Chapter 30 Nora
NORA
The letter? I banged my head against the door after I shut it because I was an idiot.
I didn’t care about a letter, but I was too terrified at the notion of letting him back into my life.
Especially after he’d gotten his dream without sacrificing anything to have it.
I mean, he’d quit his job, and without any way of knowing that this would happen…
so there was that. And technically he didn’t own it, and it was tied to a Hanes.
I mean there was some poetic justice in that, but I was still feeling petty about it.
Pushing off the door, I wrangled my suitcase into my room, realizing too late that I had forgotten my larger one inside Colson’s house.
“Shit.”
I pinned my hands to my hips and shook my head.
This whole day was bat shit crazy and upside down.
I needed my stuff, and at this point I fell onto my bed, staring at the ceiling because I wasn’t sure what to do. If I went back over to his house to get it, I’d have to see him again and that was already so painful that it made me want to gouge my eyes out.
Then there was Haley…
I shot up from the bed, my eyes going wide as it finally hit me.
I could text her and tell her to bring my suitcase back over.
Right as I pulled my phone out to text her, the front door opened.
“Oh no, you have to go back and get my suitcase,” I yelled from my room. She didn’t reply, but I heard something rolling on my hardwood floors, which meant she’d grabbed it. Jumping up, I rounded the corner,
“Oh my gosh, you must have read my—”
Colson walked with a folder in one hand, and in the other, his fist gripped the handle of my luggage.
“Thought you might need this,” he said softly.
My heart thrashed in my chest at seeing him in my house, remembering that I needed the bag.
Fuck, it was too much.
Tears started, and I couldn’t make them stop.
He stalked closer, step by step.
“Please don’t cry, baby.” He let my suitcase go and brought his thumb up to my cheek, swiping at my tears.
“Here, this is for you.” He handed me the blue folder, and then straightened.
I carefully took it from him, curious when I went to crack it open, his hand came down on mine.
“You can’t…” The air left him in a rush. “Not while I’m here, at least. These are the most vulnerable things I own, and it’s like peeling back a layer of my soul and showing you how pathetic I am. I don’t want you to read these, but I feel like you need to.”
I quirked a brow. “Your letter…”
He gestured to the folder. “Everything I could ever say is in there. If you still need space after you read them, I’ll understand.
You can have as much time as you need, I’ll wait.
But I need you to know, Nora, that you acted like you weren’t sure who you were in your letter.
Or that you’ve recently discovered yourself, and that’s not at all how I saw you.
You remind me of spring, you thrive in all the right conditions, baby, even spring, in all the ways it thrives and brings life, stays buried during winter.
Struggling during a harsh season isn’t in any way a reflection of who you are as a person.
I love you, Nora. You’re exactly who you should be. ”
He pressed a kiss to my nose, and then my lips, and turned to leave.
I stood there watching, frozen in place with tears trailing down my face.
My bedside lamp cast a glow in my bedroom as I curled up under my blankets and poured through the folder.
The first page I pulled free was crumpled and dated over a year ago.
When I glanced at who the letter had been addressed to, my heart nearly seized.
Dear Mom…
Oh my God.
Carefully and slowly lifting them from the folder and flipping through each one, I saw that these were letters he’d written to her…about me.
I flipped to another one.
Dear Mom…
And another,
Dear Mom…
And each and every one was about his growing crush on me. By the third letter, it didn’t seem like a crush, but something more.
Dear Mom,
Tonight, I crashed a dinner party at Nora’s house. I wasn’t even invited, how pathetic is that?
My friend Davis had to invite me because he saw me in the backyard, watching while I sipped a beer. I was wallowing in self-pity because earlier that week, Nora had made a comment about having a boyfriend.
We went back and forth plenty about that stuff, but she had no way of knowing how deep it hurt when she threw her barbs out.
Or how badly I wanted inside her world. She gardens Mom, did I tell you that?
I feel like I did, but every time I see her out there, catering to that little patch of dirt, I fall a little bit more in love because I feel like she was made for me.
Like you helped pick her just for me, knowing I needed someone in my life who knew how to harness the sun, and produce life.
Just like you always did.
I ended up making Nora mad at this dinner party. I kind of hate myself right now because no matter what I do, it seems I’m always messing up. One of these days, I’m just going to blurt out that I love her and I have no idea what she’s going to do.
Send a prayer for me, Mom…I could use it.
Love, Cole
Tears clouded my eyes as I continued to read about the times he’d seen me but was too stubborn to be nice, and how that had become our normal way of communicating. The more I seemed to hate him, the angrier he became…like a vicious cycle he couldn’t break.
Then there were letters closer to the end of the pile that made my breath hitch.
Dear Mom,
My boss offered to consider my bid for the company over the other offers…but he wanted to know if he could count on me to help with Nora.
Mom, I’m so confused. How do I go about this because Peter knows that I’ve been in love with Nora since I started working for him. Yet, he’s asking if I can help without being tempted by her?
I’m going to fail this test, Mom. I know I am, but I’m worried about the fallout.
What if she likes me back…what if she wants me the way I want her?
I don’t know what to do, but I know that I won’t be able to resist her.
Send a prayer up for me. I’m still and always will be dreaming about tomorrow.
Love, Cole
The last one robbed me of breath, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this stubborn facade up with him.
Dear Mom,
I messed it up. Nora’s gone…I don’t know for how long, but all the cards were on the table and she flipped the table over. She wants nothing to do with me.
When you died, there was a part of me that I had assumed died with you. I knew, internally, that I just walked around with half a heart because my mother took it with her to the grave.
But with Nora, for the first time ever, I felt like maybe that empty half could grow back. Like I could be whole again.
She makes me better, Mom.
She also makes me feel like I can hurt and grieve, but with her there, it won’t consume me…not like it used to. She was my tether, and while I know it’s my fault, all of this is my fault, I’m still selfish enough to want her.
I need her, Mom.
I want her future, I want to see her walking down the aisle toward me, I want to see her pregnant with our kid, I want her in my house, decorating for Christmas, I want her creating gardens wherever we live, and I want her breathing life into every dead place I’ve been existing in.
I don’t know how to get her back, Mom, other than just staying and waiting.
I love her, so send a prayer up for me, Mom.
Help me get her back—that’s my dream for tomorrow.
Love, Cole
I tossed the blankets off, feeling my heart break and mend all at once.
There was no chance of me sleeping after that. I had to see him.
Glancing at my phone, I realized it was after midnight.
I had showered, unpacked, caught up with Haley and basically done everything in my power to hold off reading these letters, and now I was paying for it. I thought I’d want to sleep on it, whatever it was I would read. Assuming it was his attempt at apologizing or justifying what he did…but this.
I couldn’t.
I grabbed my coat and phone. Then tiptoed through the house, grabbing my boots.
Once I was bundled up, I exited through the back door.
The sky was violet with white stars smearing the inky expanse. The snow had frozen over after nearly melting all day, so it crunched loudly as I walked.
The build up near our fence was enough to climb, but once I’d made it to the top, I ended up sliding on my butt the rest of the way down.
Colson’s yard was as dark as his house, and I belatedly realized he might lock his doors at night, which was smart…but not so great for me.
Still, I had to check.
Quietly creeping up the stairs, I pulled on the handle and, like the first time I had broken in, the door slid open in a silent woosh as I stepped inside. Securing the door behind me and locking it this time because, safety. I stepped out of my boots and took off my coat.
The warmth from the house enveloped me, and I immediately felt at ease.
Padding down the hallway, I crept into his room, seeing his sleeping form snuggled under the sheet.
Stripping out of my clothes, I slowly slid in next to him and closed my eyes.
Even if he didn’t wake up, this would be enough.
My breathing calmed as I relaxed into the pillow and tried to rest, but seconds later, he turned toward me.
“You honestly think you could be in my bed, and I wouldn’t know?”
My eyes popped open, seeing him hovering over me. I smiled and touched his jaw.
“Nora.” His rough rasp was my undoing.
I lifted on my arm and pressed my lips to his, softly. Carefully.
He watched me as I pulled back, almost as if he didn’t know if he could move, and then I went in again, gripping his face while I claimed his lips.
Whatever he’d been holding back finally snapped.
He groaned as he pulled me to him, viciously taking my lips in his, kissing and marking me in a starved manner.
Our movements were quick, desperate as our lips slid to the side, deepening our connection, and he pulled me on top of him.