75. Killian
KILLIAN
Killian didn’t get much sleep knowing his brother’s body lay on the shore alone. His heart was too heavy to allow his mind to drift into slumber, and the ever growing pit in his stomach pulled him further into his spiraling thoughts.
I failed him.
He should have begged him to stay, should have protected him, should have kept him safe.
And no matter how many times his mind wandered over the possibilities, he knew, deep down, the self-hatred he felt would not bring his brother back.
He knew no matter how hard he thought about what he could have done differently, it wouldn’t rewrite the past.
As Killian did with his wife, all he could do was honor Riggs' promise and move forward. Ten years later, and he was still honoring the same promise he had made to find the person responsible for her death, and since that day, there wasn’t a second that had gone by where he wasn’t looking.
For a quiet moment he stared at Esemeray, sleeping and holding onto Riggs' cloak to her chest as if it were the most important thing to her, as if it was all she had left in this world.
Killian inhaled a deep breath. Esemeray would never know this, but the sight of her breathing, and safe was all he had left.
She was Riggs' promise, and he would do everything in his power to protect her.
He exhaled the breath he had been holding, staring out toward the lake and allowing the emptiness around him to seep into his aching soul.
Riggs' and Izara’s bodies were gone.
Gone.
Killian’s hands tightened into fists as he scanned the empty shore, his breathing uneven. He ran his hands through his locks, turning toward the temple city, mumbling to himself in disbelief, “Who took my brother?”
The Kingdom of Dagon?
Kohen?
Hungry desert sirens for cadaver?
His knees threatened to buckle, but Esemeray’s touch along his arm reeled him back to his sanity, calming him.
He hadn’t even noticed her dismount, hadn’t even heard her approach.
He turned and met her stare, his voice thick with emotion.
“I don’t know what to do.” He choked between sobs.
“I failed him.” He had never admitted those words to anyone—never had let himself be vulnerable with anyone but his wife, and here he was, admitting his faults to the princess.
I’m a mess. A complete fucking mess.
Esemeray straightened, silent for a moment. “We still give him a burial.” Her tense shoulders eased. “He deserves to be honored.”
Killian ran his hands across his face, his voice low and flat. “We don’t have his body to bury, Esemeray.”
The wind blew, blowing her hair behind her shoulders.
She tilted her chin toward the sky, to the heavens, and said, “We don’t need one.
” A small smile stretched across her saddened, puffy face.
“Our bodies do not define us, our souls do.” Her eyes glimmered for a second, wiping a fallen tear from her cheek.
“We must honor his soul.” She sniffled. “His beautiful soul.”
He let her words sink in—let her words heal a part of him he never knew could be healed. He rubbed at his aching chest, his vision blurring. Riggs truly was a beautiful, unique soul—a soul one would only meet once in a lifetime, and Killian was honored to know him—honored to be his brother.
A gust of wind met Killian’s face, kissing him kindly.
Esemeray collected twigs, rearranging them into a star. Gently, she placed it in the sand. “There.” Her lip wobbled. “It’s not perfect…”
Killian’s heart swelled, goosebumps spreading down his arms. “It’s perfect.”
Riggs had done that—made stick sculptures for fallen animals on their father’s property, even made one for his wife.
“Do you want to say something?”
Esemeray shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “I’m not ready…”
Neither was he—but he’d do it for her, even if it pained him to speak so soon.
He cleared his throat, allowing his mind to calm.
“Riggs was the smartest person I’ve ever known,” he said, as the pressure behind his eyes started.
“I’ll never forget his smile, or his goofy laugh.
” Killian let out a saddened chuckle. “He was always joking with everyone around him… I don’t think there was a time he had ever been serious.
” He met Esemeray’s watery stare, swallowing hard.
“Until he met you,” he admitted. “Other than his research, you were his only exception.”
His heart collapsed, pressure filling his head.
All Riggs wanted to do was save the world.
And that world had betrayed him. It broke Killian that this was his brother’s fate.
He stared down upon her, drying his eyes. “It was a privilege watching him fall in love with you.”
Esemeray nodded, weeping. “I’ll always love him.”
Me too.
Killian exhaled a long, long breath, turning toward the heavens. “May the gods take you from here.” He pressed his fingers to his lips, raising them to the sky, his voice breaking with every syllable. “I love you, brother.”
The wind blew again as if it was indeed carrying his message above to Riggs.