Lilah remains silent, fixing her gaze on me. Part of me hopes she can see past the joke and understand my sincere longing for us to have our own special moment. Her expression gives me a glimmer of hope, but I’m uncertain if she feels the same way.
I wonder if this magnetic pull I have towards her is mutual. Does she feel the same need to be close when we are in the same space? That any stolen touch is a percentage of battery recharged?
Does her world stop when our eyes interconnect? Is the impulse to grab her close to me and kiss those luscious lips getting harder each day for her, too? Does her mind fill with the thought of us making love, making it more difficult to concentrate on the simplest tasks?
She’s my favourite song on repeat.
The want to pull her aside and tell her everything, tell her how destined we are, is stronger today, but after the encounter she had, I don’t think it would be the best idea.
As omma says, ‘Patience is a virtue,’ and I’m nothing if not patient.
‘Well, what film are we watching today?’ Lisa asks, deviating Lilah’s gaze from mine.
‘I’m feeling horror,’ Elijah suggests. ‘I want to see who you ladies grab when a scare comes.’ He winks, teasing his tongue out.
‘We all know you’re the one who needs to grab someone,’ Lisa says, and we laugh.
‘As long as we’re grabbing, I’m fine with it,’ he plays.
‘You choose, I need to go to the loo first. I’ll make the popcorn when I come back,’ Lilah says, getting up from the sofa and walking to the room’s entry.
‘Take your time. I’ll make the popcorn,’ I say.
She nods and leaves the space without another word. I hope I didn’t make her too uncomfortable before. She’s been so dispirited.
A few minutes later, as I turn around from the microwave after placing the bag of corn inside, Delilah shows up in front of me.
There’s something different from before. Her head stands tall as her foot takes a step closer to me, making me take one back and hit the counter behind.
She takes another step and I hold my breath.
Where is this confidence coming from?
Her head tilts to the right, peeking in the microwave. My heart beats faster with each corn exploding inside the paper bag. Her gaze finds me once more and she leans in to me, standing on her tiptoes.
Her breath meets my ear, sending infinity chills all over my body. ‘I know you don’t want me to thank you, but let me at least tell you how much I appreciate you.’
A flame rises inside me and my hands grab her waist, stopping her from stepping back as her feet lay flat back on the ground. The sight of her tongue slightly wet her bottom lip before she pulls it between her teeth makes it impossible to turn my eyes back up to hers.
Our bodies touch as I lean on the counter, her head looking up as I look down, with my hands on her waist, tempting my patience.
I’m not sure I can hold it in anymore.
I look up from her lips to see her gaze down on mine. She wants me too.
In the split second I’m about to risk it all, as I lower my head to meet hers, the microwave beeps, startling us both.
Fucking popcorn.