Chapter Twenty-Five
Harlyn
Caitlin sent me a text on Sunday morning at 8:27 a.m. I was settling into my seat on my flight to Austin. A flight that was set to leave at 8:30 a.m. Her text was to inform me that she had to work and was not going to be home when I arrived as we had previously planned. She went on to apologize because she was supposed to be off the entire week of my trip but somehow her schedule had changed and she wasn’t going to be available until Wednesday. I had half the mind to call her and tell her that I wasn’t going to make it but she’d know I was lying. First, because she’d waited to send her text until she was sure that I was on the plane, unable to disembark. Second, because she knew I didn’t want to spend my vacation at home in an empty apartment.
The second reason was also the only reason I’d agreed to take the last flight available which would take seven and a half hours with an hour layover in Dallas. It seemed that lately no one could fly anywhere without a layover in Dallas. I had to fly to Las Vegas a month before, for work, and I got to endure a one-hour layover in Dallas that then had a two-hour weather delay added to it. The hour layover I could handle because the airport is so big, it takes you that long to get from one gate to the other, but an extra two-hour delay at a gate near the bar where Janene and I had spent time, that was painful.
I’d checked my gate before leaving New York this time and figured out that it wasn’t going to be near the same area. They were also running on time. Barring any emergencies, I would likely get in and out of the Dallas airport with very little heartache.
As I had hoped, the weather in Dallas was perfect and my connecting flight was on time. I arrived at my departure gate with just enough time to make a trip to the bathroom and then board the plane. Janene was no more than a quick thought and that was nice.
My annoyance with Caitlin’s last minute schedule change shrunk further when I landed in Austin twenty minutes early. I never understood how that worked. It made sense to me that sometimes a flight could be delayed or rerouted and take longer but how a flight arrived sooner than expected always felt weird. Like we’d broken the laws of physics somehow. Either way, I was all for it. An early arrival was a nice way to end a horribly long day of travel.
By the time the rideshare driver dropped me off at Caitlin’s, I’d forgiven the work gods because I was glad to have a few hours to myself to decompress. Caitlin, waiting around for me all day, would have meant she was full of energy and excitement. She would have wanted to go out and maybe even get wasted. I was exhausted. All I wanted was a hot shower to be followed up with a cold beer in one hand and the Roku remote in the other while I vegged on the sofa and waited for Caitlin to get home.
As I walked up to the front door, I heard the sound of a glass bottle hitting the tile floor. Oreo, Caitlin’s cat was known for knocking over dishes, vases, remote controls, and anything else he might put a paw on. I unlocked the door ready to clean up a mess that Oreo would definitely be reprimanded for when I heard, “Shit!”
I turned back toward the driveway to make sure I hadn’t missed Caitlyn’s car but it wasn’t there. In fact, there weren’t any cars nearby except for a new red Jeep parked down the street.
“Hello?” I called out when I let myself in. “Did you get away from work early? Where’s your car—”
I rounded the corner to the kitchen and standing over a broken bottle of beer was Janene.
“What the fuck?”
“Hey,” Janene said. “You’re early.” As if I was not supposed to be surprised to see her standing in the middle of Caitlin’s kitchen.
“Early? How did you know I was…”
My rolling suitcase toppled over as I let it go in a rush to find my phone. I didn’t give it a second thought. I dialed Caitlin’s number.
“Don’t be mad,” she said when the call connected.
“Mad? Mad is not the word I would use right now!”
“I know, and I’m sorry but it was the only way.”
“The only way? To what? Stab me in the back?”
“Just give her a minute, maybe five and then if you still want her to leave, she will. I promise.”
I looked up to find Janene still standing in the same place. There was a look of panic on her face even though I was the one who had been caught off guard. She looked tired, like she’d been working too many hours. No one ever makes the boss take vacation. There was a sprinkle of silver in the hair on the side of her head. That was new. She also needed a trim. It was unlike Janene to let her hair get that long.
“She broke a bottle of beer in the kitchen,” I said.
“Well, you know where I keep things, can you help her clean up? Please.”
I disconnected the call without saying bye.
“Don’t be mad at her,” Janene said. “I asked for the favor. I just needed to see you. To apologize in person. I never got a chance to—”
“Because you ran away,” I said. I could hear Caitlin in my head, that’s the pot accusing the kettle, don’t you think?
I walked over to the pantry and pulled out the dustpan and broom. When I started to sweep up the shards of glass Janene stopped me.
“Please, let me do it. I made the mess.”
I handed her the broom, our fingers lightly brushing in the exchange. No matter how mad I was, she still made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
“Sweep up the glass and dump it in the trash, then wash off the dustpan. I’ll get the mop so the floor doesn’t get sticky.”
I barked the order and Janene nodded her agreement. She didn’t look at me, she just started to do as I said. There was a small thrill that washed over me. Giving her orders had always excited me. That part of my brain hadn’t received the memo that we weren’t supposed to be enjoying this.
“I brought these for you,” she said. “I was just going to have one before you got here. A little liquid courage, I guess.”
She rubbed at the back of her neck as she emptied the dustpan. “Caitlin didn’t tell me she had a cat. It startled me and I dropped my beer.”
“He,” I said. “His name is Oreo.”
Janene looked at me for the first time. Her eyes dropped to my necklace and then she looked away. She didn’t say anything else. She walked over to the sink and began to rinse off the dustpan. I found a stray piece of brown glass and walked it over to the trashcan. I recognized the red Lefthand logo on the broken bottle neck that was sitting on the top of the trash pile. It was a Colorado brew but how? I hadn’t been able to find Colorado brews like that one the entire time I was in school. Had she carried them on the plane? Had she shipped them ahead of time? How long had she been planning to do this? My head started to spin.
“I need you to leave,” I said. I had done my part, given her at least five minutes. I couldn’t take anymore. “I’m sorry you came all this way, but I need you to leave.”
Janene didn’t move from the sink. “I’m sorry that I fucked everything up,” she said to the kitchen window in front of her. “I never meant for you to find out and I definitely never meant to hurt you.”
“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before,” I said. “Last time you lied because you never expected us to last, what was it this time? I wasn’t mature enough to make my own decision.”
She turned around, her hands covered in soapy water. She ran them down the front of her jeans and then through her hair. She was searching for something. Maybe an excuse or another lie to make her feel less guilty for all the trouble she’d caused. Her eyes went to my necklace again and then the floor. I should have taken the necklace off months ago. It didn’t mean anything. I was an architect, there was nothing wrong with me liking a necklace that had a drawing compass charm on it.
“You’re right,” she said. Her honesty was appreciated but it still stung to hear her say it. “I expected things with you to be the same as they had always been. You weren’t planning to stick around. You were leaving at the end of the summer. I had no reason to explain myself to you. You had no right to know about Coreen but with Renee, I didn’t know what else to do.”
“How about you talk to me! Instead, you let me think that I was the asshole. Do you know how long I blamed myself for pushing you to do something you didn’t want to do?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would think that. I thought you understood how much I appreciated you. I needed to be reminded of what it was like to live, to feel things again, and you did that. Don’t you see? I need you.”
“Needed me,” I said. “You needed me until I needed you, then I became disposable. The moment your reputation was on the line, I was easily forgotten.”
“Don’t say that,” she said, her voice barely audible. “Please, don’t say that. I can stand here and make a million excuses for the way I acted, but what I did had nothing to do with me not wanting you.” She pushed herself away from the sink. “I’ll leave. I won’t bother you anymore,” she said. “I just wanted you to know that I love you. I know I fucked up. I should have stood up to your mom, and to Madeline. I should have told them. I will forever regret that I didn’t.”
She walked toward the door and then through it. I watched out the kitchen window as she walked down the street to the red Jeep and then she drove away.
I took in a deep breath. Surprised that I hadn’t shed a single tear during that interaction. The smell of spilled milk stout remained. I opened the refrigerator and found it stocked with bottles and cans of some of Colorado’s best brews. New Belgium Voodoo Ranger & Flat Tire, several varieties of Weldwerks, Left Hand, and Bristol beers. I closed the refrigerator door and saw for the first time a note in Janene’s handwriting.
Some girls like to be wined and dined, some girls like a dozen roses but the girl I love prefers a good beer. I hope I estimated your intake for the remainder of your stay in this god-forsaken state that has no respect for good beer.
I opened the refrigerator again and took in the stock pile of Colorado brewed beer. That’s when the tears fell. She remembered my complaint about the ghastly beer I’d endured while living in Texas. I wiped my tears away determined not to let her in. I took out a Beehive because of course she also remembered that it was my favorite. I popped the cap and started toward the living room but before I made it two steps my attention was drawn to the kitchen table. On top of it was a miniature pool table. The balls were spread out as if a game were being played. One tiny cue stick had been placed across the top, the other leaned up against the table. There was a miniature birthday card tucked under one of the legs of the pool table. I opened it up and it said: Best party favor ever!
That made me laugh. I looked around self-conscious that the memory of that night still gave me chills, though it was nothing compared to the memory of having sex in a New York City Club-bathroom stall.
I heard a thump in the living room and knew Oreo had gotten himself in trouble. It was only the remote luckily, because on the mantel of Caitlin’s fireplace (another thing I didn’t understand about South Texas) was a diorama of New York City. It wasn’t the entire city but a few familiar places including the hotel we stayed in, the bagel shop where we got breakfast, the restaurant where we had dinner the first night, and the club that had just been on my mind. Across the door to the club was a tiny sign. I couldn’t read what it said the print was too small. Then I noticed the magnifying glass lying next to the model. I took a closer look at the sign which said, “City Ordinance: No entry allowed to hot young women with raven hair, emerald green eyes, and sexy thighs.”
I was impressed by the detail of each of the buildings. If I didn’t know better, I would say it took her months to make it. But how would she have known she would see me months ago? I didn’t even know I was going to be taking a vacation until last month.
The hurt look on her face as she pushed off the counter was haunting me now. I knew Janene cared about me. I think I even knew that she loved me which was why her choice to do as my mother asked had been such a betrayal. But I also knew she had been put in a tough position. My mother could say and do some of the worst things if she thought she was protecting me. Janene would never stand in the way of my relationship with my mom, she knew how fragile it was. And I’d seen the text, I knew my mom was planning to go to Madeline. That wouldn’t have been a big deal for Janene, she was a partner in the firm, but it would have crushed my chances and tarnished my reputation if any other firm ever found out that I’d slept with my boss. People would always wonder if I had the credentials for the title I carried. Janene could have told me what my mom was doing and ripped my entire world apart. She didn’t. She chose to let me go, over her own broken heart.
My phone rang and I hoped it was Janene trying to reach me one last time, though I knew in my heart that she was not going to push any further. She would not cross that boundary out of respect for my choices because that was the kind of person she was.
“Hey,” Caitlin said when I answered. “I talked to Janene.”
“So, you’re buddies now?” I tried to laugh because my only other option was to cry and I was so tired of crying.
“I wouldn’t say we’re buddies, but I’ve gotten to know her a little.” There was a beat of silence. “Are you okay?”
“No,” I sighed. “But what am I supposed to do?”
“How about you take a deep breath and then you take a little time to think about what you really want. Not what your mom wants, not what I want or your boss or even your ten-year-old self, but what does twenty-six-year-old Harlyn want?”
I grabbed my rolling suitcase and started toward Caitlin’s guest bedroom.
“I want things to go back to the way they were before my mom blackmailed her.”
“That’s not fair to Janene, or your mom, or you. Not to mention that it’s impossible to go back.”
“Why do you always have to be so damn pragmatic? I want her but without the hiding and the lying.”
“Well, there’s your answer,” Caitlin said.
The door to the extra bedroom was closed which was weird because Caitlin never closed doors in her house. Half the time she’d forget to close the front door before she went to bed. I pushed the door open and found the room filled with flowers.
“Holy shit,” I said.
“What’s wrong?”
I pulled my phone away from my ear and texted Caitlin a picture of the room. There were sunflowers and lilies, mums, daffodils, sprigs of lilac, roses in every color imaginable, hydrangeas, and other things I had no idea what they were. The colors were bright and vibrant. Where she got them from in the dead of winter, I had no idea. Of course, we were in Texas where dead of winter meant the temps might dip into the forties.
“Do you know where she’s staying?” I asked Caitlin. “Did she say if she was going home? Maybe I can still catch a flight to Denver tonight, be waiting for her by the time she gets home.”
I walked around the room taking in vase after vase of flowers. Every surface had a bouquet, there were even a few on the floor by the window. I wondered if she’d purchased the flowers before she realized how small the room was.
“She’s going home, but Harlyn, Denver isn’t home for her anymore.”
“What?” My attention snapped back to our conversation.
“She moved to Texas four months ago. She lives in San Antonio.”
“Why?”
“That’s her story to tell. Talk to her Harlyn. Like really talk to her this time. Don’t push her away.”