Chapter 40
REED
My nest door creaks open, the light from the hallway shining in over my closed eyelids as Neven slips into my nest.
I’m shocked when my skin doesn’t crawl at the thought of him coming in. In fact, as much as I would never admit this to him, let alone out loud, I’m relieved he’s here.
Well, until he opens his damn mouth.
“Get your funky ass in the shower, Reed.” His use of my full name tells me he’s serious, but I can’t bring myself to so much as lift my head to acknowledge his presence, let alone respond.
I haven't left my nest in days. Not since I lost my damn mind. The beautiful picture of Soren’s and Esper’s bond marks flash behind my eyelids every time they close. I'm not mad about it, not like I thought I was.
I was… confused. My brain scrambled, panicked, trying to come up for a reason that would excuse this ugly fucking emotion in my chest. Something to distract from the absolute crushing of what I thought I knew.
The death of the life I thought I’d have.
I didn’t… I didn’t mean to be so harsh with her. So mean. My own words play back in my mind, and the hurt look they put on Esper’s face.
They make me sick. I make me sick.
“I’m not telling you again. Get up or I’ll drag your ass and I promise you won’t like that.”
I grumble as I open my eyes. My pillow is a smooshed marshmallow being crushed by my iron grip. “I’m going to—”
“Now.”
“Okay, Alpha,” I snip and he only raises his eyebrows. I scoff, sitting up and moving to get off my giant-ass bed. Neven stops me by sitting on my bed, staring off at a spot on the wall.
“Tell me what’s going on first.”
“Nothing.” His gaze is sharp when it lands on me. So much so I can’t hold it, so I choose a spot on the carpet and stare there instead. Not only is this my lead alpha, but one of my best fucking friends.
All of them are.
That's the problem. I want them. I need them.
A new dream bloomed and I didn’t think… I still don’t think I deserve it.
My future flashed before my eyes. Something so domestic, so insanely impossible when I saw those bite marks.
I realized in that moment, that truly nothing mattered more than them right there.
My dream, my duty, of leading an MC officially disappeared. Nothing would ever matter more than the four people in that room would.
It shook me to my core. Absolutely terrified and confused who I even am anymore.
Because if I cared more about this Pack and these people than I ever did about becoming Prez, everything I knew about myself collapsed. Not only that, it meant my heart was so much more exposed than ever before.
“I…I’m an omega.”
“Yes, I am aware, Reed.”
“At the end of the day, I am an omega.” An omega who wants what any other omega dreams of—a happily ever after. A Pack.
Something I never thought I’d even want, let alone have.
I turn toward the bathroom in my nest. I need a shower. Then after, I’d fix everything.
I may not deserve a Pack, but I have one.
I’m gonna get my Pack back. I need to find Esper. Soren too. I was such a fucking dipshit.
The shower is fast, my newfound energy ready to put my waking hours to good use. I dry off, lotioning as fast as I can and sliding on some sweats.
Opening the door back to my nest, leaving my hair wet and shirt on the counter, I’m greeted by the fading scents of my Pack members, and my inner omega sighs with contentment. But I freeze as I spot her.
Esper. In my nest.
Packing her things.
No.
“Esper?”
“I’ll be out in a second. I just needed—” She has a few of her pillows in her arms and I move without thinking. My feet carry me to her and I'm ripping the pillows out of her arms, intending to drop them onto the bed. But they are ripped out of my arms before I can.
“Reed!”
Before she can storm out, I grab her forearm, taking back the pillows and throwing them on the bed, before shoving her to sit on the bed too.
I jump, shutting the door and blocking it with my body.
My instincts are close to the surface. A fresh wave of hurt washes down my body, and I stare at her as my brain catches up to what’s happening.
My omega is leaving me.
“Move.” She’s gathered the pillows, a blanket, and a hoodie. Her hair is messy, someone's hoodie and sweats hanging off her and dragging on the floor. Her nails are chipped. Gripping the things in her hands like they are her lifeline.
But they are mine.
My lifelines. They belong in here, in my nest.
I remain frozen, unable to say anything as her glare hits me square in the chest.
She laughs, a dry scary laugh, before dropping everything on the floor and holding her hands out.
“Esper.” It’s the only word I can muster. My eyes keep trailing to the bond mark on her shoulder.
“You know what, Reed. I've had it.”
Her words punch me in the gut, yet I still can't move. I need her to say this. I pushed her away to make her say this. To let me go. Now that it’s here… fuck. “You made your choice and yet still refuse to let me make mine.”
A tear drips down her face. My chest cracks open.
I fucked up.
I fucked up so badly.
“I… I—”
“No. Move.” Her voice rasps and my knees nearly buckle.
“Esper. Please, I’m sorry.”
“I need more than that!” She tries to shove me off the door, but I don’t let her. Her nails dig into my skin, and I fucking love the feeling. I miss her touches, even the rough ones.
I grab the sides of her face. I kiss every tear that streams down her face. Committing the number to memory. Knowing I’ll have to make it up to her for each one.
I’m such a shitty omega.
“Let me go,” she mumbles, but her hands grip my arms tight. I guide her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed. She sits, losing her grip on my arms as I fall down to my knees in front of her.
How do I let her know that I’m sorry? That even though I don’t deserve it, I want another chance?
I do my damnedest not to touch her. Though I want to so damn badly. I gulp, trying and failing to keep my own tears from streaming down my face. My chest feels as if it’s caved in.
Bracing myself with my hands on my knees, I gaze up at her. Her sad eyes meet mine.
“Reed, get up.” A soft bark clings to her command. Her anger from earlier melting.
“Be angry, Esper.” I don’t deserve this. She can’t be soft. I hurt her.
“Not like this.”
“I deserve your anger. I need it, Princess,” I whisper and she shakes her head.
“No.”
“Esper—”
“You don’t get to dictate how I act, or how I feel.”
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, then good.” She crosses her slim legs and leans back on her hands. Her aura has changed. Though she’s in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, she may as well be dressed in a suit and her favorite maroon heels.
A few strands of her hair stick to her rosy cheeks and fuck it’s hot. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts and her intoxicating cranberry scent from my nose.
I’m here to beg.
To plead for forgiveness.
“You’re sorry?”
“Yes, Princess. I—”
“Why?”
The single word rings in my ears. It erases every heartfelt word of the speech I’d been scraping together in my head. All I have left is the raw emotion in my chest. The way her gaze lights me up inside. How much I fucking love her, and how much I want our Pack.
She doesn’t wait for me before barrelling on, “Why can’t you have both?”
“What…”
“Why can’t you have a Pack and be President of the Midnight Wolves? Spell it out for me.”
“Because…” I stopped, not wanting to give my bullshit answer of being an omega.
“I don’t see why that would be an issue. I don’t think that's an issue at all actually.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper.
“You’re afraid you won’t be a good leader. You’re afraid that you are not enough. But you are. You always have been, Reed.” She leans forward now and cups the side of my face.
“You are too kind, Princess,” I mumble, grabbing her hand and kissing her palm.
“So you have a choice to make right now.”
“I do?”
She slides her hand away from me. The loss of her touch drives a whimper from me, which makes her smile. The smallest fucking smile. A sly one that drives my blood straight to my dick.
“You choose this Pack right now or—”
“No ‘or,’” I start, already knowing my answer.
“Or”—She raises her eyebrows—“choose being the MC Prez and let me go. For real, Reed. I can’t keep doing this with you.”
Her words ring in my head. The choice is obvious. One I made already.
“I choose you. You, Princess, will always be my answer.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. It’ll always be you, baby. No more Prez shit. I want you. I only want my Pack. Everything else doesn’t matter.”
Her eyes well with tears. Her hands are shaky in my grasp and no matter how tight I grip them, it doesn’t stop. I love her. I love them, my Pack. So damned much. I have to choose them, and only them, from now on.
“Then bite me. Bond me, right now.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I launch myself at her. My hands hold her hips as I latch my lips to hers.
“Thank fucking God, Princess,” I whisper against her lips, bringing her weight into my arms and throwing her on the bed. I don’t leave her for a moment. Following her body, I kiss her cheek, down her neck, sucking over Soren’s bond, surely driving the man insane.
“Hmm, where am I gonna tie you to me forever? Here?” I say, kissing the spot right next to Soren’s. “Here?” I ask in a kiss to her outer shoulder.
“Reed, wait.” She pushes at my chest and I stop. Leaning back, sitting on my heels, her eyes are wide as they stare at me. “You’d give everything up? Just like that?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” The certainty has faded from her tone, from her eyes. Her brows furrow all cute, and I smile, a real smile, as I move a hair from her face.
“I always thought the Wolves were like a Pack.
That'd be all I need. I was so fucking wrong. Nothing compares to having you, having Neven, Asher, Soren. You guys are my Pack. The ones in my corner. The ones that make life worth fighting for. Baby, it took me too long to realize it, but this, this is what my Dad fought for. This connection, the family, this is why we do what we do.”
I kiss her lips gently, pulling her lips a bit when I pull away from her. “None of this is worth it, without you.”
“You… I…. I’m not asking you to give up your dreams. I was just…
” She’s bright red, her scent turning a bit crisp in the air, and I shake my head.
She hadn’t known I'd already given that up. The Prez spot could go to someone else. Hell, maybe Neven since he’s so damn good at leading.
Honestly, he’d do the job justice. He could have it.
Because I am choosing my Pack. Forever and always.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll do it.” I kiss her again and she pushes me away.
“I don’t want you to.”
“I am.” I scrunch my brows, confused. Shouldn’t she be happy? I sure fucking am. Maybe she’s worried I’m not? That does sound like Esper to worry.
“No. You can’t—”
I grab the back of her neck, crashing her lips to mine. “Yes. I do and I am. I'm a free man, baby. I can.”
“Reed!” She shoves, but this time I don't let her shove me far.
“Princess,” I say, chuckling, "I have better things to do than run an MC anyways, like figuring out where my bond is gonna go.”
“Reed, seriously, wait.”
“I don’t think you understand, Princess. You are my everything. Nothing else matters.” I let my tone drop so she understands how serious I am.
Nothing else matters. The words feel good in my chest. They settle like the label President never did.
“But, Reed, I want you to know that being an omega doesn’t have to stop you, us, from following our dreams. You wouldn’t let me miss out on my dreams and I won’t let you either. Run for President. Please.”
I pull her left wrist to my lips, sucking on the sensitive skin where her pulse beats. “I think my bite should go here. I heard there is a vein here that goes straight to the heart."
She laughs, and I love the sound. Her eyes don’t have tears in them anymore. Her hands don’t shake as I hold them, and her scent is so warm, so comforting. I love breathing it in. I’ve missed this so damn much. She breathes, “I think that's false.”
“Humor me, Princess,” I say, biting down while holding eye contact. Her moan hums in my ear, my omega settling as the bond solidifies in place.
Fuck yes.
She moans my name, and I kiss my bond before letting her wrist go.
“You’re mine, Princess, and I fucking love you. I’m so sorry it took me so damn long to figure that out.”
“You're forgiven,” she whispers, before grabbing my left wrist and biting down.