Chapter 38
ESPER
I spent the night in Soren’s room. If I thought Neven’s room was barren, well, Soren’s is much worse. The man has a bed, a recliner, a bookshelf… and that's it. He blushed when he brought me to his space, saying he isn’t here much.
But everyone has a right to their space and keeping it how they want it.
Even if it's all bare bones with no character or life.
I giggled and told him we were going shopping for his room. He agreed only if I’d cuddle with him right in that moment, as if that was a real bargain.
I very much want to crawl back into Soren's bed and maybe stay there forever. It’s been awkward in the Pack after our blowup yesterday, and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s my job to fix it, as an omega and the root of the problem, but I don’t even know how to approach Reed.
It feels like he’s mad at me and I can’t take it.
On one hand, it feels like I should be the one mad at him, and cursing him to the moon and back. On the other hand, I know he’s just scared. The big bad biker omega is scared.
I thought… I really thought that we were past the whole omega can't lead a biker gang bit of our relationship, but his doubt has made those thoughts trickle back in.
Maybe he’s picking his MC over us, over me. Maybe he doesn’t actually want to be with me.
I’ve found a quiet spot in the Wolves Dispensary. Lacy took me here, told me it’d be quiet enough for a phone call. IIt’s been entirely too long since I’ve called my mom, and text messages just aren't enough anymore.
Sighing, I finally tap her contact and bring the phone up to my ear. It rings a few times, and my mom’s bubbly laugh comes through the speaker.
“Hi, honeybee! How’s it going?”
“Good, Mom, how are you? Harley and the dads?”
She gives me the update. The dads are noisy in the background, cooking maybe. They tease her and she laughs, and gosh it’s like I’m seeing their relationship in a whole new light.
A door clicks on her end, and the background sounds disappear. “Why so quiet, honey?”
I sigh, knowing she’ll want the gritty details.
“A lot has happened,” I start, and she waits patiently before answering.
“Good? Bad? Do the dads and I need to come up with guns blazing?”
“No, no, nothing like that,” I say, laughing a bit. I know they would. They’d come with the cavalry, maybe even get Dad’s old MC involved if they thought it serious enough.
I’d cause another war. Though that one might end with beers and a makeshift pool party at the back of Wolves Plaza.
“I found my scent matches,” I say and I can’t believe I haven’t told her before now. How long it's been since I last talked to my mom. “I had my heat.”
“That’s amazing, honey! I’m so happy for you! But… what’s wrong?”
“It’s… it’s not easy.”
“It’s never easy.”
“It’s not?”
“Oh my goodness, no, honey. Your dads and I had some steep ups and downs in our relationship before we got to where we are.”
“Like what?” I ask, though surprised she even heard me because of how low my voice is. My mind tries to bring up any times my parents were on the out, but I can’t think of any.
“Why don’t you start with what's ailing you?”
“Well, I have four scent matches. Two alphas, Neven and Asher. They are so sweet and amazing, and gentle. Then there is Soren, who I bonded… just yesterday—”
“Esper Winnie Malent!”
“I’m sorry, I meant to call you after my heat! Things just—”
“Don’t forget to call me, Esper! Gosh, so much has happened. We have to tell your dads—Boys! Our baby found her scent matches and bonded! We need to meet them ASAP, start planning!” I hear a door click and
Footsteps approach, then a second voice speaks into the phone. “How’s tomorrow?” Laken, my alpha dad, says. When I pause before answering, he says, “Baby, are you okay? They are treating you right?”
Hearing their voices, actually saying all this out loud for the first time, just solidifies the fact that I’m missing them so bad. “Yes, Dad. Give the phone back to Mom. I need to talk to her.”
“Oh this is serious. Babe, tomorrow might not be soon enough,” I hear Col, my beta dad, say.
“Okay, okay, they are gone now. Honey, are you feeling better?”
“Yeah,” I say, truly feeling better. “I just, we got into a fight about the bond. Reed, my scent match who is also an omega, got upset that we’d bonded. He thinks that I don't know what I’m getting myself into.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Yeah, it’s just… We haven’t talked and now I’m scared to talk to him. He was super upset, but I… I just don’t understand. I can make decisions for myself. I’m a big girl. I don’t understand why he doesn’t trust us, trust me.”
“It’s not always about trust, honey.”
“Then what is it?” I whisper, turning on my stool to stare out the window, my throat getting choked up with unshed tears. I can’t even talk about this without crying. How fucking stupid.
“Two omegas is a tricky dynamic. If you’re already getting bonds and he doesn't have one too, it could turn into a nasty competition.”
“I don’t think it’s that.” She laughs a bit and I roll my eyes.
“It could play into it.”
“Sure,” I say, though I don’t believe it and she knows it. She chuckles and asks me to explain the issue more.
I relay the fight to her, trying to be as accurate about his words, as if they didn’t brand themselves into my head. She listened quietly. Not interrupting me once.
“Well, honey, MC life is dangerous.” I hold back my interruptions and try to listen to what she’s saying. “I think it sounds like he needs reassurance. He’s an omega and a person with needs too. He needs to know you can handle what this life will throw at you.”
“How do I prove that to him?”
“Time.”
I don’t like that answer, but it’s the only realistic one.
“Do you think… Do you think he might not want me though? Like all this doubt is because he doesn’t actually want to be with me?”
“No, honey, it sounds like he loves you. But fear is a powerful emotion and drives people to do unreasonable things. Like accidentally hurt the people we love.”
Her words rest alongside his in my heart.
We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I stare out the window.
It’s dark in here. The windows have a covering on them that limits some of the sun, making the room feel incredibly soothing. I can see why Asher likes it so much.
Reed floats back into my mind, and my heart aches all over again. I have to prove to him that I belong, but… I thought I was doing that this whole time.
I don’t know how much more proving I can do.
“Moonlight?” Asher’s voice knocks me out of my pity party a bit.
“Hey.” I uncurl myself from the stool and find my alpha leaning against a table with a black t-shirt and cargos on. Boots too. “Did you go riding?”
“Yeah, we all are on around-the-clock patrol now.”
“Becuase of the Outlaws?”
“Yeah, they’ve been sneaking around more lately.”
“Because of me?” I cannot be that damn special.
“Because of all of our omega members.” Asher chuckles and steps closer to me, drawing me into his arms.
“I’m not that special, huh?”
“That special to me, yes.” He kisses the top of my head, and my omega purrs for him.
At least I have Asher. Soren. Neven. Though, even as the thought crosses my mind, it doesn’t feel right. I need Reed too.
“I have something for you,” Asher says and I perk up.
“Oh yeah?” I say seductively, and he shakes his head.
“Not that, at least not right at this moment. I have an actual present for you. One that I hope makes up for the lack of courting I’ve been doing? Do you forgive me, Moonlight?”
“Depends on the gift,” I say and he takes me by the hand, leading me upstairs to the apartments.
As we walk up the stairs, we have to squeeze by basically a full construction crew crammed into a shoe closet’s worth of space.
Sheets of wood and sawhorses and power tools litter the space too, the warm smell of sawdust tickling my nose.
“When did all this happen? What is going on?”
Asher ignores me, leading me to a door next to Neven’s room. His door is completely gone, and I can’t see much inside but it’s just as chaotic as the hallway.
Now I’m nervous.
“What about my stuff?” I point to Neven’s room.
“I personally moved it to Soren’s room.”
“Oh good,” I mumble, watching men and women in neon-colored vests come in and out of Neven’s room.
“We had this done first, so you could use it.” Asher finally opens the door we’re standing in front of.
I stand stock still as shock washes over my body. I take a single step forward as Asher takes one inside the room that is obviously a nest.
My eyes meet Asher’s, whose smile is so big I can’t help but smile too.
“What do you think?"
“This is mine?”
“Yours to decorate as you want, Moonlight.”
“For me?” My voice wobbles as I take in the blank canvas. The room is similar to Reed’s. A single window in the back, though larger than Reed’s. A bed that takes up ninety percent of the space. All white.
“If you want to paint—”
“I like the white.” It's versatile, and I can hang up fabric when I want to change it. “How? How so fast? I was here this morning, only had one class…”
“Rush fee and lots and lots of workers.” Asher chuckles. “I put fresh sheets down so you can at least sit on the bed for now, until we get you stuff to settle in it.”
I jump up onto Asher, who catches me with a chuckle, and we both fall onto the cloud-soft bed. “Thank you.” I kiss his lips, then again, and again. His pomegranate scent does exactly what I need it to do and wafts in the air, mixing with mine.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh! I have something for you too!” I say launching up and racing to Soren’s room to grab my gift. I jump over random piles of floorboards and dodge people, trying to make it back to Asher as quickly as I can.
“I got you this!” I place the coaster into his hands, and his eyes meet mine. My face is flush from the rush, but I’m so glad I finally have a chance to give Asher his courting gift from me. It’s nothing like a nest, but it’s from me.
“I really wanted one of these,” he says quietly, playing with it in his hand a bit, and I laugh.