Chapter 29
CONFESSIONS BY FIRELIGHT
LEVI
Ever since Parker had stayed over that one night, I’d dreamed about getting him back in my apartment. And now he was here.
We were standing in the kitchen. We had the same type of beer in our hands. It all felt so familiar. Even the noises the gas fireplace was making in the living room as it warmed up seemed the same.
But paradoxically, everything felt entirely different, too.
I couldn’t make small talk. Not tonight. I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t wondered whether we would walk away from those hunters. I couldn’t pretend everything was normal.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I confessed.
Parker rubbed his thumb over the smooth top of his beer cap.
He hadn’t taken it off yet, but neither had I.
“Should I not have come? I thought it’d be okay.
There weren’t any other rooms available at Jake’s, and I’m not sure I can go back home yet.
I don’t know why.” His cheeks darkened as his gaze flitted up to meet mine before dancing away.
He set his unopened beer on the counter.
“It isn’t like the hunters know I was involved in anything… ”
His hand shook when he lifted it to comb through his hair.
“Hey, yeah, of course…” Words tumbled over one another as I tried to figure out what to say.
I set my untouched beer beside his, feeling like I needed both of my hands.
To do what, I didn’t know. Reach for him?
Hold him? Something . Why hadn’t I noticed he was more disturbed by what’d happened tonight than I’d first thought?
Now that I’d seen it, it was obvious. “It’ll be okay, you know that, right? ”
“I shot someone,” he whispered. “He didn’t even have a gun. At the time, I thought he did, but I was wrong.”
“Kyle will live,” I said. Then I realized how harsh that sounded.
“Listen. If he’d used that pepper spray, he would have incapacitated all the shifters.
Just like that.” I snapped my fingers. “Faster than if he had a gun. Pepper spray is hard on humans, but it is worse for shifters. If you hadn’t done anything, the hunters would have had the upper hand. They’d have hurt those kids… or us.”
“I know, it’s just…” He wiped his shaky hand over his mouth. “Jesus… Tonight went off the rails so fast, and I don’t… I can’t see how I could have done anything differently. But I…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I could have killed that guy. He’s not much older than Fin. ”
“If you’d wanted to kill him,” I said softly, “I think he would be dead right now.”
Parker blew out a shaky breath. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I was never much of a marksman. And it’s been years since I’ve gone to a range.”
“It’s okay to be scared. I was scared tonight too,” I rasped. I could see emotions flicker over his face under my bright kitchen lights.
He stepped forward, right into my arms. “God, Levi… I’ve never been so terrified.
If the lights hadn’t been knocked out when we were down in that room, we never would have escaped.
If we’d been stuck in there, I know you would have shifted too.
Then all those hunters would have seen you.
As it is, are you sure that the professor and Kyle won’t get out and blab? They saw you…”
“The SC won’t let them tell anyone,” I said.
“Does that mean the SC messes with people’s minds? Or does it mean they’ll never be released? No, you know what? Don’t tell me. I’m not sure I want to know the answer to those questions.”
“If you change your mind about that, we can talk to Van about the SC’s plans for them.”
We didn’t speak for several long minutes, but it was like I could feel Parker’s mind whirling through everything that’d happened.
“There is just so much, you know? Like if Fin hadn’t broken that pipe—And, fuck, Fin is a supe, like how did I not know that? Or if that girl hadn’t started that fire… Jesus. There’re so many things that could have gone wrong.”
I’d thought by commiserating it would lessen his worries, but instead I’d given him a new set. I sucked at this.
“Hey. You don’t need to worry about me.” I scrambled for the right way to say what was in my head. “But I get it. If something had happened to you tonight, I don’t know what I would have done either.”
He tightened his grip on me. “Me neither.”
I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of him in my arms. Safe. Whole.
Today could have ended so differently.
“Getting you out of there was my only priority. It kept me focused. I know I wasn’t at my best this past weekend. I’ve had more panic attacks than a minotaur my age should have, but I didn’t tonight. Maybe because I knew you needed me.”
He trembled against me, probably reliving everything that’d happened.
“Also, I’m a shifter,” I said, as if that explained everything else.
Except, he wouldn’t know what I meant by that, would he?
“Shifters are one of the strongest beings on the planet. We heal quickly. We live long lives. I would have been fine, but you…” I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
“You heard how they talked about that guy Gord. What do you think they would have done to him? They would have used him to incite that girl to act…”
Parker grimaced. “I know, but…”
“Your cousin is a supe. You’re pretending to date me. Half your regulars are supes…” I inhaled sharply as the possibilities spilled through my mind’s eye until all I co uld see was blood. I knew exactly what it would look like because I’d seen it all before.
“Are we pretending?” Parker loosened his hold and looked up at me.
“I… Uh, what?” Whatever else I’d been about to say skittered away, leaving me to stare blankly into Parker’s gorgeous blue eyes.
“Are we still saying that this is pretend?” He tightened his hands on my waist where they were currently resting. “Because this doesn’t feel like pretend anymore. Not to me.” His Adam’s apple bobbed, betraying his emotions, but he didn’t look away. He didn’t step out of my arms.
“No,” I whispered. It hadn’t ever felt like pretend.
Parker nodded. “So, we’re dating?”
I licked my lips. “Uh, yes?”
Sweat sprouted up along my neckline. Was I really doing this again? It looked like I might be.
“Okay. I think so too,” he agreed. “Now, back to your other comment. Those other hunters, the ones in that room… They didn’t know about Willow Lake being full of supes.
They didn’t know about you or Fin. And yet, I still fired a gun at someone.
We could have overpowered them. There were more of us. ”
“Parker…” I choked on his name. “They had guns too. They could have easily killed us all before we could do anything about it. Bullets trump claws and fangs nine times out of ten.”
“Okay. I know. I understand. It’s just… I have all these conflicting feelings.
I think Nana knows someone I can talk to about all this.
That’d probably help.” Then Parker’s eyes softened, and he brushed his fingertips al ong the side of my face.
“But I would be worse off if they’d hurt any of us, especially you or Fin. ”
“And if they’d touched you… I… I…” I sucked in a breath, hoping to rein in my runaway emotions as I imagined what could have happened too.
“I’m safe,” Parker whispered. “And you’re safe too. If I was a religious person, I’d say we experienced divine intervention tonight.”
“The Eternal Magic,” I murmured.
As soon as the words left my tongue, I knew I was right. She’d helped us save ourselves, I was sure of it. And I hoped she never had to intervene like that again.
I pressed my face into the base of Parker’s neck. He wrapped his arms around me again and held me tight. I shuddered against him as all the fear I’d been holding back all night swept over me.
He was safe. He was here. He was alive.
Then I was kissing him. Or he was kissing me. Our mouths crashed into one another like boats on a stormy sea.
The same message whirled through me again and again: He was alive. We were alive.
We’d faced a contingent of hunters and… somehow… we’d walked away. The Eternal Magic had been sitting on our shoulders tonight, helping us at every turn. If tonight had gone differently… I swallowed hard. Fuck. I couldn’t even handle the thought of it.
It’d been a long time since I’d felt blessed, but tonight I had.
Not for myself, but for Parker. I was so damn thankful Parker had been spared.
If the hunters had gotten their way, I’d have missed the chance to count his freckles or hold him after he had a shitty day at work or introduce him to my mother or any of the other things I’d fantasized about.
I’d had a mate once upon a time. We were fated. I’d never heard of anyone being blessed with more than one fated mate, but what I felt for Parker was so much like what I’d felt for Christos.
But was that true? Would that feeling last?
No, it couldn’t. And nothing good could come from letting this go any further.
Humans might not believe in fated mates, but I wasn’t human.
And I couldn’t get in the way of Parker finding his perfect match.
It wouldn’t be fair. Getting involved with me would distract him from looking for his person.
And if he found them while we were involved, I…
I wasn’t sure I’d survive losing another person, even if I knew they were happy with their fated mate.
I would let him go. Of course I would. I only ever wanted what was best for him. And that wasn’t me.
And it would destroy me to have him leave.
I wrenched my lips away from Parker’s.
“Maybe we shouldn’t date…” I bit out harshly. I reeled away from him.
He grabbed my arm and jerked me around to face him again. “You can’t kiss me like that and pretend you don’t have feelings for me.”
“That isn’t why. But it isn’t fair to you,” I begged him to understand.
“Bullshit,” Parker said.