CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER TEN
The next day , Adonis was up in a fury of determination. There was something about Stevie that tested him in ways he could not allow. He had things to accomplish. All of that was bearing down on him as he grappled with the reality of his father’s health. He wasn’t afraid of responsibility. He wasn’t afraid of much of anything, but the enormity of it was not lost on him.
And the need to be invulnerable.
One thing he knew for certain, that while his father had been a good king, and would be until the very last day he lived on earth, he had been affected by the loss of Adonis’s mother. And Adonis would not allow himself to be similarly affected. His father was a hard man, one that was difficult for people to connect with. Adonis wanted to give the people warmth. Adonis wanted to fill in the gaps that had been left behind by his father’s rather austere ruling.
It was an art form, one that he had been perfecting these many years. Because while somebody might look at him and see nothing but mindless indulgence, what he saw was a facade that was not easily cracked. Whatever he felt, he could always look like he was at ease. Whatever he wanted, he could always look as if he was wanting more of it.
His father was conscious of honor, of appeasing the more conservative members of the country, and Adonis acknowledged that had to happen, but, then he also knew that the country was in bad need of some levity. Of plans for the future that felt bright.
A feeling he understood. His father was every inch a Royal. In that untouchable, implacable way.
Stevie would be the people’s princess. There would be no doubt.
She would appeal to them in a way that the royal family simply didn’t. She would seem like someone who understood, and indeed she would.
But that meant controlling his response to her. Especially because…he trusted nothing. And why would he? He could not allow any feelings that he had for Stevie to have dominion over him.
And so he vowed to himself then and there that he would not touch her until after they were married. A chance for him to practice a bit of restraint. Because he was going to have to find that middle ground. And he was determined to do it.
Both for his own sense of control, and for her…
For her. She’d asked and he wanted to give her what she wanted, even when it wasn’t what he wanted.
Though, it might be what he needed.
Her family arrived early, and Stevie was already in classes, so Adonis made sure to greet them.
The sisters came tumbling in, bright and wide-eyed, small excitable versions of their older sister. And he wondered if that was who she might have been had she not had to take on so much responsibility at such a young age.
The girls went excitedly off to their various rooms, led by their different attendants. But Stevie’s father stayed behind. Adonis had yet to meet him, and the older man was walking with assistance from a cane, much like Adonis.
He stuck his hand out, his intent to aggressively shake Adonis’s hand apparent. Adonis responded in kind.
“Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m Roger.”
“Adonis,” he responded.
“I know that you’re a prince,” he said. “Soon to become a king. But you know, Stevie is one of the things I love very most in this world. All those girls, they’re treasures. If you do anything to hurt them, I will come back and haunt you. And if there is still breath in me, I swear, I’ll exhaust the last of it taking you down a peg.”
Adonis couldn’t help but feel an immense amount of respect for this man, who was weak and ill, and societally lower than Adonis in every way, and yet not above being a protective father when the moment warranted it.
“I will take care of them,” he said. “Stevie told me that she did this in part because you encouraged her to. And I will not dishonor that gesture. I swear to you, I will care for all your daughters as if they were my own family for all their lives. They will never want for anything.”
“I believe you,” he said. “And I’m a pretty good judge of character. So I’d like it if you didn’t disappoint me.”
“I’ll do my very best.”
At lunchtime, there was a large spread put out for Stevie’s family, and Stevie joined them, looking as bright-eyed with excitement as her sisters had. And he understood then, that no matter that caring for them was a very real burden, Stevie loved them with everything she was.
She really was doing this for them.
There was something about that recognition that made his heart twist slightly, that made him feel a slight sliver of guilt. She had accused him of taking advantage of her desperation. In some ways, he supposed that he had.
* * *
In that moment, he wondered if he was just a little bit more like his mother than he had ever thought he might be. Because he had always thought that she had taken advantage of his father. Yes, he was a king, but he had been lonely. He had not wanted one of those dynastic marriages where the couple did not know one another. Once upon a time, his father had been warm. Once upon a time, he had been a different man, a different king altogether. And her ambition had destroyed that.
Had he done the same to Stevie? Had his own aims blinded him to the fact that he was using her abominably? He certainly wanted to give back more than he was taking. Or at least equal of it.
She didn’t want love. That was the thing.
But she did want to fly, and he had been quite hard-line about that. He supposed he was going to have to think of it differently. Because that conversation had made her sympathize with his mother, and now that he thought about it, it made him sympathize with her too.
After they were done eating, everybody piled out of the room, and he grabbed hold of Stevie before she could leave, the two of them by themselves in the dining room.
“What?” she asked.
“Why are you cross with me now?”
“I’m not,” she said. “It’s just… They’re very happy. And I’m happy. But it definitely underscores the enormity of all of this.”
“Yes. Well. There is quite a bit of enormity to the situation.”
She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t speaking of that, and I think you know it.”
“I know nothing of the kind.” He tried to force a smile. It wasn’t usually this difficult. “If you wish to leave, you know you can.”
She looked shocked. “Is this some kind of a joke? After my family has come you’re offering me the chance to leave?”
“It’s only that I now appreciate what you said to me before. But I am manipulating a vulnerability that you have.”
“Well. You are. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t enough good things that go with it for me to weigh out that decision and decide to take the manipulation. I’m strong, Adonis. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.”
“That I do believe.”
“So I’m just going to have to get used to it. And stop sulking.”
“Were you sulking?”
She lifted a shoulder. “A little bit.”
He found that he wanted to dig in deeper. Who she was. What made her, her. And it was that impulse that made him pull away.
“Tomorrow,” he said. “We will be getting into the ballroom etiquette portion of your training. I will be participating in that.”
“Ballroom?”
“Dancing,” he said, grinning.
“Dancing… I didn’t agree to any dancing.”
“We did once,” he said, thinking of when they’d been just Clem and Stevie, out under the stars.
“I suppose we did,” she said, looking away.
“I said that you could back out now,” he said. “If you’re afraid.”
She looked back at him again, the challenge making sparks shoot from her eyes. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
* * *
The next day, she showed up at the dancing lessons in a glorious, golden ball gown. And he smiled to himself as she entered the room.
She was only here because she was challenging him, he knew that. He respected that.
Stevie was nothing if not… Well, everything she had been when he had first met her. Putting her in a palace, promising her a title, none of it had changed her. She was resolutely stubborn and strong. And he was thankful for that. Because if not for her tenacity, he would’ve bled to death on the side of a mountain.
“You look every inch a princess,” he said.
She looked around the room. “There’s no instructor?”
“No. I’ve no need of a teacher to show you how to dance. I personally have taken dancing lessons since I was a child.”
“I thought that you were untamable as a child.”
He smiled. “Yes. Quite. But I never minded a dancing lesson. Typically, it involved being in a woman’s arms. I quite took a liking to it, especially around the age of fourteen.”
“Shameless.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why what? Why be shameless? I think the greater question is why do people choose shame?”
“No. That’s not what I mean. I mean… Your mother, she created a big scandal when she left your father. Yes, I googled all that. And she hurt you. I know she did. So why are you…”
He gritted his teeth. “Why am I like her?”
“You’re not,” she said. “I know you’re not because you care so much about the future of your country. But on the outside, to other people, you look like you might be. I guess what I don’t get is why it didn’t make you like your father.”
“Because I still wanted her attention. Isn’t that a terrible thing, Stevie?”
He felt scraped raw to say it, but he couldn’t hold back with her. She’d nearly watched him bleed out in a wrecked plane. Why not tell her about the things that made him bleed inside?
Stevie frowned. “I don’t know that it’s a terrible thing. I think it’s quite a relatable thing.”
“By keeping myself in the headlines, I made it so that my mother couldn’t ignore me. Also, I made myself more famous than she is. I know that bothers her. And I’m also quite certain it’s why my father never really reined me in. I did what he couldn’t. I made sure she couldn’t run away from this reality. From what she had left behind. I made sure that we followed her.”
“Were you… Were you aware of that when you were a teenager causing all these…dramas?”
“Oh, yes. Because every time I did something I knew there would be a headline, I imagine her face when she read it. And I imagined my headline being bigger than hers.”
“I understand that. I’ve never much had occasion to be petty or vindictive, but I feel that I would be.”
“Yes,” he said, regarding her closely. “I have a feeling you are not one who would take a slight lying down. Though, I have a feeling you would not consider it petty or vindictive. You would consider it justice.”
“Well. I guess so.”
“Now. Enough talking. Let’s dance.”
He extended his hand, and Stevie took hold of it, and he pulled her up against him. He had left the cane leaning up against the wall, and he was counting on his body to hold itself together so that he could lead his future bride across the dance floor.
“You are…much steadier than when last we tried this.”
“I ought to be. I’ve had time.”
Time to heal. Was that what this had been? What a strange thing to call this period of time where everything had shifted, where he had gone to Montana to chase Stevie down, brought her back, convinced her to marry him.
And now she was in his arms, soft and in a gown, rather than in her snow gear.
She looked up at him, and he felt something in his chest catch fire. And rather than indulging it, he reached into his pocket and began to play music over the system in the room, and swept her into a waltz.
His leg hurt, and he did his best to ignore it. He wanted nothing more than to remain in control. He needed nothing more than to remain in control.
And so he would.
Every step was a testament to that. Every beat of the music that he hit with precision.
Stevie followed his lead naturally, and he didn’t think about how extraordinarily she fit into his arms.
It was for the country. It wasn’t for him. And it certainly had nothing to do with the pounding desire that was beginning to heat his blood, as he allowed her softness to sink right into him.
When the song finished, they stood there, breathing hard, and Stevie’s eyes went glassy. She stretched up on her toes, and he knew that she was going to kiss him. He took a step away.
“We must focus on what matters,” he said. “You have to complete your princess training. We don’t want to cloud your mind with sex.”
Stevie looked as if he had struck her.
“You don’t… Cloud my… How dare you? How dare you suggest that… I was the one who… And why are you acting like I’m the only one that’s attracted here? You feel it too.”
“I never said I didn’t. But the simple truth is, we must remain focused in this moment. I cannot allow for there to be a distraction, and neither can you. It wouldn’t be beneficial to either of us to introduce emotion into it either.”
“Do you feel emotion with sex? Because it doesn’t seem like you do. If you did, you would be affected by the first time we were together, but you aren’t, are you? What you are is just… You’re just a man. And I ticked all these boxes for you, and you like having sex with me well enough. And are you even actually going to offer me fidelity? Or was that just to placate me?”
“Marriage is long,” he said. “You don’t even know what you’ll want in ten years.”
“Yes I do. Because I know who I am. And I know what matters to me. What’s special to me, and what isn’t. You don’t get to… You don’t get to make all the decrees. And you definitely don’t get to act like I’m somehow the one that’s more invested here than you are. That isn’t fair. And I don’t deserve that.”
“You’re the one making a very small thing into a very big thing. I am simply suggesting that your focus must lie elsewhere.”
“Great. Well, how about this, you don’t just get to demand sex when you want it, then. Because I’m not here for the sole purpose of being ordered around by you. You might be the Prince, but I’ll be the Princess. I refuse to be treated like I’m small, or gauche, or inexperienced or less. Because I’m common. Because I was a virgin. If you wanted that, then you should have married somebody different. Someone who didn’t know their own mind. And somebody who doesn’t possess the capacity to be vengeful and petty. You identified that yourself. Why you decided to put yourself in the situation is beyond me.”
His body felt like it had been brushed with fire.
He felt scalded. Because she had so thoroughly undone the nonsense that he had spoken. Of course he wanted her. That was the problem.
But as much as he had chosen Stevie, and as much as it was for her personality, she was not going to run roughshod over him. And she was not going to make the decisions, or the proclamations now.
“Perhaps we should take a break, Stevie,” he said.
“Perhaps,” she said.
She pulled away from him, and stormed from the room. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had made a mistake. He just wasn’t entirely certain if it was a mistake his father would’ve made, or one his mother would’ve made. He also didn’t know if, mistake though it was in her eyes, it was still for the best.
Because he had to be a king. And that meant he had to be stronger than simply a man.
But the tough part would be deciding which form that strength had to take.