Chapter 37
ESPER
Two more orgasms and one blowjob later, we make it home. The long ride and winding roads gave us plenty of time to tend to each other's bonds.
I have a bond! Soren’s bond, on my neck. I’m a bonded omega…
Oh my goodness, I need to call my mom! She has to hear the news! I trace my fingers over the bond, smiling at the sparks of pleasure running through my body.
I can’t stop obsessing over it, the feeling. We show up back at the Midnight Wolves Plaza with a permanent smile on my face and carrying my loads of clean laundry to Neven’s room.
“Hey,” Neven greets as we open the door, his eyes immediately zeroing in on my neck. I’d told Soren I had to put my hair up to let the wound air out, but really I’d wanted to show off my bond. “Omega, come here.”
Neven’s voice is dark and delicious as his eyes narrow on me. I set my bag down, ensuring my clean laundry won’t fall onto the floor before skipping over. I can scent Reed and Asher entering the room too, but that doesn’t deter me.
As stern as his voice is, his touch is gentle. He guides my chin to the side so he can get a better look, even sliding the neckline of my shirt down.
His eyes moved to Soren, who couldn’t hide his bond with his short brown hair. I smoke as Neven stares. That’s my work. Marking my beta.
“You bonded…” Asher says, his eyes bouncing between the two of us. I nod, smiling.
I’m a bonded fricking omega.
“Without talking to us,” Reed’s less-than-excited voice whispers. Knocking the smile right off my face.
“It was bound to happen,” I say, furrowing my brows at his anger. I thought we were past this. My omega wants to soothe his anger, the instinct to reach for my hair in the clip and cover my mark, but I refuse. Fuck that.
He may not have been ready, but I was.
“Esper, do you even know what you signed up for?” His voice is sharp. Slicing through my happiness like a butcher's knife in raw meat. I scoff.
“I do,” I say, but he shakes his head.
“Don’t. You don’t. We can’t give you what you need!” We’re arguing now, taking a step closer with each of our statements as if that will make the other hear us better. Reed’s brown eyes are filled with confusion, anger, and I just don't understand why.
“What does that mean, Reed?” I ask.
“We can’t give you a huge house and white picket fence—”
“When did I say I wanted those things?”
“We can’t even protect you, we’re going into war with the Outlaws who only have their sights on you because of us. You’re in danger and you can’t even see that.”
Chills run down my back as the memory of Soren’s brothers beating on him makes me sick. I scoff. If anything, now I truly understand what I signed on for.
And I’m not fucking scared.
“I can see perfectly fucking clear. I can make choices. This is my life, Reed. I get to choose.”
“But you haven’t thought them through, Esper.” Reed runs his hands through his hair, pulling his blond strands as if I’m being the unreasonable one.
“Who are you to say that?” I spit.
“By the fact you bonded Soren. No discussion, no proper courting, no—”
“Just because you’ve been sitting on your ass twiddling your thumbs doesn’t mean I have,” Soren says. He’s like my shadow, his hand sliding across my back and wrapping around my hip. His body against my back, supporting me as Reed lashes out at me.
“What even happened today? You look like shit. Outlaws sneak up on you? He make you feel bad and—”
“Stop right fucking there.” Neven’s bark has us all freezing. “If you can’t respect Esper and Soren’s choice, Reed, well, too fucking bad.”
“As if you're the perfect role model. Did you even tell Esper about that damn job offer you got? About how you were gonna leave?” Reed turns to me, his face twisted in all sorts of hurt and pain, and for a moment my anger escapes me.
“You don’t even know half of what's going on. How could you bond into a dangerous situation without even thinking about it?”
“What are you talking about?” Neven got a job offer? When? My mind races as my breath gets stuck in my throat.
I shake my head, trying to calm down. I know about the Outlaws, Soren’s brothers, but that doesn't make me love them any less.
So Neven got a job offer. So what? We’ll make it work. Packs always make it work.
Don’t panic, Esper.
Something like this can’t scare me. Not when time and time again they’ve proven what lengths they'll go to to protect me.
What lengths I’ll go to to protect them.
The taser in my purse feels heavy. The gift from Soren was a bit odd, but I knew it was his way of showing his care for me. I truly never thought I’d actually need to use it.
But I did. I could. Because in that moment, I had to.
My hand finds Soren’s, squeezing him to remind myself he's here and okay.
“Neven was leaving the MC,” Reed spits, and I raise my eyebrows, challenging him.
“That's his choice.”
“To work for a tech company in Florida.”
My eyes dart to Neven. He had his hair rebraided recently. His glasses high on his face. He doesn’t contradict Reed’s angry words. My heart cracks at the thought of him leaving, and more importantly him not telling me.
With a huge effort, I control my breathing, my scent, my face, waiting for Neven to speak when he’s ready.
“It expired a few weeks ago. Even if it didn’t, though, I wouldn’t have taken it.”
That isn’t any comfort to Reed, apparently. “How do we know that? How do we know that for sure? What if another opportunity comes up and now you’re gone? What does that mean for our Pack, our bonds? Esper, do you know how painful that’d be for you?”
“He said he wouldn’t have taken it,” I mutter. I have to trust my lead alpha. I nod in his direction, and I see the smallest uptick in his plush lips that solidifies my stance.
“How do we know that?” Reed says again, his voice a desperate plea. His problem hits me like a dump truck, and I nearly gasp at the realization.
Reed is scared. Terrified even.
“Do you trust him? His words? I do. If he says he wouldn’t, he won’t. Neven keeps his word. Just as you would, as Soren and Asher would too. As I do.”
Reed freezes, his eyes bouncing between Neven and me. His hands shake and his eyes are wide. I take a deep breath, hoping he’ll subconsciously follow my lead in doing so, but he doesn’t.
All the fight and anger drains out of me. Leaving only a burning hope I can get through to my omega. “You… you can trust me, Reed."
His shoulders fall, and I think I did.
I think he heard me.
Then he shakes his head. “I don't get that luxury. I’m here. I’ll always be right here.” His words crush nearly every bit of hope I have.
“You do, though, if you allow yourself.” He’s already backing away from me though. He gets to the door, gripping it so hard I think there may be a dent in it.
My heart is tight, like he’s squeezing it just as tightly. Something twisted curls its way in my mind, something close to rejection, again, and I just… I just need him to trust me, us, his Pack.
“Red, this is a good thing, if you let it be,” Asher says, which may have been the wrong thing because Reed's eyes sharpen as they land on him.
“Easy for you to say. You're an alpha. It won’t hurt you like it’d hurt me”—He gestures between him and me—“us.”
“Do you truly believe that?” Neven’s voice cuts through the tension. Reed scoffs, shaking his head as he leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.
Reed’s an omega in distress. I crave to soothe him, to help him, but I know he won’t let me.
He won’t let anyone.
Tears constrict in my throat. I cast my eyes downward, unable to stare at the spot Reed once took up.
“Esper, listen to me when I say this.” Neven grabs my chin again. More forcefully than before. He can probably see the tears I’m trying to hold back. I know Soren can probably feel them through the bond, but I refuse to acknowledge it.
“The moment I met you, the moment our Pack was born, there was no way I could leave. Any of you. If you’ll have me Esper, when the time is right, I’ll bond you. Reed too, if I have to,” he says and I chuckle, though it comes out harsh and all wrong.
“When will that be?” I ask, feeling all sorts of raw and sensitive.
“Anytime you want, Omega.” So slowly, he leans down, kissing my forehead. My eyes drift to Asher’s.
If I’m going to get pushed away from him too, I may as well get it over with. Neven steps back, the air missing his caramel scent, and Asher takes his spot. Holding my hand instead of my chin. For several minutes, he stands there, not saying anything, and all I can think is, wow, here it comes.
He sighs and his eyes meet mine. “I don't want to hurt you, Moonlight,” Asher says, and heartbreak burns in my throat like fire.
I stop myself before the tears fall, giving him a forced nod to continue.
“But Red is my omega too, and I need us all together, so sure of ourselves and this connection, it's not a question of if, it's a question of when. So that little spot on your shoulder,” he says, moving his hand from mine to the edge of my shoulder, “is mine. Keep it open for me.”
“I will,” I say, though that's not what I wanted to hear at all. But I understand it. I can’t have a complete bond without Reed, and having everyone’s but his would hurt just as much as having none.
“I think I need my own nest.” I know that's where Reed is right now, and I need… I need a nest right now too.
“Coming right up, Moonlight.”