Chapter 29 Colson
COLSON
THREE MONTHS AGO
Dear Mom,
There’s been this house sitting vacant next to me for as long as I’ve lived here. It’s a shit stain brown color, and an eyesore in the neighborhood. I loathe looking at it every day, but today the pending sale sign came down.
At first, I wondered if I was being punished, and then I considered that maybe you had indeed shot a prayer up for me because my new neighbor is Nora Petrov.
She’s still off-limits to me, according to my boss and honestly, Mom, I’m not proud of how I’ve behaved around her.
I don’t think she likes me very much, and I don’t blame her.
I’ve had to push her away, so much so that I made up a fake girlfriend.
It’s a long story, but I think she sort of stripped for me or something, anyway I walked in on her and I froze…
totally panicked and blurted that I was dating someone.
How pathetic does that make me on a scale from one to ten?
I’m feeling like it was a ten. She’s stopped coming to the work sites, I feel like I never see her anymore. But maybe now that she lives next to me, I’ll finally have the chance to talk to her…or get to know her.
I don’t know, but send up another prayer for me. This will either be the best or worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Love, Cole
Iread Nora’s letter three times.
Call it overkill, but I didn’t want to miss anything, and it wasn’t a hardship, considering the letter wasn’t that long.
I watched the clock, seeing that it was close to five, and getting dark. She still hadn’t come over to talk, or to get her suitcase. That was a cheap shot, but I still took it because when it came to Nora, I was desperate.
She’d deprived me of her presence for nine fucking days, and I was losing my mind.
The first thing I did when I came back in the house was shower, shave, and clean my house.
It was a disaster, and Haley had said as much every day that she’d been over to see me. We’d shared dinner nearly every night this week, except for one where she mentioned she’d offered to meet someone about a job.
I had no idea what that meant, but the next day she seemed all giddy and happy. Today I texted asking where she was and she sent a smiley face with her reply, “work.”
I, however, was still unemployed.
Which I wasn’t sure how all that would land, but I’d be okay for a while.
Pushing the letter back by the edges, I looked at it one more time, making sure I understood what she’d written.
Colson,
It’s taken me a few days to understand this piece of myself…to truly wrestle with it, tame it, and accept it.
But I have.
In doing so, I realized there are stubborn parts of me that have pushed you away and then punished you for not pulling me back in.
I realized that I didn’t know myself, and really if I had, then I would have just come clean with you long ago and told you that I liked you. I would have let you in instead of always being a sharp shard of glass, ready to cut you the second you got too close.
My behavior doesn’t excuse yours, not by any means, it merely explains my own.
I know I need to grow up, figure out my desires, hopes, and dreams.
For five days I have sat here thinking of what I wanted to say to you, and all I can think of is that I don’t want an end.
I want a beginning.
A real one.
Without lies or fake bravado. One without falling trees and break-ins. One without our masks.
I just want you, the real you that’s still hurting after losing your mother.
The real you that detests your father but goes home to visit regardless.
The real you that loves your friends and has a soft spot for three little girls who you mean the world to.
I love you, Colson.
Loving you has been the realest thing that has ever happened to me. It’s been the scariest and most freeing feeling I have ever felt.
You should know about Jason, and why this deal with my father hurt so much. I’m not telling you so you can compare, but only so you can understand, because when we start over, you should know all of me and what makes me tick. This piece is a big part of what broke me.
And since I plan to be fully put together for you and with you, you need to know. So, here you go. Here’s my story…
I pulled on the edge, realizing I had no idea how badly this fucked-up scenario would have hurt her, but when I read about that fucking asshole, it felt like I’d pierced my own goddamn chest with a knife.
Of course, she was hurt. I was the second man she’d loved that had essentially fallen to the demands of her father and hurt her.
The fact that I had given her up on paper…fuck.
Just fuck.
I needed to talk to her.
Finally, after I was about to walk over, she opened my front door without knocking.
My eyes snapped to her form in my entryway, and my breath hung suspended in my lungs.
“You read it.”
Swallowing, I dipped my head and nodded.
She moved forward. “Good. So, a few things…”
Her tone was all business, no emotion whatsoever. I didn’t like it.
Her hips pressed against the counter as she searched my face.
I wanted to touch her, it was a burn under my fingers so raw and so strong that I reached forward and placed my hand over hers.
The air finally left my lungs when she didn’t pull away.
“First, I’d like a letter from you. I know, it’s circa Ross and Rachel: we were on a break. But humor me.”
I nodded because that was easy.
“Done.”
Her face flushed the smallest bit when my hands enveloped hers by intertwining my fingers with hers.
“Uh…” She cleared her throat. “Second thing, can you go back to work, or help Rae figure out how to get the community center done? She’s scrambling, and I feel like it’s all my fault.”
Oh shit, I hadn’t considered what would happen to the center once I quit.
“Tyler and the guys aren’t there?”
Surely they were still on the job, why wouldn’t they be?
Nora shook her head. “Dad’s company dissolved, or at least that’s what I heard. Everyone lost their jobs, and all the projects he had are on hold until he can figure something out.”
“But…” My face fell, trying to piece all that together. “I’ll volunteer…I’ll pay the guys out of my own pocket to finish, don’t worry.”
She shook her head. “No, that’s not what I want. I was hoping you could talk to my dad, see if…” She searched my face and then paused. “You cut ties with him?”
I nodded.
“I loved working for him, Nora, but he played me from the very start. He’s a part of your life, and since I have no intention of not being in your life, I know that we’ll have to reconnect at some point, but I can’t work for him again.”
“Then work for me,” Haley said, walking in through the front door, slamming it shut with a wince.
“Sorry, that’s still so much lighter than Dad’s. I’m not used to it.”
Nora turned and pulled her hand from under mine to hug my little sister.
“Are you guys…?” Her eyes bounced from mine to Haley’s.
Haley walked over and tucked herself under my arm.
“We’re family…and”—she looked up at me for confirmation and I smiled back—“I’m staying in Macon.”
Nora’s jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!”
“I have a job lined up too, which I’m excited about. It’ll be really new for me.”
I shifted, and Haley slipped out from under my arm to sit on the barstool.
“Yeah, explain this working for you thing…” I raised my brow at her.
“Well, I tracked Peter Petrov down and spoke with him on the phone.”
Nora and I glanced at one another.
“He’s on a cruise…and unreachable,” Nora explained as though she’d tried to reach him but couldn’t.
It pissed me off that her dad left with things so shitty between them.
“Yes, well, every cruise ship has a captain and point of contact for emergencies. I can be very persistent when I want to be.”
Nora glanced at me again, biting back a smile.
“So what happened?”
Haley folded her hands in front of her. “I bought the company. While my dad thought he’d use our names on these fake companies for his own purposes, I was busy investing my trust fund and allowing my money to make money.
I own several franchises around California and Oregon.
Peter and I came to an agreement. He requested that I make sure you have a job if you want one…
he even suggested I make you partner because you’re such a great asset. ”
I hummed, unsure how to feel about him saying that. It felt too soon to give it any levity.
“So, this is your new job, then?” Nora asked.
Haley shook her head, “Oh no, not even close.” She laughed. “I’m handing things over to Cole completely. I want nothing to do with the company, in fact, he can buy it if he wants…but it’s his to run, he’s the boss.”
I let that settle in my chest as my eyes searched for Nora’s, knowing there was no chance I could enjoy getting what I thought was my dream when I had finally realized she was it. Nothing else.
“Congrats, Colson. I’m happy for you,” Nora whispered softly.
I was about to tell her that I wasn’t happy for me, that I’d turn it down if it meant she’d give us a shot. Her letter indicated she wanted a beginning…a start.
Leaning in close, I pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“A nice beginning.”
She stilled and then pulled away.
“So, Haley, what’s your new job then?”
My sister excitedly tapped the counter.
“I’m going to be a nanny! Doesn’t that sound so exciting?”
Oh fuck.
Nora laughed, and my gaze swung from her to a confused Haley.
“What?”
“It’s nothing—”
“I’m going to let you guys talk, I have to get back.” Nora cut in, waving at Haley as my sister’s gaze stayed withdrawn and confused.
“What, Cole…what aren’t you saying?” Haley asked, but my mind was on Nora.
I followed her outside, down my steps, trying to get her to stop.
“You made it seem like the job thing for the community center was number two…what was supposed to come after that?” I asked, trailing Nora to her driveway. The night was crisp and cold against my face and like ice inside my lungs.
Nora kept walking.
“Nothing, I just…”
Once she was at her door, I tugged her hand and stopped her.
“What do I have to do?” I begged her, my eyes searching her face in the shadow of her porch. “Your letter mentioned a beginning for us. I want that, what do I have to do to make that happen?”
She shrugged, tears welling in her eyes.
“I don’t know…I—” She ducked her head, then lifted it, and finished. “I need your letter first, then we can talk.”
“Okay,” I hurried to agree, and let her arm go.
Once she was inside safely, I walked back to my side of the fence and got to work.