74. Princess Esemeray
PRINCESS ESEMERAY
Breathing came easy, something Esemeray didn’t have to think about because her lungs did that for her.
Every breath she took was a betrayal and a cruel reminder Riggs couldn’t anymore.
As they raced through the dark desert of Starfall, all that consumed her mind was him.
She didn’t care that her back was scraping raw against Killian.
Didn’t care an army of guards were chasing them.
Her mind and body was numb as she stared at the moonlight reflecting off the lake, trying to wrap her head around what had happened.
What went wrong?
An unending pit in her stomach churned. She didn’t understand. She had saved him—she had given him all of her.
Why did he stop breathing?
What did I do wrong?
Over and over again, she questioned.
Why did the gods not grant me this one wish?
“We almost lost them,” Killian said, his voice grave.
She nodded, resting her pounding head against his chest. All she wanted to do was shift and fly back to Riggs, but she couldn’t—and she lost count of how many times she tried.
Hours passed, and they hadn’t spoken—hadn’t slept.
The early morning sun peeked over the mountains of Theradonia in the distance.
For a moment, Esemeray took in the sight, the snowy peaks hollowing her soul.
She blinked, a tear sliding down her face, chills spreading throughout her entire body.
A view she had always dreamed of seeing, one she wished to see with Elora, with Riggs.
She wiped her tears, needing to look at anything else. She fixed her gaze on the shore, at the ice crystals forming across the lake. It seemed even Razareth begged for the sun.
And so did she, but not for warmth, but to be held.
Killian dismounted, staring toward the mountains, the heavy silence building between them.
Minutes passed, and he finally turned to her. “I need sleep,” he stated, his voice laced with defeat. “We both do.” He opened the saddlebag, put a tunic on, and handed her a cloak. “Here.”
Her breath hitched, fingertips brushing the soft silk. “Thank you.” Her voice was hardly a whisper as she wrapped it around her shoulders, a familiar scent flooding her senses and her heart.
Evergreen and mint.
Heart fluttering, she closed her eyes, imagining the cloak was Riggs warming her instead. She slowly exhaled, remembering the sweet, fresh essence of him.
The wind blew, cold and crisp, brushing against her cheeks. She could hear the sound of his voice repeating in her mind, replaying those soft words, I love you, Em.
A wobbly smile blossomed on her face as she whispered to the heavens, “I love you.”
“Do you need a hand?” Killian’s voice pulled her back into reality as he stepped beside her and offered his hand.
Esemeray would have objected, if her limbs would move, if her back was not on fire. She nodded, his firm grip wrapping around her as he instructed, “Swing that leg over.”
She winced as she touched the ground, her toes wedging in cold mush. Even looking at her bare feet stung her heart. She could almost hear Riggs making a comment about it now.
Her vision blurred, body weakening.
Stumbling, Esemeray threw her arms outward to keep her balance, but then strong hands gripped her sides, holding her upright.
“I got you,” Killian said, his voice cracking. “Can you stand?”
Meeting Killian’s stare, she shook her head, breaking down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.” Her lip wobbled. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Killian pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “It’s not your fault.” His voice was a low rasp.
They stood there in the silent chaos of it all, holding each other.