Chapter 27 Colson
COLSON
SIX MONTHS AGO
Dear Mom,
I still don’t know why I write to you every time I feel like this…
When it comes to Nora, it’s this feeling that I’ve never had before, like every time she’s near me, my heart might explode.
Is that love?
Did you ever feel it with Dad…? I hate that I never asked while you were alive…
and that I only talked about such shallow things with you…
it isn’t fair that time provides perspective and appreciation for experiences.
I want to know about what you went through in life…
what it was like for you to fall in love, and what I’m doing wrong in my own life.
I wish I could call you and ask you for advice and how to get Nora Petrov off my mind.
She shows up on our work sites, bringing coffee to everyone, and every time she does, she saves mine for last. I like it because it gives me a few seconds longer to look at her, to hold her gaze, and last time, I grabbed the cup in a way that made our fingers brush.
It was stupid, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
My boss doesn’t want me around her. I let his objections have a place in my head…they just never make it to my heart. I want this job to work out, this place…I want Macon because it’s free of Dad, or anything he’s touched.
I’ll try to go home to make sure the boys haven’t messed up your garden. I’m sorry I haven’t gone back as much as I should, but you know why I can’t.
I love you, and I’m still dreaming of tomorrow.
Cole
My fingers itched to grab a pen and a piece of notebook paper.
I wanted to write to my mother, my own form of catharsis bullshit, which helped me process my feelings.
But every time I thought of what I would write, my fingers would curl into a fist, and I’d punch the heavy bag in my garage.
I could not write to my dead mother that I lost the only woman I had ever loved. The one I spent a year telling her about…the one I had cowardly let slip through my fingers all so that I could have one fucking thing not tainted by my father.
I punched the bag, watching it swing at my pathetic attempts.
My hangover wasn’t doing shit for my performance today, and if Mila saw it, she’d be shouting all sorts of shit at me right now.
The scraping sound outside my garage door picked up again, for the third time today, and enough was enough.
Dropping my gloves, I pushed the button to open the bay door.
The light assaulted me first, so I blinked harshly, then the wind swept in and reminded me it was the tail end of December, and fucking freezing.
But there she was, again.
Stomping over in my slippers and sweats, a raggedy tank top was on my chest, and I was pretty sure it had stains from my whiskey and the chili I’d eaten from the can earlier, I knew I didn’t look particularly great.
“Hey,” I shouted toward the sprite figure in the driveway next to mine.
Her head spun, the earmuffs covering her ears were Nora’s I was pretty sure, which made my anger spike.
“Why are you out here shoveling again?” I yelled across the drive, “This is the third fucking time today, Haley. You wanted my attention, fine, here it is!”
Raising my arms high, I challenged her, not even feeling the cold on my skin.
Her sharp green eyes narrowed on me as she dropped the shovel. It was also Nora’s.
“Don’t drop her shit!”
She stomped closer. Good, we needed to finally have it out.
“Why are you still here, why are you in her house?” I droned on, her form getting a little blurry as she got closer. Was I still drunk?
Shit, how much had I had?
Directly in front of me, my little sister glared, setting her narrow chin high.
“Nora told me I had to stay on top of it, or else it would freeze and get all clumpy. She used a more intelligent word, but I can’t think of it at the moment.”
“You talked to Nora?” I stepped closer and nearly lost my footing.
She shoved my chest and then coughed.
“God, you stink.”
“You stink,” I mimicked childishly. Did I stink? Fuck, I was drunk.
Haley tore her gloves off and let out a heavy sigh.
“To answer your question, idiot, you keep ignoring me every time I knock on your door. I was thinking of breaking in through the back at some point, but thought I’d try annoying the shit out of you first with the scraping.”
She continued to push, helping me back into the house and jamming her fist into the garage opener so that it closed.
“Nora broke into my house once.”
“Really?” She held my elbow. “Step up.”
I did as she said, clearing the stairs into my house.
“Yeah, she broke in and stole my tub.”
Haley pushed my shoulder until I was falling back onto the couch. How were we already in the living room?
“She stole your tub, huh?”
“Yeah, because I was a prick and didn’t offer to help her.”
Haley moved around in the kitchen, clanking pots and turning on the water.
“Well, are you done being a prick?”
A glass of water appeared in front of my face, along with a pill bottle.
“Drink, take these. You’re not doing anything for anyone being drunk and mean.”
I took the glass and popped the pain reliever into my mouth, swallowing it down.
She watched me with a hawklike gaze. “Don’t you have a job? You haven’t left the house in three days.”
That whole thing.
Fuck.
I thought back to my conversation with Peter three days ago.
After Nora left, I was a mess. So I drove over to his office and stormed into the building. When he saw me, he was still trying to pick up all the tattered pieces of paper that had been torn up.
“I’m out.” I had gritted out with anger lacing my tone.
Peter stared but didn’t say anything.
So I continued.
“You talk about her needing wings when really you clipped them a long time ago. You want her in your cage, you want to control her future. You don’t give a fuck about her leaving and being free.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Peter scoffed, shaking his head.
“That’s why she won’t speak to either of us? Because I don’t know what I’m talking about?”
I moved forward to the desk and slammed my hands down.
“Here is what I know. Your daughter is beautiful and brave. She knows exactly who she is and what she wants in life. If she wanted wings, she’d have them, but she wants roots.
If you knew her, you’d realize that. She’s not too young, she’s the perfect age for me.
She’s the only person I’ve ever met that can see the entire picture and think calmly, critically, and allow the pieces to fall into place.
She works harder than half the guys on the crew, and she doesn’t need anyone to take care of her.
It’s a privilege if she lets you, but she doesn’t need it. ”
I tried to calm my breathing but the realization I had lost all that and she was gone ripped through me on such a painful wave I almost wanted to punch Peter.
“I officially withdraw my bid. If she ever forgives me, I’ll never do anything to lose her again.”
Now, thinking back on the mess I’d made of everything, I pulled one of the couch pillows over my face and groaned.
Haley must have stayed put because she asked from the same spot, “Well, what happened?”
Shifting position on the couch, I realized she’d taken a spot on the coffee table.
“I quit my job and pulled out of the deal.”
Her eyes stayed level, and her mouth thinned into an apathetic line. “Bravo, brother. Do you want applause?”
Her fake clap had my molars slamming together.
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you.” She shoved my leg with her boot.
“If you had talked to me like I asked you to, then none of this would have happened. Well, some of it would because you’re an idiot and offered to help Nora while conspiring with her father.”
“Your point?”
I gingerly left the couch. I needed coffee, or something because a migraine the size of Texas was invading my scalp despite the pain reliever I took.
“Dad’s broke.”
I paused, my hand hovering over the coffee pot.
She moved behind me, closer to the counter, and continued as I poured.
“His company is tanking, I don’t know if you’ve looked at the shares, but it’s a mess.”
I turned toward her, my eyes narrowing.
“Then how did he offer to buy the company?”
“He didn’t have the money to buy the Petrov company. He was going to use my company…the one he’d set up in my name, and put me as CEO of, at least on the tax forms that’s what it said. Legally, I have complete control over the money in the business.”
“And you were going to do what with that information?” I sipped my coffee, letting it burn my tongue.
She removed her earmuffs and jacket, likely realizing I wasn’t going to kick her out.
“I was going to buy the company out from underneath Dad, and then sell it to you.”
Well, shit.
“He’s not a threat anymore, Cole. He’s going to sell the house. He wants to try and disappear so he can live on an island without paying back shareholders.”
That one hurt.
Just the house, not leaving. They were fucked if they thought I cared about that.
“Do the boys know?” My brothers were assholes, but they were my siblings…a sentiment I finally extended to the girl in front of me.
She shrugged. “They treat me like you do.”
Which meant they didn’t listen to her.
Propping my elbows on the counter, I cradled my head. Fuck, it felt like it was splitting in half.
My heart was caving in on itself too, and somewhere in the middle was this budding affection for my little sister.
She deserved so much more than what she got with this shitty family.
All this time, I made assumptions about her motives based on who her mother was and none of this was her fault, and yet the burden of the whole family landed on her shoulders.
“Just so you know, I’m done with them. My car has everything I own inside of it, and once Nora comes back, I’ll be moving on.”
That couldn’t be right…she couldn’t just go and live on her own. She was only twenty years old and had a shit time of things so far. No, I couldn’t let her do that.
“Look, Hales…I’m so sorry.” I lifted my head to look her in the eye. “I’ve been a shitty brother, and you deserve so much better. I don’t expect you to accept this, but I would like the chance to start over with you.”
She was quiet, her eyes low while she drew circles on the counter.
“I don’t want you to do this out of some place of feeling guilty, or manipulation. I’d rather live on my own and away from every last Hanes on the planet than be a pity project.”
I reached forward, pulling her hand into mine.
“It’s not pity…it’s remorse. I fucked up my life, Haley…with you, and with Nora. It’s all a mess. I need to fix things, not make them worse. I want to get to know you.”
As she gave me a small nod, someone knocked on the front door.
I hadn’t even made it to the hallway before it burst open and Seraphina, Maddy, and Mila were running inside.
“Uncle Cole!”
Liam closed the door a second later, giving me an apologetic look.
“Did we have plans?” I asked, rubbing a hand down my face, watching as the girls all ran to the guest room, finding their toys.
Liam walked up, his dark hair was askew and under his leather jacket he had on a nice black button-down shirt.
“Sorry, I texted you a few times…” Liam’s eyes bounced from me to Haley in confusion.
“My phone has been…” I trailed off, not sure where it was, or when the last time was that I saw it.
Liam settled in the kitchen, close to where I was standing, his eyes still on Haley.
“Sorry, Liam”—I put my hand out—“this is my little sister, Haley. Haley, this is my friend, Liam.”
Liam shoved his hand out, and Haley slowly accepted it. “Nice to meet you.”
I frowned at their touch, confused as to why Liam lingered so long.
“So, you headed somewhere tonight?”
Liam blinked like he’d just remembered and pulled away from my sister. “Yes, is there any way at all you can babysit for me? I have, uh”—his gaze swung quickly to Haley, then settled back on me—“a date.”
“Well, I would, but I’m not in very good shape, man…” He knew about Nora, because the second place I went after I lost her was to his gym, and I stayed there until he kicked my ass out.
His face shuddered. “Oh shit, man…” His hand moved over his hair. “I’m so sorry. I—shit, I knew I shouldn’t have even agreed to this stupid date.”
Haley hopped off the stool and made her way around the counter.
“Well, I’ll be here too, do the girls like makeovers?”
“Yesss.” All three girls screamed at once from the living room.
Haley beamed. “There, I’ll help Cole tonight. Go, enjoy your date, have fun.”
With the way Liam trailed my sister’s every move, I was practically pushing him out the door to go and indeed enjoy his date.
“Okay, well, thank you…” he said, giving his girls a quick wave and one last glance at Haley before exiting.
Haley’s smile couldn’t be matched. “Okay, I need to run next door and grab all my makeup stuff, I’ll be right back.”
Haley grabbed her boots and ran outside.
I made my way to the girls and sat down on the floor in front of them.
“Uncle Cole, when is Nora coming back?” Mila asked, tipping her head back so that her hair moved out of her eyes.
My chest cracked, and tears clogged my throat again because it had been three days, and I hadn’t seen her or heard from her. I hated not knowing where she was…and yet all I could do was wait.
“Really soon, sweetie. Should we make her a card?”
All the girls jumped up in excitement at that, running to go find craft supplies. I stayed rooted in place, thinking over how I’d ever get her to talk to me again.