Chapter 25
NOAH
And the prize for the biggest idiot on earth goes to… me.
What the fuck was my problem?
For years, no decades, I’d fantasised about kissing Ali.
I’d dreamt about it.
Imagined it in great detail.
Wished for it.
Then when she finally throws me a bone and shows that she’s considering moving me from the friend zone to romantic territory and we’re seconds away from locking lips, what do I do?
Lean in and enjoy every second?
Pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for never giving up hope because my perseverance finally paid off?
Nope.
I head for the hills like I’m a criminal on the run who’s seconds away from capture and being given the electric chair.
What a fucking idiot.
As I stood and waited for Ali’s tea to be made, I shook my head with disappointment. I’d screwed up. Big time.
That was probably my one and only opportunity with her and I blew it.
If I was honest though, as frustrated as I was with my decision, deep down I knew I’d done the right thing.
Ali had just been talking about one of the most traumatic moments in her life. I was there waiting in her flat when she returned from that trip, so I knew how hard it was for her.
When I saw Ali walk through that door, I wanted to scoop her up into my arms and never let her go. I still remember the cocktail of emotions racing through my veins.
Relief that she was alive. It could’ve all turned out so differently. If I ever lost her, I knew I wouldn’t recover. I’d squeezed her so tight that at one point I thought I might break her.
I’d also felt sadness for what she was going through. I didn’t like Travis. Like most of her boyfriends, the guy was a dick. But I still wouldn’t have wished that on him. Or on anyone.
Then there was the guilt. Ali had invited me on the trip, but I told her I couldn’t go.
The truth was, I didn’t want to. Watching her with Travis was painful because I knew she could do so much better.
That I would treat her better. But when she’d called me that night in tears telling me what had happened, I was sick with regret.
I should’ve been there to take care of her and I wasn’t.
Anyway, the point was, I knew how hard it was for her to talk about that day. Even now, years later. So what kind of an arsehole would kiss his best friend at a moment when she was at her most vulnerable?
Not me. That’s for damn sure.
I wasn’t going to take advantage of her.
If Ali really did fancy me and if she decided to kiss me, I wanted her to be fully present. I wanted her to do it because she wanted me. Not because she was upset and needed comfort.
No.
As frustrating as it was, I’d made the right decision.
I picked up the bottle of water and tea and headed back to our seats.
When Ali saw me, the blood drained from her face.
Shit. She was upset. Not just upset, she was embarrassed.
I knew Ali inside out. Every expression, every habit. And I could tell from the way she was avoiding eye contact that she felt rejected.
Ali thought I’d run off because I didn’t want her.
She couldn’t be more wrong.
‘I’m sorry about—’ She winced.
‘No need to apologise,’ I jumped in. ‘You were upset. That’s why I left. Not because I didn’t want to kiss you.’
Ali’s eyes popped like I’d just announced that I’d won a billion pounds and was giving her every penny.
‘You…’ She paused. ‘You wanted to?’
‘Why do you sound so surprised?’ I asked.
‘Because…’ She blinked rapidly. ‘I thought… I didn’t think…’
One of the guests walked by and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
‘We should talk about this. Properly,’ I said. ‘But not here. In private.’
‘Okay.’ Ali nodded.
So that was settled.
I’d put it out there. Sort of.
Ali and I had finally agreed to talk about how we felt about each other.
Now I just had to hope that it didn’t end in disaster.