Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Hot food was bliss, and we all ate in silence, huddled in small groups.
Bee and I were joined by Sarq, Tumiel, Zaq, and Mira.
The reapers joined Baraqel and his watchers, while Kabiel and his watchers took their food and retreated to the lower level.
Gabriel and Bastian were still poring over the plans, but I’d set aside some food for them both.
The stew was meaty, which meant they had access to cattle. Probably a farm close by, or even below ground. From what Gabriel told me about the base on our journey here, it was built to be fully equipped to sustain life for many decades to come.
“Shem would be so proud to see you now,” Sarq said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “He always knew you were a survivor.”
“We had our doubts to start with,” Tumiel said. “But you proved us wrong a long time ago.”
“Having you with us is like having a part of him with us,” Zaq said.
I’d held thoughts of Shem at bay to keep myself from crumbling, but memories, soft and tender, filled my head now, and my heart bloomed with the sweet ache of loss.
I blinked back tears. “Nothing feels the same without him. This mission…this purpose, it’s all that keeps me going, and once we do this…
once we fix this, then what? You’ll be gone.
All of you.” My vision blurred. “And Bastian…” I looked across the room at him leaning over the table, his face a map of concentration.
“I don’t know how long I’ll get to keep him.
” I dropped my gaze and took a breath. “I don’t want to lose you guys.
You’re all I have left. You’re my family. ”
Bee took my hand and squeezed, and I saw my fears reflected in her eyes. What if she didn’t make it either? In that case, I didn’t want to survive. If everyone I loved was gone, then what was the point?
Sarq exhaled heavily. “This world has become my home now, and you’re a part of that. I swear it, Rue. If there is a way for us to stay, then we will.” He looked at Tumiel and Zaq. “We all have reasons to want to stay now, after all.”
Mira leaned against Zaq, and he put his arm around her.
She’d joined us a little while ago after bawling out the guards who tried to keep her away.
She’d entered with all the others yesterday, only because Zaq had insisted, but now he was here, there was no way she was leaving his side unless she had no choice.
“I wish I could go with you,” she said now. “I wish I could help.”
“You help by being here,” Zaq said. “You’re my person to come back to. My person to stay on this world for.”
“Maybe Lucifer will be able to help with that once she’s free,” Bee said hopefully.
It was all we could do. Hope.
Hope that we’d survive tomorrow night.
Hope that Lucifer would be able to fix our world.
Yeah, a lot was riding on hope’s shoulders.
There was a communal washroom in the east sector, a long room with an open shower area as well as some smaller stalls. I showered quickly, wanting the grime of the journey gone, then dressed in fresh clothes secured by Mira, who was already making connections among the human population here.
Tomorrow night would test us all, and I needed to make sure that the watchers were fueled up.
With Shem gone, I was their only connection to the Morningstar power, but I suspected my connection might be cut off soon.
The Dominion were up to something with the relic pieces, and my gut told me I needed to make as much use of the power as I could now.
I started with Sarq, Tumiel, and Zaq, then moved on to Baraqel and his watchers. I worked in batches, having them hold my hand, my arms, and my wrists while I opened the channel for a minute or two at a time. The power didn’t rush out like before, but the steady stream was still enough.
Once everyone on the upper floor was fueled, I headed to the lower floor where Kabiel and the devolved watchers had set up camp.
I went to Kabiel first, but he shook his head. “Do the others. I’ll wait.”
“My connection is weakening; I’m worried I might not be able to channel much by the time I get to you.”
“Then I’ll be fine,” he said. “The others need it more.”
“We’ll wait too,” Asbeel said, glancing toward Kokabel, Yomiel, and Matarel.
I worked in batches again, and each time I channeled, it got harder. By the time I got to Asbeel, Kokabel, Yomiel, and Matarel, the power was a thin stream, but I held the channel open for three whole minutes, pushing as much into them as I could.
Finally, it was Kabiel’s turn. He drew me away from everyone and into a small room set aside from the main bunk chamber.
I reached up to cup his face, my go-to when it came to him, but he gently grasped my wrists before I could make contact.
“You’re exhausted,” he said. “I can wait a few hours.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. I may not be able to access the power by then.” He smiled wryly. He knew? “Kabiel, you need to be fueled. You’re leading a team, and you were expending so much energy in Gehenna. We need you, and I’m not willing to risk you devolving now.”
He sighed and released me, allowing me to press my palms to his cheeks. His eyes fluttered closed as I opened the channel and let the Morningstar power out.
It trickled, weak and barely there. I needed more. Come on. A slight surge of power, then the thin stream again. Not good enough.
He opened his eyes and gripped my wrists again. “It’s all right, Rue. I’ll be—”
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
“Just do it and make it good.”
His brow arched. “Good?”
Shem had fed his watchers residual power through his connection to the one relic piece he’d managed to keep hold of until he’d found me—a human housing the piece of his soul that had a direct connection to the Morningstar power.
I was a channel, and there was one thing that always heightened the power.
Arousal.
The Dominion had the relics and Lucifer. I doubted they’d be keeping an eye out for spikes in Morningstar power now.
“Make me feel…something.”
His chest rumbled, and a shiver ran up my spine. “Something.” His hand slipped from my wrist to my throat, curling around my neck in a callused caress, and my breath caught. If I closed my eyes now, I’d imagine it was Shem touching me.
“Do it,” Kabiel said. “Let me give you that much in exchange.”
He guessed what I was thinking, and shame heated my cheeks.
I searched his face, noting the dull almost flatness to his eyes. I wouldn’t use him like that. “Shem is gone, and I don’t need you to keep the memory of him fresh in my mind. His every word, every breath is etched into my heart.”
A soft glimmer filled his eyes. “To have felt that…To have had it…Can I…Can I pretend I have it with you…just for one moment?”
A fist claimed my heart. “Yes. Just for a moment.”
His grip on my throat flexed as he drew me close.
My mouth parted on a gasp, and he claimed it, crushing his lips to mine, his free arm wrapping around my waist while he forced me into an arch.
His hand around my throat flexed, cutting off my breath then releasing it, leaving me lightheaded yet grounded as he tasted me with deep, rough strokes.
For a moment, I forgot the reason for the kiss, able to do nothing but clutch at his shirt as heat rushed up my body.
Need.
Want.
Power.
I opened the channel, and it rushed out to meet him.
He groaned into my mouth, and my pussy throbbed.
No. I didn’t want this. Not now. Not with him. I tore my mouth free, cutting off the connection to him and to the power.
He held me for several beats before allowing his hand to slip from my throat and his arm to unwind from around my waist.
“Thank you.” His tone was rough.
I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t.
My heart hurt, guilt and shame clawing at me. “I…I have to go.”
He didn’t stop me as I hurried from the room and back to the upper floor.
I needed to wipe that kiss from my mind. I needed to wipe the memory from my body.
I needed Bastian.