Chapter 24
ALICIA
I couldn’t believe we were on a boat to Mykonos!
Naturally, when I’d dreamt of visiting Santorini years ago, I’d hoped that whilst I was here, I’d have the opportunity to visit some other Greek Islands too. But I hadn’t expected it to happen on this trip.
When Petros announced the destination of today’s excursion, I’d squealed with excitement. Thankfully I wasn’t the only one, otherwise that could’ve been embarrassing.
Although saying that, when he’d made a brief announcement that Adonis and Kayleigh would no longer be staying at the hotel and all eyes landed on me and Noah, that was so cringey.
Luckily, Petros quickly announced that the coach would be leaving in twenty minutes, so everyone scrambled away and (hopefully) forgot all about it.
The journey to the port was okay. I say okay rather than great because we’d gone down a pretty steep road to reach it.
And because there was some tension between me and Noah.
I supposed it was to be expected after what happened last night. Which was exactly why I’d avoided going to the restaurant for breakfast this morning.
Once we’d finished the meeting with Petros and Kostas, Noah and I had stood awkwardly in the grounds, before Noah finally broke the silence and announced that he was going to his room.
We’d wished each other goodnight then raced off in opposite directions.
And today on the coach we’d made conversation about how excited we were to be going to Mykonos, but there was no escaping the fact that there was a giant elephant on the coach with its enormous backside between us, scowling at the fact that we hadn’t discussed things.
I knew that we should, but in the cold light of day, I wasn’t feeling brave enough to raise it. And anyway, it wasn’t as if we could talk about it here when there were so many people around us. I was sure we’d get to it later. Or at some point.
It was only Wednesday morning. We could do it before the wedding on Saturday. Or just wait until we returned to London on Sunday.
Yeah, maybe that was better.
‘There’s another island!’ Noah pointed at the window.
‘Cool!’ I replied. ‘Do you know which one it is?’
‘Absolutely no idea.’ He chuckled. ‘How are you feeling?’ His voice softened.
My eyes bulged like a deer caught in the headlights. At first I thought he was referring to what I was now going to call Almost-Kiss-Gate, but then I realised that would be a strange opening.
He was more likely to say something like: ‘about last night…’
You could never be too careful though, so I thought it best to clarify.
‘About?’ I asked.
‘The journey. I saw you flinch when we were going down that mountainous road that led to the port. It was pretty steep.’
Of course he’d noticed. Noah always did. That was the point he’d started randomly rambling on about some Greek spinach and feta cheese pastry he’d had for breakfast and how tasty it was.
I knew immediately that he was trying to distract me and I loved him for that.
‘It was okay.’ I blew out a breath. ‘Hopefully one day I’ll get over all this shit.’
‘It’s not shit,’ he corrected. ‘What you went through was shit, but how you feel about it and your fears are totally normal.’
I nodded, thinking that he was right, but it didn’t stop me from feeling frustrated about it.
‘Some days it still feels like it just happened. Even though it was years ago.’ I sighed.
‘Do you still get nightmares?’ he asked, his voice full of concern and empathy.
‘Yeah. Thankfully they’re less frequent though. All I keep thinking is that it could’ve been me. If I hadn’t forgotten to pack my stuff. If I hadn’t gone back to get it…’
My stomach tightened and I felt a wave of sadness wash over me as I relived that day. The ultimate sliding-doors moment.
I’d gone on a trip to North Wales with Travis, my boyfriend at the time and his mates. We were staying in a rented house in the mountains and they’d heard about a party in a nearby town that they wanted to go to.
We had two cars and originally I’d got in with my boyfriend, but just as it was about to drive off, I’d remembered that I’d left my tampons inside the house, so said I needed to go back and get them.
The driver, Barry, had got impatient and said they needed to leave, so told me I’d need to go in the other car. I was upset at first because obviously I wanted to travel with my boyfriend. I said I’d only be two minutes, but by the time I’d returned outside, I saw them speeding off.
We followed behind them in the second car and although Barry’s car was going over the speed limit, which made me nervous, I told myself that everything would be fine. There weren’t any other cars around, so we weren’t in any danger.
At least that was what I believed until we got to a stretch of road that was particularly narrow, which meant the cars were close to the cliff’s edge.
A cliff that had a very steep fall.
Luckily the guy who was driving the car that I was in slowed down, adjusting his speed accordingly.
But Barry, in the other car, didn’t do the same. He continued speeding and…
And then it happened.
I saw the car fly off the cliff.
Right in front of my eyes.
I was sitting at the window seat and saw everything.
The way it plummeted off the edge.
The deafening explosion as the car hit the ground.
The smell of the smoke and burning flesh.
It was just like those scenes you see in films.
Except it was real.
I was shocked. Stunned. Absolutely distraught.
Everyone in the car perished.
Instantly.
Just like that they were gone.
It didn’t matter that I’d only been dating Travis for a few months. It still hit me hard.
I was dealing with the shock, the grief, but also guilt and relief.
That could’ve been me in that car.
I felt guilty and relieved that I’d survived.
And so that’s where my phobia for window seats developed.
For a while I was terrified about going in cars, full stop.
I was worried that I’d never be able to travel anywhere again.
But little by little, I started to get braver.
I was okay in cars and buses on flat land.
Trains and surprisingly planes were fine. As long as I wasn’t in a window seat.
In general, it seemed like it was only when I travelled in a car somewhere with steep drops that it triggered me.
A couple of times when I tried to push myself too much too soon and ignore my fears of travelling in a window seat, I’d ended up having panic attacks. That was when I knew I had to take it seriously.
I was much better now, but I knew for a fact that I couldn’t have got through those dark days without Noah.
He was always there for me.
Noah listened. He held me. He reassured me that it would get easier. And he was right.
I wouldn’t ever forget what happened. I still remembered the accident like it was yesterday. But the fact that I’d been able to come to Santorini and go on tours in such a mountainous country was already a breakthrough.
I had Noah to thank for a lot of that though. Imagine if he hadn’t stepped in and looked out for me during those coach journeys? If I’d been forced to sit by the window like Adonis wanted me to, I’d hate to think about what could’ve happened.
‘Hey.’ Noah reached across and squeezed my hand. ‘You’re gonna be okay. I’m here.’
Feeling his warm palm on top of mine instantly made me feel better.
With Noah, I always felt safe.
‘Thank you.’ I turned to face him. ‘You’re really… I…’
My brain scrambled. I wanted to tell him how grateful I was for everything he’d done for me but I couldn’t get the words out.
It wasn’t helped by the noticeable shift in the air.
That damn electric current was back. But this time it’d returned with a vengeance.
There were so many sparks flying right now that I was worried the boat was about to catch alight.
As our eyes locked again, my heart raced.
How was this possible?
I’d just been thinking about the most traumatic experience of my life, yet one look at him and all of that pain and sorrow sailed straight out of my mind.
And it’d been replaced by a completely different emotion: desire.
It felt so wrong, but at the same time, so right.
God, I wanted him.
It wasn’t just because of his looks. It was the connection. The memory of how much he’d been there for me over the years.
Who knew that kindness was such a potent aphrodisiac?
Now that I thought about it, this was actually the perfect moment for us to kiss.
If it didn’t work out and he rejected my advances at least I had an excuse to make it less awkward.
I could say that I was overcome with the emotions of what happened to me before and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
Noah would understand.
This time I was going to take the lead. That way he wouldn’t feel like he’d taken advantage of me.
I moved my head forward and parted my lips.
I was ready.
I didn’t want to keep denying this.
I knew it was wrong and beyond risky, but I was past caring.
I wanted to move this out of the friend zone.
If it was just a holiday fling, maybe it wouldn’t be as problematic as I feared. We could just have a few days of fun here, then go back to being friends once we returned to London.
‘Would you like a drink?’ Noah pulled back, then leapt out of his seat.
‘I’m gonna grab some water or something.
Shall I get some for you too? Or some tea?
Yeah, I’ll get you some lemon and ginger.
It’s good for boats. Settles the stomach.
Not the boat’s stomach. Obviously, it doesn’t have one.
I meant yours. I’ll… I’ll be back in a sec. ’
He sprinted away so fast, you’d think his arse was on fire and he needed to dive into the sea to put it out.
Wow.
Well, looked like I got the answer to whether or not Noah was interested in me.
Just like I’d always suspected, Sammie had got it all wrong.
Noah didn’t see me as anything other than a friend.
And now we were about to spend all day and night in Mykonos together.
I thought this trip would be awkward after last night’s almost kiss.
But thanks to completely misreading the signals I’d imagined were there, now I’d just made everything ten times worse.