Chapter 9 #2
She glances back in Haley’s direction, and her expression softens with affection.
Then she pulls out her phone and snaps a picture.
“This is probably the last year she’ll want to do this,” Angel explains.
“I know it’s all a part of growing up. But…
” She gives her head a little shake. “Once she’s done here, we’ll swing by the crafts station.
If it’s anything like last year, there’ll be a spot for the adults to sit, with hot chocolate and coffee. Then we can hit the food trucks.”
“Sounds good to me.” I look over at the food trucks. “I’d definitely like to grab something at Bowls of Bliss. They have a great pizza mac and cheese. And Blissful Burgers does a slider flight. That might be fun to try.”
“You waiting to see Santa?”
A familiar voice has me turning around, and I grin as Alec approaches. He’s accompanied by Hazel, of course, and alongside them are Swede and Allie, two friends of ours from Montana.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I tell Alec. With a wink at Hazel, I add, “Checking to see if you’re on the naughty or nice list this year?”
Hazel laughs and kisses Alec on the cheek. “Alec’s definitely on the nice list this year.” Then she darts forward to give Angel a hug. “We were headed for the food trucks, actually. But then we saw you guys over here, so we thought we’d say hi.”
Alec claps my shoulder in greeting, then gives Angel a warm smile. “How’s it going?”
“Good,” she replies. “Haley wanted to say hi to Santa. Just to be polite, of course.” Her tone dips. “She’s not sure what she believes this year. So I think she’s trying to hedge her bets.”
Swede chuckles. “Smart idea.” He holds his hand out to Angel. “Axel Svenson. Although these guys call me Swede. And this is my lovely wife, Allie.”
Without thought, my hand comes to Angel’s back again. “Swede lives out in Montana,” I explain. “He works for a security company out there. The Brotherhood Protectors. They’re kind of similar to GMG. Except a lot bigger.”
Turning my attention to Swede, I say, “I didn’t realize you were coming out for a visit. Did you just get here?”
“It was an impromptu decision,” Allie says.
“With the holidays coming up, we got to talking about how nice we thought Vermont would be. With the whole New England charm right before Christmas, you know? Then Hazel mentioned something about this festival, and Axel and I thought, why not come out to see it for ourselves?”
“You’re always welcome,” Hazel tells her with a smile. And I can understand why. Back when Hazel was having all her troubles with that sick online game conspiracy, Swede stepped up to help us put an end to it. And ever since, the two couples have been close.
“It is nice here around the holidays,” Angel agrees. “Although I suppose I might be biased. But Montana… I’ve never been, but I’ve seen photos. It looks beautiful.”
“You should come visit,” Allie enthuses. “We’ve got plenty of room.”
“Oh.” Angel glances at me, looking slightly uncertain. “Thanks. That would be… nice.”
I can tell she’s not sure how to react to the invitation. A trip across the country is something serious couples would do. Angel and I… I’m not sure where we land on the timeline. And I don’t think she knows, either.
In hopes of changing the subject, I ask, “How long are you staying? Anything special on the itinerary?”
“We’ll be here for three more days,” Swede replies. “We’re thinking of heading to Burlington for one night, and there are a couple of craft breweries we’d like to check out. Then we’ll drive down to New York City to catch a Broadway show. Spend a couple nights there before heading back.”
“I want to see the Rockettes,” Allie adds. “I’ve never been to their Christmas spectacular.”
“Oh, it’s great.” Angel’s expression relaxes. “I took Haley a couple of years ago. She absolutely loved it.”
Allie looks at Angel with interest. “Haley?”
Hazel answers for her. “Haley is Angel’s daughter.” She points at the line, where Haley’s made it two-thirds of the way to Santa. “With the blonde braid and bright blue coat.”
As if Haley can tell we’re talking about her, she turns in our direction. As soon as she spots us, she waves, then makes an emphatic come over here gesture.
Angel laughs. “I guess she wasn’t quite as ready to stand in line by herself as she claimed she was.” In explanation, she says, “Haley claimed she wanted to do it by herself. That’s why we’re standing over here. But apparently…” She gives a good-natured shrug. “I’d better go.”
“I can go with you,” I offer.
“Oh, no.” She shakes her head. “That’s okay. Stay here. Catch up. This won’t take long.”
Part of me wants to insist on going with her. I’m not sure why. But I don’t. Instead, I just say, “Okay. But let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.” Angel casts a quick smile at Swede and Allie. “If I don’t see you… it was really nice meeting you.” To Hazel and Alec, she adds, “I’ll see you later.”
Then she reaches for my hand and gives it a little squeeze. Her eyes full of promise, she says, “I’ll be back soon.”
It’s hard to tear my gaze from her as she walks away.
And I feel strangely empty without her.
But I do my best to focus on talking with my friends and not letting my attention wander to the two blondes standing in line a few hundred yards away.
I ask Swede how his company’s doing and try not to look bored when he launches into an ultra-technical explanation about how he’s implementing AI in their security system software.
It’s important. I’m not questioning that at all. It’s just a bit—no, a lot—over my head, so it’s hard to follow along.
After about ten minutes, Haley’s at the front of the line, and Swede is wrapping up his explanation. Hazel and Allie completely gave up on listening to him and are in the middle of their own conversation about which Christmas movie is the most romantic.
“Love Actually,” Hazel insists. “That’s clearly the most romantic.”
Allie shakes her head. “No way. It’s The Holiday. Without a doubt.”
I haven’t seen either of them, so I have no idea. But now I’m wondering if Angel would like to watch one of them. Or maybe both.
Hazel tugs on Alec’s hand. “What do you think? Love Actually or The Holiday?”
Alec blinks at her. “What?” He was completely engrossed in the talk about AI, and clearly wasn’t paying attention.
“Which movie is more romantic?” Hazel asks patiently. “Love Actually or The Holiday?”
“Um.” Alec hesitates. “Both of them?”
Hazel laughs. “That’s not an answer.” Then she links her arm around his. “Okay. Enough of this computer talk for now. I’m starving. And the food trucks are calling.” She glances at me. “I assume you’re staying here?”
I nod. “Yeah. We’re going to hit the cookie decorating station next, and then the food trucks. Maybe we’ll see you over there.”
“Alright. And if I don’t see you…” She pats my arm. “Enjoy the rest of your night.”
Once they’re gone, I’m free to turn all my attention back to Angel. She’s standing off to the side while Haley talks very seriously with Santa, phone out and presumably taking more pictures. When Haley’s done, she hurries over to Angel and starts gesturing excitedly.
Thinking Angel might like a photo of the two of them, I take out my phone to snap a few photos. Zooming in, I can see the happy smiles on both of their faces, and I find myself smiling along with them.
Angel and Haley are just turning to leave the gazebo area when a tall man and a little red-headed girl approach them. It takes me a second, but I place them as Garrett Ryan, one of the doctors in town, and his daughter, Tess.
I remember Haley mentioning Tess as one of her friends.
Tess is the one with the fancy treehouse her father built for her.
She’s the friend who has a Himalayan kitten that, in Haley’s words, is the cutest kitten she’s ever seen.
And according to Haley, Tess has the most amazing dollhouse designed to look like a medieval castle.
And Garrett Ryan is the successful doctor who gave all of it to her.
The successful, single doctor, who’s been raising Tess on his own since his wife died five years ago.
The single doctor who’s hugging Angel in greeting. Who’s smiling at her. Admiring her.
I don’t blame him. But.
I don’t like how close he’s standing to her.
I don’t like him touching her.
I don’t like how Angel is smiling back at him, like it’s the high point of her day.
I don’t like the picture the four of them make, all huddled together, like they’re already a complete family.
Something cold and oily seeps into me, settling heavy in my gut. It’s unexpected. Unfamiliar. Unwelcome.
It’s nothing, I tell myself sternly. Don’t overreact. She’s just talking to the father of Haley’s friend. And he only hugged her to be friendly.
Except now he’s touching her hand.
Her arm.
He’s fixing her hat.
Her cute knit hat with the little tassel on the top that might look silly on someone else, but on Angel, it looks adorable.
Though I tell myself not to, I use the camera app to zoom in on them.
Stop it, the rational part of my brain protests. This is a path you don’t want to go down.
But shit. Garrett Ryan is touching her. And thanks to the high-powered camera on my phone, I can see his eager expression as he speaks to her.
The weight in my gut grows heavier.
My chest goes tight.
A sour taste comes to my mouth.
Memories I’ve tamped down for years come roaring back.
The shock. The hurt. The betrayal.
The aching emptiness when I realized everything I’d believed in, everything I’d dreamed about, was over.
Angel isn’t Gwen, the rational voice insists. It’s not the same. And you know it.
Do I, though? How do I really know?
On the heels of jealousy, a storm of doubt rushes in.
If she’s letting him touch her, maybe that’s because she likes it.
Maybe this isn’t the first time he’s done it.
Maybe they’ve been out on dates before. Maybe there’s a history between them.
Maybe I’ve only been the stand-in while Angel’s been waiting for him.
Nausea rises as the imagined scenario comes to life in my mind.
Undoubtedly, they’ve known each other for years. With their daughters in the same grade, I’m sure they’ve spent time together. They became friends. And after he lost his wife, they bonded by nature of being single parents.
Angel would have wanted to help him. Support him. She probably brought over food. Cookies, like the ones I taste-tested. Chicken Carbonara, like she made for me.
Over the years, their relationship grew stronger. But Angel was nervous after everything with Justin. Garrett was giving himself time to mourn. So they held off on pursuing anything romantic.
Until now.
Until Garrett saw her with me and realized what he could lose.
And what if—
My stomach lurches.
What if Angel’s been thinking about him all along?
What if she was only using me to get to him?
No, the reasoning voice insists. You know her better than that.
Do I, I retort silently. Do I really?
After all, I thought I knew Gwen. I thought I could trust her.
My jaw tightens to the point of pain. My head throbs. The coffee I drank earlier rises back up my throat.
As I watch stupid Garrett Ryan touch Angel’s arm again, a heavy feeling of despair settles over me.
Maybe I was wrong about everything.
On my camera screen, Angel steps away from Garrett and says something with a smile. Then she turns to Haley and they have a quick conversation. The two of them say goodbye to Garrett and Tess and start heading back in my direction.
Suddenly feeling guilty about watching them, I shove my phone back into my pocket and work my features into a smile. No matter how I’m feeling, I won’t ruin this for Haley.
“Ronan!” Haley bounds over to me, beaming all over. “I talked to Santa. He said it’s normal to wonder if he’s real when you get older. But Santa is everywhere, he said. And he said as long as I believe in him, he’s real.”
“That’s great, Speedy,” I tell her. “I’m glad you had a nice talk with Santa.”
Looking at her sweet face, pain stabs at me.
I didn’t mean to get attached. But shit. I am. And now…
“Can we do cookies now?” Haley asks. She pulls on Angel’s arm. “The tent is right over there. Can I go over and get started?”
Angel smiles at her. “Okay, Hale. We’ll be right over. And after that, it’s time for dinner. Okay?”
“Okay!” Haley races off while calling over her shoulder, “Hurry. Before all the cookies are gone!”
Angel looks at me. “Sorry about that. We ran into Tess and her dad. They wanted to see about having a sleepover.”
“That’s fine.” My voice comes out rougher than I intended. “It’s not a problem.”
“Still, I feel bad making you wait.” Her apologetic expression shifts to a hopeful one. “But tonight—”
“Actually,” I interrupt. “I think I’m going to have to take a rain check on that movie. I’m not really feeling that well.”
“Oh.” Disappointment moves across Angel’s face, but she quickly hides it. “That’s okay. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Do you want to go home now?”
Seeing her disappointment makes me feel like shit. But all twisted up like this… I need some time to myself. Time to think. Time to make sense of things.
“No, that’s okay,” I reply. “We’ll do the cookies and the food trucks. I’ll just go home after that.”
Angel stares at me for a long moment. Worry darkens her gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
And shit, her concern makes me feel even worse.
“Just a headache,” I lie. Except it’s not a lie, technically. My head aches, and I feel sick all over. “I’ll be fine.”
But I don’t feel fine. At all.