Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
BASTIAN
Rue rushes into the room that I’ve claimed for us. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes bright, and my stomach turns because I know that look.
It’s her afterglow.
“Rue, what happened?”
She closes the door and presses her back to it. “I asked Kabiel to kiss me.”
I’m instantly on the defensive before my brain computes that she went to channel power. “You were fueling him?”
“Yeah, but…Bastian.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “I asked him to make me feel something. I needed to feel arousal to channel because the Morningstar power is being blocked.” She gives me a pleading look, as if she’s afraid I won’t believe her.
“Rue, it’s okay.” I cup her shoulders. “It’s okay.”
She shakes her head. “No. It isn’t because I felt…It felt good. I wanted him. For a moment, I wanted him. And in Gehenna, Gabriel and I shared a bed, and it…it felt good. I wanted to be close to him.” She covers her face. “What is wrong with me?”
My heart sinks because sharing her with Shem was hard enough, but if Kabiel and Gabriel are putting her emotions into knots like this, then it means they might become just as important to her in time.
Time…My time is running out, and once I’m gone, I don’t want her riddled with guilt every time she feels close to another male. I don’t want her shutting down her emotions. I don’t want her to go unloved.
I gently pull her hands away from her face.
“Hey, look at me. Rue…Look at me.” She finally lifts her chin.
There are tears in her eyes and my heart hurts to see her like this.
Torn up and in turmoil. “Shem and I agreed to love you how you needed to be loved. To give you the freedom to choose. Although in Shem’s case, that freedom would come with his seal of approval of course. ”
She smiles wistfully. “Yeah, sounds like Shem. You guys spoke about this stuff?”
“Once.” I tucked a tendril of dark silken hair behind her ear.
“We talked at length once. We agreed that we wanted you safe and loved and secure no matter what. Gabriel is a decent celestial, and from what Shem told me, Kabiel was his right-hand man. An honorable watcher. When all this is said and done, if they stay, you shouldn’t run away from your feelings. ”
She searches my face. “I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to give my heart to anyone ever again.
” She strokes my jaw lightly with her fingertips.
“After Jamie, I didn’t think I could feel again, but you and Shem, you brought me back to life.
You made my heart thunder. But the roar in that thunder died with Shem, and once you’re gone…
” Her mouth trembles, eyes welling. “Once you’re gone, this heart will be dead. ”
“Then you find someone to bring it back to life. You hear me? Promise me.”
She shakes her head, dislodging tears.
“Dammit, Rue.” Impotent anger floods my blood. Rage against fate that plans to take me from her too soon. I crush my lips to hers, hands sliding into her hair and fisting to hold her to me. She sobs into my mouth before falling into the kiss.
Her back hits the door, and there’s suddenly a frenzy in my blood to be near her, to be inside her, connected in the most primal way.
I need her naked. I need her beneath me.
I need to show her…make her feel. It takes mere moments to strip off her clothes and carry her to the bed and another moment to tear off my shirt and shuck off my pants.
She stares at me, chest heaving, rosy nipples begging for my kisses.
The bed is small, but we won’t need much room with me on top of her.
I’m like a beast hungry for her flesh, lapping and sucking, teeth grazing every sensitive spot until all I can hear are her pants and her whimpers.
Her scent spikes, drawing me to her core, and I devour her, barely feeling the rake of her fingernails as she grips my hair, holding me to her core and urging me not to stop with each breathless cry.
Her body shudders with release again and again, her sweet nectar coating my tongue. I wait until she goes limp before lifting my head.
She looks down her body at me with heavy-lidded eyes, her mouth still parted. She licks her lips, and my cock jumps, sweet pain tightening the small of my back.
“Bastian…please.” She draws me up to claim my mouth and reaches between us to grip my cock. “Please.”
I’m not about to deny her the very thing my body is screaming for.
I enter her with a deep thrust that rocks her body. Her eyes pop wide before fluttering closed.
“Oh…Oh, please…”
I cup her delicate jaw with one hand and claim her mouth before pulling out of her, slow and easy.
She makes a sound of protest in her throat, and I punish her by nipping her bottom lip.
She digs her nails into my bicep. “Fuck me.”
I slam into her, eyes rolling back at how fucking slick and tight she is. I want to be controlled. I want this to last, but my body takes over, each thrust harder, faster, deeper, until it feels like my cock is inside an undulating velvet vise.
She comes again, body going stiff as the orgasm rocks through her. I manage two more thrusts before I join her in oblivion.
Thirst pulls me from sleep. Rue snores softly in my arms, and for a moment I consider ignoring my thirst. But my throat feels dry, and my body screams at me to get some water.
I carefully roll her away from me, slip my arm from beneath her, and wait to make sure she doesn’t stir before pulling on my clothes and heading into the communal area.
There are a few watchers dotted about. Sarq and Penemue, Baraqel and one of the devolved watchers who went to Gehenna with Rue, but the kitchen is empty. I don’t bother to switch on the lights; there’s enough light coming in from the communal area to illuminate my path to the sink.
I pour a large glass of water and down it in three gulps. My hand trembles as I set it down, and I grab my wrist to calm the involuntary spasm.
“How bad is it?” Gabriel says from the doorway.
“It’s getting worse.” I shake my hand, but the tremor lasts for several seconds more.
He steps into the room with a sigh. “I have to ask…Are you up to the mission?”
I hold out my now steady hand. “Yes. They don’t last long.”
“Does Rue know about them?”
“No. And she doesn’t need to. Not yet.”
I refill the glass and drain it.
“Thirst is another symptom,” Gabriel says, his voice tainted with sorrow.
“I figured.”
“How is Rue? She looked upset when she came back from seeing Kabiel. I spoke to him, but he was…evasive.”
“She’s fine, just…Look, Gabriel, you and I don’t know each other too well, but Shem trusted you, and Rue…well, you guys have a bond, so—”
“We broke that bond in Gehenna,” he says flatly. “I died for a moment. Rue brought me back.” His mouth slants in a smile. “That woman is something special.”
The look in his eyes isn’t one of lust, it’s fondness. It’s…love. The green-eyed beast inside me stirs, but I slap it down. “She’ll be broken once I’m gone. She’s lost so much. I need you to promise me that you’ll do everything in your power to make sure she doesn’t lose you.”
His eyes flare in surprise. “I promised Shem I would protect her and—”
“I’m not talking about protecting her, although that’s important too. No. I’m talking about love.”
“Rue and I aren’t in love.”
“The road to love looks different for everyone, and sometimes those on it don’t see it for what it is. But those on the sidelines…we have more of a perspective.”
He dropped his gaze. “I care for her, more than…more than I have for anyone in…forever.”
“Then I need you to fight to stay with her once this is over. You, the watchers, and Kabiel.”
He arches a brow. “Kabiel?”
“Rue is a woman with deep feelings. Fiercely loyal to those she gives her heart to, and that heart will need mending. Healing. Nurturing. I need you to promise me you’ll be there to do that when…when I’m gone.”
He considers for several moments before replying. “I promise.”
I like him. I like the fact that he doesn’t try to give me false platitudes, telling me that it will be okay. That they’ll find a cure for me. I appreciate that.
“Thank you.”
A sense of peace settles over me in knowing that no matter what tomorrow brings, Rue will be looked after, and when she feels that her heart is dead, there’ll be someone to bring it back to life.
No matter what tomorrow brings, I can walk into it in peace.