FIVE
Meredith
HOLLIS can’t keep his eyes off me.
Why does that make me so happy? I don’t date guys like him. Too stable. Too serious. Too much of a reminder that I’m an adult now with nothing to back up that claim.
That side of me isn’t something I show off.
In my head I’m still fresh out of college, making it out here on my own.
Independent. A real job. Hitting the bars after work.
Hanging out with friends every weekend, whether they were from high school, college or work.
I had so many I could barely keep track.
One by one, every pillar of my life fell. The bars dried up. Friendships faded. Work got hard as they downsized while increasing our load. Weekends became Sundays I’d spend with my last friend left; Aspen. Until downsizing hit me too.
Goodbye independence. Hello in-law suite above the garage.
I don’t show people that side of me. I pretend she doesn’t exist. She’s not fun and carefree. She certainly isn’t a hoot. I’ve become Darius Rucker without his Blowfish.
With Aspen it’s easy because she’s there too, always has been. Even when our jobs brought us to different sides of the state. Even when her hootieness dwindled a little as well.
When people see the side of me that isn’t a hoot, they scoot.
The thing is, Hollis isn’t running, he’s staring. He’s a light in my darkest hour. A strength in my weakest moment. He’s what I hoped people would be. What I thought adult relationships would look like.
Not at first, god no, he was an annoying grump with a hard shell. But since his personality’s cracked through, he’s delicious. He’s basically a crab. If I’m a mermaid, does that make him Sebastian?
Maybe stable’s not such a bad thing. I could use a little serious to balance me out.
Someone I can joke with one second and spill my heart to the next.
Like I do with Aspen. It’d be so much easier if we were lesbians.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s hot as hell but I wouldn’t know what I was doing down there.
I’d be nearly every guy I’ve ever been with and that’d just be embarrassing.
I blow Hollis a kiss because apparently my flirty behavior’s off switch is in need of repair. “It’s okay. You can check them out, that’s what these girls are here for.”
He tugs on the neckline of his shirt, gulping so hard there’s no way it would have made it down otherwise.
Speaking of hard, is it me or is the bulge in his pants getting bulgier?
My face is only a few inches away in my squatting position and if that thing gets any bigger, he’ll be knocking me over.
“I um… I should get there. Down there. The root cellar,” he clarifies, clearing his throat. I applaud his dedication to remaining professional, he’s doing a good job pretending his mind isn’t circling the gutter. “Is it hot in here? Boy does it feel hot. I’m gonna go down.”
“Want me to come?” If my sultry tone didn’t get my point across, the wink definitely did.
I don’t even know why I’m doing it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted him since he sat beside me on the beach, and fine, maybe a teensy bit back at the station when he set me up in the frilly room with the bed.
The thing is, I don’t want to be saying these things.
I have this unrelenting urge to talk about his dreams, his hobbies, how he got into his line of work.
Things I don’t typically care about but people share them with me anyway.
I want Hollis to overshare, the same way I do without people consenting.
He’s seen the side of me I keep hidden and he’s still looking at me like I hung the stars he wishes upon in the middle of his loneliest nights.
“You should probably stay here,” he says like he’s not sure, all authority suddenly gone from his voice. “I’ll check it out.”
“Okay, I’ll miss you.” Is that my incessantly flirty side talking or did that come from my heart?
Relax, Mer, you barely know the guy. His closet’s probably full of deal breakers. What if he hunts bunnies or revs his engine really loud at stoplights? Or falls asleep in his chair with a beer in his hand watching sports every night?
I can see the wheels turning in his head as he’s forced to brush against me while positioning himself on the ladder. To be fair I could have moved, but I wanted the thrill of him brushing against me. It tickled me in the places I was hoping it would. Is he trying not to say he’ll miss me too?
“So those Red Sox, huh? They’ve got a good chance of making it to the Superbowl this year?
” Is Superbowl right? It’s somebody’s cup, isn’t it?
Not the one they cover their willies with, the one they play for all year.
Johnson’s Cup? That can’t be right. Stamford Cup?
Trophy? I should have started with something I knew more about.
The smile on his face brightens his eyes until they’re nearly a different color. “Ya know, I’m not sure. I don’t have enough time to watch anymore.”
“Because you’re too busy hunting wabbits?” Okay, that was kind of slick. I surprised even myself with that one.
He’s stopped on the ladder, putting his face level with mine, but now I’m worried I’m too distracted by his pretty eyes to hear what he says.
I need to know this answer. I was almost a vegetarian because the thought of killing animals didn’t sit right with me.
Then I realized veggies make me gassy so that experiment didn’t last long.
“No,” he chuckles. “I’m a hell of a shot but I love the animals in my yard too much to shoot them. It’s kind of become a problem, I spend way too much feeding those critters.”
“You feed the babies in your yard too?” Please tell me he can’t see the cartoon hearts swarming my irises. I like to have the upper hand and dammit, I can feel the hearts spilling out of my ears and floating around me. No way he doesn’t see them.
“I bought a cabin on the mountainside in the winter. The old couple I bought it from told me they fed the wild animals but they undersold it just a bit. I swear every woodland critter in Cedar Spring congregates there. It took about a day to fall in love with them. I spent most of my winter fixing up the inside, now I’m working on the yard and the greenhouse. ”
“You have animals and a greenhouse?”
When can I move in? Did he say it only took him a day to fall in love with them?
That’s way too fast. I like fast. Except when driving, in which case slow and all over the curb is more my style.
I usually let Aspen drive. By let I mean I’m forcefully relegated to the passenger seat.
Backseat if I’m not being a good passenger princess.
I’ve had the trunk threatened on me but she’s never gone through with it.
“I never pictured having those things before thirty either but I’ll be damned if those commercials about young homeowners aren’t true.
You’ll get it once you rebuild. I know what you said about permits and what not but I just so happen to have a bit of pull in this town.
Comes with the badge. The firefighter your friend’s taken a liking to has some connections of his own. ”
“Really? You’d do that for me?”
He swallows hard, no further down the ladder than he was when I started my random line of questioning. Hey, if he got to do it this morning, why can’t I do it now?
“I can’t imagine there’d be many things I wouldn’t do for you. I mean, uhh… I should probably get down there.”
“Hollis,” I blurt out, flustered, before he’s moved an inch down the six rung ladder. “I already feed the animals. Even the imaginary ones. Springy always has plants to eat here. You don’t drive a loud car, do you?”
“She gets a little loud on cold winter mornings, if that’s what you mean.”
“It’s not, but I got what I need.”
Well, almost. It turns out, I need Hollis Bressen. That’s a turn of events I didn’t see coming this morning.
How do I tell a guy I’m into him? Does he know? Where’s Aspen when I need her? She’s my voice of reason, without her I tend to make decisions I probably shouldn’t.
I can feel one coming on right now.