Chapter 35
thirty-five
Josh
As we head out of the greenroom and walk the halls of Madison Square Garden toward the stage, I notice that I’m not as amped up as I should be. For the first time in my career, I’m not ready for this tour to be over. To leave all of this—leave her—behind.
The end of a tour is usually met with relief at the thought of finally sleeping in my own bed and having time to breathe.
But this time, it’s full of questions I don’t have answers to.
What happens to us when we take our final bows, and I come off the stage for the last time?
When there are no more excuses to keep her close.
Maybe if I’d figured things out sooner, if I’d said the right words, she’d know how much she means to me. But I haven’t, and the clock is ticking.
Running down the handshake line, I stop briefly at the end to talk to Tyler.
“Hey,” I say, after we finish our handshake, leaning in close so only she can hear. “I finally figured out what I want to say in that foreword. Come to my RV after this is over?”
She pulls back and smiles wide before nodding.
It had been my idea for the guys and me to write the foreword for Eric’s book, but when Tyler asked what I wanted to say, my mind went blank. How could I possibly condense ten years of thoughts about someone who’s been like a brother to me into just a few paragraphs?
He deserved more than a handful of sentences—he deserved a lifetime of gratitude.
For his patience when I stumbled, for his steadiness when the rest of us were anything but, for the way he’s carried pieces of each of us without ever complaining about the weight.
He’s been the quiet constant in a world that never stops shifting and the person I trust without question.
If I manage nothing else with these words, I hope Eric knows this—my life is better for having him in it.
After the show, I quickly disappear to the greenroom where Tyler is waiting for me. Sliding into my hoodie and grabbing my bag from the floor, we head back out into the hall.
“Did Eric ever tell you about the time he got on the wrong bus and ended up halfway across the country?”
“No,” she says. “But I feel like that’s a story I need to hear right now.”
Holding the door open for her, I follow her out into the parking lot. I sling my arm across her shoulder and pull her closer.
“Alright, so we’re in Daytona doing a festival and scored a spot going on stage right before The Foo Fighters.
Eric had apparently slept like shit the night before because he was too excited to meet his idol.
By the time we finished our set and watched theirs, he was so exhausted that he went back to the bus and passed out while we all hit up a party.
“Turns out, he’d climbed onto the wrong bus, and no one realized it until the next morning when he woke to Dave Grohl kicking at him in the bottom bunk.”
She throws her head back and laughs.
“Stop!” she says. “He did not!”
“Swear to god,” I say, removing my arm from across her shoulder and opening the door to my RV. “We had gone south to Miami for our next show, and he was somewhere near Shreveport heading west.”
We step up into the RV and Tyler slides onto one of the bench seats at the kitchen table.
“Thanks again for suggesting this,” she says. “It’s going to be so great for Eric to have you all give a little statement at the beginning.”
“He’s a good man, Ty,” I say, sitting down across from her. “Probably the best ever.”
“I know,” she says, a melancholy smile tugging at her mouth. She looks like she wants to say something else but shakes her head once before looking down at her phone and tapping record.
“So, as a fellow drummer, what drew you to Eric during his audition all those years ago?”
I smile, thinking back to the first time I met Eric. Knowing almost immediately that we’d found something special.
“He wasn’t flashy. He didn’t need to be. Eric has always played with a kind of passion you don’t see much anymore. He doesn’t care about the spotlight, he cares about the music, and I think that’s what made him unforgettable.”
She smiles, then asks, “Anything you want to say about him, as a person? Anything you want the people to know about The King?”
“Eric has never just been our drummer—he’s our pulse.
We all lean on him, even when we don’t say it out loud.
He’s the guy who shows up for everyone, even when he’s breaking down quietly behind the scenes.
He takes it all in, holds it like it’s his job to carry the weight so we don’t have to. That’s who he is. He’s—”
“Josh, I—” I’m interrupted by the sound of Kate’s voice behind me, and I turn to see her frozen at the top of the stairs. “Oh, hey, Ty,” Kate says, eyes gong wide as when she spots Tyler sitting across from me.
Tyler reaches forward and stops the recording.
“Do you need him?” she asks Kate.
“No,” Kate says, shifting on her feet. “No, it’s fine. I can come back. I didn’t realize you were here. Sorry to interrupt!”
Before either Ty or I can protest, Kate spins on her heel and walks back down the steps and outside.
“She definitely needed something,” Ty says, shaking her head and smiling.
“Yeah,” I agree, rising from my spot. “Hang on, I’ll be right back.” Tyler nods and I turn to follow Kate outside. She’s already two RVs down by the time I catch up to her.
“Hey,” I say. She stops when she hears my voice, and I grab her arm, tugging gently to pull her into the shadows between Max and Kevin’s RVs. “I’m sorry, I meant to text you to let you know that I was sneaking out with Ty. She wants to get some stuff for Eric’s book.”
“It’s alright,” she says. “I just wanted time with you before we pull out of here. We don’t have much left and—”
I know I should wait until Tyler leaves to do this behind closed doors, but I can’t help myself. Kate’s right, I only have three days left with her, and I don’t want to waste a single second.
I grab her by the hips and press her against the side of Max’s RV, my mouth claiming hers just as she lets out a yelp of surprise.
“Josh,” she says, my name coming out of her mouth in a low moan as I move my mouth to her neck. “We’re in public.”
“There’s no one around,” I say, kissing up the side of her neck and nibbling at her ear. “The guys are still in the greenroom, it’s the middle of the night, and we’re in a parking lot.”
“Promise?” she asks, humming as I move to the other side of her neck and kiss just below her ear.
“Yeah, sweetheart,” I smile against her skin as I breathe her in. “I promise.” I kiss her again, my tongue moving against hers in a lazy kiss that says we have all the time in the world, oblivious to the fact that we don’t.
I pull away and rest my forehead against hers. “Give me fifteen minutes. If Ty’s still there when you come back, lie and tell her you need me, and it can’t wait anymore.”
“That wouldn’t be a lie,” she says, a smile growing across her kiss-swollen lips, and I can’t help but smile back knowing she needs me as much as I need her.
When Kate climbs up into the RV fifteen minutes later, we’re alone, and I waste no time standing from the couch and wrapping her in my arms. Things seem to have shifted between us over the last twenty-four hours.
It’s been more about taking our time than rushing.
More about physical touch than physical intimacy.
Like we’re trying to memorize each other in ways we haven’t yet dared to.
“Hi,” I say, closing my eyes and resting my chin on the top of her head. I take a moment to breathe her in. Commit the sweet smell of her hair to memory.
“Hey,” she says, pulling me a little closer. Squeezing a little tighter.
Neither of us says anything else for a while, the silence heavy with everything we’re not ready to say out loud.
Her hands bunch the fabric of my t-shirt at my back like she’s afraid if she lets go, this bubble we’ve been living in will finally pop.
I press a kiss into her hair.
“You okay?”
She nods. “Are you?”
“For now.” I pull back enough to kiss her.
Slowly. Tenderly. Taking my time to study how soft her lips feel as they move against mine.
What she tastes like. How her tongue dances in perfect rhythm with mine.
The soft sounds she makes, like kissing me isn’t just something she does, it’s something she needs.
The sound of the door opening has us pulling apart before either of us are ready to.
“Off to Pittsburgh!” my driver, Matt, says as he climbs into his seat. “Ready for this to be over?”
My eyes don’t leave Kate’s when I answer.
“No, Matt, I’m not.”
I hit the stage for our final show in Pittsburgh, but everything feels wrong.
Max is upset because the strap on his favorite guitar broke during sound check, which sent it straight to the floor, taking a giant chunk out of the side of it, Kevin’s fighting off a sinus infection, I can’t stop thinking about having to say goodbye to Kate, and apparently Eric fucked things up with Tyler, which has him all out of sorts, which is throwing me off even more.
This is supposed to be the big finish, the triumphant send-off, but it feels more like a fucking funeral. None of us have the energy we should.
I need to get my shit together. I’m the frontman. They look to me to bring the energy every night.
Based on how the crowd is reacting, they’re oblivious to whatever the hell is going on up here with us. They’re losing their minds, high on the energy I’m barely holding onto, and for the first time in my career, I’m fighting to give them what they came for.
My eyes keep drifting to where I know Kate is standing in front of the sound booth with Tyler and Dani.
I can barely see her from here, but every time my eyes drift that way, my chest tightens.
How am I supposed to go from touching her every day to not seeing her at all?
How do I go from waking up with her in my arms to sleeping alone in a place she’s never been?
Home won’t feel like home anymore. It won’t feel like her. Smell like her.
I know she’s watching me like she always is—with pride. With awe. Reminding me that she sees me, not the frontman. Not the painted skin or the loud mouth or the reputation.
Me. The man who is messy and forgetful and so in love with her that he can’t think straight.
So, I force myself to focus. To dig deep and give the best performance of my career.
For her.
My final love letter, signed in paint and sweat and adrenaline.