Chapter 17
For the first time in my life, I show up early to the pool deck for the Sail Away Party, knowing this is where I’m most likely to find Eliza. I love every part of my job, but Sail Away Parties are literally my worst nightmare. I can’t line dance for shit. Sure, I know the moves now, but dancing in front of a crowd still makes me uncomfortable.
With no sign of Eliza yet, I find a spot along the railings that I can look over to see the port we’re about to leave. I feel sick to my stomach thinking through everything that’s happened since “Megan” and I met. Nothing adds up. She’s gentle and sweet. But she isn’t. She’s a virgin. But she’s not. She opened up to me. But she didn’t. I’ve picked apart all our interactions, trying to pinpoint the moments when the cracks in her perfect exterior began to show, but somehow, I keep coming up empty.
I don’t understand how someone can lie for as long as she did. I thought I knew her – I thought I’d fallen for her – but it seems I was so desperate to find love that I was willing to give it to someone I didn’t even know.
Regardless of how she may have deceived me, I still feel awful for accidentally outing her.
And I miss her.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Eliza, punctual as I knew she would be, brings my mind back from wherever it had drifted off to. Worry pours out of her, and I immediately feel even worse for ignoring her knocks on my door throughout the day. I wasn’t up for talking then. I mean, I’m not exactly jumping at the chance now either, but I live on a ship, where life goes on whether you’re ready to accept it or not.
“You okay?”
I take a deep breath before shaking my head, and she wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry,” I say into her shoulder.
“I know. It’ll be okay. She’ll?—”
“No, I’m sorry to you.”
Eliza pulls away, looking confused.
I tip my head to the side a little. “Come on. We both know I’ve been the worst friend to you lately.”
I put sneaking around with Gem over my friendship with Eliza. It was all fun and games while I was hiding in closets when Harvey paid Gem a visit, but it came at the cost of shutting Eliza out, because I couldn’t keep track of the little web of white lies I was spinning.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I was between a rock and a hard place, and I promised them I wouldn’t.”
Even though part of me wants to be mad, a bigger part of me understands the position she was put in.
“And when I slipped up when you first started going out, I felt so?—”
“Wait. You knew we were seeing each other? Before today?”
She nods her head sheepishly.
Before I can even begin to process what that means, the DJ starts the party by playing “Wobble” by V.I.C., so now I have to shake my ass with a smile on my face.
As if I haven’t suffered enough.
I should be concentrating on the moves, but my brain is a million miles away. “And Harvey?”
She nods again while rolling her arms to the right.
I throw my head back and silently curse into the sky, two-stepping back and forth before slowly turning to face a new direction, putting Eliza behind me.
“How?” I lean back and wobble.
“You weren’t subtle, Thomas.” We lean forward and wobble again. “Why do you think I never pressed for answers about the two of you?”
All this time,I thought we were being so convincing.
“Also, if anyone knows what sneaking around looks like, it’s me and him.”
I two-step again. “Why didn’t you say? And why hasn’t Harvey ripped my head off?”
“Because it would have made us hypocrites considering how he and I got together.”
We both move to face the crowd in front of us. I opt to keep my mouth shut, or I’ll risk saying a lot of things I’d end up regretting – and withan audience, no less.
Eliza must realise she’s touched a nerve, so she lets me stew for a few rounds of the dance before continuing. “We both knew we couldn’t stop you. Once you get an idea in your head, Tom, you’re doing it. And you were happy – you both were – and that’s all Oscar wants for Gemma after everything she’s gone through.”
With a whole stampede of thoughts messing with my head, I end up turning the wrong way, which puts me face-to-face with Eliza. I quickly jump and spin 180 degrees to correct myself.
“What was that look for?”
“I didn’t do a look.” It’s so hard to be serious when I’m wiggling my butt at her. I guess I’m not doing as good of a job at hiding my disdain as I think I am.
“Yes, you did. Hold on – do you believe it?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? Why wouldn’t I? What’s there to question? It’s there, as clear as day.”
The track finally fades out, but my relief is short-lived, because the next song to play is Tag Team’s “Whoomp! (There It Is)”. I try not to groan too loud. For fuck’s sake, I can barely get this damn routine right on a good day, let alone while my thoughts are somewhere else entirely. There’s too much footwork to remember without concentrating.
“So I guess you think Ryan Reynolds really is Deadpool.”
“Huh?”
We tap our feet in front of us before shuffling forward and doing the same with the other foot.
“And that Hugh Jackman can actually pop claws out from his knuckles.”
“What?”I regret introducing her to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. “You’ve spent too much time with Harvey. Talk in real sentences, woman.” We body roll and clap, restarting the choreography in a new direction.
“The whole show was rigged. They set her up to be the bad guy. She played along to survive because they wouldn’t let her leave.”
What? I trip over my feet and hurry to correct myself, apologising to the guests who were copying me. So what I saw… She was… And I thought…
Oh fuck.
I made her biggest fear come true.
“So that was…a performance?”
I’m such an idiot. I need to get out of here. I need to get on my knees and beg her to forgive me for jumping to conclusions. She didn’t tell me her name, but she let me in when she was keeping everybody else out. She had no reason to open up to me, but in her own way, she did.
And I doubted her.
Who am I kidding? What good will admitting I was wrong do? I don’t deserve her time, let alone her forgiveness. I’m no better than the mob leaving her hate comments. It’s only dawning on me now just how colossal of a fuck-up this is. No one knew who she was until I accidentally posted that video. Why would she ever forgive me when I will never forgive myself?
The sound of the guests singing the chorus at full volume snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Whoomp! There it is,” indeed.
There it fucking is.