Chapter 39
NOAH
It’d been week since I last saw Ali and I still hadn’t heard from her.
Not even a text.
I guess I’d got my answer.
It was over.
Knowing that she’d found it so easy to walk away from me, from the possibility of us, was gutting.
Even if I had three lifetimes, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get over Ali, but like Colin and Shania said when I told them what happened, I couldn’t waste my life. Somehow, I had to find a way to move on.
Easier said than done though.
I toed off my shoes, shrugged off my jacket and slumped on the sofa. Looked like it was another night in front of the TV. Alone.
After grabbing my phone and ordering a pizza, my eyes darted to the postcard resting on the coffee table.
It was the one that Ali had sent me, when we went to Fira.
I flipped it over and reread the message for the millionth time.
To my No-No, aka Noah Bear,
Stay amazing, stay true, stay YOU because you’re all kinds of wonderful.
So blessed to have you in my life.
Hugs, kisses and all my best wishes,
Love Axxx
My heart squeezed. I loved that she’d included two of the many childhood nicknames she had for me. And those were lovely words. Just a shame that in the end, my amazingness still wasn’t enough for her.
I jumped up and pulled out the album where I kept all of the postcards we’d sent each other over the years.
There were random ones from places we’d visited in the UK like Cambridge, Bath and Oxford. And although it was our home city, we’d even got each other postcards from London.
As I read the one she’d sent from our school trip to France all those years ago, I smiled.
People thought it was weird that we sent postcards to each other.
Especially when we were in the same place together.
But like I’d tried to explain to our arsehole matches during that excursion to Fira, it made sense to us.
It was our thing. And I was glad that it was.
Because it looked like all that was left of our friendship now was memories.
I was just about to slide the postcard into a new plastic pocket within the album when the doorbell rang.
Normally pizza took a while to be delivered on a Saturday night, but I wasn’t complaining. I was starving.
But when I opened the door it wasn’t the pizza delivery driver standing there.
It was Ali.
I blinked quickly, then blinked again.
This past week I hadn’t slept much so I knew I was tired. But I hadn’t realised I was so sleep-deprived that I’d started having hallucinations.
‘Hi,’ she said.
My eyes popped. This wasn’t a hallucination. Ali was actually here.
Well, fuck. I didn’t see that coming.
‘Hey,’ I replied.
I swallowed hard. Ali looked tired, but still beautiful. I had an overwhelming urge to lift her up in my arms, spin her around and kiss her, but I held back.
First, I needed to hear what she had to say.
When I’d walked away last Saturday, I’d said she needed to make a decision one way or the other.
So given the time that had elapsed, there was a strong probability that she’d come to tell me she cared for me, but couldn’t do the whole relationship thing and wanted to check if I’d changed my mind about being friends.
The answer would still be a hard no.
As much as I’d missed Ali, I knew what I needed. If she wanted something different, I’d have to respect that and draw a line under our friendship for good.
‘Can I come in?’ Ali asked.
‘Sure.’ I stepped aside.
Once I closed the door, I gestured to the living room.
Ali slipped off her shoes, hung her jacket on the coat stand, followed me into the room, then sat on the edge of the sofa farthest away from me.
That wasn’t a good sign.
‘So…’ Ali fiddled with the hem of her dress, her gaze turning to me, then dropping back to her lap like she couldn’t stand to look me in the eye.
She was nervous.
Another bad sign.
‘I… so, first of all I’m sorry about last Saturday.
The conversation with Trish reinforced the concerns I already had and it freaked me out.
When I saw you, I panicked and the result was a horrendous word vomit.
The things I wanted to say didn’t come out right.
I let my fears completely rule my thoughts.
I know that I hurt you, and I apologise.
But I want you to know that I heard everything you said and once I’d stopped spiralling, I saw everything so clearly.
You said that I needed to get off the fence and make a decision. And I have.’
Ali paused and my heart hammered against my chest.
Now I knew how the contestants felt on those TV talent shows when the presenters told them that the judges had made a decision, but they’d have to wait until after the commercial break to hear what it was.
The silence was deafening.
I couldn’t take the tension.
‘And?’ I said quickly, willing her to put me out of my misery.
‘And,’ she said. ‘Well, I have some stuff to show you.’
I wanted to scream stuff? What stuff? Just tell me, Ali. Do you want to be with me or not?
But I knew it took a lot of guts to come here and she was still nervous, so I decided to be patient. I’d waited all week to hear from her, so a few more minutes wouldn’t make any difference.
Ali reached in her bag and handed me an envelope.
When I opened it there was a photo of a table tennis table.
‘I got this for you,’ she said. ‘I used every penny of my savings to buy it.’
‘Thank you,’ I said, my brows furrowing. ‘But I’m confused about why you’d buy me a table tennis table.’
‘Because you said it’s your dream to have one. Because I want to make you happy.’
My heart squeezed. That was sweet of her, but the protective side of me didn’t like the fact that she spent so much money on buying something for me.
‘Ali, you don’t need to buy me things to make me happy.’
‘I know. But I wanted to.’
‘I don’t have anywhere to put it,’ I said softly. I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t appreciate the gesture, because I really did. More than she knew.
‘Don’t worry about that. It’s in my bedroom waiting,’ she said.
‘Waiting?’ My brows pinched. ‘For what?’
‘For this.’ Ali reached into her handbag, pulled out another envelope, then handed it to me.
When I opened it up I saw it was a photo of a flat with some bullet points written beneath it.
I read the description out loud: ‘One bedroom flat in Clapham, South London with views overlooking the common. Large reception and dining room, garden and excellent transport links.’ I paused. ‘I don’t follow?’
‘This is a gorgeous flat, in South London with enough room for a table tennis table and a couple officially starting a serious, long-term, once-in-a-lifetime relationship. In other words, I thought this place would be perfect for us. To live. Together. Not as friends. But as boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m ready to go all in with you Noah.
I love you. No. I don’t just love you. I’m in love with you.
The deep, romantic, head-over-heels, I didn’t even see it coming kinda love. ’
My jaw dropped.
My eyes popped.
Wait? What?
Ali said she loved me.
No. Not just that she loved me, but that she was in love with me.
Whoa.
I was not expecting that.
For years I’d longed to hear those words. Dreamt about them. But now I’d finally heard them fall from Ali’s lips, I was stumped.
This was huge.
It was a lot to take in.
I should say something.
I should react.
But I needed a minute.
Actually, make that two…