Chapter 29 #2
His lips were swollen and wet from our kisses. The blush across his cheeks had darkened to a glorious color. All I wanted to do was kiss him again. Press my lips to his face to feel how hot it was. Slide my tongue along his lips and taste him. Grip him tightly and protect him from the world.
“You don’t understand,” I muttered.
“So, explain it to me.” His fingers bit into my arm.
I groaned. I wasn’t sure I could do this. Not with the residue of the evening’s emotions still clinging to me.
“Hey,” Parker said softly. “Talk to me, okay?”
“If we have to do this, let’s sit…” I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay standing after he left. If I was on the sofa, at least I could stay there and hope to die when I was alone again.
I don’t know when I’d become so melodramatic. I heaved out an emotion laden sigh. It was clogged with fears and worries and resignation. I scooped the beer bottles from the counter and passed one to him.
Then I retreated to the living room, turning out the kitchen light as I went. He followed right behind me. The fireplace cast a warm glow around the room, so I didn’t bother with another light. I didn’t want to know what more light might reveal.
Earlier, when we’d been walking through those dark corridors, his presence at my back was soothing and comforting. I’d known he was safe because I had a hold of him, and I wasn’t going to let him go. But now… Now I had to convince him that letting go would be the right thing.
I dropped onto the sofa. Parker sat close, but not too close. It was a safe distance. One that gave me room to think. And because my brain was a contrary beast, I had half a desire to grab him and drag him closer. Ridiculous fucking emotions. They complicated everything.
I twisted the cap off my beer bottle and tossed it to the coffee table.
It bounced and tumbled off. Great. I’d probably forget it was there later and step on it, but I couldn’t be bothered to get up and retrieve it.
Parker removed the cap from his beer too, but he didn’t toss it away.
He rubbed his thumb over it like it was a worry stone.
We sat in silence for a bit. Occasionally taking a sip of our beers.
Listening to the furnace kick in. Outside, Willow Lake was asleep and silent.
There weren’t any cars rumbling by the house at this time of night.
The birds were all either asleep or in the south for the winter.
The gas fireplace was warm now, so it’d stopped clicking and popping.
“Earlier,” I started, “do you remember when you’d mentioned Ash and Dillon’s tattoos?”
I glanced at Parker. He nodded but didn’t say anything.
“They are called mating marks.” I heaved out another sigh.
I was so fucking tired. But I needed to talk to Parker about this.
I needed him to understand why we couldn’t be together.
For his sake. “It’s said that everyone in the world is gifted with a person who is meant to be theirs.
Supes call them fated mates. Humans call them soulmates. ”
Parker frowned and opened his mouth as if wanting to say something, but he closed it again without speaking.
“When supes who are fated come together, the Eternal Magic—the source of all the magic in the world— blesses them by joining their lives together, extending them to the same lifespan. When that happens, she gives them matching marks for the world to see. But they can still die.” That last word was hard to say, but it’d been worse to live through.
Parker nodded slowly. “Okay…”
“Some people disagree, but as far as I know, each person only has one fated mate.”
His eyes took on a glassy sheen as he held my gaze, like he knew what I was going to say next.
He pressed his thumb into the jagged grooves on the bottle cap and waited for me to go on.
I took another long drink of my beer. Then I stared at the bottle, wishing the beer could have made this whole situation easier.
Unfortunately, answers were never found at the bottom of a bottle.
I turned it in my hands. Shit. It was almost gone. Already.
Parker sat silently beside me, but he felt out of reach. Or maybe I was the one who was a million miles away… back in time. I couldn’t look at Parker right now. I just couldn’t. Sucking in a shaky breath, I tugged at the edge of the label and forced myself to say what needed to be said.
“I had a mate once,” I confessed.
The silence from Parker’s end of the sofa felt tangible, but I still couldn’t look at him.
“His name was Christos. He…” I swallowed thickly. “The Eternal Magic has ways of letting supes know they’re mates before she merges their lives. We… We both knew.”
Still, Parker didn’t speak. I couldn’t handle not knowing what he was thinking anymore.
I stole a glance at him. His fingers squeezed the long neck of the beer bottle.
When our eyes met, he set his bottle aside and leaned over to take my hand in his.
His hand was cold from the bottle, but it was soothing against my sweaty one.
“What happened?”
“Hunters…” I choked before I could say more.
I closed my eyes, but that was the wrong thing to do. I hadn’t thought about that night in so long. Not more than a fleeting thought here or there. I’d always been able to push those memories down before.
But tonight, they were right there. In front of me. Like it’d just happened. Like the smell of Christos’s blood was still clogging up my nose. Pain ricocheted through my chest, ripping open all the invisible scars so they could bleed again.
“You’re safe,” Parker whispered. I felt the sofa move as he crawled closer. He wrapped his arms around me. Shit. I was shaking. My face was wet. I turned to Parker for comfort, and he was there for me. Even though I was rejecting him, he was still there for me.
My beer bottle dropped to the floor with a clatter as I grabbed onto him, but I didn’t care. He was my buoy in the turbulent ocean of my memories.
“When we met, Christos had been in a relationship with a human woman. He broke their engagement to be with me.” I swallowed thickly.
“That’s how it is when you meet your fated mate.
Everything feels inevitable and right. I truly believe denying the draw you feel toward your fated mate would be nearly impossible.
At least that’s what Christos said, and I believed him because it was how I felt too. ”
Parker rubbed my back in long, soothing strokes.
“But…” This next part… I felt nauseous thinking about what happened next.
I forced the words from my mouth. “Christos’s intended knew about him being a supe.
She… She…” I swallowed down the bile that surged to the back of my throat.
“She was angry and hurt and… And when she realized that Christos wasn’t going back to her, she told people he was a monster.
Most people dismissed what she was saying, but some didn’t.
We were leaving. We knew we couldn’t stay.
But the day before we were supposed to set sail, the hunters found us. ”
Parker tightened his arms around me.
“They tortured him for hours. They… They said they had to make him suffer for presuming to toy with a human.” There had been so much blood. And the sound of Christos’s screams still haunted me.
“How did you escape?” Parker asked after a time.
“I didn’t. I was rescued.” I snorted through my lingering tears. “It was the first time I met Gage. I don’t know if he remembers that, but…”
“He saved you?”
I nodded. “It was too late for Christos, though…”
We stayed like that for a long time. Him holding me.
Me clinging to him. It was wrong of me to turn to him for comfort.
I should have retreated to my craft room ages ago, lost myself in yet another diorama so I could forget about the real world, and let Parker sleep in peace. But I couldn’t let go of him. Not yet.
After a time, my eyes drifted closed. I knew I needed to move before we fell asleep like this, but I couldn’t. Not when this would be the last time I’d feel Parker in my arms.
“So why can’t you be with me?” Parker asked quietly. “Why wouldn’t it be fair? Is it because you’re still in love with him? Do you feel like you’re cheating on him?”
“No. Christos has been gone a long time,” I murmured. “I’ve accepted his death.”
“Then what is it?”
“You still have your chance at finding your soulmate. I wouldn’t steal that from you.”
Parker pulled back abruptly, dragging his heat and the soothing feel of his body away. I sat up too. When our eyes met, he said, “That’s ridiculous.”
I frowned. “You deserve the best, Parker. You deserve to find your fated mate. The other half of your soul.”
Parker rolled his eyes. “That isn’t up to you to decide.”
“But…”
“Is that the only reason? Is that why you keep putting distance between us?”
“Well, yeah…”
“Don’t you think I get a say in what happens between us?”
“Well… I…”
“Just say yes, Levi.”
“Yes. I guess, but…”
“Nope. There is no but. I’m a grown man.
I’m old enough to know my own mind. I’m not sure what to think about fated mates and magical blessings and all that.
But I know I’ve been drawn to you since you ordered a coffee from me the day I opened the Flying Rowan.
I know that I’ve been flirting with you ever since.
No one else has ever caught my eye. That might not mean we’re fated mates in your eyes, but after knowing one another for all these years, don’t you think I’d have moved on by now if my feelings were…
I can’t think of the right word. Transient?
Temporary? Inconsequential? Choose one.”
“But…”
He put his finger over my lips to stop me from saying anything more.
“You’ve said that the Eternal Magic brings supes together, but humans don’t believe that. We put our trust in dating. Most of us have to kiss a bunch of asshole frogs before we find our prince.”
“You kiss frogs?” That sounded… awful.
“No. Not literally.” He huffed out a short laugh.
“Right. I knew that. That’s from a fairytale, right?” Maybe I was too tired for this conversation.
“My point is, that even for people who believe in soulmates, I don’t know of anyone who literally believes in love at first sight.
But I always wondered if that’s what happened to me the first time I saw you.
So, for a while, I tried to ignore my attraction to you and give myself time to see if what I was feeling was just lust or something more. ”
Love at first sight sounded a lot like meeting your fated mate.
“Usually when humans meet, conversations happen,” Parker continued. “They get to know one another. They look for ways to confirm if they’re compatible. And sometimes people think they’ve found their soulmate only to find themselves divorced seven years later. ”
“That is weirdly specific.”
“That’s because my mom always says that my father was her soulmate. But that didn’t make their relationship easy or sustainable. They chose to go their separate ways. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Maybe?” I really didn’t, but I wasn’t going to say that.
Parker shook his head as he did the unthinkable and crawled into my lap.
I blinked up at him as he straddled me and settled his weight on my thighs.
My hands came to rest lightly on his legs.
It felt so satisfying and right, being with him like this.
It didn’t matter that we were both still clothed.
“Let me explain my thoughts another way.”
“Okay?”
“You see, the way I see it, soulmates might exist, love at first sight might exist, but what really matters is what you choose. And Levi?” He had both his hands cupping my face as he peered into my eyes.
“Yeah?”
“I want to get to know you. You . Just you. I might not be your fated mate, and I accept that. But I choose you.”
My breath caught in my throat. My heartbeats crashed together in a chaotic rhythm. Was he serious?
“That’s right.” He nodded. “ I choose you .”
His words rocketed through me a second time as I stared into his gorgeous blue eyes.
He chose me.
Parker.
Chose .
Me .
I licked my lips. I didn’t know what to say to that. But the way he was looking at me begged for some kind of reaction. I opened my mouth to say… something …
He spoke before I could. “If you aren’t interested in me at all, that’s okay. I’m a big boy. I can handle it if you say no.”
I swallowed hard. I wanted to tell him I was interested. I hadn’t wanted to say no to him. I’d just thought I had to.
Parker stared into my eyes, as if to make sure I was listening. “But if you’re saying no because you’re trying to be chivalrous about some future, possible, unknown mate I may or may not ever meet, then I want to reassure you that humans don’t work that way. I don’t work that way.”
I couldn’t look away from him. He looked so damn earnest. Was this real? Could I trust it? I’d been alone for so damn long, and Parker was right. As soon as I’d met him, I hadn’t been able to look away.
“Is it possible that things won’t work out between us?” Parker continued. “Sure. Absolutely. But what if it does? What if we do work out? What if , Levi? What if it does?”
“What if it does.” I repeated. But mine wasn’t a question.
Parker grinned at me. “Exactly.”
Our gazes locked for several long moments while my mind churned through the possibilities.
“You with me?” He leaned closer. “Because I really want to kiss you again.”
His breath whispered across my mouth like a caress. My hands slipped up his thighs and curled around his hips. I was helpless to stop what was about to happen. No. That wasn’t right though, was it? I was choosing this. Choosing him. The same way he was choosing me.
“Yes,” I whispered. Could he hear the wonder in my voice? “I’m with you.”
And this time, when our lips came together, there was gentleness and beauty and, above all, hope.
When he climbed off my lap, I wanted to tighten my grip so he couldn’t leave. Instead, I let him go. But he didn’t head for the door. Nope. Instead, he stretched out his hand to me.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go to bed.”