Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
GAbrIEL
Rue’s body is warm now, working effectively to keep her that way.
I’m tempted to stay with her just to keep holding her.
She’s soft and pliant in my arms, so fragile in sleep, yet so strong-willed in nature.
I find myself wanting to know more. To understand her more.
Just…more. But her grief is like a beacon that holds me at bay.
Now is not the time to make my feelings known.
They do not matter. All that matters is her, and now that she’s safe, I have work to do.
I leave her tucked beneath the blanket, dress, and join the others on the floor below.
Jilyana is asleep, curled on a sack beneath the balcony.
Do djinn need to sleep, or is she playacting?
Not that it matters now that Rue’s spilled the secret about Lucifer.
I’m sure Jilyana will confront her about it in due course; it would be telling if she didn’t.
I’ll be able to gauge her trustworthiness based on that conversation, but for now, we need to plan for the dawn.
The watchers are huddled in a circle talking in low voices. Kabiel looks up as I approach.
“I assume she’s recovering, or you wouldn’t be down here,” he says, his tone almost accusatory.
“You assume correctly. We need to discuss our plan for tomorrow. Asbeel, can you find out what the temperatures are like in this circle during the day?”
“I already have. It’ll be cold but not subzero.
They’ve offered to provide us with furs for our journey.
The bridge is several miles away from here, but they’ve agreed to send a guide with us.
The creatures that chased us won’t be a threat going forward; Xelion said they only inhabit the territory close to the valley we came out of. ”
“But they don’t attack the settlement?”
“No, the Gehennans have an agreement with the pack. They’re a peaceful people, but they did warn that the Gehennans in the fifth circle are not so peaceful.”
I barely remember details about our hosts except their small size and the fact that their bodies are covered in thick fur. Rue was my focus at the time.
“We’ll leave at dawn,” Asbeel says. “We should reach the bridge by midday.”
“What about the guardian that Thanatos mentioned?” Kokabel asks.
“The leader of the settlement said that midday is a good time to cross. The guardian is usually absent.”
“Strange to put a guardian on a bridge and not have him guard it at all times,” Matarel says. “If this Zeus wants to stop Gehennans leaving the circle, surely she should have a guardian who is forever present.”
“Does it matter?” Yomiel says. “As long as we get over the bridge.”
“Do you truly think my thoughts are inane?” Yomiel asks Kokabel suddenly.
Kokabel snorts. “That isn’t much of a secret.”
Secrets…Yes, much was said in the valley. All kinds of minor confessions were made. My gaze drifts to Kabiel to find him looking right at me, his chin hard, his pale eyes defiant.
“We need to talk. Outside.”
He nods. “I suppose we do.”
A couple of Gehennans are stationed outside the barn holding spears.
They look up at me with huge dark eyes that beg me not to do anything stupid.
They say they’re a peaceful people, but I’d wager that peace came at a cost, and I’m certain they have the ability to protect it with violence if need be.
I hold up both hands in what I hope is a universal gesture of peace, and they back away to give me room to stretch my wings. The awe on their faces makes me wonder if they’ve ever seen a celestial before or any winged being, for that matter. Are there any birds in this circle? In this world even?
“Go on, then,” Kabiel says as he joins me outside. “Warn me to stay away from her.”
Kabiel and I never moved in the same circles in heaven, so he has no idea how I think. “Why would I do that?”
He frowns down at me. “Why would you not?”
“Because I don’t see you as a threat. I see you as a protector.
” I give him a moment to absorb this before continuing.
“Rue is special, and she’ll remain that way, even after we hand over the relic pieces to Lucifer.
She’s a channel to the Morningstar power, to Lucifer’s power, and Lucifer is aware of that fact. ”
His eyes narrow. “You think Lucifer will try to hurt Rue?”
Good. He catches on fast. “I don’t know. I’m not sure of anything right now except that we must do whatever it takes to keep Rue safe.”
“And you trust me to do that.” He snorts softly, the sound self-deprecating. “Shem would disagree.”
“Why would you think that?”
“He called me a monster.”
“And were you acting like one at the time?”
He falls silent, and I have my answer. “You could have taken Rue by force the first time you had her in your nest—a time when you were devolved, a monster, as you like to call yourself—and yet you did not. Even back then, you had enough control, enough of a grasp on your hunger, to make the right choice, and now…Now that you’ve developed feelings for Rue, I know for certain that you won’t harm her. ”
He goes as still as stone. “How can you know that?”
“What? That you have feelings for her or that you won’t harm her?”
“Both.”
“I was trained to see things, Kabiel. To read body language and tone of voice. To know. And I know you’re falling for her.”
He’s silent for several beats, processing. I like that he thinks before he speaks. It means we’ll get on.
“She doesn’t reciprocate,” he says finally.
No. No she doesn’t. “But does that matter?”
This time, there’s no hesitation. “No. It doesn’t matter. Does it matter to you that she reciprocates but will never act on her feelings toward you?”
His words tease the hollow space inside me that this knowledge has created. “You have the gift of insight, too, it seems.”
He chuckles wryly. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Ah, he’s persistent too. I like that, and so I answer. “I chose to protect Rue even before Shem made me vow to do so. Yes, my feelings for her are growing into…more, but I will never press them on her. Once this world is safe, I’ll leave. Putting distance between us will hopefully mute the bond.”
“It’s getting stronger, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Yes it is. But I can control it. I know I can. I will not take what is not freely given.”
“And if you can’t control it?”
“Then you’ll stop me from consummating it.”
He turns to look me in the eye, his expression almost pitying. “Yes. Yes, I will.”
And that will have to be enough.