Chapter 20
On Monday, Luke asked if I could stay a few extra hours because he needed to work late.
Luna and I had macaroni and cheese for dinner (her request), and I convinced her we should read a book together before bed.
It was the first time I’d gone into her bedroom.
Her bed was a custom, wooden work of art, built to look like a sailboat.
It had nooks and crannies for books and other things, and even a cup holder for her water cup.
Luke obviously made it himself. Admiration flooded my bones as I took in all the beautiful details. What a good dad.
As I descended the stairs, I was already mentally cracking my book open on the couch before I noticed Luke sitting in the living room. Still in his dusty jeans and work boots, he was leaning over, elbows on his knees, rubbing his temples.
“Hey,” I said softly.
He lifted his head with a start. His eyes were red, beard longer than usual, hair disheveled, dark circles under his eyes. “Hi.” He forced the corner of his mouth up, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Is she asleep? I just got in.”
“Yeah, totally passed out.”
Luke sighed. “I hate it when I only see her in the morning.”
“It happens,” I reassured him. “Work’s been crazy, huh?”
“More so than usual, yes. That renovation has been a lot. I wish I didn’t promise it would be done by the Fourth.
Today I had to make them rip up the tile in the bathroom because it wasn’t aligned perfectly.
I don’t know that the client would notice, but I noticed, and I couldn’t leave it like that.
Now I’m going to do it all over again tomorrow, after I check on all my other sites and have a meeting with the town about the new development.
So it’s going to be another long day.” He pushed both of his hands through his hair.
“I can stay late again tomorrow. I don’t have any commitments.”
“Thank you. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t planning on you having to do this so often. Things will slow down after this reno is done and my people get back from their holiday vacations.” His employees were taking time off around the Fourth, so he’d been picking up more of the heavy lifting.
“It’s no problem, seriously. I want to find out what happens in this Magic Tree House book. I don’t know why I didn’t read more of them as a kid. They’re gripping.”
Luke smiled, eyes crinkling. That’s a real one. My stomach fluttered.
“Thanks, Val.”
I sat down on the edge of the couch, not ready to leave yet.
Luke hadn’t made any move to get up either.
His eyes scanned the living room, kitchen table, and the bench by the front door.
He sighed again, his mouth forming an O like he was trying to calm his breathing.
I could feel the anxiety wafting off of him from across the room.
“Is it just work that has you stressed?”
“That obvious, huh?”
I nodded.
He blew out a breath. “My parents get here late tomorrow night.” He let that statement hang in the air for a beat.
Is that a bad thing? I waited for him to continue.
His eyes found mine. “I need to clean the house and get their room ready. I need groceries. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get to it, probably late tomorrow before they get in. It will just have to be good enough.”
I scanned the open living area. Some of Luna’s things—books, shoes, toys, tennis equipment—had piled up.
There was a growing stack of mail, several water bottles, and a few tubes of sunscreen on the counter.
Some dust and dirt had accumulated in the corners from the constant coming and going of all three of us.
But it wasn’t bad by any means. Nothing a quick tidy and vacuum couldn’t fix.
“I can help tidy tomorrow. It’s not in bad shape, and I’ll be around anyway.”
“No, absolutely not. Your only job is taking care of Luna. You’re not a cleaner.”
“I know, but I can still help.”
“Seriously, you don’t have to. You have Mimi, and your books to read, your writing, and your return-to-work stuff, plus all the extra hours I’ve needed you to stay with Luna. It’s not necessary.”
I tried not to read too much into him mentioning my writing like it was important. I’d only told him about it that one time. Now he asked me how the writing was coming or if I got many words in almost every day.
“Okay.” I sensed I should drop it for now.
He ran his hand down his face. “I love it when they come to visit. We have a solid relationship, and they adore Luna. She’s so excited to see them.
But I always feel like…” He paused, searching for the right words.
“I feel like they’re judging me, if I’m doing a good enough job, and our whole life is under a microscope.
They always end up saying something about taking her, like she’s some kind of burden to me, or like she’d be better off with them than just with me. ” Anger laced his tone.
I’d be angry, too.
He shook his head. “I thought they would have stopped by now.” He glanced around the room again, and I could tell he was mentally cataloging everything that needed to be cleaned up so there’d be nothing for his parents to critique.
“They’re not happy that Monica chose me, that I didn’t decline becoming her guardian, and that I didn’t move back to Pennsylvania with them.
But I had just bought this house and started my business here and I wanted to stay. ”
“That makes perfect sense, Luke. You were building a life, and you brought Luna into it.”
He nodded and swallowed, but he didn’t look convinced.
“They could move here,” I suggested. I assumed given his parents’ age, they might have some flexibility.
“Ha. It does not go well when I mention ideas like that.” Luke shook his head. “My dad’s business is in Pennsylvania, and I’m pretty sure he will keep working until the day he drops dead.”
My eyes flew wide.
“Sorry. That was in jest. Somewhat. He’s just…intense. Super reliable, and I know he loves us, he’s just…intense is really the only word for it.”
“I get it.” I opened my mouth to ask a question that popped into my head but thought better of it.
“What?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m sure everything will be fine.” I smiled.
“C’mon, I like knowing what’s going on in there.” He tapped his temple.
I chewed the inside of my lip, contemplating whether to ask my question.
He raised his brows, egging me on.
“Why do you think your sister and brother-in-law chose you and not your parents?”
I wasn’t sure how he’d react to such a personal question, but the smile he gave me certainly wasn’t what I was expecting.
“It took me a while to figure it out. I actually do know why. But I’ve never told my parents, so it’s a secret.
” He gestured for me to come closer, like he didn’t want to say it at full volume.
I got up from the couch I was sitting on and joined him on the other one.
He shifted so his body was angled toward me.
We weren’t touching, but we were only separated by a few inches now.
“Everyone was surprised they picked a twenty-eight-year-old bachelor as their preferred guardian over my parents, or Gardner’s parents.
My parents offered to take her, but I declined.
If that was what Monica wanted before she died, then I wouldn’t let her down.
It’s because she didn’t get along with Dad.
Nothing too bad, they just didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, especially parenting. ”
He paused but I didn’t say anything. I wanted him to go on.
“We were raised in a tough-love household. Dad thought, ‘the world will be hard on you, so I’m going to be hard on you so you’re prepared.
’ Monica hated it. He’s not a bad person, and not even a bad dad; he’s just not warm.
And in hindsight, he may have taken the tough love thing a little too far sometimes.
It didn’t bother me that much growing up—his criticisms about sports or school or some mistake I’d made.
But it bothered her. She’d always pull me aside, tell me she was proud of me, that I was doing my best, that I was human, that she loved me no matter what. ”
He shook his head and swallowed hard. “I adored her.” He sucked in a breath before continuing.
“My mom is the same way, ya know? Soft and kind and loving. That’s where Monica got it from.
But my mom never really stood up to Dad.
After Luna was born, Monica was always saying how she wanted to raise her kids in a haven—a place that protected them from all the hard stuff out in the real world.
I want to prove her right for choosing me, so that’s what I’m trying to do for Luna.
Give her a home that’s soft and safe. When I’m not sure how, I ask myself, what would Monica say right now? And that helps.”
When he looked up at me, his dark eyes shone with reverence. “It’s amazing, sometimes I know exactly what she would say to Luna when she has a hard day, like I can hear Monica say it in my head. Is that strange?”
My body moved a millimeter closer to him, all on its own. “No. You knew her and loved her. Her personality lives on in your mind.”
“I like that.” His voice was soft. I could tell how hard he was trying not to get choked up. I wished he wouldn’t. “She’d have loved that you used Broadway music to pull her out of a funk.”
I smiled at that, and feelings I refused to name flooded my chest. This smart, handsome, strong, successful man who exuded strength and confidence from every pore was putting so much pressure on himself to be a perfect dad. No wonder he was stressed out today.