Chapter 19
The well-manicured lawn of the glitzy restaurant buzzed with Saturday evening excitement.
Max and I were sitting at a little table on the lawn at Atria, another upscale Edgartown restaurant on Main Street.
The weather was perfect—only a smattering of clouds to break up the sun, a light breeze, low humidity.
It was the type of summer day New Englanders waited all year for.
Condensation glistened on my wine glass as I wondered what Luke and Luna were up to today.
“Peters & Dowling must be missing you,” Max said as he took a sip of his gin cocktail.
He was just making conversation. It wasn’t Max’s fault a rock made of granite formed in my gut every time someone mentioned that firm’s name.
I lifted my wineglass to my lips but placed it back down on the beechwood café table without taking a sip.
“Maybe!” I shrugged, wracking my brain for a subject change.
I’d rather talk about anything else. Like my novel.
I wished he would ask me what I did during the day, while Luna was at tennis and sailing.
Then I’d tell him about my writing. For some reason, I was having a hard time bringing it up without an invitation.
“I was so impressed when you told me you were a lawyer that day at the coffee shop. I thought, wow, she must be as smart as she is beautiful.”
A grin spread on my face. Max’s flattery was like water to a parched flower.
I considered telling him how I really felt—that the more time that passed, the more writing I did, the more conversations I had with my therapist, the less I wanted to go back to the firm.
That the real reason I took the job with Luke was to make sure I had at least some income in case I decided not to go back at all.
But I didn’t want to disappoint him, tarnish this positive impression he had of me.
The initial excitement at the compliment settled like bile in my stomach.
Would he think I’m not smart or ambitious if I told him the truth?
I decided I didn’t need to tell him yet, because I hadn’t decided for sure what I would do. I still had two weeks.
Why disappoint him when I might go back after all?
Later that night, tangled in his sheets, I rested my head on Max’s chest after a short but fun hookup.
It really was getting a little better each time—ever since I plucked up the courage to tell him I needed more foreplay, he’d taken the time to make sure I was ready before sex.
Tonight I’d even gotten close to finishing a few times, until I thought about it too hard.
But that was clearly a me problem. Moonlight streamed in the window above his bed, casting us in a glow as Max traced little circles on my bare shoulder.
“Can I call you my girlfriend?” he asked.
My eyes widened, but my head was on his chest, so he couldn’t see. Already?
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he added. “Introducing you as anything else just wouldn’t feel right.”
Would it feel right to introduce Max as my boyfriend?
I twisted to look at him. Sandy brown hair mussed, blue eyes sincere.
It was a bit of a leap, if I was being honest. But if I said no, or that I wasn’t ready to call each other that yet, then I’d be rejecting him, and that would probably be it for us. That wasn’t what I wanted.
“Yeah,” I said, jumping in. “You can call me that.” I kissed his cheek.
When his breathing evened out, I scooched to my side of the bed. My eyes closed but my mind wouldn’t find sleep.
All I could think about was how much I didn’t want to tell Luke about my new relationship status. It’s just new, I told myself. And my last official boyfriend was an asshole.
And for some reason you have this hot dad fixation on Luke that you need to shake off.
Besides, I had more in common with someone like Max, didn’t I? And Max was an attractive, smart, fun, well-adjusted man who treated me well and made me feel good about myself.
I should be thrilled he wants to be my boyfriend.
It had to be 3:00 a.m. by the time I fell asleep.
The next morning we cooked breakfast in the big kitchen at Max’s parents’ house. They were out of town for the weekend, so we had the place to ourselves.
“What was your favorite sport growing up?” I asked him. “I feel like you must have played something.”
“Sailing, if that counts. I went to this boarding school in Massachusetts that had a well-established sailing program. And then I did it competitively in college, too. I’ve been saving to buy a sailboat to have here.”
“That would be nice! Especially if you keep spending so much of your summers here. I’m sure you miss it.”
“Oh, yeah. As you know, not a ton of time for leisure activities in New York. But I kinda love the grind, so I don’t mind.”
I nodded, not sure what to say next. I emphatically did not love the grind. Not anymore.
“My brother went to a boarding school, too.” The detail left my lips without forethought.
“Oh yeah? Which one?”
“Franconia.”
Max laughed. “That one is a lot better than the school I went to.”
“It’s a good one.” I hoped my tone didn’t reveal the hint of bitterness I still felt about it.
The rejection letter I got from Franconia seventeen years ago flashed through my brain like an intrusive thought.
I didn’t think about it as often these days as I did during school, but for years that letter was what drove me—to get the best grades, go to the best law school I could, and then work at the most prestigious firm.
“I’m sure he’s a great guy. I’d love to meet him.”
“He’s going to try to visit this summer. But he’s a professor, so I’m not sure. You’d think they get the summers off, but he says the summers are when he gets all his research and writing done.”
“Makes sense. So, a lawyer and a professor, your parents must be thrilled.”
“I think so. But I think they’ve always been proud of us, honestly.
” Spending time with Luke and Luna had me thinking about parenting a lot more than I ever had before.
It was hard to articulate the subtle difference between the pressure some parents put on their children and the inspiration and encouragement my parents instilled in us.
I wanted to succeed and make them proud, but it came from a place of desire, not fear.
Max nodded and took a sip of his coffee.
I followed suit, taking my first sip of the morning. It was the richest, smoothest black coffee I’d ever tasted. “Mmm,” I hummed. “This coffee is so good. I’m surprised we even met that day at Behind the Bookstore. Why would you get a coffee there when you have this at home?” I swirled my cup.
He popped one shoulder up. “Something to do, get out of the house. Good thing I did.” He reached for my hand on the table, rubbing circles on my palm with his thumb.
“When I saw you at that café I thought—that’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
I almost walked past you but then I said to myself, you’ll regret not at least finding out if she’s single. ”
“Hmm.” I was skeptical those were the exact words that floated through his mind. “I don’t know about that.”
“Learn to take a compliment, Val. There’s more where that came from.”
His smug grin had me smiling too.
“Oh, you think you’re so charming, don’t you?” I teased.
He shrugged one shoulder, smug grin maintained. “Well, kinda, yeah.”
I shook my head and leaned over and kissed him. He rested his hand on my bare thigh under the table and took another lazy sip of his coffee.
I thought about that day, and it dawned on me—I was writing my short story when he walked up to me. This was my chance to tell him.
“You know what I was doing that day when you approached me?” I asked, leading.
“You said you were working on a project?”
“Yes. But I was already on the leave of absence, so it wasn’t a work project. I was writing.” Why is my heart rate climbing?
“Oh yeah? What were you writing, an article?”
“No, actually. A short story, which is now more of a novel. I found this prompt online that resonated with me. I’ve always loved books and reading, had always thought about writing my own stories. And now I have the time to do it, so I figured, why not?”
I searched his face for his reaction, hoping his confidence in my legal skills extended to my potential as a writer. Maybe he’d even offer for me to talk to his dad about it.
“That’s cool. Writing is a fun hobby.”
The word hobby landed like a blow.
What if I didn’t want it to just be a hobby?
“It’s your dad’s career,” I argued without thinking.
“I know, but that’s him.” His blue eyes shone with mirth.
Mine felt like they might fill with tears.
“You’re not considering a career change, are you, Val?” He chuckled, like it would be silly to change my career now.
It would be silly to change your career now, a voice in the back of my head agreed.
“Ha, no,” I lied, hiding my face in my coffee mug. “How would my private equity clients survive without me?” I added drily.
Max leaned back in his chair and crossed his ankle over the opposite knee. “Not well, I’m sure. Us finance people need our lawyers.” He winked.
I nodded and schooled my expression to conceal the disappointment roiling in my stomach. When I stood to go top off my coffee from the dedicated coffee bar in the kitchen, I wished I had something stronger to drown in.
“Want to take the boat out later?” he called from the breakfast nook.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“I so would but I made plans with Mimi. I haven’t spent much time with her lately and I feel bad.
” Between staying until Luna’s bedtime on Friday and going to the gym first thing Saturday, I’d only seen Mimi for a little while on Saturday afternoon before I left to meet Max.
“Oh, okay.” The disappointment in his voice had me considering changing my mind, but he added, “How about on the Fourth? We can take the boat out for the afternoon with my parents, then have dinner and do the fireworks at their club?”
I joined him at the table again, steaming mug clutched between both hands, the sweet aroma filling my nostrils. “That sounds like fun.”