Chapter 20
ALICIA
I walked back up to the deck in a trance.
Had that really just happened?
When I first walked in on them, I couldn’t decide what was most shocking: the fact that Adonis was so blasé about being caught fucking someone else or his complete lack of remorse.
But then the fact that he blamed me was equalling galling.
And don’t even get me started on him first suggesting I join in, then the completely off-the-scale certified crazy request to finish him off.
Bloody hell.
Any one of those things seemed completely unbelievable. But all of them together was insane.
The same could be said for Kayleigh’s claims about Noah being ‘obsessed’ with me. That was nuts. Like I’d explained, he was just protective, that was all.
‘You okay?’ Noah asked.
‘Yeah.’ I nodded, thinking that strangely I was. I thought I’d wanted to go to the toilet, but clearly the shock had scared my wee away.
Of course, no one wanted to walk in on their match fucking another woman. But it stung a lot less because I knew that I wasn’t into Adonis.
I didn’t feel that attraction or that pull.
Despite the sincerity that always seemed to be in his eyes, now I knew that he was fake. He told me what I wanted to hear. He was a good actor. He looked genuine, but the words he uttered were meaningless.
Something had suddenly shifted.
Before I would’ve felt grateful that a guy like Adonis would even look at me. And I would’ve felt rejected that he’d chosen Kayleigh instead of me.
But now I realised that his actions had nothing to do with my worth.
If I’d offered to let him fuck me on this boat, he would’ve agreed.
Yeah, he’d screwed Kayleigh because she was stunning. But my guess was that Adonis wasn’t the discerning type. He would’ve literally shagged anyone who opened their legs. To him, it was just sex and any hole from anyone would do.
So instead of feeling upset, I felt relieved, because I knew he wasn’t right for me. And I was glad that I came to that conclusion before I caught him in the act. Because it meant I’d made a proactive decision about my worth.
For once, I’d trusted my gut. And it was right.
Adonis was everything I thought I wanted.
But now I knew he wasn’t everything I needed.
‘And you?’ I said. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Kind of relieved if I’m honest,’ Noah blew out a breath.
My brows shot up. Relief was the exact word I’d just thought about.
‘I thought you really liked Kayleigh?’
‘She was nice. But I wasn’t really attracted to her.’
‘But she’s an underwear model!’ My face crumpled with confusion. There was no way he could mean that. Especially after we got a full-frontal view of just how perfect she was.
‘She was pretty, yes,’ Noah admitted. ‘But there’s a difference between someone being attractive and being attracted to them. I just didn’t feel that spark.’
‘No?’
‘Not even a little bit,’ he replied, and his eyes locked with mine.
‘Have you ever felt that before, y’know, those sparks?’ I asked, my pulse racing.
‘Only once,’ he said without hesitation.
‘So why did the relationship end?’ I racked my brain trying to think of which of his exes it could’ve been.
‘Sadly, it never even started.’
Noah’s eyes were still firmly fixed on mine and a wave of electricity crackled in the air.
Whoa.
What was happening right now?
Then the realisation hit me.
Wait. Was he talking about me?
An hour ago, I would’ve dismissed it. I would’ve bet my life savings (which after this trip were probably hovering around a grand total of about two pounds fifty, but still), that the answer to that question was a hard no.
But now, there was a teeny-tiny seed growing in my mind that it might be a possibility. Even if it was only a 1 per cent possibility, that still counted, right?
I started weighing up the evidence to support this crazy theory.
Kayleigh had claimed that Noah was ‘obsessed’ with me and Sammie had always said she thought he fancied me, but that was just their opinions.
When it came down to it, there was no hard evidence to support those delusions. All I saw was a kind and supportive friend.
If anyone had proof that he wasn’t interested, it was me.
I’d had crushes on Noah on and off over the years. Mainly when I was in my early teens and my hormones were all over the place. But especially during the summer before we started uni.
We spent a lot of time together. I hoped that maybe something would happen, but then one night when we were at a party together, I’d overheard him telling his friend point-blank that he didn’t see me like that.
Those words are still seared into my brain. ‘She’s like my little sister. Doing anything with her would be weird.’
He went on to insist that we’d only ever be friends.
And yeah, I knew that was a long time ago and I get that people can change their minds, but that wasn’t the case here.
We’d always lived so close together. Either on the same street or at most a five-minute walk away. That was always our thing. But then Noah moved to the other end of London, for no apparent reason.
Okay, he started a new job, but there were millions of flats that were closer to his job and closer to me, but instead he chose one that was so far away, it might as well be on the moon.
He avoided meeting up, didn’t call as much as he used to, and generally seemed withdrawn.
Now do these sound like the actions of a man who was crazy in love or even the slightest bit infatuated, oops sorry, ‘obsessed’ (lol!), with me?
Nope. Not in the slightest.
So that, your honour, proves that Kayleigh and Sammie are wrong.
I think they refer to people like them as unreliable witnesses.
Case closed.
Although… I was still a little bit curious.
Maybe I needed to just ask Noah, outright.
The idea of making myself that vulnerable though made me break out in a cold sweat.
Could you imagine the embarrassment if I got it wrong? Things would be so awkward between us after that.
That one question could ruin our friendship.
I knew first-hand how terrible things could get when you crossed the line.
That lesson was one I learnt after I dated Dale. He was a good friend throughout my first two years of uni.
When we were in our final year, with all of the stress of coursework and exams, we grew closer and ended up sleeping together.
It ruined everything.
We went from being great friends to not being able to look each other in the eye or be in the same room.
And I nearly jeopardised my degree. All for a few mediocre shags.
It was a complete shitstorm and I vowed never to date a friend ever again.
But at the same time, if I didn’t ask Noah about Kayleigh’s comments, they’d be swirling around my brain all night.
It was better to know one way or the other so I wouldn’t overthink.
Noah was still staring at me. It was like he wanted to say something too.
I was tempted to ask what was on his mind, but I knew that if I put this off a second longer, I’d bottle it.
It was now or never.
I had to know once or for all if Noah had feelings for me.
Romantic feelings.
‘Noah, do you…’ I paused, trying to summon up the courage. ‘Do you have feelings for—’
‘There you are!’ Sammie appeared. ‘I need to talk to you. I just came from downstairs and I caught your match, Adonis, with his head between Kayleigh’s—’
‘We know!’ I jumped in. ‘Please. Spare me the details.’
Wow.
Those two really had no shame.
I couldn’t believe that after we’d left, they’d carried on.
Just proved how little respect Adonis had for me.
‘You know?’ Sammie’s eyes widened.
‘Yeah. We caught them fucking. I’ll explain later.’ I tried to signal with my eyes that I was trying to have a moment with Noah, but Sammie missed the cue.
‘Oh… right. I would say I’m sorry, but, I’d be lying because… anyway, we’ll chat once we’re back at the port. I’ll have to tell Petros as part of our serious incident protocols, and he’ll need to report it to the Love Emperor. They’ll want to have a meeting with you too.’
‘Really?’ I asked. The last thing I wanted was dredge up the embarrassment across a desk.
‘Yeah. And obviously we’ll be kicking those cheaters out of the hotel,’ Sammie confirmed.
‘Good,’ Noah said.
‘I’ll keep you posted. Anyway, the reason I originally came to find you was because the sun will be setting soon, so I thought you might want to find a good place to watch it. There’s a nice spot for two over there.’ She pointed and winked.
‘Okay, thanks,’ I replied.
We’d been interrupted before, but maybe once the sun had set, Noah and I could talk properly.
Even though I’d never act on it, because the consequences would be catastrophic, I still wanted to know whether there was any truth in what Kayleigh had said.
And the sooner I knew for sure, the better.